I don't own deadpool (sadly), nor the Avengers (sad once more). But the awesome people who created these awesome crazy characters are freaking brilliant! Now that my fangirl moment is over... on with the story.
Bold= Doctor Bong *if you don't know who that is, it's the logical voice in Deadpool's head.*
Italics= Madcap *Once more, this is the psychotic voice inside of Deadpool's head*
Deadpool giggled as he slowly tipped toed towards the bed where a lump of covers laid, sleeping peacefully. He knew just exactly how to get payback on the person for taking his beloved chimichangas.
She's going to kill you when she wakes up.
You mean she's going to cuddle us in her huge mounds for doing such a great job!
He grinned as he threw his broken crayons carelessly behind himself. He could already see her showering him in kisses for his awesome and hard job. He spent so much time trying to perfect his master piece, he just couldn't wait until she found out about it. She would be so happy!
It could be like our anniversary gift!
Except it's not our anniversary. We're not even together, she hates our guts, if you do remember.
Deadpool frowned as he placed a hand to his chest in mock hurt. "Oh, how you wound me with thou's words!" He cried out dramatically as he fell to his knees, forgetting he was using his awesome ninja skills to sneak around the bedroom.
You better run.
He raised an eyebrow at that remark. Why would the all great and power Lord of Chimichangas run? Besides, it's not everyday he's able to sneak into a hot babe's room while she's asleep.
A moan came from the bed as the covers shifted causing the red and black mercenary to freeze to his spot. The figure sat up reveal a mass of light blonde waves and curls and a pale completion. He felt his heartbeat speed up when her blue and green orbs were hazed with the remains of sleep as her tiny hands rubbed her eyes childishly.
Sexy lady.
Boobies; mounds of pure heaven!
He gaze traveled down to see she was wearing a spaghetti strapped night gown that dipped low, revealing a good amount of cleavage. He swallowed thickly as he slowly eased his way towards the end of the bed in hopes of hiding; the view he was getting was rare.
You know, it's not a good idea to hide. She'll only be more upset with us.
But it's boobies!
Deadpool paid them no mind as he watched her stretch, the blankets falling from her body as she slowly stood up. As if her gown didn't reveal enough up top, it certainly did down below as it ended barely at mid-thigh.
We have a hot babe as a girlfriend.
She's not our girlfriend.
Duh, of course she is. She lives with us! She's got nice mounds and... just look at those legs! How can they be so long, with her being so... midget-y?!
'Midget-y' is not a word, smart one. And just because she lives with us, doesn't make her ours.
Yes, it does. See... I wrote our name all over her clothes, remember?
I'm surprised she still wears them.
Deadpool could only nod in agreement as he saw his name written messily all over the white night gown in red crayon. He remembered seeing it in her wardrobe, but he had never seen her wear it; never thought he would see her wear it.
"Wil?"
Deadpool's eyes snapped back to her face as her gaze was now focused solely on him. He jumped up from the floor, waving estatically.
"Bell! Good morning! How was your sleep?" He asked as he skipped over, quick to wrap her small frame into his embrace. Didn't want to ruin the surprise, right?
"Wil, why are you in my room?"
She's like an angel...
I'm pretty sure I heard some venom beneath that question.
"Shhhhh..." He placed a gloved finger against her lips. "Its a secret." He whispered like someone was spying on them. As he pulled back slightly, his hand slid to her butt. In a matter of seconds, her face went red and her two-toned colored eyes widened. Before Deadpool could fully process exactly what he was doing 'wrong', Bell's knee was quick to meet his groin. He squeaked sinking dramatically to his knees for the second time that morning. The pain was ungodly as he held his injury with tears in his eyes.
"Why?" He cried, his voice several octaves higher.
I did warn you to run.
She totally wants us.
"You touch my $$, and wonder why I'm upset?!"
Oooohhh, she's dirty.
I don't think it's wise to comment at the moment.
"Why didn't you tell me 'good morning'? I did you!" He cried out as he flung his arms towards her, gesturing. She paused in her anger as she looked at him absurdly.
"You-...You're such an idiot, Wil." She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. She was at a loss for words.
"Your still not saying it!" He pouted. "How could you be so cruel?!" He crossed his arms as he stared at the floor like a child.
"Fine. Good morning, Wade." She gave in, but Deadpool only scowled as he stood up from the floor.
"You didn't call me Wil!" He pouted once more. He liked the nickname she gave him. After all, she was the only one that called him by it; it made him feel special.
Yeah, special ed.
Quit trying to be funny, that's my job. You're the one who gives all the dumb advise. Besides, that insulting to our author, she doesn't like jokes like that.
Then why she have me say it?
Because nobody likes you. You're boring.
I'm realistic.
Boooorrrrrriiiinnngggg!
