Author's Notes: Since I got some good reviews and such from this story I decided to actually finish The Greatest of These is Love (TGOTIL) the way I wanted to finish it and add more to it. I guess you could say that it was in beta and now being remade into a longer and better story.
Original story will stay on AO3 for now, but changed here on FF.
It's going to be mostly the same with Kate struggling with her sexuality. The main differences is that we will speculate that she might have been raped by Nathan.
This is just speculation for now until the story develops more.
There will also be another huge change and a personal theory of mine for the video along with a chapter or two added after the original ending with one being Kate's biggest fear which is coming out to her mother.
Also I totally forgot that Samuel is the maintenance guy, so Kate's bunny is renamed to Grace. Sorry I forgot about you Samuel.
I guess trigger warnings for this chapter. I do not go into detail about rape and doubt I ever will. It's just Kate thinking that if it's true that she had sex with Nathan then she was raped.
This is AU/ other timeline, but I do try to keep it as close to the game as possible.
Reviews before 5/22/15 are from the original story before the reboot. Feel free to leave fresh feedback.
Fellow gamers are totally welcomed to add me on Steam if they play PC.
I don't own Dontnod Entertainment, Square Enix, or Life is Strange. It would be hella cool if I did, but nah. I'm just a huge fan. Especially for everyone's favorite pure cinnamon bun.
Please enjoy.
Chapter 1: Jeremiah 29:11
I was woken up by the rays of light from the sunrise. Today is the last day at the hospital and I'm grateful for it. It's been a rough two days recovering from what would have easily been my first and last suicide attempt.
What lead to it? A video. I don't even recall the events that had happened in the video.
I just wanted to have a good time and was curious to see what the Vortex Club was about. Hayden had invited me to join them for a party and I was excited to go.
But what was supposed to have been a good night ended up being a nightmare. Even now I struggle to believe it was me in that video.
When I watched it I couldn't believe it was me. Kissing strangers. I was a slut. Sure, I wasn't having sex in the video. But you don't have to have sex in public to be a slut.
Victoria, Taylor, Courtney and others were awful to me because of the whole ordeal. They wrote "Kate twerks for God", "Kate is a class A slut", "Holy Whore", and "Kate has sex for God" around the school and dorms.
My denying didn't help, but I still can't comprehend it happened. That girl in the video wasn't me. And yet she was me.
Still, I truly believe it wasn't me kissing all those people. No one believed me.
There was also lots of gossip that I did more than kiss and with Nathan.
If this is true I might have been raped. Of course the gossipers don't call it rape since I was "willing" due to the drugs, but I can't help but to feel disgusted with myself if it did happen.
I don't want to think about the idea that my virginity was possibly taken from me. From someone I didn't love. In a time where I wasn't ready. With an unstable mind. I blocked it out to keep my sanity.
These series of events lead to the beginning of a nightmare I could not wake from until Max, my personal guardian angel, woke me.
Speaking of Max, she has been visiting me every day. Leaving me gifts, balloons, my favorite chocolates, and taking care of my rabbit. Max claims I'm a good pet mom, but I feel pretty bad about leaving my rabbit, Grace, alone.
She also brings me notes and homework for the days I've missed in class. Max never writes notes. She usually does doodles. But for me she actually wrote down what was said and done in class. It's really sweet of her.
My father has visited me. He was so worried. I felt awful worrying him so much. He knows about the video, but claims to have never seen it. I'm not entirely sure I believe him, but I'm glad he checked up on me. I refuse to tell him more of what might had happened with Nathan.
My mom hasn't spoken to me since the incident. I'm sure she's upset. I'm not sure if it's because my image is tainted or if she's just worried.
Dad told me my sisters have been busy and wanted to come, but couldn't. I think it's for the best that they didn't come. It feels awful to be so weak in front of those that look up to you.
At the hospital I've been talking to a psychiatrist, Dr. Johnson. Not long after my suicide attempt I was told to talk to him by my doctor.
