I've always been an oddity. Deep down, I always knew that.
While other little girls my age had tea parties, I would much rather play and run around outside in the garden with all the other boys.
Proper ladies just adore complicated dresses filled with frills and ribbons, I on the other hand find them uncomfortable and hard to move in.
And most of all, a lady find great happiness donned in expensive jewelry, while mine in swords.
My name is Elizabeth Ethel Cordelia Midford. My one childhood dream was to be a knight
However...
"What was that Lizzy? You say you want to become a knight?" A confident, strong and respectable looking man asked as he looked down at his daughter with kind, yet confused eyes.
"Yes daddy! I want to be a knight, just like you!" A 3 year old little girl said with a big smile as she looked at her father with big doe-like emerald eyes, her pig-tails bouncing along with her.
Her father frowned in regret and hesitation. "My princess, I'm sorry, but that is simply not possible."
"Huh? Why not, father?" little Lizzy's smile dropped, replaced with a childish pout.
A strict and powerful woman, having heard and seen the whole thing decided to speak up "It is unheard of for a Lady such as yourself to become a Knight, the thought shouldn't even cross ones mind."
"B-but-"
"No Elizabeth." her strict voice made the little girl flinch as her mother looked at her with cold, unsympathetic eyes "This is not up for discussion. You will not become a knight. It is impossible and I suggest you forget about this."
Little Lizzy looked down, her eyes on the brim of tears. "Yes mother." she said meekly and she began to walk to elsewhere.
Of course, I was still trained in fencing. After all, just because I couldn't be a knight doesn't mean I wasn't allowed to be capable of using a sword. Mother herself was a capable swordswoman after all.
I adored every minute of training.
My family was quick to find out that I had talent in the art of swords and fencing. Enough to considered a prodigy even.
I was so happy
I was so sure that one day I will become a great swordsman. Perhaps even the best.
That was when I decided, my one dream was to become the greatest swordsman, greater than any man in England.
Then I got engaged to Ciel Phantomhive...
"A Lady...should be super weak and cute in front of her Lord. It's the most important thing, to be an innocent, naive girl. It's your job to smile and be surrounded by nice things, just like in nursery rhymes."
Thus, I began joining tea parties and engaging in mindless gossip that bores me.
I stayed indoors, working in embroidery when what I really wanted was to join my father and brother in horseback riding.
I surrounded myself in elegant gowns filled with frills and ribbons and lace, and everything cute that I despised.
The one thing that hasn't changed, is my training in the arts of fencing. It was the one unladylike part of me left. The one thing that I believed would always stay with me.
It was then that I decided that my dream was to become like my mother. A beautiful and refined yet strong, and dare I say it, deadly, woman.
But then...
Little Ciel fell to the ground, landing on his bottom, a practice sword in hand.
"Your footwork is weak, Ciel!" Lizzy's mother told him "Well, fine. We'll leave it at that for today." She left the room, with her sword still in hand.
The little boy sighed "That was scary..."
Little Lizzy simply smiled at him as she handed him a towel "It's because mother is so strict."
"Aunt Frances is pretty, but...such a strong wife...that scares me." he said mostly to himself.
The girl in front of him froze, her eyes widening.
Little Ciel stayed oblivious to her distress at hearing his words however, and he simply smiled at her "I'm glad that you're the one who's going to be my wife, Lizzy."
After that I decided I won't become a strong woman like my mother after all.
It took a lot of convincing for my mother to allow it, but I had managed to reduce my fencing lessons. From daily into weekly, and then to monthly.
I had hoped that this would greatly diminish my progress, stopping me from becoming the strong wife that Ciel hated.
However, none of that worked, no matter how much I reduced my training, my prowess couldn't be denied.
So I decided I would hide this side of me from Ciel. I would forever be the cute damsel in distress in Ciel's eyes.
Because becoming a wife that he could protect, I decided, was my dream.
But then...that happened...
Paula came rushing in towards Lizzy with a panicked and sorrowful expression clear on her face. "Young Lady! The Phantomhives are...!"
The Phantomhive mansion has burned down, and presumably The Phantomhive family along with it, including Elizabeth's dear Ciel.
At hearing the news, Lizzy was heartbroken. How could this have happened?
She went to their funeral, dressed as black as her emotions were. At hearing the other ladies gossiping about nonsensical and trivial things when they should have been mourning for the great loss, Lizzy couldn't handle that. So she left.
Quietly, she left the funeral unnoticed, so she could mourn for the loss of her beloved fiancé in peace.
I was really sad. I couldn't bare the thought of Ciel not being around anymore. My cute, beloved fiancé.
I couldn't find the energy within myself to do anything.
Even my fencing lessons have stopped. And no one, not even my mother, could blame or scold me for it.
What is life without Ciel?
But then a miracle happened.
One long torturous month after that day, Ciel came back! Along with a new butler, shroud in black.
My dream always kept changing as my life went on. I knew that. And every time I decided on a dream I had thought that it would be my one true dream. But it never was.
But seeing Ciel standing in front of me, after I had thought I had lost him forever, I then decided that this dream of mine is the one. The one dream that wouldn't change
My one dream is to become a wife that Ciel can protect.
But then one day, as I was practicing with my sword, I remembered...
"I don't want to!"
The next thing little Lizzy knew after her outburst, was a slap so hard she fell to the ground. "You're my daughter, who's going to marry into the Phantomhives. I will not allow you to neglect your training!"
"I don't want to practice the sword anymore! Swords aren't cute at all!" little Lizzy cried out, almost to tears.
Suddenly, her strict mother was kneeling on the floor, hugging her distressed daughter. "I know it's hard, but it's for his sake and yours...you understand, don't you?"
At hearing her mother's words, she finally allowed her tears to fall.
"You know it's funny." her mother chuckled, humorlessly. "I've always thought you were like me. Born to be a lady and yet the aspirations of a man. Swords rather than dresses, per se. But I was wrong."
Only she wasn't. She was right, so right. I am like her. I always have been.
I've just spent the most of my life trying to change myself. Hide my true self from everyone, including myself.
With the way the swords held by my hands felt so right.
The strength and power I felt whenever I wield a sword.
My strong desire to protect.
I realized. My dream, not once, has ever really changed at all.
My dream, however impossible it may be, was, is, and always will be...
To be a knight
