So this is my first fanfic to be posted here and I'm excited to get some feed back on it. I know that it's a slow start, but stick with it and I know you'll love it.
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: As much as I would love to own the rights to the fine, fine Dimitri, I don't and all rights go to Richelle Mead. But on the other hand, I do own Riley Naomi Hathaway, Caleb Mason Castille, Daniel Rivera, Liam Brayden Adams and some others, but you'll just have to wait to meet them :P
Why does the world seem to hate me? Why does everything wrong seem to concentrate on making my life hell? And lastly…Why me? These thoughts echoed and repeated gaining volume in my mind. Over and over and over again until I found myself clutching the sides of my head tightly between my hands. Enough!
"Enough of what Rose? Are you okay?" Lissa asked me in a sweet voice with a worried look on her face. I didn't even realize that I yelled that out, I thought all my thoughts were locked deep in my subconscious. After all I was supposed to be paying attention to me surroundings guarding this room. I guess I was losing my mind…..figuratively speaking of course. (I've been losing my mind literally for the past two years, and let me tell you, it's not as fun as it sounds)
"I'm sorry Lissa, I didn't realize that I said that out loud. Guess that all the stress lately is getting to me." I told her trying to put of air of nonchalance into my words, and I thanked whoever was allowing my little white lie go unnoticed. We left the conference room we have been stationed in for the past three hours and started on our way back to 'Her Majesty's' royal housing. (notice the implied eye roll)
"Oh" she said a little upset that I hadn't come to her with my problems before this point, or so I thought. She was getting better at hiding her feelings and putting a mental block up. But in all seriousness, I didn't want to worry her with my problems, she was Queen of the Moroi society. She already had a lot on her plate.
"You know, I don't like that you keep your problems to yourself. I don't care if I am Queen, you are first and foremost my sister and best friend, anything that bothers you or stresses you out, is important to me. You are important to me. You and Christian and Adrian and Eddie and Mia, you are my family and nothing will ever change that. You know this, I have told you this many times, and you can read my thoughts about this matter." Seeing the darkness in the back of her mind making her babble, I immediately pulled it into myself knowing I was going to regret this later. Putting it off as nothing I continued our conversation.
"Wow Liss, I still can't believe that you are able to brush minds like Oksana could, it's a weird feeling having my own ability thrown back in my face." I told her sticking my tongue out at her while she had a sly smile on her lips. "I know that we are family and I know that the rest are our family too, but my problems are exactly that, my problems, and you have your own to think about. Anyways, most of my stress will go away once they leave." I wasn't the only one that could hear the sneer in my voice when I said the word 'they.'
As she passed the stationed guards and opened the door to her house she gave me the look saying that I should probably work this out with him but I was on a role and the darkness was just adding fuel to the fire burning inside me. Just the thought of her even thinking about siding with him and his problems made me snap.
"Do you know how hard it is to keep from sight not only myself but my daughter as well? How hard it is to see him and run away? Especially since every time I get comfortable with our routines, they show up or you have to go see them, and I have to stay behind or go away again. I'm Rosemarie Elizabeth Mazur Hathaway, I don't run from anyone or anything! I have 32 Molnijas, and 9 battle stars. I am the most feared guardian besides my mother and that's only because she can tell me what to do and I do it out of respect! I am the head guardian to the Queen for crying out loud! AND ONE STUPID MAN CAN TEAR ME DOWN TO NOTHING!"
I was yelling now and nothing was going to stop my rant. I wanted….no …needed to hit something and my breath was coming in short deep gasps. I knew that I should calm down, that the darkness was adding to my anger, but I was passed that point.
I was still breathing heavily and thinking about all of the things that have happened since then. I knew that I was getting more and more worked up. Suddenly I felt a fear; a softly building amount of fear derived from….. well me. It was then I started to realize who was around me, and what was happening. That fear wasn't coming from me, but it was coming from Lissa. Without even trying to I was calmed down in an instant. That was the effect my sister had on me, bringing me back to myself.
"I'm sorry Liss I didn't mean to yell, I let the darkness get to me again, I'm just glad I didn't go around punching people this time" I laughed to myself while thinking about the last time I let the darkness get to me. Let's just say, that guardian put in for a transfer as soon as he got out of the infirmary…oops.
"Yeah, wouldn't want you getting arrested for beating on the Queen now would we?" she laughed and we both fell onto her bed clutching our stomachs as that thought passed our minds.
Her palace bedroom was decorated in red and gold. The thick red curtains were pulled to the side and held back with a gold embroidered rope like cord. The walls were wallpapered with a red and gold floral print design and the décor in the room just added to the royal feel of it all. After three months of Lissa being announced queen and me becoming the head of her guardians, things had gotten pretty hectic around here. Sometimes, I still couldn't believe what we pulled off. Just two teenagers, two best friends, two sisters; and we turned the entire court upside down.
"Alright Liss, it's 11 AM and you have four meetings with the moroi council and guardian council tomorrow. I think that it's time to call it a night, don't you think?" I turned into serious Rose. I could feel in her mind that she didn't like when I turned serious because I had become that Rose shortly after 'the incident' and fun times were few and far between.