I was hesitant. I never talked to a psychiatrist and I don't want to be judged more.
I don't want to be mentally evaluated when it's obvious that I'm still broken down.
I don't want to be told what to do to make things seem better since I doubt anything will be truly fixed.
At least that's what I felt.
Dr. Johnson was actually very understanding and kind. He knows about the situation. He said he hasn't had the chance to see the video since it was taken down.
I'm so glad. The video being taken down feels like a huge victory and a step to things being back to normal.
Assuming I could be normal again.
I told Dr. Johnson about the writings around the school, the bullying, my new label as a slut, and Max.
I told him that Victoria and her friends would call me a "slut". That I would "want to hook up with anyone that would let me".
How everyone judged me after watching the video.
And that they would have thrown paper balls at me with taunts.
How even Nathan said that I should comeback for an "even better" time with the Vortex Club.
I feel gross and terrified. I still don't entirely believe that the girl in the video was me.
Even if I was drugged I still have a hard time grasping if that's how I'd act.
I question if I'm secretly some sort of nympho and that drugs triggered my true sinful nature.
Ugh, that would be disgusting if I did do something sexual and enjoyed it.
In all honesty I want to maintain the mental block of the idea of being raped.
I don't want to believe it since there isn't any evidence and I didn't want to take a rape kit test.
I don't want to know the truth. I want to believe that's it's just mindless gossip.
I didn't bring it up since it wasn't in the video. I know that unless I say I might have been raped then the authorities wouldn't bother investigating it.
I think this is best. I'm causing enough trouble already.
So I kept that detail from Dr. Johnson.
I don't know if my life can ever go back to normal. I admitted this to Dr. Johnson.
He said that it's hard to be accepted in school.
I told him about how religious I was. He assumed that due to my religious beliefs I might have been a target for Nathan.
That my clothing were modest which probably made me stand out. He was probably right, but I don't see that as a reason for drugging me.
So after discussing the situation he told me to accept what had happened and try to slowly move on.
If I accept the turn of events and my behavior and forgive myself then I should be able to move on.
Supposedly.
That's going to be a challenge.
He also suggested that to socialize and improve my self-esteem. That I should spend more time with Alyssa, Stella, Warren, and Max. Max. Dr. Johnson asked me about Max. A lot. It actually made me uncomfortable, so I asked him why he was so curious about her.
He said that I always smile when I say her name and an even bigger smile when I talk about her. I told him how she saved my life. How she was always on my side during the whole ordeal. That she believed every word I said about what had happened and protected me from people like David Madsen.
I gave him details on how she saved my life. That I was disgusted with myself and had the intention of ending it all by jumping off the roof. But Max was able to guide me back to reality safely. She was a true friend.
Thinking back it was weird that she knew my favorite Bible verse, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest, Matthew 11:28. I guess by God's grace she just knew what to say.
And it was the perfect verse for what was happening. I was weary and unstable and I relied on Max to help me. I will admit that no matter how I recover my relationship with her will not be the same.
Today's visit with Dr. Johnson is the last one. I walk to the couch in front of him. "Good afternoon Ms. Marsh" he said politely as he's done since I've been here. "Today I would like to follow up on you getting better and what steps you can take to get there."
I hold onto one of the pillows nearby.
He can tell I'm nervous. "Don't worry Ms. Marsh. I promise it will get better. Now let's go over what I said yesterday. Ah, right." He says while looking at notes. "You need to spend time with friends. I know it might be hard since you probably don't want them to see you in this state. But I promise it's for the best." He continued.
"I also want you to especially spend more time with Max. She's a positive influence for you. No matter how bad things get I'm sure you can always look to Max to help you." He shuffles through more notes "I also want you to keep a journal and write out your feelings. It doesn't have to be public at all. Just something to let it all out."
