Prologue

She looked at the three choices in front of her and down at the shimmering child made of stars. Her heart pounded harder than a Krogan's running feet. Her wounds kept bleeding out and sharp pains were radiating from her ribs. She bit her sliced up lip and felt a stinging from the cuts. One eye was nearly closed shut and one arm was broken. She took a deep breath and it felt like a thousand tight strings around her diaphragm. As a bigger realization began to settle into her gut, suddenly her wounds ceased to hurt her. No matter what her choice was, she would not be returning to Earth, or the Normandy. She never imagined it ending this way. In reality, she did not know what to expect when she suddenly appeared in an unknown part of the Citadel, with nothing to see besides her ravaged planet. Her mission for the past four years was to protect and serve under the Alliance. She wished for the galaxy to be safe for her, her lover, friends, and family as well as everyone in the future. She was getting what she had wanted all along; peace. Yet still, her heart ached.

"Come back alive" his voice echoed in her head, lasting for what seemed an infinite amount of time.

I'm sorry, Garrus. I'm so sorry.

She shook her head of the growing emptiness she felt in her chest. This wasn't about her; it was about saving the entire cosmos. This was her destiny, to die for her people. She was lying to herself if she thought she was not terrified. Within the same moments she had to make a decision on how the Earth should be saved, she had to make her most heroic sacrifice in order to save the Earth. If she delayed herself any longer, a heart attack would surely kill her in the next few moments. The choices stood out in front of her and the starchild next to her waited patiently. Despite the exponentially long descriptions of each, she was only able to see them as colors in the simplest of terms. Red; she looked towards the right. Blue; she looked to the left. Green; she looked forward. She bowed her head. She was not contemplating her choice, she was simply taking it in; her last seconds. She suddenly felt relaxed. The war was off her and everyone else's shoulders. She even smiled at the thought of the world finally being rid of the reapers' attacks. The time had come. After a long few moments, she lifted her head and thanked whatever God there was for the chance to save the Earth and universe, giving it a better tomorrow.

Chapter 1

Pacing: That's all he could do. The white walls only seemed to become whiter if that was possible. Why did they have to wait out here? He didn't make eye contact with anyone else from the Normandy's crew as it only tore a bigger hole inside him, his eyes stayed in the direction he was walking, the white, white wall. They should be in the room with her, alive or not. Or not, deep breath through the nose and out through the mouth. He counted exactly how many steps he took across the room in each direction; 5 across and 10 to the sides. She saved us, for spirits' sake, she didn't want doctors, she needed her friends, Garrus thought to himself. His hands were clasped tightly around his back and his heart thumped nervously against his chest. His own talons dug into his palm and he felt a thick liquid on his palm. Shit. He squeezed his palm into his newly ordered armor. He never had anxiety much that is until the love of his existence decided to sacrifice herself for the greater good; the love of his existence he was hell bent on protecting or dying by her side.

After what felt like an eternity, a voice broke the silence like a soft feather. He almost didn't notice he was being spoken to. "Garrus, perhaps you should take a seat. We don't know how long this could take."

The turian stopped abruptly, annoyed his routine of pacing had been thrown off and turned towards Liara. She stared at him with her intense asari eyes, hands folded tightly in her lap. Garrus took a look around the room for the first time in over an hour. Besides the white walls, several lounge chairs lined up along the wall. Vending machines were against the opposing side of the room next to water fountains. Generic pictures of the Earth were hung up on the walls. It was a holding room in an Earth hospital; one of the few that survived the reaper attacks. Garrus finally looked at the rest of the crew; next to Liara was Tali, reading a magazine, then James, propped his elbow on the armrest of his chair his hand resting on his face, and the last chair held Cortez, sipping water he just bought from the vending machine. Against the wall adjacent to Garrus was Javik, dissecting one of the pictures with his ancient Prothean eyes. Joker had taken up the sofa taking up the other side of the room, napping.

Sleep was something that had eluded Garrus since the reaper attacks. After a quick look at the rest of the crew, he had not been alone. Things could not be unseen from that day, in more ways than one. The turian spent countless nights modifying his guns simply due to the fact he hadn't had a good night's sleep since...since the night before the final battle. His mandibles seemed to tighten when Shepard's face crossed his memory.

"Garrus"

Liara's voice pulled him out of his daze.

"Later" Garrus murmured.

"You're only going to work yourself up even more-"

"Let him be, Liara." Kaidan walked into the room at that moment. "Everyone has their own ways of trying to pass time" Kaidan spoke gently, sitting down in the empty seat next to her, the seat that had been meant for Garrus. He sounded as exhausted as he looked. The two men shared a glance. Garrus never felt any grudges toward Kaidan after he returned to the Normandy crew. This did not rule out the fact that Kaidan was not his favorite human; in fact he was probably really low on his list of favorite humans. In that moment, Garrus knew that Kaidan was the only man in the room who could understand what it was like to lose Shepard, a woman he once loved. The only difference between the two was Garrus wasn't ready to give up on Shepard if she was alive or hold anything against her decisions. If it wasn't for Shepard's forgiveness with her former flame, he probably would have shot his face off any chance he got. He cracked the tiniest of smiles. Killing something with sniper sounded like the best type of therapy right about now.

