Hey everyone! This is the last story in the Family series, so I hope you all like it! It starts off right after Ramble On, so you may be a little lost if you haven't read that one. Enjoy!
Hey Dean, I'm really sorry that you're reading this because that means I'm gone, or um, more accurately dead. And I am really sorry about dying, but you know my luck, and with the close calls I've had, I'm just surprised it didn't happen sooner. I'm a cat, but I'm pretty sure I've used up way more than my nine lives, which means I've technically had more time with you guys than I was supposed to. It's lame, I know, but that's the best I can do since this is kind of depressing to write, but I know I need to do it because I'm pretty sure you guys are going to be pretty messed up about my death.
By the way, if you try to bring me back, I'll haunt your ass. Bobby told me all about demon deals and what your Dad did, and I don't want that. It would kill me…again…if you did that for me. I'm not worth your soul or Sam's soul and I don't want you to do that. I swear I'll never forgive you if do that, so it'll be a complete waste if you ignore me and do it anyway. You guys are my family and I want to protect you just as much as you want to protect me.
Ok, so, I know you hate chick-flick-moments, but I'm dead so I get a free pass. I hope you already know that you guys finding me was the best thing to ever happen to me, but you can be kind of dense about that kind of thing, so I'll say it again. You guys finding me was the best thing to ever happen to me. I would have died a long time ago all by myself with no family at all if you guys hadn't found me. I can't even write all the good things that have happened to me because of you guys because I'll hurt my hand or run out of time or something before I get it all written down.
I wish there was some way I could make this better, I know a letter isn't enough, but this is all I can do now. When Rachel died, I would have done anything to just have one thing from her, a letter, a voicemail, anything, and I don't want to leave you guys with nothing since you've given me everything. If something happened to you or Sam, I would want something to hold on to. So, don't get mad and rip this up because you might regret it later. This might help with the whole grieving process, or maybe make you smile one more time, or maybe it'll be a way to remember me. I know it's awful, but please don't forget me. You guys are the best big brothers anyone could ask for. I didn't deserve either of you, but for some reason, the universe didn't agree and I'm thankful every day for that. Dean, you're the best big brother and I'm sorry I couldn't stick around until we all grew old and crotchety like Rufus and Bobby.
Take care of yourself, Dean.
-Alec
He was shaking by the end and his jaw was clenched so tight, he was starting to get a headache and there was a real possibility that he was going to break his teeth. He couldn't think straight, he was so mad.
His head shot up when the door to the motel room busted open, and Sam came in, carefully supporting their little brother. There was a gash above Alec's right eye, and even though his knee was recovered, his bad leg was still shaking with the effort it was taking to hold himself up. He must have been running since that was when his knee gave him the most trouble.
But Sam was speaking before he could even process what he was seeing. "We gotta go, like, now," Sam said in a rush. "This town is definitely anti-transgenic. Saw his barcode and went after him. Group of 20 or so…He called me to come get him, but I didn't take your Baby, so we've got a good head start on them. Dean, are you listening?"
He was only half listening. Seeing his little brother bleeding should have snapped him out of his anger, but it didn't. Of course Alec was bleeding because obviously his little brother had given up, which seriously pissed him off.
Without thinking, he stormed forward and punched Alec in the face. His little brother staggered out of Sam's hold, but did nothing to stop him from grabbing him and shoving him up against the wall. He heard Alec's breath leave him in a whoosh, and Sam yelled his name and yelled 'chisto', but he ignored him and growled, "What the Hell is wrong with you?!"
"Dude…I'm not the one attacking my brother right now," Alec breathed. He could see the tiny hint of fear in Alec's eyes, but he was trying to hide it.
Sam tried to pull him back, but he refused to budge. "How'd they get the jump on you, huh?" Dean challenged. "Did you just let them beat you up? Did you even try to fight back?!"
"Dean get off of him!" Sam yelled, pushing him away from Alec. Sam took a deep breath, and then slowly let it back out, "What's going on?" Sam asked as calmly as he could.
