This was originally written for an anonymous prompt at the Livejournal Mass Effect Kinkmeme. Takes place somewhere towards the end of Mass Effect 3. There are some mild in-game spoilers, but nothing major.


Dark Revelations

Part 1

There was never any question in Kaidan's mind of Shepard's bravery. It was fact, plain and simple, and known galaxy wide. He'd stood by her side as she defied the entire council and went after a rogue Specter. He had seen her dress down a Krogan warrior without flinching and scratch a razor toothed Varren behind the ears like it was a Labrador retriever. She'd conquered death itself; left his heart bleeding in her wake as she went off chasing her sense of duty through the Omega 4 relay, only to defy all odds and actually return. Hell, a few days ago she took down a damn reaper, face to face. She was so courageous it bordered on insanity and quite frankly, most of the time, it scared him to death.

So why, after witnessing all that and more, was Kaidan starting to think Shepard wasn't quite as unshakeable as everyone believed? Granted, the fate of the entire galaxy was riding on her shoulders, and that was enough to keep anyone from sleeping well at night. But it was more than that. There was something about the way she held herself sometimes; a nervousness in her demeanor that Kaidan had always dismissed as the heightened alertness required to do her job well. But it was more than that too.

Maybe he was more aware of it simply because he was more aware of iher/i than ever before. Kaidan absolutely would not survive losing her again, so Shepard's wellbeing was always his primary concern, on and off the battlefield. Over the past few weeks he'd noticed a pattern of sorts in her behavior: insisting the fish tank light remain on while they slept; warily eyeing the lamps as they flickered on and off in an old Cerberus Lab; and most recently, how insistent she was that they spend as little time as possible inside the Rachnai cave on Tuchanka. So far none of her little quirks had affected her performance, nor had they been largely inconvenient (especially that last one), but they were starting to concern him. He needed to confront her before the rest of the crew started to figure out what Kaidan was almost sure of now.

The door to the lounge opened with a whoosh, startling Kaidan out of his musings. He looked up from the datapad he was supposed to be reading, just in time to see the woman foremost in his mind slowly striding towards him. Once again, Kaidan was struck both by Shepard's understated beauty, and by how completely exhausted she looked.

The shine in her lovely green eyes seemed muted and smudged with too much purple underneath. Her hair, never meticulously groomed anyway, seemed messier than usual. The short ginger locks stuck up in funny angles from too many brushes of long, frustrated fingers. Kaidan noticed with some alarm that the soft, N7 hoodie she'd taken to wearing around the ship seemed to dwarf her. Had she lost weight?

"You wanted to speak with me," she announced, flashing him a small, crooked smile.

"I do," he answered with a sigh, "and it's important, but I don't think we have enough time now. We're needed in the war room."

She plucked the datapad out of his hand and set it aside without looking at it. "We have a few minutes."

Kaidan opened his arms. "Then let's not waste any of them."

Shepard slid onto his lap, curling her body around his and tucking her face into the crook of his neck. Kaidan closed his eyes, memorizing what perfection felt like. It was the curve of her back under his hand, the weight of her in his arms, and the smell of her hair. They needed to discuss his concerns about her. It was getting more urgent every day. But the temptation to not spoil the rare peace of this moment was tremendous.

"You know," she said against his skin, "you don't have to send me an email every time you want to talk."

Kaidan let out a stiff chuckle. "And just expect to have immediate access to the great and powerful Commander Shepard? No, I feel the need to make an appointment just like everyone else."

"Well," she said, pulling back to look him in the eye. "Maybe you do need an appointment to speak with Commander Shepard, but iJane/i sleeps beside you, so you don't need an appointment to speak with her."

"And which one of you forgot to wake me again this morning?"

"I'm sorry," she said, actually blushing a bit. "I know I said I would, it's just…"

The disembodied voice of the Normandy's AI interrupted, "Commander Shepard."

Kaidan's sleepy, chagrined lover disappeared in a heartbeat as the Commander sat up to answer the comm. "Go ahead EDI."

"It is taking us longer to cross Reaper occupied space than originally anticipated. The Normandy's stealth drive is engaged, but our Lithium heat sinks are reaching their capacity and we may need to cut power to non-essential systems to prevent detection. In an emergency situation, I may need to shut down everything except life support and myself. I recommend you and Major Alenko relocate to the war room immediately, in case of this occurrence. Also, Admiral Hacket is available on Vid Comm."

"Understood, EDI. Have Joker find a safe haven as soon as possible to dump our heat load. I don't want us to find ourselves dead in the water." Shepard slid off his lap and started towards the lounge door. Kaidan followed right at her heels. "And patch me through to the intercom please."

Kaidan listened to the calm, confident cadence of her voice as Shepard explained the situation to the crew. She strode into the elevator with a purpose, all evidence of fatigue suddenly buried beneath the duties of rank and professionalism. If he hadn't experienced it firsthand, Kaidan would have had trouble imagining how this steely woman could possibly be afraid of anything.

"Never a dull moment, hey Major?" She quipped, stepping to the side to make room for him in the small metallic space.

He flashed her a charming grin. "I wouldn't have it any other way, ma'am.

She returned his smile and reached for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze as the door hissed shut. The motor had just begun humming with their ascent when what should have been a slightly longer ride, came to an abrupt and jarring halt. Kaidan fell painfully to one knee with a grunt, only barely managing to catch the Commander as she stumbled into his arms.

"Edi!" Shepard yelled into empty air as she jumped to her feet. "What the hell was that?" They waited a moment, but heard only silence. "Edi?"

Kaidan winced as he gingerly slid off his bruised knee to sit on the floor. "I'm thinking this just might be the emergency situation she was talking about. Apparently elevator controls are 'non-essential.'"

"Damn it!" Shepard kicked the metal wall a few times, growling in frustration. "When we get out of here I'm going to find a way to reshackle that AI so far down into the Normandy's systems that all she'll be good for is chess and pong!" A few more kicks, growls, and insults later, the commander's ire was apparently spent. She slumped down next to him on the floor in defeat and gestured toward him, "You okay?"

"I think I'll live," he answered, smiling indulgently. "At least we have time to talk now. You up for it?"

Shepard reached up and mussed her red hair into an even greater state of disarray. "Sure," she answered, letting a puff of air escape her lips. "Shoot."

Kaidan leaned forward to clap one of her hands in both of his. "Shepard, I…" he halted, trying to choose his words carefully.

"You're making me really nervous here, Soldier," she told him with a grimace. "Why don't you just spit it out?"

Alright, it was now or never. Kaidan wasn't sure how much longer they'd be stuck in this elevator anyway and privacy was paramount for this particular conversation. He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue. "I'm concerned about you, Shepard. I've noticed you behaving in a certain way in certain situations and…"

With a tiny, almost inaudible click, the elevator lights went out.

As the inky curtain of impenetrable black fell around them, Kaidan felt dread settle low into his stomach. The hand he still held within his own, soft and pliable only a moment ago, now clutched him desperately in a viselike grip. Her sharp little nails dug brutally into his palm. Her breaths came in tiny gasps. All her muscles tensed, as if for battle. In that one heartbeat of time, all of Kaidan's suspicions were incontrovertibly confirmed.

"I know you're afraid of the dark, Jane."