He looks at me for a minute like he was going to suggest something I don't like. "I also have to make you choose, Ms. Marsh. I can either write you a prescription for anti-depressants or you can see me twice a month or you can come see me twice a week with no medication. I can't let you go without either option. I don't want to risk having something bad happening to you."
He paused.
"I promise that either option you choose I will try to make it short as possible, but first your wellbeing is the top priority."
I stay quiet and look away. I'm not sure what I want to do.
Personally, I think his suggestions and prayer would be plenty. Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up,Luke 18:1.
I do feel somewhat comfortable with Dr. Johnson.
I look back at him. "I will just see you twice a week, sir." I replied.
He nods and writes something down. "Okay Ms. Marsh. This concludes our last session while you're in the hospital. I will have you discharged and you can schedule for our next appointment at the front desk." He stands up.
I stand up quickly and a bit shaky from my legs falling asleep. He opens the door and lets me walk out first.
As much as I enjoy freedom from the hospital I am scared of Blackwell. How people will treat me after the incident.
How my professors view me since I went from quiet and studious to school slut and mental case.
How could it not be what the school is talking about? I probably seemed crazy up there.
I will just pray a little extra when I get home and try to let Jesus handle it. I definitely want to see Max when I get there.
I just want to give her a hug and feel safe in that embrace. Even if it's just for a moment.
I sent Max a text telling her that I was coming back today. I haven't sent a message or anything to anyone else. I don't feeling like seeing anyone, but Max.
I'm scared of where I left off Alyssa and Stella. As for Warren. I feel that it's going to be okay with him. His actions seem to be based off of how Max acts anyway. And Max and I are doing well.
I walk off of the bus with my belongings.
My hair is in a messy bun since I haven't had the energy or desire to put it up. I probably look off to everyone. Or maybe no one will notice me.
I'd be grateful if Victoria or Nathan don't notice me.
I get a reply from Max. "I just cleaned out Grace's cage and I'll be in your room waiting. Don't worry. I didn't have anything important today. : )".
After reading the reply I bump into someone. I look up. It's Dana. "Hey Kate." She says. "that's a huge smile you got on your face. Did something good happen at the hospital?!" she seems happy for me. "I'm just glad to be back at Blackwell." I lied.
I'm not happy about being back here, but I'm not sure how else to write off my smile. I didn't even realize I was smiling.
"That's great. Well I have to be somewhere, but hey, let's catch up sometime? Bye." She says while walking off.
I continue to the dorms.
Surprisingly, there's no one in the front. No one hanging out. Even Samuel was not around.
I open the front door and go inside. It's quiet and empty here as well'. I walk towards my room.
I look at some of the whiteboards.
On my right I see Stella's, "Kate, just want you to know you're in our thoughts .". Sweet Stella. I really shouldn't avoid her.
On my left to Taylor's, "Praying for a fast recovery Kate 3". Interesting.
Dana's says "Waiting for you Kate." I wish I talked to Dana more. I rush to Max's board. I'm curious about hers.
"Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night.
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
Blake, for Kate Marsh"
Max is such an artist. I touch the edges of her board. I miss her so much.
I skip Victoria's board.
Finally I come to my room.
I am so eager to see Max, but I look at my board. Even though I know nothing bad will be on my white board it still hurts to remember all the horrible things that were written on it not long ago.
"We miss you. Get well soon. I hope you get better. Blackwell is praying for you. I'm sorry Kate."
I'm sorry Kate.
I can't help but to tear up a little. I didn't think anyone would apologize. Ever. Yes, it is anonymous and on a white board, but it's much more than I ever thought would happen.
Today has been a blessing.
I open the door slowly. On the bed I see the cutest smile on my favorite person. I missed her face so much.
"Hey Kate!" she says happily.
"Hi Max. Thank you for everything. I'm not sure where I'll be without my super hero." I said as she stood up to give me a hug. "It's not a big deal, Kate. I'm just a everyday super hero. Anyway, how are you feeling?" she asks.