He just glared at Alec.
"Sam, we need to go," Alec said softly. "They're gonna figure out where we are if we don't."
"You need stitches and ice before we go," Sam said, pointing at their little brother in a silent order. "Sit down. You gotta get your weight off your knee for a while." Alec nodded, shooting a quick, betrayed look to him before he limped over to the bed. He knew he hurt Alec, but his little brother had hurt him too. He grumbled a little when Sam suddenly grabbed his arm and forced him to go outside. "Do I need to get the holy water or are you going to talk to me."
"I'm not possessed, Sam," Dean muttered.
"Then why the Hell did you punch our little brother?" Sam hissed, barely concealing his anger.
Instead of answering, he pushed the crumpled letter against Sam's chest and looked away. But he couldn't help but look back to see Sam's reaction to the letter. Sam frowned as he scanned the carefully written words, and then his jaw clenched when he got closer to the end. "Why did he write this?" Sam asked slowly, looking up at him again.
"He's giving up," Dean said.
"I thought we were over this," Sam breathed. "I thought he was doing better…"
"I thought so too, but obviously not," Dean grumbled. "I went lookin' for a shirt since he always steals all of mine, and I found it. There was one for you too, but I only read mine before you guys came back."
"We need to talk to him," Sam said. "And I mean talk, not just hitting him again." He ducked his head knowing he should have thought about it and tried to calm down before he hit his little brother. "Alec's strong, but that probably hurt him more than any injury he's ever had. You need to talk to him and apologize before he decides he should just take off."
"I know…" Dean muttered guiltily.
"Which do you wanna talk about first?" Sam asked. "The letter or sticking around?"
"Don't they kinda go hand in hand?" Dean asked back.
"You want me there when you apologize or not?" Sam asked bluntly.
He sighed and rolled his eyes before he headed back inside. Alec wasn't sitting on the bed like Sam had told him to, which wasn't surprising, but he felt instant panic when he didn't see his little brother. "Alec?" He called out softly. He heard the water turn on in the bathroom, and he breathed out in relief knowing his little brother was still there. Sam motioned to the bathroom and he nodded in agreement before he slowly walked to the door. The door was cracked, but he still knocked before he opened it a little more and asked, "Can I come in?"
Alec didn't say anything; he carefully put in another stitch in the gash over his eye. He was just about to tell Alec that he shouldn't be putting in his own stitches when Sam pushed past him and took over stitching up Alec's cut. Alec's bad leg was still shaking, but he knew he couldn't point it out right now. He'd betrayed Alec's trust by hitting him, and he didn't know how to fix that.
"Alec, Dean found the note…" Sam whispered as he put in another stitch. Alec nodded, but he still didn't look at either of them or say anything. "What's going on?" Sam asked, using his gentle, soothing voice to try to get Alec to talk to them. "I thought you were doing better…You've been sleeping and eating…"
"I'm fine, Sam," Alec whispered.
"Then what's with the goodbye letter?" Dean growled. Alec looked up at him in the mirror, not even bothering to try to hide the tortured look in his eyes. "Alec, what the Hell?" Dean asked, taking a small step forward. He immediately froze though when Alec flinched as though he was going to hit him again. "Alec, I'm so sorry," Dean whispered. "I shouldn't have hit you. I just got mad because you're giving up. You're saying goodbye to us and I don't know why. Why did you go through all that physical therapy for your knee if you were just gonna give up?"
"I'm not giving up," Alec muttered.
"Then-"
"Did you rip it up?" Alec asked, dropping his gaze to the blood covered sink.
"No," Dean said. "Sam still has it."
Alec swallowed hard, but then looked at Sam and admitted, "I can't stay standing for much longer…" Sam quickly helped Alec over to the closed toilet seat and got him to sit down. He wanted to go over and help, but he wouldn't be able to handle it if Alec flinched again. "I know you're mad, but don't rip it up, ok?" Alec practically begged.
