Roller Coaster
Go to the carnival of lights and see the bleeding bears.
The razor glinted in the light. It stung. Death calls to her. She will die! The lady pressed harder.
"Is anyone here?" a voice echoed around.
Had somebody heard her cries? Nobody came in this bathroom, and would Myrtle mind?
"Hello?" There were a few moments of relative silence where she could hear somebody peeing. But no one entered a stall.
The girl heard ruffling, a tap running, footsteps approaching the stall.
"Go away!"
"I would wish nothing more at the moment, but you are being obnoxious and loud, so please tone down the sobs."
Oh shit she knew that voice didn't she?
"And you are in the men's faculty bathroom."
Oh fuck.
Shit the razor slipped. Blood pouring down her arms and on to her robes. Her shoes were dangling on her feet and the blood stained her socks. Her skin, oh her skin was red. "Let me die" she prayed.
"Miss. Miss, are you alright?" The blood dripping on the floor. "Oh bugger, Miss, open the door!"
"FUCK YOU!" Oh shit, oh shit, she made another slit. Oh God let me die already! "Oh God."
Bang! The door was kicked open. The door hit her in the shins.
"Miss Granger?!?!? What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!?!"
"Dying! Now go away!"
"Petrificus Totalus." Snape muttered.
SHIT! MAKE ME DIE!
He sing-songed a spell and the wound healed. No. No, no no no no no!
Then he scooped her up and carried her to the hospital wing. I hate you Professor Snape.
***
Yay, Harry and Ron are here! This will be fun. And maybe they'll visit once a week, and let me die a little more inside. Brilliant.
Now they're off to play wizards chess. Now they're going off to think about girls and completely ignore me except for when they need answers-
"Miss Granger." Low soft seductive voice.
"Yes sir?"
"Why?"
I don't want to talk about it. I want to kiss him. Kiss him for being the only person who has come to see me in days, kiss him for caring enough to save me.
He sighed, but he still looked annoyed. "Why did you cut your wrists in the stall of a men's lavatory the other night?"
"I wish I could fly sometimes. And be pretty like a bird."
"Bugger, you're not going to answer anything under the influence of this many potions." He got up to leave.
"No don't leave. I'm scared."
He sighed. "You don't have anything to be scared of. Madam Pomfrey is here and-"
"That's not what I mean. I'm scared of being alone. My heart feels like it's rotting. When I breathe it's pain I feel. I hate this place."
"What place? You'd rather go home and be with your muggle parents?" He sat back down.
"No I just don't want to be- to be- alone." Tears rolled down her face.
"Ahem. Miss Granger I- I don't know what to say to that. I-"
"But you've been alone! You know what it's like. To not want to wake up anymore and to just rip out your fucking throat because it hurts too much to gasp for air."
"It is entirely irrelevant whether or not I have felt anything even remotely similar to what you are feeling right now. It's none of your business or concern what I feel so-"
But I pressed my lips upon his in a clumsy fashion so he couldn't speak. I moved her tongue and he didn't move at all.
He pushed me away.
"This is utterly inappropriate! I will be speaking to your Head of House and the Headmaster for what you have just done. I-"
But he broken off as he saw me break down.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so- so. I'm just so lonely. I don't want to live anymore. God, please just kill me. I hate myself, I want to die, I don't want to live anymore."
I kept crying, and he walked silently from the room.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
…I'm sorry…
I see the pretty roller coaster lights and am bewildered by the sounds.
What I've done is nothing compared to what I haven't done.
My hair is sticky, and the cotton candy is dyed with blood.
I'm sorry.