"Vasilisa Dragomir you know that I have changed since then, but you also know that I will always be your Rose. The same one that took you away for your safety, the same one that will and has died to keep you safe. You are my sister and if keeping you safe takes being serious now that you're queen then so be it" I finished breathing hard. You know, I'm beginning to think that breathing throughout rants is a necessary thing.
"I know that" she said with a slight frown upon her face, she could probably feel that I was upset because she brings it up every time we talk about anything having to do with her duties. "It's just, sometimes I wish that you didn't have to be serious. That you didn't have to die for me, or that we could just be ourselves together, not having to deal with this shit!"
This is when I realized that the darkness was coming back. "Liss, have you been practicing lately?"
She didn't answer me at first and just looked down to her shoes; which were pretty cute. They were low black heels with a chain on the side that looked good with her pant suit….…..focus Rose! I looked back up to Liss and made her look me in the eyes with a serious look on my face. I knew how hard it was for her to deny me things like the truth even if it was something that we had talked about before.
"I'm sorry Rose, you know how hard it is to stay away from my powers" she looked dejected and upset with herself. I couldn't stay mad at her if my life counted on it.
"I know. I see you struggle with it all the time, just….just let me know when you are going to be practicing so that I can be ready for the darkness. I don't want to be hit with it and lose it in the wrong place. You know that I love you but I have to go work off this darkness now. I'll be here at 7PM to pick you up for breakfast and meetings. Love ya Liss" I said as I was walking away, not letting her get in a word.
I could feel the guilt about me having to take her darkness away through the bond, but I shut it down there. Since I was head guardian I usually worked late, and I had two and a half hours before I had to pick up my daughter from daycare. I was going to use them.
I made my way at a near sprint to the closest court gym. There were about 4 or 5 gyms throughout court, and I just needed somewhere to vent steam. I saw the doors fast approaching, and any normal person would have slowed down, but me being me I plowed through the doors glad no one was there to witness my about to be break down.
"Rose, Rose, ROSE!" I hadn't heard someone calling my name out, apparently I was in my own little world punching this unsuspecting dummy. "WHAT?!" was my only reply. If this person was smart they would slowly back away not looking like a target. When in these blind fury's, it's best to let me go at it uninterrupted.
I was halfway through the third set of combos and I hadn't bothered to tape my hands. I knew that if I stopped now and looked down, there would be blood there but, I couldn't care less. The darkness enveloped me in a black cocoon. Everything I looked at had a red tinge to it, and I was ready to kill all the dummies. It was like I could see and hear everything, but movement and control were not there.
All of a sudden I was hit from the side….hard. Hard enough to be taken down to the mat in an attempt to be subdued. Immediately survival 101 instincts kicked it. I started thrashing about and attempting to seriously injure this..this..this thing sitting on my chest. I was faintly aware that people were shouting my name and familiar faces were around me, but none of that mattered. The darkness had a firm grip on my reality and everyone turned into the enemy.
I don't know how long he sat on my chest, but eventually I was able to remember that it was my long time best friend sitting on my chest. "Eddie, if you don't get off me right now, you are going to regret it when I make your sorry ass do extra training with the royal guards" I said attempting to keep a straight face but failing miserably.
"There's the Rosie we all know and love" he replied pulling me from my spot on the floor after climbing off of me. "But seriously, are you okay? You've been here for 5 hours and your hands well…they aren't really normal looking anymore" he whispered as he hugged me.
That's when I looked around the room noticing that Lissa was standing behind the royal guards. They had been notified of my darkness 'problem' and how I took it from Lissa to keep her sane. They were all looking at me with pity in their eyes. Something they all knew not to do because it pissed me off to no end.
"Well what are you all standing there for? Help me up and get the queen back to her chambers it is 4 PM and she has a long day ahead of her" I nearly screeched at my team hating the looks I was getting. Immediately they turned into the stoic guardians I knew and started walking away boxing in a frustrated Lissa.
"Wait, I need to heal her first! Stop walking now, and let me go to my best friend!" She was over tired and crazy emotional but they let her through. As soon as she touched my skin I felt the hot and cold calming effects of her magic pulsing through me.
"Thanks Liss, I didn't know how bad I hurt…WAIT A MINUTE! You said I was here for five hours?!" They all nodded looking afraid at why I was shouting. "Where the hell is Riley?! I was supposed to pick her up two and a half hours ago!" I screamed at the room full of people. They all seemed to relax and my rather violent outburst and two even chuckled. As soon as I turned my glare on them they stopped and straightened up pfffftttt newbies.
"Don't worry Rose, I called Mia and told her to make sure Riley got picked up and she is at our place now" Eddie said knowing that I was on the verge of freaking out that my baby wasn't with me when she was supposed to. All because I couldn't get ahold of this darkness.
"Thank you so much Eddie and Lissa, thank you for healing me. Eddie is it okay if Riley stays at your place tonight? I'm sure she's already asleep." He told me that was fine and turned to walk out of the gym to his house. "Oh and Eddie?" He looked back to me just as he was walking out of the gym. "If you ever, and I mean ever call me Rosie again, I will cut your "man bits" off with the knife in my boot and feed it back to you. Is that understood Guardian Castile?" He visibly gulped at the mental image and managed a nod in my direction before taking off out the door. As soon as they swung closed we all started dying laughing at the look on his face as he left.
