Mom, my dad's dead.

Chris Chambers covered his face with his arm as he lay in bed, trying so hard to close out the sound of his brother's tearful slumber in the next bed. Mostly though, he wished he could just stop thinking and start dreaming.

His dreams were deeper and brighter now that his dad was gone. He could snuggle down under his wool blanket and fall into a complete, restful sleep. He didn't have to lie awake, too scared to close his eyes, waiting for his father to stumble into the tiny bedroom and take out his alcohol induced rage on Chris or one of his siblings. The North Star wasn't just a reminder of ignored wishes anymore. Now he could look up at the starlit sky and thank God.

So why couldn't he stop reliving that one, bittersweet evening in his mind tonight? His thoughts followed his memories, remembering how he came home from a movie with Gordie to a silent house. No radio, no slurred commands or expletives, no sound of another can of beer being cracked open. Nothing. He ventured into the house praying to God, to all the saints and angels and everyone else in Heaven to please let his mom be okay. Please make her okay, God, don't let him hurt her this time. Then he remembered seeing the back of his dad sitting in his stupid, ugly easy chair, a cigarette burned to ash between his fingers and his arm splayed out limply across the side of the chair. He remembered cursing God then--God couldn't be as great as they wrote, not when He allowed this drunk slob to live so he could just sit and not be sorry, ever, at all...Despite the fright shaking his knees, Chris heard himself whisper Dad? in his memory, and still, after all the times he'd played this moment over and over in his head, his father never answered. Chris watched himself cross the room and kneel at his father's feet, terrified--

"Chris?"

The sudden intrusion of the voice and the garish light penetrating his welcomingly dark bedroom caused Chris to jerk into an upright sitting position. "Mama?" he whispered, just now noticing the film of sweat on his forehead.

"Oh good, you're still awake," his mother said softly, smiling. "I was hoping you would be."

"What's wrong?" he demanded, tousling his short, sandy brown hair.

"Nothing, nothing," she assured him, resting her slight figure against the door frame. "I wanted to ask you the same thing though. What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You barely said anything tonight when Liam and I made the announcement."

Chris sighed. "Well, congratulations, you know, I just, it was a bit of a shock--"

"I know," she intervened. "But you know money is really tight, Chris. Tighter now than even back when your father was blowing it all on booze. And Liam is such an amazing man."

"Is he?" Chris interrupted.

"Yes, Chris," she said firmly, offended and taken aback by her son's uncharacteristic skepticism. "He's great. You don't know him, I guess."

"I guess not," he replied flippantly. "It's hard to get to know a guy you've only met on two occasions. I mean, gosh, I don't even know what he likes to do for fun, or what brand of beer he prefers."

"Enough," she snapped. "Don't you start comparing him to your dad. It's not fair. I just want your approval, Chris. It means the world to me."

"If you want approval for getting used up by some man again, you've come to the wrong son." He looked at her significantly, loving her with no remorse. But he melted when he saw her heart plainly on her face. It didn't take much to hurt her these days. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, her chin held squarely. "Get some sleep. Oh, and um, it would be nice if you invited your friend Gordon to the wedding. It'll just be a small gathering, but I know he's practically like a brother to you, so--"

"Okay, Mom. Thanks. I'll ask him."

She smiled faintly, and then looked sad, as if being forced to surrender as she gently closed the creaking door shut behind her.

Chris eased himself back down, sinking into the soft comfort of his sheets and pillow. He brought the blanket up to his chin, trying not to think of his mother's downcast eyes shadowed by her dark, rustled hair as she left him alone. God, she made him sad, but she could be so frustrating.

No wonder he couldn't stop thinking about his abusive father tonight. With news of a new man picking up where Mr. Chambers left off, Chris wasn't so sure that the whole hell wouldn't start all over again.