The day I dread the most was the day I was ever conceived. I never had a good life. In fact, it was a living hell for me. Living with my abusive father was even worse for me.
When I was 9, my mother died of cancer, leaving it just me and my father, I was devastated and pained, my father on the other hand went into blind fury after her death, and he mostly took his anger out on me, saying it was my fault that she died. To ease his stress, he would either drink or hit me. I was cast aside by him.
Which meant I had to live on my own from now on. The only person I had to rely on was myself. I was, however in foster care at the time. I was adopted by a married couple named Erwin and Hanji. But I usually call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith instead of calling them mom and dad. To be honest, It wasn't the worst choice living with them they were actually loving parents but it didn't make my depression die down either. They were worried for me but I always forced a smile letting them know I was alright even though I really wasn't.
When I started middle school things weren't as good. I was picked on by a lot of kids because I don't talk to anyone really and because I was born with heterochromic eyes. (two different colored eyes). I hardly got to talk with my friends Armin and Mikasa because Armin moved and Mikasa and I were in different classes.
By time I hit sophomore year I started using contacts so it wouldn't reveal these cursed eyes. I met a girl. Her name was Annie Leonhart. I had a crush on her and finally confessed my feelings. Surprisingly, she agreed to go out with me.
Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Annie went after another guy named Bertoldt Hoover. Figures. That really didn't help my depression. The bullying started again. It was by a guy named Jean Kirstien. He picked on me for no reason and we used to get into fights. I was described as a "hot head" how. But after a while I started to avoid him no matter how much he pissed me off I still tried my best to avoid him.
I figured there was no point on arguing with him since all he did was pick petty arguments with me. I paid him no mind. Which pissed him off even more. At home, when Hanji and Erwin weren't around, I couldn't deal with the stress I was under. I went into the kitchen and went into the drawers and found a scalpel hidden in it.
I rolled up my sleeve and placed the knife on my wrist and slowly drew several red lines. Blood started oozing down my skin. It felt wrong yet it felt good. It hurts but it makes me feel somewhat better.
Then the next minute I was startled by a phone call. It was from an unfamiliar phone call. I sigh and answer the phone.
"Hello?" I say.
"Hey, Eren." That voice...it sounded so familiar...I place the scalpel on the table. "Who is this?" The person chuckled. "It's Mikasa, stupid." She says.
Mikasa? I haven't seen her since middle school. I wonder how she even got ahold of my number. But none of that matters.
"Oh it is you." I say, slightly happy knowing it's her.
"How've you been?" I ask.
"Good, actually. I finally got into my dream school." She responds. I smile a little.
"That's good." I say. And you?" She asks. I hesitated for a moment. "Eren?" Mikasa says, snapping me back into reality. "Oh, I'm doing good." I lied, not wanting to tell Mikasa that I'm in deep depression and been cutting myself. I knew how overprotective she can be.
"Since it's a weekend how about I come visit you?" She suggested.
I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want her noticing the changes in me.
She'll probably even notice my scars and how I've been using contacts. And Mikasa was an observant person. Especially when it comes to me. However, since I haven't seen her in so long I decided that I should let her come over. "That's a good idea." I agreed.
"Splendid. I'll be there within an hour or so. Do you mind telling me your address?" She asks. I told her my address as she writes it on a piece of paper. With that, we said our goodbyes and hung up.
I sigh and placed my phone back on the charger.
I went and took a quick shower and put on a long sleeved shirt (mostly because of the scars) and black skinny jeans. I sat on the couch and checked the time.
Only 8 so I have time- knock knock. I was interrupted by a knock on the door. She's here already? Holy shit she's fast. I say mentally to myself. I opened the door and there stood Mikasa. She looked so different. Her silky black hair was cut short, her height is around mine, she had a little bit of lip gloss on, an aeropostale shirt and black skirt on. She looked so different.
"EREN!" Mikasa slightly shouts causing me to snap back into reality. "Huh? Oh sorry I was just zoning out is all." I say, rubbing the back of my head. Mikasa smiles.
"Well, alright then." "How about we come in?" I ask. Mikasa nods and steps inside. "Wow your house looks really nice, Eren." Mikasa comments.
"It's not a big deal." I say. I spotted Mikasa eyeing the picture of my mother. "Is that your mother?" She questions, pointing directly at the portrait of her. I nod. "Yes, that's my mom." I smile.
"She's beautiful. She looks just like you, Eren." Mikasa says. "Really? You think so?" She nods. "Yep, your a spitting image of her." Mikasa compliments. I blush. "Thanks." She grabbed her plastic bag and took out what appears to be a box of tea. It was my favorite. Green tea.
"I remembered your favorite tea." Mikasa says, smiling warmly at me. "I'll go make us some." Mikasa says, walking into the kitchen.
I sat on the couch and folded my hands together. Mikasa walked back in the living room and sat next to me.
"So, how's highschool coming along?" She asks. "It's alright. Being in classes with Jean we can totally disagree with, my grades are pretty decent I guess except in one class I'm struggling with but I think I'll manage." I tell her. "Is there something I can help you with?" She asks.
I shake my head. "No. Like I said, I think I can manage fine on my own." I tell her. She made a sad expression. "Well, if there is I can tutor you. After all, I am a tutor. I can help you study an-" "I appreciate the offer, but I can manage fine on my own." I interrupt her.
"What's that on your wrist?" She asks, pointing at my wrist. My eyes widen a bit and I cover my wrist with my sleeve. "Nothing." I lie. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mikasa." I say nervously.
I then felt guilty in the pit of my stomach. "I don't believe you." She says grabbing my wrist. "Mikasa! Let me go!" I say wriggling out of her grasp. She had strong grip so it was difficult to escape from her grasp.
Mikasa then rolls up my sleeve. A slight gasp escapes her lips, her onyx colored eyes widen as she sees my visible scars. "Eren, you...?" Mikasa trails off. "Yes, Mikasa, I cut myself. So what? Now you know. Are you gonna mak-" Mikasa scowls at me.
"Eren! How could you do this to yourself!? If you were this depressed or upset you could've talked it to a therapist or something! Cutting doesn't solve anything!" Mikasa yells. Her expression softens.
"Look, I just don't like to see you hurt yourself. Self harm isn't going to help your depression. You need to see a therapist. I'd think that'd be a helpful solution to your problems." Mikasa says. She takes my hand. "Eren, promise me you won't cut anymore and that you'll see a therapist." I nod.
"I promise." I tell her. Mikasa wasn't entirely wrong that ever since I've started cutting, I've made a habit out of it. Maybe I should see a therapist. I couldn't tell Hanji or Erwin. They would flip out if I told them what's really going on. Mikasa smiles. "Thank you, Eren." She says and pulls me into a tight embrace. I smile and embrace her in return.
"But..." I say. Mikasa looks up at me. "If I talk to a therapist...I'd want my problems in private." "But Ere-" "No buts. Because if you heard what I was going through you might flip out or something."
Mikasa makes a sad expression and nods. "Very well then..." Mikasa says. "Eren, theres something I need to get off my chest." Mikasa says taking both of my hands. "For a very long time now when we were kids I had feelings for you.
I still do, I should've told you before but I decided not to because I thought you weren't into dating. Bu-" I cut her off with a kiss. I was never the type to first kiss that person, but I felt the urge to kiss her. Her kindness made me feel loved.
Before I thought there was no hope in this world. But I figured out there was little hope in this world. I take my lips off her's and whisper, "I love you, Mikasa." Mikasa smiles warmly at me. "I love you too, Eren."
