Ok, before ya'll start freaking out on me about why the characters are so... oddly set, I'll put it this way, anything I say goes. So there. Enjoy!



Cupid and Psyche

Clan Leader--- Hiashi Hyūga
2 Oldest Daughters--- Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno
Psyche--- Hinata Hyūga
Aphrodite--- Konan
Cupid--- Sasuke Uchiha
Apollo--- Kakashi Hatake
Oracle--- Shizune
Winged Serpent--- Orochimaru
Zephyr--- Temari
Insects--- Aburame Clan's Kikaichū
Reed--- Neji Hyūga
Eagle--- Deidara's Kibaku Nendo Bird
Proserpine--- Hanabi Hyūga
Hades--- Pein
Charon--- Hidan
Juno Moneta--- Kakuzu
Cerberus Sai's--- Chōjū Giga Dog
Zeus----- Kushina Uzumaki
Dionysus--- Tsunade Senju
Mercury--- Gai

There was once a powerful clan leader who had 3 lovely daughters, but the youngest, Hinata, was the most stunning of them all. So famed was her beauty over the world, that everywhere, men journeyed to gaze upon and worship her as if she was one of the immortals. Many said even the goddess Konan herself could not compare to this mortal. The numbers of Hinata's admirers-

*cough* I mean, "fans" *cough*

-continued to grow, so much so, that no one gave a thought to Konan herself. After time, her temples were deserted. The statues began to rust. Her alters were left covered with cold ash. Everything that was once hers were now given to some girl destined to one day die.

Of course, the goddess would not put up with this sort of behavior, so she turned to her son, Sasuke, whom most called 'Love', and told him her plan. She commanded him,

"Use your power, and make the brat fall madly in love with the most foul and detested creature in the universe."

Normally, he would've done this without question, had she not shown the girl to him first. As he looked upon her, it was as if he had been struck by one of his own arrows. Sasuke said nothing to his mother, as he was lost for words, and Konan left him, happily thinking that he'd swiftly bring about Hinata's ruin.

However, things did not go the way she expected them to. Hinata did not fall in love with some horrendous monster; in fact, she didn't fall in love at all. Even stranger still, no one was falling in love with her. Hundreds upon thousands of men came everyday just to look at her, then leave and get married to someone else. Her sisters, Ino and Sakura, who were astonishingly inferior to her, were splendidly married to leaders Shikamaru and Naruto. But Hinata, the most beautiful girl on Earth, sat solitary and sad, only admired, never loved. It seemed that no man wanted her.

This was, of course, most disturbing to her parents. Her father, Hiashi, finally visited Shizune, Kakashi's Oracle, for advice on how to find a husband for Hinata. The god answered him, but his words were horrifying. Sasuke had told him about his predicament, and begged him for help. Accordingly, Kakashi said that Hinata must be dressed in her mourning clothes and taken to the top of Hokage Mountain, left alone, and there, her husband will meet her. The fearful winged serpent, Orochimaru, who was more powerful than all the Hokage combined, would take her to be his wife.

The misery was unimaginable when Hiashi brought back this tragic news. They clothed Hinata as though it were for her funeral, and took her to the top of Hokage Mountain as if it were her tomb. But, she kept what little courage she had and told her family,

"D-d-don't s-s-sob over m-m-me. This b-beauty that has b-b-brought down the j-j-jealousy of H-heaven has only c-cursed me to a life without l-l-love. I'm g-glad that the e-end h-has c-c-come." She gave them a reassuring, yet sad smile, and beckoned them to go. They reluctantly did, and departed from her company, leaving the lovely helpless creature to face her doom alone.

High upon the mountain sat Hinata, shivering and fearful of what was to come. Then the calm and gentle wind Temari came, and carried her away from the carved structure to a grassy plain. Hinata, at peace, lay down and was soon asleep. She woke up next to a shining river, and on its bank, a stately mansion stood, with pillars of gold and silver, and the floor inlaid with precious stones, it looked as though it were built for a god. It was silent, and the place seemed to be devoid of any life.

Hinata drew near, dumbstruck at the sheer awesomeness of it all. She paused at the entryway, wondering if she, a mere mortal, could bear to stay in the presence of such an astounding structure. Then voices sounded around her. Hinata could not see anyone, but the voices spoke clearly to her. The house was for her, they told her. She must go in without fear and bathe and refresh herself. A banquet would be held after wards.

"We are your servants, ready to do whatever you desire" they told her.

The voices accompanied her throughout the day, showing her around the mansion, answering her questions, and the like. She did not know how, but in some undeniable way, she felt that her husband would be with her by nightfall. And so it happened. When she felt him beside her and murmuring softly in her ear, everything she had worried him to be was hacked away at by a rusty machete and locked up in a box. Hinata knew without seeing him that this was no monster or unexplainable freak of nature, but the lover and husband she had longed and waited for.

This half-and-half relationship could not totally satisfy Hinata; still, she was happy as time passed. One day, though, her dear yet unseen husband warned her that trouble in the form of her 2 sisters was coming.