Liara's brow furrowed as she glanced at her turian friend once more; Liara worried for everyone she ever held close even if they did not wish to listen to her or accept her comfort. Garrus caught her eye once more, sighed, and said "I will be fine." She stared at him, unconvinced but nevertheless, resumed searching her Omni tool for more information.

The pacing continued for another 15 minutes until finally, "Keelah, I need some fresh air", Tali said, standing up. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the masked Quarian skeptically. No one could see her expression but Garrus could bet she was rolling her eyes inside her helmet, "It's what the humans call 'a figure of speech'" She said, with her fingers going up in air quotes. The humans in the room smirked, except for Joker, he remained asleep. As Tali went to open the door, Garrus stopped in his tracks.

"Wait for me, I'll join you"

Tali nodded her head towards the hallway, as if expecting Garrus would say that.

The turian huffed; he was becoming too easy to read. He spends way too much time around humans.

Tali turned and walked down the hall slowly. The hospital was busy with the buzz of machines that kept several survivors temporarily alive. Unfortunately with the loss of proper medicine, many of those who could be saved were forced to die to make room for someone who could possibly, maybe, be saved as well. The cycle was unfortunate and grim; it had been going on since the reapers were defeated. It was the last thing from a happy ending.

The two reached the end of the hallway and looked out into an Earth city, ravaged by their ancient superiors. Tali shook her head slightly, letting out a breath she seemed to be holding. Garrus could not look at the destruction. Four months had passed since the reaper attacks. Bodies of all different races still carpeted the ground. The cleanup process was slow and sickening. Day by day, buildings were demolished and started from the ground up. The only vehicles on the streets were makos. Of all the vehicles that were destroyed in the attacks, the Makos of course survived.

Suddenly, he was thrust from his position, toppled back by a mako. Pain surged through his chest and legs. He cried out in pain and frustration. Less than two seconds later, Shepard was dragging him to cover. "Joker I need an evac now!" Garrus shook his head, bringing his hand to his forehead. The memories surged back. Her blue eyes bored into his. "No matter what happens; you know I love you." He reached his hand out to her but it was too late, she was running back towards this destruction. We were supposed to be in this together.

Tali sighed, bringing Garrus back from heartbreaking visions. "You'd think after four months, they would have made more progress on the cities here." Despite the mess, the sun still shined over the land. As if near destruction would stop it from rising and setting every day. Not a cloud in the sky either. The clearness just emphasized how much the war was over, even if it was metaphorically speaking so.

"The humans were always the slower race than the rest of us. Without any help from AI's, repairs are going to take longer." Garrus spoke. The moment the wave had hit, destroying the reapers, EDI shut down. They soon found out it was not just EDI who, for lack of a better word, died but all the AI and VI technology ceased their operations. Joker had been silent after EDI's passing. Despite Garrus and Tali, the Normandy's local tech experts, reassurances that they will find a way to bring EDI back online, he simply slipped into a deeper depression.

"Do you really think she's in there?" Garrus looked to Tali, taken back by the drastic subject change in the conversation.

"...I don't know. I don't know what I would do if she wasn't in there" Garrus said in a low, even voice.

After being able to bring the Normandy back online without EDI, Kaidan took control of the ship and took the crew back to Earth. With no comm systems in operation, they didn't know what to expect. After a hard few weeks, the ship found its way to the Sol system and Earth. Once off the ship, the crew was informed of Shepard's presumed death as a body was not found. As much as Garrus had already accepted her death, it still hurt to hear it from Admiral Hackett, himself. Since then, the stealth ship and crew had been grounded. No one could return to their home planets without the mass relays or a ship for that matter. Most of the crew, besides those who waited today, went their separate ways. Helping repair the Earth and keep the peace as much as they could. Without the need for extreme, lengthy, risky missions, the crew was exposed to supply runs for the Alliance. Killing off mercs were the new "fun" missions. Garrus almost sneered. Killing mercs were the equivalent to watching paint dry.

Garrus's Omni tool beeped with an incoming call. Liara's face appeared and she looked rather excited. This was not a happy excited, more a nervous excited. "Garrus, Tali, Chakwas has returned with news about Shepard, come here immediately." With his heart in his throat, the turian nearly sprinted down the hospital hallway back to the room. Tali followed close behind.