Anyways, Bell giving him his nickname is what made him come up with hers. Her actually name is Isabelle, but her voice, to Deadpool, sounded too much like a bell. That's why he prefers her nickname. That, and she looks fragile and delicate.
"After all I did for you, this is how you treat me. If I didn't know better, I would say you hate me, Bell." He grabbed her by her shoulders, pushing his cheek against hers as he basically purred like a kitty.
I like kitties, their ears are so cute!
I like bombs...and boobies...boobies are nice.
Now you're offending the author!
"What have you ever done for me?!" Bell demanded as she attempted to move away from the man, but his grip was strong. He was quick to respond as he spun her around in his arms, pointing towards the wall. That was where he had spent the last four hours working on his master piece. Covering the wall, was a drawing of a stick figure horse with two sick figure humans riding the back of the animal. Various colors followed behind the animal while the red outlined human had what looked a like gun in one hand, and a bomb in another. The other one had long blond hair with comically huge boobs holding a katana that was stabbed through the first humans head. Of course, this was all done in crayons.
"Isn't it amazing?" He cooed in her ear.
We're like Shakespeare!
Don't you mean Leonardo Da Vinci?
Is that a food?
You're hopeless.
"What the heck, Wade! Clean this up! Why...- nevermind. Just clean this off." She shoved his arms away as she pushed him towards his drawing.
"But it so awesome!"
"It looks like a two year old drawled it!"
She's just jealous of our awesome artistic skillz.
"I can teach you how to draw too, Bell. You don't have to be all jelly!"
Bell's face went red once more, and Deadpool knew if he kept it up, her blood pressure would rise. Suddenly, he started cleaning at the thought. He wasn't stupid, insane, but not stupid. Bell was a diabetic, he knew if her blood pressure went out of wack, it would only risk her feeling bad; he didn't want that at all. Her body needed insulin to work, that included working around with her blood pressure and cholesterol levels. He had seen when she had no insulin, he didn't want to exprience it once more.
"I'm cleaning, see?" He grinned as he rubbed his hands against the walls in the attempt to remove the colorful wax.
She sighed as she gathered her clothes from her dresser. She only had one pair that hadn't been vandalized by the mercenary; which consisted of a white fitted button up shirt and a pair of black leather leggings.
"If you get it cleaned up by the time I'm out of the bathroom, I'll make you breakfast." She offered. He felt his mouth water at the thought of food. Bell always cooked for old Al, but never cooked for him as well. The food she made looked heavenly, he just wondered how it tasted.
"Will you make me chimichangas?! Please, please, please." He chanted as he was at her feet now.
We can get her to wear one of those 'Kiss the cook' aprons! Here's our chance.
"Only if you get your mess cleaned up." Bell replied as she walked into the bathroom, practically closing the door on his face.
Eating chimichangas for breakfast isn't healthy.
Your face isn't healthy.
Deadpool giggled as he touched his mask. Yeah, healthy wasn't a good adjective to describe his face. It's almost like the author wanted to make his life horrible, it would be, if he didn't have his power of being a ninja.
Ninja and idiot are two different things.
Clean-man is my name, cleanness is my game! Let's rock!
He was quick to throw himself back to his feet before studying the wall as best as he could. What is the best cleaning liquids to use?
Baking soda.
He grinned as he ran towards the kitchen and opened the cabinets. Grabbing the orange small box, he waited for his next brilliant idea.
Beer.
Of course! Beer is man's best friend! It's cleans out your system and all the b!+ching.
I think that's suppose to be 'dog is man's best friend'.
It could also be porn. Porn is nice.
YOU'RE INSULTING THE AUTHOR AGAIN!
Deadpool grabbed two of his beers from the fridge, only for them to magically replace themself.
"Gotta love the magic of games."
This is our movie, not a game.
Both wrong, this is our book.
"Ok, what else cleans?"
Bleach.
"Thank you, Squirrel."
When did I become a squirrel?
Deadpool ignored him as he took his three items back to Bell's room. Uncapping the beer bottles, he slung the liquid across the wall, imagining he was a famous artist that was stabbing people. Admiring the Golden liquid dripping from, not only the wall, but the dresser as well. He did the same with the bleach, each time he drowned the wall, he would strike a pose.
We can be a ballerina!
Deadpool giggled as he stood on his tippy toes, arching his arms above his head. Unfortunately, he forgot about the jug of bleach in his hand. The sudden action he made caused the pale liquid to pour out onto his head, running down into his eyes and mouth. Deadpool squealed as it started to burn his eyes and his throat closed up.
"My eyes, my precious eyes! Why?!"
He went to run back to the kitchen but paused.
'Wait! The baking soda!'
On that thought, he turned on his heel. He ripped open the box before tossing it carelessly at the wall. He took off running, not even noticing the sizzling that took place on the wall.