"They are going to the mountain that you disappeared from to mourn for you. But, you must not let them see you, or you will bring great sorrow upon me and destruction to yourself" he cautioned. She promised him she would not. But, she spent the next day weeping because she couldn't comfort her sisters. Hinata was still in tears when her husband came, and even his caresses could not check them. He finally yielded to her will, but told her,

"Do what you want, but you are seeking your own ruin"

Then he warned her not to be persuaded by anyone to attempt to see him, on the pain of being separated from him forever. She swore she would rather go through Tsukuyomi 100 times over than lose him.

"But give me this joy; to see my sisters" she said.

He sadly promised that it would be so.

The next morning, Hinata had Temari bring Ino and Sakura to her from Hokage Mountain. The happiness that was shared between the girls was too great to be expressed through words except for 'sobbing' and 'glomping'.

But, when they at last entered the palace, and the older sisters saw its spectacular treasure and ate its magnificent food, jealousy tore at their hearts and devouring curiosity as to who the lord of all this awesomeness was and their sister's husband. But, Hinata kept faith and only told them that he was a young man and was away on a mission.

Then, filling their hands with gold and jewels, she had Temari take Ino and Sakura back to the mountain. They went willingly enough, but their hearts were set on fire with insane envy, making all their wealth and good fortune seem as nothing compared to Hinata's. This anger helped them scheme a way to bring ruin to their youngest sister.

That night, Hinata's husband warned her once more. But, she would not listen when he beseeched her to never let Ino and Sakura come again. She couldn't see him, she reminded him. Was she also forbidden from seeing others, like her dear sisters? He yielded as before, and soon, the 2 evil women arrived, their plot carefully worked out.

Already, because of Hinata's stumbling and contradictory answers when they asked her what her husband looked like, they were convinced that she had never laid eyes on him before and didn't know what he really was. They reproached her for not telling them, her own sisters, about this issue. They had learned, they said, for a fact, that her husband was not the man she believed him to be, but the terrible serpent Orochimaru, that Shizune, the Oracle of Kakashi, had declared him to be. He was kind now, but he would definitely turn on her some night and devour her.

Hinata, horrified, felt fear coup d'état love in her heart. She had often wondered why he wouldn't let her see him. There must be some frightening reason. How much did she really know about him? If he was disgusting to look at, then he must be cruel for not allowing her to lay eyes on him. In extreme misery, stammering, and faltering, she led her sisters to believe that she couldn't deny what they said, and she had only been with him in the dark.

"There must be something very wrong" she sobbed, "for him to shun the light of the day."

She begged them to advise her.

They had everything prepared beforehand. Ino and Sakura told her to hide a sharp kunai and a lamp by her bed that night. When her husband was asleep, she had to leave the bed, take the lamp, and get the kunai. She must force herself to stab him, and see what horror he really was by the light.

"We will be near, and take you back to Konoha with us when he is dead" they told her.

Then they left her, Hinata inwardly freaking out because of the doubt that had infected her mind and heart.

He was her husband, and she loved him.

No, he was a monster, and she detested him.

She was certain.

No, she did not want certainty.

All day long, she battled with herself. When evening came, she had given up the struggle. However, she was sure on one thing: she would see him.

When he lay sleeping peacefully, she summoned all the courage she had and lit the lamp. She crept to his bedside and held the light above him.

Oh, the relief and infatuation that captured her heart! No beast was revealed, but the sweetest and fairest of all creatures, at whose sight, the very lamp seemed to shine brighter. In her first shame and folly, Hinata fell to her knees and would've driven the kunai into her own heart, had her shaking hands not dropped it. But those same unsteady hands betrayed her, for as she basked in her husband's awesomeness, some hot oil dripped from the lamp and onto his shoulder.

He jolted awake, saw Hinata with the lamp and knew her faithlessness and fled without a word. She rushed out after him into the night. She couldn't see him, but his voice spoke to her. He told her who he was and sadly bid her farewell.

"Love cannot live where there is not trust" he said, and flew away.

"The god of Love! He was my husband, and I, the dog that I am, could not keep faith in him! Will I never see him again? … At any rate," she told herself with rising courage,

"I can spend the rest of my life searching for him. If he doesn't love me anymore, then I can at least show him how much I do." And she started on her journey. She hadn't the faintest idea where to go; she only knew that she would not give up looking for him.

He meanwhile had gone to the Medics to have his wound cared for, but when Konan heard his story and it was Hinata whom he had chosen, she crossly left him alone in his pain, and went to find the girl who had caused all this trouble in the first place. Konan was determined to show Hinata what it meant to draw down the displeasure of a goddess.

Poor Hinata was desperately trying to win the gods over to her side, but with no avail. She offered heart-wrenching prayers to them, but not one would do anything to make Konan their enemy. At last, she concluded that there was no hope left for her whatsoever, and she used her last resort. She would go straight to Konan; offer herself humbly as her servant and attempt to placate her anger.

"And if he is not at his mother's house, when I have crossed the entire Earth for him," she told herself, "Where else could he be?" and she set off to find the goddess who was in turn, looking for her.

