Sand
My life was cracked glass scattered on the floor, never to be cleaned up, and never to be put back together. My desperation was no longer hidden, and my sanity was being held onto by a string.
I looked out into the water, so calm, so rhythmic. The tide was coming in and I watched the waves in their unchanging motion as they drew me in more and more. To me individual life was as a grain of sand in the ocean, common, unimportant, small. The grain of sand is completely unnecessary and unable to make any impact on the world. Who cared of my happiness or the emotions that controlled my life, I repeated to myself, in rhythm with the waves as the dribbled closer to the shore. Their tune captured me in an unconscious trance. I was unable to identify anything around me. The waves followed their pattern, crashing against the shore with confidence.
I gazed upon the entire body and am hypnotized by its all- encompassing mass and unpredictable actions. I stared blankly at the endless blue sea and I wondered if such a place to lose me like the rest of the world had. Could the sea swallow me whole? I thought of how they contain me in a bitter mockery as I self-destruct among them. I soon wondered if the sea could become an escape. Not just from them, but form my own soiled soul.
Once a man of power, prestige, but now I lay here in my moment of defeat, my moment of need and not one hand will reach out and offer me aid. Now that my rein is over not one of them will thank me, they'd rather see me drown and disappear forever then to see and feel my presence each day, reminding them on the constant burden I have become, reminding them of their own sorrow, their own pain.
The trance of the sea could not be broken. My curiosity grows as I began dancing to the rhythm that the waves held, allowing my body to follow direction from the water.
The accident scared me, but not half as much as the pain I suffered from them, from being ostracized by my people, my men, my family. Gone are the moments I once lived for. Gone are the goals I once pursued and gone is the future I once penetrated. The only thing left t was the deep wide sea in front of me, calling me to it with its array of possibilities.
I have no feeling left in my body and am unaware of my actions. I'm slipping in and out of reality. Thinking, knowing that things will be better this way. Knowing that the stains of society will no longer be shown on me, that the water will wash them away, by my escape.
I'm gone. When I open my eyes I see nothing, the absence of color surrounds me. I close my eyes, and the relaxing ocean returns and I am brought back into the trance.
I'm struggling, but I am unaware of why and what from. My body is moving but I don't know how or why. I'm reaching for something, and am unsure of what. I feel no pain, that will come later. I extend my arm and then I feel it, the warm breeze and the crash of the water breaking. My head pushes up and suddenly the sea returns, the water surrounds me, the waves, whose rhythm had me in a trance moment before. I'm alert now, and realize I'm in the middle of the sea, without an explanation, not even one for myself.
My body aches uncontrollably, but I'm alive. I look outside my window and search for the sea that held my life in its hands and gave it back to me. I look for the waves that held my concentration during my state of desperation. I look for the water that was so forgiving to hand me a second chance at life. I look for the source of my present happiness. But the docks are far from the bed I am stranded on that lies in the corner of the lodging house. The docks aren't visible form this hellhole in Brooklyn, but I can still dance to their rhythmic motion, I can still lose myself in the forgiving mass, that is, every time I close my eyes.
My life was cracked glass scattered on the floor, never to be cleaned up, and never to be put back together. My desperation was no longer hidden, and my sanity was being held onto by a string.
I looked out into the water, so calm, so rhythmic. The tide was coming in and I watched the waves in their unchanging motion as they drew me in more and more. To me individual life was as a grain of sand in the ocean, common, unimportant, small. The grain of sand is completely unnecessary and unable to make any impact on the world. Who cared of my happiness or the emotions that controlled my life, I repeated to myself, in rhythm with the waves as the dribbled closer to the shore. Their tune captured me in an unconscious trance. I was unable to identify anything around me. The waves followed their pattern, crashing against the shore with confidence.
I gazed upon the entire body and am hypnotized by its all- encompassing mass and unpredictable actions. I stared blankly at the endless blue sea and I wondered if such a place to lose me like the rest of the world had. Could the sea swallow me whole? I thought of how they contain me in a bitter mockery as I self-destruct among them. I soon wondered if the sea could become an escape. Not just from them, but form my own soiled soul.
Once a man of power, prestige, but now I lay here in my moment of defeat, my moment of need and not one hand will reach out and offer me aid. Now that my rein is over not one of them will thank me, they'd rather see me drown and disappear forever then to see and feel my presence each day, reminding them on the constant burden I have become, reminding them of their own sorrow, their own pain.
The trance of the sea could not be broken. My curiosity grows as I began dancing to the rhythm that the waves held, allowing my body to follow direction from the water.
The accident scared me, but not half as much as the pain I suffered from them, from being ostracized by my people, my men, my family. Gone are the moments I once lived for. Gone are the goals I once pursued and gone is the future I once penetrated. The only thing left t was the deep wide sea in front of me, calling me to it with its array of possibilities.
I have no feeling left in my body and am unaware of my actions. I'm slipping in and out of reality. Thinking, knowing that things will be better this way. Knowing that the stains of society will no longer be shown on me, that the water will wash them away, by my escape.
I'm gone. When I open my eyes I see nothing, the absence of color surrounds me. I close my eyes, and the relaxing ocean returns and I am brought back into the trance.
I'm struggling, but I am unaware of why and what from. My body is moving but I don't know how or why. I'm reaching for something, and am unsure of what. I feel no pain, that will come later. I extend my arm and then I feel it, the warm breeze and the crash of the water breaking. My head pushes up and suddenly the sea returns, the water surrounds me, the waves, whose rhythm had me in a trance moment before. I'm alert now, and realize I'm in the middle of the sea, without an explanation, not even one for myself.
My body aches uncontrollably, but I'm alive. I look outside my window and search for the sea that held my life in its hands and gave it back to me. I look for the waves that held my concentration during my state of desperation. I look for the water that was so forgiving to hand me a second chance at life. I look for the source of my present happiness. But the docks are far from the bed I am stranded on that lies in the corner of the lodging house. The docks aren't visible form this hellhole in Brooklyn, but I can still dance to their rhythmic motion, I can still lose myself in the forgiving mass, that is, every time I close my eyes.
