this will be rubbish but don't be harsh, i try

chapter1

This was it. The last time. It would not happen again.
Those were my thoughts last time, and yet here i was. Stupid weakling!

hhhmmmm.... I guess I should explain....

It was one year ago exactly that it started. Maybe I could use that as an excuse, I could still pretend I had got better.
one year later and I am here to show myself it won't happen anymore.

Yeah, right.

It was a Saturday morning, I was feeling pretty low and had nothing to do. I was a stranger in this town. The greenness of this town was still overwhelming and the rain was monotonous. However, that particular Saturday it had not been raining. It had been warm, but it wasn't raining and that was good enough for me.I woke up just in time to hear my dad leave the house. Fishing probably. I got up, put on some jeans and a random t-shirt, I didn't really care, I hadn't met anyone in this place yet anyway. I grabbed a cereal bar, and headed outside with my ipod. I got in my rusted truck, which I loved. I needed to leave the house, go somewhere. Though of course I had no clue where I was going, I had only been in forks for three days. I started my truck and turned onto the road, just driving for a while. I drove on in a similar way til the pavement ended. There was a trail leading off into the forest. I got out of my truck.
I had no idea what I was doing here, or where here even was. I felt I had been drawn here by some entirely random magnet, I mean there was nothing there.
Just a bunch of trees. I started walking, in a different direction to the trail, to nowhere, really. Why was I even here? Why am I walking off? I can't even walk on a flat surface without tripping. Why did i=I think hiking was a good idea? With all these thoughts swimming in my head, I realised I had walked into the forest, I couldn't even see the road anymore. I looked at the time on my ipod, wow, I had been walking for ages! I hadn't even fallen yet! I started watching my feet more carefully, it was only a matter of time til I went flying. I guess I should have turned back, I was just getting even more lost, but I didn't really want to. I was feeling oddly peaceful.

After spending most of the morning walking, tripping up less often than usual, and wondering why the hell I was here, the light in the trees up ahead got brighter. I quickened my pace, and soon I was stepping into a clearing. It was beautiful, everything was so fresh and exquisite. Ihe greenness of forks, which I usually found annoying, looked breathtaking here. A smile spread across my face. Suddenly in the corner of my eye I saw a blur. many people would have ignored it, and thought it was just a bird or some form of animal. I, how ever, had to ask who was there. this was probably a sign that my mind is backwards,
I mean, if i imagined the entire thing, it made sense that i had been the one to start it off. The one to force my delusion out off the shadows, where anyone else would have ignored it. So, my irrational mind forced me to say "I saw you, and I am sure that you are here, so just answer me" drop it bella! Theres probably no-one even there! but, apparently, I hadn't imagined the presence, or maybe, I had imagined I heard them answer.

I didn't really care.

"You saw me?" a velvety voice questioned. I gasped, the voice was so amazing, the meadow seemed dull now. I wanted to see the voices owner."What exactly did you see?" The voice brought me out off my thoughts. What did he mean? what did I see? Like he was worried about being seen. huh?
They were still waiting for an answer, but I was unsure of what to say, what I had seen. so I decided he had to answer my query first, I still didn't know who the voice belonged to. "not till you answer my question, I asked you who you are"
The voice replied back, in a puzzled tone "I'm Edward Cullen" Edward Cullen, okay.
"I'm not sure what difference knowing your name makes to be honest, I mean I don't know who you are, and it's not like like were having a conversation, since I can't even see you" I said, I was babbling and I hadn't even seen the guy. oh dear.
"Did you see me before?" he asked, I wondered why it seemed so important. I didn't really know what to say.
Okay, so I know that I hadn't seen him really. but I lied. I said I had, that way, maybe, I would get to see him.
he seemed to doubt me, like he thought I would have run away if I had or something."o]Okay, what do i look like then?"

damn it!

I decided to make something weird up, make it into a joke. I described a character that had been in a dream I had recently.
"Sparkly, and you had copper coloured hair, and gold eyes" I said with a laugh.
I heard a gasp.
was I right??? what?!?!? he was sparkly!?! how had I managed to do that!
huh??? I had dreamt about Edward?

I needed to see this. I asked him to come into the clearing. A second later, there he stood, looking magnificent, his skin glittering like it had diamonds in it. I gasped, my chin hanging open. He was amazing. I blushed, I had been staring at him for an entire minute. He seemed uncomfortable. It half occurred to me that the fact he was sparkling was not human. He was not human. hhhmmmm....

"So, what are you then?, I mean your not human, well, I've never seen a human sparkle before anyway"
he didn't answer me, he seemed pained, like something really bad had happened.
"No one will ever believe you" he said coldly.

And then he ran, a little too fast for human standards and I just whispered after him "I wasn't going to tell anyone...."

and he was gone. I was left alone in the forest. I started walking in god knows what direction, but found that I was going in a similar direction to where Edward had gone. After about twenty minutes, I had reached a part of the road, which made no sense. And my car was there. I smiled and murmured "thanks Edward" because I had no other explanation as to how my car was suddenly a few miles from where I parked it. I reached home feeling numb and in a state of disbelief, he was no longer here, and i had no proof he ever had been.