When she came into Konan's presence, the goddess laughed and said,

"But really, you are such a plain and ill-favored girl, you could only get a lover through the hardest and most painful work."

It was at that moment that Hinata's grueling labor began.

She was to sort out a giant heap of tiny different seeds and be finished before nightfall; retrieve some golden fleece from the fierce sheep that lived by a stream; fetch a bottle-full of the black water that feeds the river Styx from a perilous waterfall; visit Hanabi in the Underworld to collect some of her beauty to replenish Konan's that "had declined from the stress of caring for Sasuke's wound"; and the list just went on and on.

With each seemingly impossible task though, a possibility presented itself.

The Kikaichū insects of the Aburame clan found Hinata and separated the seeds, each according to their kind, and disappeared before the sun set, leaving several neat piles beside her.

Next, a small reed growing by the riverside, Neji, told her how to get the wool without going anywhere near the sheep. She waited until they had come and gone, and carefully picked a great quantity of the shining fur from the brambles that lined the other side of the water.

Then, an enormous clay bird carried Hinata to the steep and slimy wall of rocks and hovered adjacent to them, allowing her to fill the flask with the water that flowed from a large crack. After letting her off a good distance away, it exploded.

Finally, a tower had explained very carefully to Hinata how to get to and from the Land of Pein (A/N: geddit, "pain", "Pein"? The leader of the evilest organization in the Elemental Countries? The Underworld? The land of pain? *snort*, man that was terrible). She went through an immense hole in the ground, down to the river of death, gave Kakuzu a penny, and Hidan took her across. From there, a road led directly to the palace, whose gates were guarded by a ferocious animated ink beast, Sumi*. She gave him a cake, and he became friendly, letting her pass.

Of course, Hanabi was willing to do Konan a service, and Hinata, very excited, quickly brought back the box containing the so-called "beauty", returning way faster than going down.

The last trial she brought upon herself was her curiosity, and all the more, her vanity. She thought that she must see what the little charm in the box was that was so important to the goddess of Love and Beauty, and if there was anything, use a little of it herself. Surely her looks haven't improved since she became her servant, and Konan knew it, too.

What also repeatedly went through her mind was the possibility of meeting Sasuke along the way. If only she could make herself more awesome for him! Temptation had its hold on her, and she couldn't stand it any longer, so she opened the box. To her severe disappointment, though, there seemed to be nothing in it. However, a deep sleep took possession of her, and she fell into a dangerous coma.

Then, the God of Love himself came forward.

Sasuke was completely healed of his wound now, and had been striving for his Hinata. Konan had made a very obvious mistake in locking him in his room where there were these great things called 'un-lockable windows'. He simply climbed out with his mad ninja skills and found the girl of his dreams lying on the ground. He wiped the sleep from her eyes, poked her with one of his arrows, lightly told her off for her stupidity, and took the box to his mother.

They went to the Gokage Tower, for Sasuke wanted to clear some matters with Konan, so he flew straight to the Kage of gods himself, Minato. At once, he agreed to all that the lovers said, informing them,

"Even though I will forever remain annoyed with you for causing a butt-load of trouble in the past, seriously injuring my good name and dignity, you know, with me chasing after who knows how many different girls in the past-"

Kushina, his wife and the queen of Gokage, muttered to her good friend Tsunade, the goddess of wine,

"So far, I've counted and punished 8,392,4- oh, there goes another one, the stupid mortals…" earning a giggle from an unintentionally eavesdropping Hinata.

Minato continued, "But, I cannot refuse you" and called together all the gods, including Konan, and announced that Sasuke and Hinata were formally married, and allowed the bride to become immortal.

Gai brought Hinata to the palace of the gods and Minato himself gave her the Ramen of Immortality. This of course, completely changed the situation. Konan could not object to a goddess for a daughter-in-law, and the rest of the gods had already agreed to this proposal, so there was no fighting it. She also figured that, since Hinata was in heaven with a husband and kids, unable to turn the heads of men, there shouldn't be any interference with her own worship.

So, everything worked out: the guy got the girl, the parents approved, and the story ends with the cast staring at a beautiful sunset. Thus, everyone lived happily ever after!

The end.


*sumi is the Japanese word for 'ink'. Or, I think it is anyway...

So? Yeah, yeah, I know, the characters seem to have been chosen out of a hat with holes by a cat with one paw (where the crap did that come from?), but like I said in the story, everything worked out.

I know, there's also a couple characters in here that don't show up in the story, and some of them are not what they actually are. Like Juno Moneta is really a chick, and Dionysus is a dude, yeah.

Please use the Cycle of Awesomeness and review!

Hanabi: why the freak do I have to be married to Pein? Of all the people in the universe, why Pein?

Pein: you got a problem with that?

Hanabi: n-no...

Nah, shuddup, botha yous. Flame me and I'll use Mokuton: Jubaku Eiso, Wood Release, Binding Nest and make you implode.

Yamato: dag...

Thanks!

-InsaneNarutard0111