Honest confession of masturbation
Author notes: The picture: when you work out too hard :D Title speaks for itself, this is all true, 0 fiction. Stop reading if you feel offended. Since I wrote so much porn, I thought I could make an entire story, just about my inspiration and history of what I´ve seen, since it might be funny, or disgusting. One of the two. Also there is like tons of references, so if you have nothing to do like me, feel free to check some out.
Why don´t I get anything done...Body whispers pilot, great short video about dick, being the reason.
As Malloy from the cartoon Brickleberry once said "But you guys will jerk of to anything." so that´s about it, but I really recommend you this series, it´s great.
Funny fact, did you know that about 1% of porn world wide is Czech?
BEGGINING
I was like 10 or 12 when I started masturbating and never got bored of it. The very first weird feeling in my pants was when I was watching some bodybuilders. I know right, weird.
The first porn I can remember was quiet hardcore. I mean literally it was called Arias nailed hardcore. It had everything, sexy dominant girl, cool smooth music that reminds me this video whenever I hear it, many different and courageous positions, long endurance, pussylicking, ass licking, dick licking...yea porn actors like to lick a lot. And squirt all over the place. When I think about it now, It might have had influence on my to see something that hardcore. Till today It is one the hottest things I know.
It was 30 minutes long and first time I saw it I played the video from 7 minutes till the end and from pure horniness I played it again. Then I tried to use my hand to simulate the movements of that vagina from the video and I came within 2 minutes. Heh good old times and memories.
Also once I played the video again with speakers up and my mom was sleeping nearby. Aria was moaning so loudly, she woke her up and I got caught while masturbating. Damn troubles I´ve gone after that. She asked me if I´m not too young for this :D I probably was….
Now I feel I have to see something really hardcore to get myself hard again. And it has to be stronger then the things I saw before, it feels weird to have that need.
Okay now you probably thinking, damn that guy should get a life. And you are probably right, but well my life is games/series/movies/porn.
So my pornographic preferences are hentai, squirt and teen.
"NORMAL" PORN
this short section isn´t special in anything, but is so damn sexy. Kimmy Granger likes it rough was great, since the actress took it as fun, moaned a lot but begged for more and that guy just gave her. And the second video is fucking hot. No literally, find: fucking hot. And it is.
HENTAI
The best hentai videos I have seen was Bible black, which even had a story and fun fact, Bohdan Tůma was dubbed the protagonist in czech. It was drawn kinda roughly, but it is over all nice 6 episode hentai series. + new testament and origins as spin offs. It was full of demon mutations and futanari gangbang.
Another great hentai was Swing out sisters, which was half hardcore, half kinda cute/adorable. And some of those scenes were just perfectly executed.
Another short but good hentai was 2 episodes of dirty laundry.
One of the best 30 minute hentai is fela pure. It is a bit weird, contains piss drinking and treats the woman as personal toilet, but it was so damn hot.
There is also many others, but these popped up in my mind first.
SQUIRT
There is many videos of girls squirting and I just like to jerk off to that. My favourite ones from some reason is Aria, from understandable reasons. Czech estrogenolit 03, super squrit orgasm in czech casting, girl gets money for sex which you can find on pornhub, there are many different names of that video, but also czech bitch likes it hard, cumming all over the place, wanting more #so hot.
Eau D'twat was very hot. Another one was can you count how many times I squirt. And then actress Bonnie Rotten, which plays it dirty and naughty. And those tattoos like spider webs on tits. Damn girl.
And the craziest of them all Angela Stone compilation of biggest squirts ever, which was quiet extreme, she does it like a fucking hosepipe and screams like she is being tortured.
TEENS
This is not going to be that long, since the first one I remembered was Little Caprice, which now works for xart and well is not so little anymore. Yea I might have some thoughts of pedophilia, but that´s not that bad.
Another one is a blonde girl from site home girls party, which had a small tattoo on her pussy. Don´t know if I can count on her as a teen but probably yes.
And last great young pornactress I remember was Teen Kasia, hot polish bitch with perfect ass and gorgeous moans. Mainly the videos when she rides static dildo and the one when she gets fucked by a pink dildo in hand.
ABSURDITIES
Once I saw some torture porn in which they used a screwdriver to put screws in female breasts. That was disgusting.
Another one was a naked guy sat on a glass with his asshole and shattered it inside his anus. I bet he shit bricks for month .D
Once in a while I look at some horse porn. Those sites grew bigger since back then. Not just some blowjobs, but really brutal horse fucking. So yea a piece of zoophilia inside me.