"Alec-"
"Don't. Don't rip it up," Alec cut off. He took a deep breath and said, "I was trying to do something nice…When…when Rachel died, I would've given anything to have something to remember her by, something I could hold on to. I've had way too many close calls lately, and I don't want to leave you guys with nothing. And…and I don't want you guys to forget me…"
"Alec, we could never forget you," Sam reassured.
Alec just shrugged, so he jumped in and said, "Alec, you're our little brother. We could never forget about you and we don't want to lose you."
"I'm not giving up though," Alec said. "I wouldn't do that to you guys…"
He and Sam were quiet for a minute, and then Sam said, "I'm going to go get you some ice for your knee, ok? I know it's hurting, and we're gonna have to take off soon."
Alec nodded, not even bothering to try to argue about the ice which meant he really had to be hurting. Sam left the tiny bathroom, leaving him and Alec alone. He felt awkward; he didn't know if Alec was going to forgive him for hitting him or not. He knew Alec had been hurt way worse before, in fact, he'd probably hit him harder on accident when they had sparred before, but this was a terrible thing to do to him. Alec had been abused his entire life, and even though he tried to hide it, it had really messed him up.
"Alec, I'm so sorry," Dean finally whispered. "I should've never hit you."
Alec shrugged again and muttered, "It didn't even hurt…no big deal."
"No, it is a big deal," Dean argued. "You trusted me, and I messed that up. I shouldn't have done it."
"Dean, I'm ok," Alec said. "My knee hurts, but that's just from running for too long."
He walked over to Alec and crouched down in front of him, "I'm sorry, Alec." His brother started to say something, but he wanted to make this clear before Alec decided to never talk about it again. "You don't have to forgive me, but I am sorry for hitting you."
"I forgave you right after you did it," Alec said. "I told you it wasn't a big deal."
He sighed; he didn't know how to get Alec to see that it was a big deal. And what was worse, Alec wouldn't fight back if it was someone he trusted. "Alec, I want you to promise me that if me or Sam ever hit you or try to hurt you, you'll fight back. I don't care if we're processed or not, you need to fight back."
"Did you fight back when I was possessed?" Alec asked. He didn't answer, which was an answer in itself. Alec knew he and Sam hadn't fought back against him while he was possessed, and they would have let him kill them if it meant saving him. "How can you tell me to fight back when I know you wouldn't fight me if I was possessed?" Alec asked.
He didn't have a good answer; he knew Alec didn't want to hear that his life meant more to him than his own, but it was true. He didn't really care what happened to him as long as his brothers were safe. "Just…I don't want to ever hurt you again, ok?" He finally said. "I'm a hypocrite, but possessed or not, I don't want you to ever let me hurt you again no matter what."
Alec's jaw clenched, but he looked down and nodded. He knew his little brother probably wouldn't listen to him, but hopefully he'd never hurt his brother again. "And you know I'd never willingly leave you guys, right?" Alec asked, still refusing to look up at him.
"That letter scared the shit outta me," Dean admitted. Alec finally looked up at him in surprise, so he continued, "You were depressed for a long time…and me and Sam…we thought we were gonna lose you. And you've been doin' better, but I know it still hits you and it terrifies me to think about."
"Is that what your nightmares are about now?" Alec asked softly.
"Sometimes," Dean replied honestly. "Sometimes I walk into the room to find you dead with a note in your hand that says you're sorry."
"I wouldn't do that to you," Alec said. "I can't always handle the guilt, but I'm not going to force an early check out…" His little brother smirked at his own motel room joke and looked at him to see if he thought it was funny.
He chuckled and messed up Alec's hair, and he was overjoyed when Alec didn't flinch away from him. "Alright, you ok if I check you over?" Dean asked.
Alec nodded, but said, "It's just the cut and my knee. Sammy was way overreacting when he hauled me in here."
