A Letter to Hephaestion

My Dearest Friend,

I have been sitting here thinking about you today. It seems several things happened that have reminded me of you.

Someone told like a funny story that I know would have made you laugh out loud. I can hear your laughter now in my head, full and rich, your eyes filled with happiness and tears. We shared a lot of laughter in our twenty or more years, did we not? Every now and then I will hear something or catch a familiar scent, small things that take me back to happier times with you here to share them with me.

They say time lessens the pain of loss. Some days I am fine and can get through the day with some ease. Others are not as easy. But there never is a day that goes by that I do not think of you several times a day. You are always at the back of my thoughts.

Do you know what I miss the most? I miss your mind. Sounds a little silly I know. I loved the talks we used to have. The conversations that forced me to question my actions, review my thinking and confirm my convictions. I can't tell you how much I appreciated your honesty with me. I may not have always been happy with what you said but I never questioned your integrity.

Sometimes when we talked I could see doubt in your eyes when I told you my plans but you never openly opposed me. You didn't have to because that look alone would make me rethink my actions more thoroughly and constructively. I trusted your judgment in all things completely. You were my conscience, my honesty and my humility…you still are.

I miss your touch, the warmth of your body next to mine, the softness of your hair, even how cold your feet were in the middle of the night. One of my biggest regrets in my life was not spending more time alone with you when you were still here with me. I put to many other people and things between us over the years and for this I am truly sorry. I would give my entire kingdom to spend one more night with you, loving you, holding you tight and making you feel as needed as you truly are.

Your beauty has always taken my breath away. The years did nothing to diminish the weakness in my knees I would feel when you would first enter a room. I could get lost in your eyes and die a happy man. Thoughts of you naked still send goose bumps up and down my spine. But I can still close my eyes and see you before me, smell you and feel you.

But for every inch of what was on the outside, it couldn't match the depth of your beautiful soul. I have never met another like you and will not see one again until we are reunited. And we will be together again, of that I have no doubts. I told you once you would never lose me and I mean it more now than I did then.

We will be together always.

So I want to thank you for still sharing my days with me even now. I still feel you beside me every day in spirit and deep in my soul. Thoughts of you still calm my troubled mind and keep me sane.

I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this but it makes you feel closer to me,

at least till I can see your beautiful face once more, hold you in my arms and whisper how much I love you for eternity.

Until then,

Yours forever,

Your Alexander