PORN PARODIES
Honestly, I saw few of them and the only good one was the south park parody, since it had some jokes in it. But there is damn parody of everything, simpsons, bug bang theory, batman, south park, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Avatar, avatar 2 that had its parody before it was made, Scooby Doo, Games of thrones which could be considered by porn as original, but they added some jokes which I can´t remember, suicide squad had one good: A math teacher walks into a bar and thinks. If three people is treesome and four people are foursome, I guess I am just handsome. So yea there are many of them, and some are kinda good, but they just don´t work for me. Don´t know why, maybe I am just overflown with porn and the scenes just don´t work on my ding dong.
GAMES
Anyway I don´t know if it was before or after that video, but I also liked to play some erotic games, since they were interactive. I used to go trough some servers, like superhry, and gamepark. There were the shitty games like strip her, which was just an accuracy training, and also the stupid dress up games when I undress her and be like yey boobies, pussy and that was about it.
And then there were the good erotic games. Like Sasuke´s quest, which was anal action with characters of naruto. Also Trinity was great game, it wasn´t long, but it was hot.
Another great one was kristal the teacher, which was surprisingly well executed compared to the other ones. And that had one simple reason...Zone made it.
Then there was the Britney and hentai girl series of games which were kinda good.
Can´t forget about love saber like a parody of star wars, which is one of the best lesbian action games ever. Then the ghost – yea the plot is that a ghost is fucking a girl. It was good.
Jandora was also kinda good.
And then there was speedmaster, which was an arcade where you chose a girl and based on how far you got, the more of her picture got revealed. But the game was great, not because of the porn, but because of the gameplay.
Nice hardcore porn game was Motoko vs Batou, that was well very nice...#Zone
My current favorite site for erotic games is cdg games, since there is so many of them. And as I wrote about Zone, they are literally the best. Almost all of their games/videos are just so fucking hot.
But to point out some of other great ones, that were not created by Zone, there are Button mash milf quest, which is incest from my little pony, the quotes suck(plunder my dungeon, speedrun me :D ), but the visual aspect of the game is amazing. From my little ponny there is also double the fun, which was kinda good.. Also MSA2 Rainbow round was kinda hot, with a really good joke, that the creator of this game is not responsible for global crisis caused by creating tissues.
Crowjob in space, well WTF its furries and gay shit/shemale, but some of the scenes are great and it gets updates every once in a while, adding new scenes. So yea that´s kinda good.
And then there is h0rs3, a creator of furries jerking off animations, but those cumshots are just perfect.
Rock Candy created 2 games with Rudolph the reindeer getting laid, while the second one was very hardcore and long.
Freako is an artist who made a lot of porn and also some animation of Ellie from the last of us. But I prefer his pictures.
There is also greatly written, but not so well animated undertale porn game in a style of point and click adventure. Which has multiple endings but damn 11/10 would fuck a pie again.
There are hundreds of other porn games out there, but there are my favourite and I guess I wrote enough about them.
PICTURES
For this section I have to quote few rules.
rule#34 - "If it exists, there's porn of it – no exceptions"
rule#35 - "If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made"
rule#64 - "For any given male character, there is a female version of that character." this also works vice versa.
Back in the days I used to go trough various cartoon porn sites, that all lead one to another, since the pictures were mainly leading to another site. Well now I just go trough .net
Why? Because it is nicely divided into categories and there is over 1,6 million of hentai pics by the time I am writing this story. There is also free registration so I could upvote and comment of some of them. And I´m not the only person on planet who did that, people are perverted pigs like me and it´s a lot of them actually.
And I visit this site at least once a day, because every day there is like 600 new pictures. And some of them are really hot, even professional looking, that could be used as wallpapers for some special kinda of interior. If you are wondering what I like, just search: upvoted_by=jelcin and there will be by this time something like 650 pictures. And the name jelcin, it is the name of protagonist of my all time favorite adventure game Ztracený ostrov, he was voiced by Jiří Lábus.
Since You can find it if you want, I won´t type the pictures, or characters, but artists.
Shadman...he draws some fucked up shit and his pics aren´t really to fap on, but there is something magical about them in a really nasty way. He also has a youtube chanel where he draws and gives motivational speeches that are pretty outstanding.
– I really like his art style and few of his comics and pictures.
Incognitymous – Well he made a lot of it. Mainly ben 10 and those pics are mostly quiet good.
Rapetacular – talented artist who made some decent gravity falls and how to train your dragon porn.
Area – He is great, able to make a 50 pictured porn comic without even showing fucking. But that comic wakfu was just perfect.
Animopron – mainly known for his Lara and horse animation, that is way too hardcore and retarded, but I still like it, I guess if you put those 4 episodes together you would get like an hour of animated horse porn.
Zonesama – best animations that´s pretty much it.
Blargsnarf – he makes something from everything and has some decent pics if they are not gay or fucked up.
Freako – Great art style, mainly drawing Last of us, Teenage mutant ninja turtles and Futurama porn.
