Ashley tapped lightly on Ellie's forehead. "What's going on up there?" Ellie's eyes snapped open, realizing only then that she had briefly drifted off to sleep. Being wrapped in Ashley's arms, absorbing her scent, and feeling her warm breath on the back of her neck was so perfectly soothing to Ellie that it was hard to stay awake.
She stroked Ashley's arm that was around her waist. "Just thoughts. About us."
There were a few moments of silence until Ashley decided to reply, her voice quiet and small. "Bad thoughts?"
Ellie turned so she was facing Ashley, her brow furrowed. "No. Never bad thoughts. Why?"
"Never mind," Ashley said, looking away.
"No, tell me," Ellie urged, "I want to know."
"It's just, reflecting on the experiences of these past few years, things rarely ever are so good for me. So it even worries me more when things are perfect. I've even been having nightmares about you leaving me for some guy." Ashley finished, looking down.
Ellie snuggled as close as she could to Ashley, tightening her grip. "Hey… I'm not going anywhere. Got it?"
Ashley smiled softly. "Got it." She touched Ellie's face with her hand and captured her lips with her own. Ellie wrapped her arms around Ashley's shoulders and gently pushed her tongue into Ashley's, deepening the kiss.
Just as Ashley had hoped, Ellie began running her fingers gently over Ashley's scalp while they were kissing, massaging her and putting her more at ease. Ellie gasped at the feeling of Ashley's cool hands on her warm flesh under her shirt, and her breathing became syncopated with the dancing of Ashley's fingertips on her bare stomach.
Right as Ellie was changing her position so she was almost straddling Ashley, there was a knock on Ellie's bedroom door, and the two frantically drew apart, Ellie moving onto the floor and Ashley grabbing a magazine.
"Ellie, I left a list of the chores I need you to do tomorrow on the kitchen table." Ellie's mom said, stepping into the room.
"Okay," Ellie began, hoping her face wasn't red, "I'll have them done when you get home."
"Thank you. Good night, Girls," Mrs. Nash smiled as she exited the room.
The girls echoed back their "good nights" and Ellie couldn't help but smile. The rehab her mom had went through had truly paid off, and not only had she been sober for almost a year, but she was also working part-time as a secretary.
However, Ashley's frown brought her back to the present.
"Sweetie, don't you just think you should tell her instead of us having to constantly hide? I mean, I'm sure your mom won't react as badly as you think," Ashley suggested, moving off of the bed and sitting next to Ellie on the floor.
"Congratulations on the most incorrect assumption of the year. My parents aren't like yours - your dad is gay and your mom has learned to accept him for it. Things aren't always that simple," Ellie said, not realizing until she was done speaking that her defensiveness had kicked in.
Ashley looked away, slightly pained by Ellie's abrasiveness. "I know… I was just offering a suggestion."
Ellie caught the hurt in Ashley's eyes and tone and gently slipped her fingers between Ashley's. "I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to be so harsh. It's just - the mere thought of coming out to my parents makes my blood run cold. I mean, I want to. It would make things so much easier not having to lie and hide, and I know it would make you happy, too," Ellie said, feeling somewhat defeated.
"Hey," Ashley began, freeing her hand and instead putting her arm around her girlfriend, pulling her close. "Don't worry about whether or not this will make me happy. I suggested it because I thought it would be easier on you. But I'll never hold something like you knowing your limits and making your own decisions against you. So, please, don't do anything that you think might be in my best interest that could end up hurting you."
Ellie rested her head on Ashley's shoulder. "But you are in my best interest. At the end of the day, I want you to be happy, and I need to play a part in that, even if it involves a little personal sacrifice."
Ashley took in every word that Ellie had just said and felt absolutely intoxicated by her words. For the first time in her life, someone was declaring their love to her in a way that felt honest, true, and real, and Ashley had previously underestimated how amazing it would feel to hear those things. This girl who was sitting in her arms far surpassed anyone or anything she could have ever imagined asking for.
Ashley, lifting Ellie's head off of her shoulder, held her face with both hands and kissed her, infusing all of the love and passion inside of her into the moment they were sharing. When the kiss finally broke several moments later, Ellie, who was already a little surprised as it was, had no idea that Ashley was going to say what she did next:
"Ellie - I am so incredibly in love with you."
Ellie's heart sped up. Her face felt warm and her hands began to sweat. That statement held more meaning than she could even consciously comprehend. Ellie and Ashley both looked back regrettably on how they were so ignorant to say "I love you" to their ex-boyfriends Sean and Craig so quickly when they both ended up ultimately getting hurt. They had discussed this many times and both acknowledged that the use of the phrase would have to accompany some strong feelings and a promise for a solid future together. Ellie, who constantly feared rejection, had wanted to tell Ashley that she was in love for a little over 2 months at that point, but was too scared to mention anything. Even though the moment felt so real and alive, Ellie prayed that she hadn't heard wrong, or even worse, that she was dreaming.
"I'm in love with you, too, Ash," Ellie said, surprised that she found her voice at all, "I love you."
Ashley beamed, throwing her arms around Ellie's shoulders and knocking her over onto her back, laying above her, her head buried into Ellie's shoulder, taking in every fiber of her being and scent.
The girls shared another kiss, not being able to get enough of each other's lips. Then, Ashley began to sensually kiss Ellie's neck and run her fingers up and down Ellie's sides, causing goose bumps to form on her arms. Ellie got temporarily caught up in her arousal until Ashley rested her head on Ellie's chest.
"Do you think we're ready to finally - you know?" Ashley asked.
Ellie knew exactly what Ashley had been referring to. They had been dating for 9 months and had not yet slept together. While their hormones had constantly instructed them otherwise, they decided to refrain as they did with the saying of "I love you" in order to better protect their emotions. But now that they had some relationship insurance, Ellie felt that there was no better time.
Ellie again stroked Ashley's hair, knowing how much she liked it. "Yeah. I am. I know that you're the one for me. So, this has to be right."
Ashley smiled. "Okay."
"Not right now, Dummy," Ellie laughed playfully, "How about a time and place a little less one room away from my mom?"
Ashley smiled back. "Fair enough, Ms. Nash. Well, tomorrow, Mom, Jeff, and Toby are going to visit Jeff's mom, and they said I don't have to go if I don't want to. If they're not sleeping over, they'll definitely be there late. Are you free tomorrow?"
"It's a date," Ellie smiled sweetly. "But for right now, I say we make a date with the bed. I'm exhausted."
Ashley stood up from on top of Ellie and helped her up. The two held each other in a close hug once standing up and then climbed into bed, shutting off the lamp next to Ashley's bed.
The two cuddled as closely to one another as possible, kissing good night. "Good night, Ellie. I love you," Ashley said.
Ellie's heart again skipped a beat at the way hearing that made her feel. "I love you, too, Baby Girl."
The two closed their eyes and began to drift off to sleep. Ellie's eyes opened again when her memory traced her back to Sean and remembered them saying that to one another before he stormed out of her life. But now, more than ever, was the time, once and for all, to forget about her difficult past and start a new one with Ashley, as she closed her eyes and fell asleep for real in the warmth of Ashley's arms.
