Hi everyone This ids my first fic so please be nice. I would appreciate if
you tell me what is wrong with my story and maybe suggestions on how I can
Improve my writing.
Rest in pieces
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again Cause this hurts deeper then I though it did It has not healed with time It just shot down my spine, You look so beautiful tonight Remind me how you laid us down And gently smiles before you destroyed my life
Yugi watched his friends silently. Tristan and Joey were wrestling, and Tea and Yami were locked in a kiss. A few minutes Ryou came over and they talked for awhile. Before they knew it the sun was setting and everyone was waiting for them. Yugi looked over at Yea and glared as she smiled evilly at him. Ryou noticed this and asked "What was that about?" "Well" Yugi said glaring at Tea again "As you know I used to have a crush on Tea. Eventually I gathered up the courage to ask her out." "Well, what did she say?" Ryou asked. " She said yes. I was so excited .Though later on I found out she only wanted me to get to Yami. Once Yami said he would go out with her she dumped me. Now to make it worse she won't leave me alone about it. Every time she sees me she clings to Yami Trying to make jealous ." Ryou listened to Yugi as he told his story .He felt sorry for Yugi, he knew that Yugi liked Tea even if wouldn't admit it. After a few minutes Yugi stopped. "Well what did she say?" he asked getting into the story. Yugi continued his story glaring at Tea. Tea watched as Yugi and Ryou talked. What are they talking about? She asked herself. She whispered to Yami "Do you know what they're talking about?" pointing to Yugi and Ryou. Yami shrugged. Tea watched Yugi talk to Ryou noticing that they both glared at her from time to time.
Would you find it in you heart? To make this go away And let me rest in pieces Would you find it your heart? To make this go away And let me rest pieces
Tea stood up " Hey everyone, why don't we get going it's getting late." Yami stood next to her whispering "your still coming over, right?" "Of course koi" she said giggling. They all left to go home and Tea and Yami headed back to the game shop with Yugi Following behind. At the shop they were getting ready to watch a movie as Yami picked a movie out Yugi asked Tea if he could see her in the kitchen. Once they were in the kitchen yugi nearly exploded "Why do you keep doing this to me!" he shouted. "I don't know what your talking about Yugi" she said innocently. "You know damn well What I'm talking about" he said he voice calming down. "Oh you mean me spending time with my boyfriend?" she said smirking, then she left. How dare that little baka talk to me like that. Thinks he can yell at me for having fun, well I'll show him Tea though as she walked into the living room a evil plan going through her mind. Yugi walked into the living room a little while later and went pale. What he saw stunned him so much he dropped the tray that had drinks and popcorn on it. Tea and Yami were having passionate sex on the couch. Yugi couldn't take the heart break. Sure he was jealous but deep in his heart he hoped he would have another chance with Tea, But that proved he couldn't. His eyes filled with tears as he ran out of the game shop.
Look at me my depth perception must be off again You got much closer than I thought you did I'm in your reach You held me in your hands But could you find it in you heart? To make this go away And let me rest in pieces Would you find it in your heart to make this go away And let me rest in pieces
Well that's my story, I know it sucked but I got the idea during English when we were reading Great Expectations. Review and tell me what you think and how I can improve Ja manta ne
Rest in pieces
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again Cause this hurts deeper then I though it did It has not healed with time It just shot down my spine, You look so beautiful tonight Remind me how you laid us down And gently smiles before you destroyed my life
Yugi watched his friends silently. Tristan and Joey were wrestling, and Tea and Yami were locked in a kiss. A few minutes Ryou came over and they talked for awhile. Before they knew it the sun was setting and everyone was waiting for them. Yugi looked over at Yea and glared as she smiled evilly at him. Ryou noticed this and asked "What was that about?" "Well" Yugi said glaring at Tea again "As you know I used to have a crush on Tea. Eventually I gathered up the courage to ask her out." "Well, what did she say?" Ryou asked. " She said yes. I was so excited .Though later on I found out she only wanted me to get to Yami. Once Yami said he would go out with her she dumped me. Now to make it worse she won't leave me alone about it. Every time she sees me she clings to Yami Trying to make jealous ." Ryou listened to Yugi as he told his story .He felt sorry for Yugi, he knew that Yugi liked Tea even if wouldn't admit it. After a few minutes Yugi stopped. "Well what did she say?" he asked getting into the story. Yugi continued his story glaring at Tea. Tea watched as Yugi and Ryou talked. What are they talking about? She asked herself. She whispered to Yami "Do you know what they're talking about?" pointing to Yugi and Ryou. Yami shrugged. Tea watched Yugi talk to Ryou noticing that they both glared at her from time to time.
Would you find it in you heart? To make this go away And let me rest in pieces Would you find it your heart? To make this go away And let me rest pieces
Tea stood up " Hey everyone, why don't we get going it's getting late." Yami stood next to her whispering "your still coming over, right?" "Of course koi" she said giggling. They all left to go home and Tea and Yami headed back to the game shop with Yugi Following behind. At the shop they were getting ready to watch a movie as Yami picked a movie out Yugi asked Tea if he could see her in the kitchen. Once they were in the kitchen yugi nearly exploded "Why do you keep doing this to me!" he shouted. "I don't know what your talking about Yugi" she said innocently. "You know damn well What I'm talking about" he said he voice calming down. "Oh you mean me spending time with my boyfriend?" she said smirking, then she left. How dare that little baka talk to me like that. Thinks he can yell at me for having fun, well I'll show him Tea though as she walked into the living room a evil plan going through her mind. Yugi walked into the living room a little while later and went pale. What he saw stunned him so much he dropped the tray that had drinks and popcorn on it. Tea and Yami were having passionate sex on the couch. Yugi couldn't take the heart break. Sure he was jealous but deep in his heart he hoped he would have another chance with Tea, But that proved he couldn't. His eyes filled with tears as he ran out of the game shop.
Look at me my depth perception must be off again You got much closer than I thought you did I'm in your reach You held me in your hands But could you find it in you heart? To make this go away And let me rest in pieces Would you find it in your heart to make this go away And let me rest in pieces
Well that's my story, I know it sucked but I got the idea during English when we were reading Great Expectations. Review and tell me what you think and how I can improve Ja manta ne
