I think, with no uncertainty, that I think so much because I'm trying to drive myself insane. It's the ultimate suicide.
The death of who you were, who you are, and something else manifests in its place which does a good impression of you, but is slowly distorting, can be free of your self-imposed restraints, or the restraints your parents tried to teach you just to be normal.
It isn't an evil twin, or a copy. It is definately you, only the you that was has died and shattered on the floor like pieces of glass. Living with the guilt of every action and hidden desire, yearning for those you shouldn't and wanting to hurt those who grant you kindness.
Death by simply living. There are coma patients who are alive with no mind, this is no differant. If you die, what is to guarentee there is anything waiting for you, waiting for me?
You don't get the guilt of suicide then, because you didn't cease life functions. Your heartbeat is there, still going. You have a pulse. Everything registers you as alive.
Only its a kindof release, a freedom, an escape just like suicide is.
That's all I'm trying to do. Stop the pieces from falling into place. I want to stop waking up and knowing how the world works.
I don't even care why the world works. The world makes me hurt every single day, with cracked ribs and bruised skin and ever-increasing weakness. I hate seeing all I have become.
I just want to go insane, so I can stop waking up as me and still be alive, maybe as something else.
A drabble of Prisoner Kiryu.