"How'd you get this cut?" Dean asked, carefully examining the stitches over Alec's eye.
"They were smart," Alec said. "One of 'em saw me, and then they split up. There was an ambush around one of the corners and they smacked me with a bottle, which broke and cut me."
"And then you took off?" Dean asked. Alec hesitated, so he knew that wasn't the whole story. "Alright, c'mon, let me see," Dean said. Alec rolled his eyes and sighed, but then slowly lifted the left side of his shirt. "I'm hopin' you were going to tell me or Sam about this before we took off," Dean said, a warning in his voice.
"I was going to take care of it," Alec defended. "It's not even that deep…"
"It needs stitches," Dean said, moving to look over the deep cut through Alec's skin. "This from the glass?"
"No…" Alec muttered.
"Knife?" Dean asked, although he already knew the answer. Alec nodded, but he wouldn't meet his gaze again. He decided to just focus on cleaning the wound and stitching it up even though all he wanted to do was go find the dicks that did this to his little brother. "I won't rip it up," Dean whispered as he carefully cleaned out Alec's injury.
"What?" Alec asked, shaking himself back into the present. His little brother had zoned out as soon as he'd picked up the antiseptic, which he knew he would do since he did that a lot when they were patching him up.
"I won't rip up the letter," Dean repeated. The relief Alec felt was obvious; his little brother really did want to leave something for him if the worst happened. "I'll give it back to you once Sam gets back, ok?"
Alec nodded and smiled just a little bit. "Thanks for not ripping it up…it was hard enough to write that the first time."
"I just hope I never have to read it again," Dean said with a sad smile.
"I hope not either," Alec agreed.
"Hey, so I've got the ice, but I think we should- Alec, what the Hell!? You didn't tell me about that one!" Sam accused.
"It's fine," Alec reassured. "Dean's patching me up, and then we can go."
"Alright, well, um, we can ice your knee in the car," Sam said.
"I've just gotta put in a few stitches, and then we can go," Dean said.
He gasped in pain as he was punched hard across the face. He knew better than to fight back since that would just make it worse, but pretty much anything he did would make this worse. If he flinched, he was punished, if he made any sound of pain, he was punished, if he spoke at all, he was punished. A heavy boot kicked him hard for the gasp, making in collapse to the cold concrete.
He wanted to sob, to run and hide, to do anything to make this stop, but he just had to take the beating. He just wished he knew what he'd done wrong.
"Get him up," someone ordered.
He was forced to his feet and pushed up against the wall. His legs shook under his weight, but he managed to stay standing. His blood dripped to the floor, but he kept his eyes up like he was supposed to.
He was examined; he heard them say he had a broken wrist, some broken ribs, and a sprained ankle, but he was in so much pain, he couldn't really tell what hurt the most. Someone suddenly grabbed his wrist though, causing him to cry out in pain.
Someone punched him again, and the whole thing started all over again.
He startled awake suddenly when someone touched his shoulder. He flinched away from the contact and scrambled back to get even more distance.
"Hey, hey, hey," someone tried to soothe, but he just curled up in a ball and tried to get further away. "Sam, I need some help…"
"What happened?"
"I tried to get him to wake up, but he flinched and got as far away from me as he could."
"Dean, it's ok, he probably just had a nightmare."
"Or he's scared of me since I hit him…"
He heard someone sigh, and then another hand gently touched his shoulder. "Alec, can you hear me?" He recognized the voice, but part of him could still feel the pain from the fists hitting him over and over again. "Alec, c'mon, we're at a motel, so we can eat, and you can lay on a real bed…"
"Here, put this on him, it'll help."
He was enveloped in warmth and the scent of leather, smoke, and gun powder. He knew that scent…
He slowly opened his eyes and saw his brothers in front of him. Sam was right next to him while Dean was outside of the Impala, keeping a safe distance from him. He looked down and saw that Dean's leather jacket was draped over him.
"Hey, you with us again?" Sam asked gently, putting his hand on his shoulder.