As they entered the room, Chakwas turned towards them and motioned them to take a seat. Impatiently, Garrus leaned forward in his chair, resisting the urge to shake the physician's shoulders, demanding what had happened to Shepard. She took in a deep breath, her expression was unreadable. She rested her eyes on every one of the crew members before resting her gaze on Garrus.

After a long pause, "She's alive." Relief, gratuitous relief, washed over the Turian and he felt more grounded than he had in months. His heart was in his ears. Although when he looked back at Chakwas, pain crossed her face. What was it? Was she paralyzed? In a coma? Diseased? What was it? His relief left him as quickly as it came. If he were human, his face would have been pale as stone. "But, there is something you should all know." she continued slowly, letting her words sink into each and every one of the crew. "While the commander has basic knowledge of her surroundings and herself…" Garrus felt himself sink into the chair, something was seriously wrong. "Her own personal memories are gone in a form of amnesia."

Liara turned her gaze to Garrus but the turian remained still, his eyes begging Chakwas to be joking, despite how sick and twisted that joke was. Her face did not waver at the news she gave. The doctor looked as if she could break down at any moment but was merely holding herself together for the sake of the crew.

After a long silence, Kaidan surprisingly was the one to break it, "permanently?"

Chakwas snapped out of her ghastly expression of inexpression and said "We can't be too sure, we are still running tests. However we cannot permit any of you to see her at this time. She is still taking it all in. We are spoon-feeding her information about what has happened bit by bit. Once we deem she is comfortable enough to be surrounded by her friends and family, you will be permitted to see her"

"Well when would that be exactly?" Garrus's voice rose. "We've only been convinced the past four months that she was dead and since you decided to tell us now that she was alive; I think it's only fair we see her." Her nearly growled his anger prominent. Inside the hurt he felt only grew. He grimaced to avoid breaking into despair.

"I can't tell you when, Garrus. I know this hurts all of you. I promise, once she is more stable, you'll be able to visit with her. It could be from as little as a few hours to as much as a few weeks. You're all welcome to stay here until more information is given on her condition." Chakwas said with her hands clasped behind her back. She seemed very strained against saying what she really felt about the whole endeavor. She looked around apologetically and exited.

Once the door closed behind her, Garrus followed.

"Where are you going?" Tali said, grabbing his wrist. He yanked it back, a little too harshly. He didn't answer, just followed the doctor.

It could be worse; she could have been dead. She could have been paralyzed. She could have been in a coma. But it was worse. Shepard did not know what she did for the Galaxy, what she sacrificed. There was one thought that could not shake out of his mind, the moment Chakwas let the words past her lips; she didn't remember him. As selfish as the thought may have been, it was nothing short of the truth.

When Shepard recruited Garrus to be on her team for the last time, he soon realized that she was what gave his life more meaning. She gave him hope, hope for peace in this messed up Galaxy. She never wavered from her determination. She never let her disappointments control her stance. She didn't let the war change her, it only made her angrier and more hell bent on saving us all. Reunited, they were unstoppable.

"You're alive" her voice echoed. She was shocked, surprised, and relieved all at the same time. Humans, so easy to read.

He took her hand in both of his and stared her down, "I'm hard to kill, you should know that" her hand was warm and rough. Gun powder was smudged on her cheek and she was still struggling to regain her composure as she had just taken down multiple husks in order to get the Comm towers back online. He had been listening in on her ever since communication was restored. Hearing her voice again, reawakened him. He rushed back to camp. Ever since he had heard about the attacks on Earth he couldn't stop worrying if she had made it out on time. He should have known she was hard to kill as well. She had the tiniest of smiles on her face.

He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. Chakwas' face replaced Shepard's, instead of a smile, there was despair in her mature, aged eyes. He hand rested on his, "Garrus, please, I know this is hard-"

"No. You're bringing us to her. She needs us" he stressed, trying to hide the begging in his tone.

She sighed, closed her eyes, and removed his hand from her shoulder. She looked up at him, "Us or you?" She asked, gently. Her expression was sad, looking as if she could cry.

His heart sunk. Again, he had not been thinking of the crew. Shepard meant everything to him; he was letting that control his actions. He couldn't help himself, out of all the ghastly things that had been happening around him, Shepard being alive is something that can make everything not seems so grim. "Please" he whispered, letting the full effect of begging slip into his voice. He shut down his mask of anger and showed her the reality of his depression. If Turians could cry, he was close.

After a few moments, Chakwas face broke and revealed how heartbroken she was as well. She took his hand in hers and gently pat them, comforting. She looked at him, resigned, "alright, Garrus. You just cannot speak with her, not right now."

He nodded. Seeing her was a start for him. She nodded for him to follow and remained silent. His heart pounded in his chest. Garrus didn't care if Shepard couldn't remember him. He remembered her. He was determined to do anything to get her memory back. He wanted his girl back.

