I Hate This Story
Ugh... God, this story is awful. I wrote it late at night when I was sick and didn't bother proof-reading it, then I randomly decided it was good enough to publish. Seriously, I don't know why you're bothering to read it. Well, here is my crappy story. Enjoy. ...Or not.
Link and Malon were sitting together in a tree. A small child had sniggered at them, but was frightened off when Link gave it an intense glare.
"Is it just me, Link, or is this story terrible?" Malon asked.
"It's not just you. This story really is awful. One has to wonder why Smash-the-Elder wasted his time uploading this piece of crap. And also why anyone would still be reading it by this point. I mean, how boring and stupid is it?" Link replied.
"I know. And the characterisation is awful too. I mean, are we acting anything like we should?"
"Not to mention that the grammar and spelling are all over the place. It's like this was written by a dyslexic person."
"It's not just the grammar that's all over the place. Have you been able to follow what little action there's been in this steaming pile of canine faeces? All I've gathered is that we're in a tree and that's it. Where's the plot? Are there other characters? If this had been written by someone with at least an ounce of talent, one could possibly answer those questions."
"In fact, there's a challenge for any readers: if you can give a sufficiently detailed summary of this story along with a dramatis personae, you win a prize."
"Probably a branch from this tree. That's how bad this story is. The best prize we can give is a branch."
"What's some other things that are bad about this story?"
"Well, it's so terrible, it's hard to pick out one single thing to complain about. Well, nothing at all interesting has happened. And it will probably stay that way. Did I happen to mention how talentless Smash-the-Elder is? She's so worthless, she makes My Inner Life look like Pulitzer material. If you haven't heard of My Inner Life, just let me assure you that it is a terrible work. That's how bad this story is."
"You know what else? This isn't even supposed to be the real story. It's just so bad that we couldn't bear to do it properly. Actually, Malon, what was the real story? It was so bad that I was forced to remove it from my memory."
"I think it was a tasteless and poorly written sex story between two children, namely us."
"So, we're not missing out on anything. Of course, you wouldn't be missing out on anything either if you clicked the back button up there and left this story to rot."
"Speaking of which, I think we should do the same, Link. Let's get out of this tree and do something else."
"Good idea. Only problem is that if we jump from this high, we'll hurt ourselves and it would be impossible to climb down."
"So, how did we get up here in the first place?"
"That's another reason this story is awful: it doesn't clarify everything enough!"
"Not to mention the ending."
I can't believe I even wrote that. I don't understand how anyone could write such an awful story. Really, I apologise for suffering this trash upon you. I should take it down but I guess I won't. Well, leave a review if you want. Feel free to flame this story. It deserves it. It really is a crappy story and I hate it.
THE END