He nodded and mumbled, "Sorry…"
"It's ok, let's just get you inside," Sam soothed.
"I'm alright," Alec whispered, slowly untangling from the ball that he'd curled into. His muscles hurt from being so tense and his knee was still sore from running for so long, but the worst part was that he could still feel the phantom pain from all the previous beatings he'd been put through.
His brother looked like he didn't believe him, but he didn't call him on it. Instead, he helped him get up and kept him steady once he was on his feet again. He quickly shrugged Dean's jacket on since he didn't want to give it back yet. It was fairly obvious that Dean was keeping his distance from him, and he felt bad for flinching again. He did forgive his brother for hitting him, he just couldn't stop flinching for some reason. He knew Dean wasn't going to hit him again, and he felt stupid every time he flinched, but he couldn't help it.
"Alright, you're just going to lay on the bed and ice your knee," Sam said as he helped him get situated on the bed. His brother propped his knee up with a pillow and got him the blanket from the closet. "I'll find something on the TV for you to watch, and then we can order a pizza or something."
"Or I can go out and get some burgers," Dean suggested from the doorway.
"Pizza sounds good," Alec said, refusing to let Dean take off if he could help it.
"Ok, I'll order some pizza and get you some ice," Sam said, getting up and leaving the room.
"I'm sorry for flinching again," Alec said as soon as Sam was gone. "I just had a nightmare and it didn't have anything to do with you."
"What was the nightmare about?" Dean asked, still refusing to move anywhere near him.
"It was just Manticore," Alec said. "Nothing I haven't been through before."
His brother still didn't look convinced, but he did walk a little closer to him. He snuggled further into Dean's jacket and tried to forget about the dream. He wasn't there anymore. He was free, and he stayed with his brothers. He was fine.
Except he wasn't fine. He couldn't block out the memories like he normally could. He needed to go out and do something, but his knee really was hurting, and he knew his brothers wouldn't let him leave right now. He just had to try to forget about it.
All his life he'd been beaten, and it had started to seem normal until he wasn't there anymore. And Dean hitting him once shouldn't have caused him to relive things from Manticore, but it did. What if he couldn't stop flinching every time Dean was around him? Dean was his big brother, he didn't want him to disappear because of this.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean asked, gently shaking his shoulder. His brother was right next to him now, which meant he'd completely zoned out because he hadn't seen him move.
"Nothing," Alec replied quickly.
"Yeah…that was convincing," Dean sarcastically replied.
"I don't want to talk about it," Alec said. Maybe if he didn't talk about it, he could forget about it faster.
"Ok," Dean easily replied, but then asked, "Do you want to share with me or Sam tonight?"
He smiled just a little since his brother knew he needed to be around someone tonight if he was going to get any sleep. "I'll share with you," Alec said, scooting over and maneuvering the blanket out from under himself. Maybe this way Dean would quit blaming himself for what happened, and he could figure out how to stop flinching every two seconds.
Dean helped him get comfortable again, and then said, "I'll wake you up when the pizza gets here."
"Thanks Dean…" he mumbled back, already half asleep.
"Dude, how long's he been asleep?" Sam asked as he walked back in. He held out a coffee cup to him, which he gratefully took.
"Goin' on 13 hours now…" Dean said.
"Well, it's safe to say he still trusts you," Sam said, walking over to his own bed and sitting down.
Alec snuggled against his side again, but he still didn't wake up. His little brother was clinging to him like his life depended on it, which maybe in whatever dream he was having, it did. "Or he's so tired he doesn't care who he's sleeping next to," Dean said.
Sam rolled his eyes but didn't argue with him. "Did you get any sleep?" Sam asked after a minute.
"Nah…but I'll be alright," Dean said. "I think we can still make it to Indiana by nightfall…but we'd have to wake him up, and I don't know if I wanna do that."