Fixxer – He made few good jungle book and How to train your dragon pics.
Tooners – Made some Looney toons porn pics, that look kinda dirty in a nice way.
Jimmy – Made tons of The Simpsons porn, that looks great.
BigDad – Draws big Dicks.
DarkDP – He made a lot of Danny phantom porn and even few comics that are one of the best.
Slappyfrog – quiet good animations of his creation are there, mainly Family guy and American dad and some comics.
Dick Hammersmith – Made by my oppinion the best How to train your dragon picture of all time, so much details.
Chromosomefarm – He has some weird art style, but it is still kinda hot, also HTTYD.
Fluffy – The best Simpsons artist out there, creator of Simpcest.
Sallyhot – Quiet unique art style of sonic the hedgehog.
Jabcomix – They have decent art style and created quiet good porn comics.
Ahbihamo – Drew some very cute simpsons porn.
Palcomics – Nice pictures and comics of mainly Sonic the hedgehog
OrangeBox – Original art style of mainly The Simpsons.
SamBot – Draws nice pics of Sonic, well actually Tails.
Jay Naylor – Made a lot of good furry comics.
Croc – made a buch of simpsons and family guy comics, that are pretty good.
There are sure more talented artists, but these are all I was able to go trough with my laziness. If I had to point one out of them all, I would say Zone.
COMICS
or comix whatever is right.
So yea, I also like to read porn comics. Usually there is not much story in them but the pictures follow each other. And I guess I could throw some here, based on the universe they are from.
League of legends: When the servers go down – it was very long like 180 pages but it was quiet good. The wolf and the fox is probably the best one of warwick x ahri and yea its intensive 40 pages of hardcore porn.
Princess Mononoke had also one decently made porn comic.
Sonic the hedgehog – There is over 150 comics from this universe, mainly by palcomic and mobius unleashed, but to point out the best, I would say furry bomb, which isn´t that great, but has this lazy ass graphic and is kinda hot, at least the first issue. Brotherly love is short but great comic by sallyhot. Strange affair 1 was good because of the female dominance and incest. Saturday night fun 1,3 and 4 were really well drawn. Jinxed shadow was a crossover with teen titans, but I just like that comic very much. That´s a bad fox felt really nice, pushing it to the limit. Tails Mishap paradise is a comic, kinda poorly drawn, but still very hot. Classic and modern love was another great comic, based on sonic generations, so there was the little sonic and the old more mature sonic, they really executed that idea well in this comic. This is all I can think of from Sonic the hedgehog.
Looney tunes: Train ride – sexy young bunnies fucking hard, great 19 page comic.
Adventure time: Misadventure time 3 – vault of boners was pretty cute and hot.
Kung fu panda: Better late then never – It is one of the longest comics I have ever seen. If I wasn´t lazy enough I would even understand its story behind all those sex scenes :D
Gravity falls: Gravity balls made by Shadman was one of his works that was actually hot, also incest. Grabba-These Balls - Pining For Dipper was kinda rough but still quiet hot. And lastly Gravity Fucks - Nothing Is What It Seems, which was 30 pages and it was decently good.
The Simpsons: Magic pills was a comic that got a remake, both were great Bart x Edna multiple times with viagra. Simpcest – definitely the best Simpsons porn comic made by Fluffy with full orgy of Bart, Lisa, Marge and Hugo.
Overwatch: Girlywatch is a comic made by sinner, Brian x almost all of the female characters in a home orgy
Goof troop: Goofed up – well max x roxie in kinda cute way. Goof trap 1 by jab comix was rough and good, even caught in the end.
The last of us: Ellie unchained 1 and 2 by freako is decently long and well made, but is kinda brutal, including murders.
The loud house: Sister and Brother – set in one of the episodes its a great Lincoln x Lynn porn comic that gets a little hardcore.
Undertale: Under(her)tail is more less based on the game and isn´t colored, but still is great and kinda hardcore, drawn big with female dominance. And It even continues with some well not that great, but still good additional pictures.
Wakfu: Vanilla Wakfu is made by Area, 31 pages and its getting hotter with every page. Also feels so kawai.
How to train your dragon: How to satisfy your dragon is bisexual comic of Hiccup, Toothless and female night fury, despite its colorless, it´s one hell of a hot fapping comic.
Danny phantom: Song of lust and The sleepover both made by DarkDP they are great with his style, bunch of incest and orgasms.
Wreck it Ralph: The honeyglows made by palcomix and its quiet hot.
Sure there are much more, but there are my favourite.
WRITING
Well we are finally getting to why am I doing this. Since there is never enough porn on the internet, I decided I can write some, because it can´t be that hard. After I read some stories, mainly the sex part, by for example moshyman and shadowsteel18, I felt like I could enjoy writing something like that, so my first story Having fun on a trip was this Hiccstrid porn story I wanted to get out of myself and since people liked it, I kept on doing more chapters, where basically nothing happened, it´s all about the smut.