"I actually feel well." I said. "I ran into Dana and she seemed good. I actually haven't seen anyone else." "I saw everyone's white boards. Well I didn't see Victoria's, but everyone has said kind messages. But I don't think I'm really ready to see everyone yet." I said as I looked at my hands on my lap.
"No worries, Kate. It can just be us today. Plus we still have to have some tea together. Maybe some movies or something." She looks at me.
She's wearing her white tank top with the doe on it and a light gray jacket. I look at her face. I love how her freckles bridge over her nose making her blue eyes seem to pop out. I also like looking at the shape of her lips… her lips? I must tired.
"I think we should just watch a movie. I'm pretty exhausted." I reply. "Alright. Let me get something for you to just relax." Max says as she gets up to leave to her room.
I lay across the bed.
I don't feel well. At all. I'm aching all over. My stomach hurts.
Maybe I should just skip the movie with Max.
Maybe some sleep will help.
But I'm also afraid. Afraid of someone coming in and yelling at me. Calling me a whore or resurrecting the video. Nathan coming in. Something.
Even with a locked door the doors here are pretty easy to open if someone really wants to break in. Maybe I should ask Max to stay. I don't want to bother her.
I've already burdened her.
I look around the room. It's clean.
Grace's cage is fresh. Everything is nicely put in its place. Like I never left.
Max did a great job maintaining this place. I couldn't ask her for more.
Could I? I shouldn't.
Max walks in with a USB in her hand and her laptop. "Hey, Max?" I say meekly. "What's up Kate?" she asks.
"I don't think I'm in the mood for a movie. I just want to lay down. Just lay down and think or sleep. I don't know. I just don't feel well. I don't want to do anything except just be on my bed. I don't know what's wrong with me. Max. I'm sorry. I don't know." I said as I panicked.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this conversation. I just want to lay down and feel safe.
She looks at me worried. Please don't worry, Max.
"Kate. Are you okay? It's fine if you don't want to watch a movie. It was lame choice anyway. You seem nervous. Want me to stay? We can talk about it or we can just relax." She says worriedly.
"Maybe…. Maybe you should stay. In case something happens. Or something." I looked away.
I feel the bed slowly decompressing from her weight as she gets on. I sense her next to me as I face the wall.
"Don't worry, Kate. It will get better. You matter to a lot of people. Me, Stella, Alyssa, your dad, sisters, your mom, and so on. We all just want you to be taken care of and be happy." I hear her say.
I turn to look at her. Her eyes on mine. I can feel my heart racing. Most likely from the anxiety of this entire situation. I continue to look into her gorgeous blue eyes.
Then my eyes trace her freckles on the bridge her nose then down to her soft, pink, and gentle lips…. Lips? I need to stop. If I keep staring she's probably going to think I'm weird or gay for her or something.
I look back up to her eyes. She smiles.
She stretches out one arm on the bed. "Come here, Kate. I don't bite. Not hard anyway." She laughs. "I'm kidding. Just come here and get some snuggles." She says.
I wiggle closer to her and she wraps her arms around me.
Then I realize something.
I love Max.
I love her more than a friend.
I know I've been in denial about it, but it's becoming so hard to deny it.
I love her so much, but my affections for her are gross.
Homosexuality is gross. It's a sin. It's wrong.
Max is also straight. She'd be so disgusted and leave me if she knew.
I can't let her know.
I feel her arms tighten around me.
"You are shaking." Max says. "I didn't like how nervous you looked either. Just relax. It's going to be okay. It's perfectly fine to just lay in bed. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere."
I start crying while wrapped in the warmth of her arms.
I am scared of Blackwell and the Vortex Club.
Scared of Nathan and his drugs.
Scared of the video and everyone who has hurt me.
Scared of my romantic feelings for Max and losing her.
Scared of everything.
Except Max herself.
She's my only enduring comfort.
My guardian angel that God sent.
I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers mePsalm 120:1
For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.2 Timothy 1:7