"I don't see the point of going to Indiana in the first place," Sam muttered. "It's not like we're gonna hunt…"
"There's somethin' weird goin' on in Indiana," Dean said.
"I should've rephrased that," Sam said. "It's not like me and Alec are gonna hunt."
"What're you talking about?" Dean asked, playing dumb. He had hoped Sam wouldn't catch on, but his brother was too smart for his own good.
"I'm talking about how you're still carting us around the country, you wait until Alec's asleep, make up some excuse for me if I'm still awake, and then disappear for the night," Sam said. "You've done it in the last four towns we've been to."
"I'm just goin' out for a beer, no big deal," Dean said with a shrug.
"So, me and Alec can't go out for a beer too?" Sam challenged back.
"Alec's still taking painkillers," Dean said. "Shouldn't mix painkillers and alcohol, you know that Sammy."
"And yet we still do that," Sam said.
"Look-"
"I already know what you're doing, Dean," Sam cut off. "You're keeping Alec from hunting and you're trying to hide it from him."
"I'm not keeping Alec from doing anything," Dean said. That was a lie; Sam had hit it right on the nail. He was trying to keep Alec from hunting because he wanted to keep him safe. Alec got hurt on almost half the hunts they went on, and it wasn't because he was bad at hunting, he was actually awesome at hunting, but he had bad luck. And there were times Alec tried to protect him and Sam and got caught up in the crossfire. It was safer for him if he stayed away from hunting.
"You either need to let him hunt or quit sneaking out," Sam said. "He's gonna figure it out sooner or later, if he hasn't already."
"Sam…it's safer for him to keep him away from hunting," Dean explained.
"And what do you think is gonna happen when he figures this out?" Sam asked. He just shrugged, so Sam said, "He'll start going on his own hunts by himself, which means we won't be able to protect him at all."
"His knee's still bothering him," Dean pointed out. "I don't wanna make that worse, especially since he went through so much to just get back to this point."
"His knee only bothers him when he runs too long," Sam said. "He just needs a couple days rest, and then he'll be fine to hunt."
"I'm just gonna let him sleep," Dean said.
"So, you're gonna stop sneaking out, right?" Sam asked to make sure.
"Yeah, I'll stop sneaking out," Dean grumbled.
"And you'll let Alec hunt?" Sam asked.
"We'll see…" Dean muttered.
"Dean-"
"I'll get someone else to take the case in Indiana," Dean said. "I think it's vampires again, Sam. I don't want him anywhere near vampires…"
"Dean, you know everything that happened to him was just a bunch of freak accidents all rolled into one, right? Henriksen thinking he's you, getting chased by the cops, the crash, getting locked up, having seizures, and then all the blood loss, Dean, any of that happening by itself would've been fine, but it all happened at once," Sam said. "All I'm saying is, he can handle vampires. He can handle anything we hunt, so you need to stop freaking out."
"Fine," Dean sighed.
"So, you'll let Alec hunt, right?" Sam asked. His brother knew him too well…
"Sam, I'm the oldest. I'll decide when we should hunt again," Dean said.
"Dean, what else can we do?" Sam asked. "We've gone to the Grand Canyon, we hit up Vegas, we went across the country to see Niagara Falls…I don't know how many more distractions you can throw at him before he decides he's bored."
"Oh, come on, you know it was hilarious when we stopped at the biggest ball of twine," Dean said with a laugh. Alec's face had been hysterical when they'd stopped, and he'd pretended to hold him back, claiming that he was going to go cat crazy. He and Sam had laughed about that for hours while Alec tried not to laugh but failed.
Sam rolled his eyes, but he was trying to hold back a smile. "Ok that was a good one, but I'm tellin' ya, he's gonna catch on."
"Just let him sleep," Dean said. "We'll hunt again eventually."
Sam finally just shrugged back and grabbed his laptop. He just let Alec sleep against him and decided to wait for a little while longer to start really hunting again. He didn't want to read that letter Alec wrote ever again.
Let me know what you all think! More soon...