But also when I read the earlier chapters and stories, I feel how I improved my writing. Great feeling it is. Also I don´t jerk off to my own stories. Well I do when I imagine them and writing them, but not while reading them afterwards. It just doesn´t feel the same as in my own imagination.
I have commented on some of the replies on my profile so the feedback keeps me going.
So over all I think that your own imagination is the greatest source of fapping material, since only you can decide what is thrilling for you the most. No kind of written piece of art, picture, comic or video is not gonna do it for you.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
This one is probably gonna be the funniest. Or the grossest. When I was younger, I experimented a lot, probably like everyone else. So some good advices into the life: don´t taste your own piss or cum, its gorse.
Also if you are male, you can jerk off just your glans with short little movements and you will still be able to cum from it, but the consistence of your jizz will be different. It´s worth a try, but I prefer the normal way. Also when you are about to cum, do it in the toilet, it helps you a lot so you don´t have troubles cleaning it.
Another good life hack is to have a box of tissues near your PC. Whenever you want to clean your desk, face, glass of water, when you have cold or when you get horny. So box of tissues is a must have. It also helps a little to masturbating when you have cold.
What stupid shit have I tried...oh yes I tried to fuck a toilet paper roll :D not the brightest idea, it wasn´t pleasurable at all. Another rather unpleasant experience was sticking a brush into my asshole. When I pulled it out, there was blood on the tip of it. That day I reassured myself I never want to have put something into my ass ever again. I can´t go to jail...
Few times when I was very horny I came like 7 times within 1 day. Keep it hydrated and drink a lot of water.
Once I also used my own cum to lubricate my cock in order to fap again without a break. It felt good, but I wasn´t able to do that, since my mom and granny were nextdoors talking. If you do this, note two things, first, you will sweat like a pig and second, your hand will be really dirty.
If you feel it hurst, just stop. Once I had this crazy urge to just finish myself, but a bloody bruise began to appear on my foreskin. I should have stopped, now its scratched forever till the end of my life.
I also used to jack off on various different places, like at home, at the dentist, in school, cottage, training ground, at granny...damn when I think about it, I might have a problem .D
I also have this short funny story, One female classmate talked about a game she can´t make a progress in, so she invited me into her house, only her little brother was there. So we played Prince of Persia Warrior Within, one of the best games ever and I managed to make some progress. Then we curiously went to search for some erotic games. I was like 10 or younger so, no idea what to do, anway we played, until her parent came in, so I said hello, goodby and went home.
Another one is from the cottage when me and neighbors son were again playing some of those lame juicy erotic flash games and another neighbor daughter came and asked what are you watching at? When she saw what was on the screed she insulted us for bing perverted pigs. We kept on watching anyway.
Also some final info about me: I´m completely straight, never had a GF, got balls to cum 7 times but not to ask one out.
FINAL THOUGHTS
(when I´m thinking a lot on very unimportant things)
And when I see how happily my grandparents are I don´t even know if I want one. My parents got divorced when I was 4, but my father keeps visiting us, so there is probably a time when man and women in relationship start to hate each other. Grandpa speaks to grandma with a diminutive. Just as he opens his mouth she shouts at him "Shut up" or "Leave me alone" or "Go sleep" in such a hatred manner. And my grandparents from fathers knee are basically the same.
As they grow old, everything hurts them, they keep repeating how fucked up the life is, despite they are totally fine. So yea like 40 years together, all the love is gone forever I guess.
This thought I purely retarded: If you fuck a girl, where you fuck her? Mouth is full of swarming bacteria and sharp teeth, ass is even more dirty then mouth and pussy might give you a disease, or worse, kinds .D Even with condom, mistakes happen, but yet this is retarded up to the roof.
Talking of kids, well I hate kids to be honest. They scream all day all night, the responsibility, endless amount of money and time you have to put into them. And why do people even make kids? Not to get bored in their relationship? Well to my parents it worked...for 4 years.
Maybe I am not taking it too much into detail but this is how I see it.
Also one last virgin thought, It is a common trend of importance of losing your virginity. But why? Is it really that necessary and should I feel sorry for not breaking that milestone (which sounded a bit ambiguously) in my life yet? Or should I be happy for the milestones I broke already?
Another retarded thought is buying a hooker, which would be contradictory much cheaper then having a girlfriend.
Well I guess I got all off my mind so thanks for reading it and maybe if you feel like it, comment in reviews section.
Author notes: Damn my life is so empty. I spent Hours writing this shit, going to the bathroom several times during that. Well at least everyone knows now and if I get Alzheimer disease, I at least will know what I used to like. Maybe I should study instead...nah.
THE END
