This is a "what if" that started screaming at me while I was watching a bit of Love Me Not again. Since it is speaking loud enough, it gets written. The words in italics come right from the episode.
Forget Me Not
Chapter One
Ben stood on the porch watching Hoss and Little Joe play a game of horseshoe. He was supposed to be doing some paperwork, only Ben had found himself unable to concentrate. Instead he'd found his mind wandering and heard himself sighing. He couldn't help it. He kept thinking about Joan, the young woman the Paiute Indian Chief had given him as a gift. He accepted her only because doing otherwise would have meant her death. It hadn't gone well until he'd let her go and she'd come back of her own free will. Well, it had until she'd fallen in love with him….
"Two worlds," Joan let out a small gasp as she spoke and then with bitterness in her voice she continued, "I have no world!" her words came in small bursts of tears, "Y-you destroyed the world of the Indian for me, and now you've d..destroyed your world for me too!" She'd fled past Ben leaving pain shooting through hid heart as she did so. He hadn't wanted to hurt her; he'd only wanted to help.
"Pa?" Adam, who had walked out the front door and up to his father, looked at his father in concern. From the look on his father's face he just knew the man was thinking about Joan again. If only they knew where she was, Adam would go fetch her, give her a piece of his mind and bring her back just so the two could make peace with each other. Only problem was, no one knew where she was at.
FLASHBACK
Ben, Adam and Little Joe stared at Hoss in disbelief. He had just come downstairs and he was holding the dress that Joan had been wearing the night before. "She's gone, pa. The dress she was wearing when she came here is gone as are her moccasins. She's gone back to the Paiute."
Ben walked over to the window near his desk and looked out. He didn't know why, but he knew that wasn't the case. He had to find her, if for no other reason than to know she was okay. Any thought of explaining what he intended to do to his sons disappeared when Adam spoke up from behind him.
"We should ride out to the Paiute camp and make sure she got there okay. If she's not there, we should at least look for her." Adam felt they had to do that much. After all, somewhere along the line he had started thinking of Joan as the sister he'd never had. His brothers felt the same way. He knew that because they'd told him that more than once during the time she'd been living with them.
Ben turned around and walked out the door saying nothing. Adam and his brothers felt terrible for their father, but knew of nothing else to do but follow him out the door. It didn't take long for the four to saddle their horses and make their way through the trees, around boulders, and up the path that led to the camp of their Indian friends.
"She is not here." The chief's eyes and voice filled with concern. He had not hated the white woman called Joan; he wished her no harm. He had simply wanted his son to marry within his race. Then out of curiosity, he asked, "Why you wish to find her, if she does not wish to live with the white man?"
Ben didn't answer for a moment, as he looked around the camp. Somehow, thinking of how well Joan had seemed to adjust to the world of the white man, he again found himself envious of whatever man should catch Joan's eyes. Finally he answered, "I just wish to talk to her."
The chief nodded and replied, "My people will help you search for her."
END OF FLASHBACK
"Pa?" Adam repeated himself as he took a step closer to his father. It hurt him to see the tormented look in his father's eyes. He knew the man was blaming himself for Joan's disappearance, but what could they do about it now? They searched for her for two weeks; their Indian friends had promised to keep their eyes wide open. But, after a whole year had passed, Adam doubted they'd ever find out what had happened to the young woman.
Ben turned and looked at Adam. He gave him the best smile he could, not easy to do as he kept seeing Joan crying and hearing the pain in her voice as she spoke. The guilt in his heart didn't help either. "Things are pretty slow around here right now. I'm going to go spend some time by the lake." He wasn't surprised when Adam stiffened, nor was he shocked by the words that came out of his son's mouth.
"Pa, you only did what you had to do! You didn't force her to flee in the middle of the night!" Adam's face showed the frustration he felt inside. "Why don't you just let it go!"
"Let what go?" Hoss asked as he walked up to his father and older brother; he'd lost the game of horseshoe to his younger brother and had decided to find out what was rustling his older brother's feathers.
Before Adam could answer, Ben stepped around his oldest and headed for the door. "I'm leaving you in charge, Adam. Don't worry about me."
Hoss frowned as his father disappeared into the house. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden the light went on for him and he looked at Adam. "Joan?"
Adam nodded as Little Joe, who had put away the horseshoes, walked up. "I wish something would happen to give him some peace of mind. None of it was his fault. All he did was his best to give her a future. It's not his fault she didn't take it!"
Silence fell among the three brothers. Hoss and Little Joe knew Adam was right, but didn't know what to say or do to get their father to see it. As for Adam, he was just as much at a loss as his brothers were. It was all so frustrating. If only she had been at the Paiute camp, they wouldn't be dealing with a father who was being all consumed by guilt for simply doing the best he could in a tough situation.