Chakwas stopped at a wall nearby and slid a separate plate on the wall away to reveal some kind of scanner. She took her ID out of her pocket and scanned it. The device beeped three times and the wall opened up to reveal an elevator. No wonder he couldn't find any elevators or stairs in the building, they had tightened up the security to a whole new level. They entered and Chakwas hit the uppermost level. The elevator began to move at an exhaustingly slow pace. The Turian wanted to groan. Of all the conversations that had happened in elevators over the past few years, he'd prefer this long journey to the top of the hospital was not spent in silence. There was nothing to say besides waiting, as if he were hanging off a cliff only being held back by a thin wire. He could not stand waiting anymore.

The elevator dinged and entered a special treatment section of the hospital for all higher up military personnel. There were few rooms. And it was amazingly quieter compared to the hustle and bustle downstairs. Chakwas led the way down a hallway. It was blank; it looked like it used to hold pictures and plaques underneath them. There was something suspicious going on. Garrus ached for his assault rifle he had left outside with security. They had confiscated all of their weapons before entering the hospital.

They reached the end of the hallway to a door. He wouldn't really call it a door, rather it was surrounded by different bolts of metals with a small window revealing the words "Military Psych Ward: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY." Chakwas slid her ID through a slot on the side of the door, it beeped like the elevator, and the door opened automatically. The smell of anesthetics hit him like the force of traveling the mass relay. He had to step back a moment to take it in. The air was stuffed and thin, it was almost too difficult to breathe. Chakwas turned back to him, "would you like to turn back?"

He shook his head, already adjusting to the change of environment. The heavy door shut behind him with a loud clank. It reminded him of his times in C-Sec, watching perpetrators be hoarded into their cells. The room split off, the walls became clear, showing patients in hospital beds, some were unconscious, others were speaking with doctors, and some were shaking erratically with the doctors holding them down, nurses shooting needles into their arms to slow them.

What if they had been doing that to Shepard when she arrived? Was her mind slowly killing her? Causing her to harm herself? Were the doctors holding her down, shoving needles in her arms? Letting out high pitched screams and desperate pleas for help? He shivered, despite the warm temperature of the hallway.

The scenes in front of him and his mind were endless. The more of these patients he saw, the more he only saw them as Shepard. A patient caught his eye; she hopped off her bed and slammed against the glass. She screamed indeterminable words at him. Whether she was angry or scared, he didn't know but she slammed on the glass violently. Despite her looking nothing like Shepard, he saw her blue eyes and her hair became a dirty blonde. Her skin became pearly and the voice was replaced by her rough tenor melody. "Garrus, help!" She screamed at him. "I don't know why I'm here, please! LET. ME. OUT" Her voice ringed through his head, if it weren't for the cool hands of Chakwas, he would have broken the glass.

"Garrus, she's not Shepard, relax or I'll have to take you back downstairs" she used more pressure on his arm than she could have. He took in a sharp breath, released by the gaze of the crazed patient. After he blinked a few times, the patient looked as she did before approaching. He looked back at Chakwas; she was no longer his friend but rather a stern medical professional. He muttered an apology, whether it was to Chakwas or the patient, he wasn't sure. She released him and continued down the hallway.

They reached a final door at the end of the hallway. The doctor didn't open the door but rather turned to the left, Garrus looked where she pointed and there she was. Shepard sat on a bed, reading a data pad. She was completely unharmed, no scars, scratches, or signs of trauma. Her dirty blonde hair had grown and was draped to the small of her back. She was wearing a white V-neck t shirt that loosely clung to her skin. Her blue eyes were divulging in the screen she was reading, dissecting every little piece. It was the same expression she had whenever she had learned new information, calculating it and understanding what to do next. His heart dropped in his chest as he realized the woman he had believed was dead for months was sitting there, just a couple feet from him. Shepard. She didn't belong in there; she belonged out here, with him, the crew, and the Normandy.

The Turian began calculating their escape plan. He could easily break open the glass, take her in his arms, and run. Chakwas was a frail but a little hit to the head would only knock her out, nothing more. Getting to that elevator would get complicated, he could hack it to get them back down to the ground floor. After that, who knows? He huffed, trying to work grand theft auto (or grand theft mako rather) into the equation.

While he was plotting their escape, Shepard's eyes shot in Garrus's direction. He felt his heart go into his throat. She was looking at him with a frustrated sort of curiosity; she was trying to understand who he was. She got off the bed and slowly walked up to the window. She stood just inches from him; the glass window was the only thing separating them. He put his hand up to the glass, hoping that she would understand his pleas for her, reeling her to know who he was. Come on, Shepard. She didn't notice his hand, just kept looking ahead.

Chakwas interrupted them softly, "don't bother; hers is a two way mirror. She can't see you or hear you for that matter." Disappointment sunk in his chest. The more he looked at her the more he realized that frustrated curiosity was directed at herself. She was trying to figure who she was. Her eyebrow furrowed the way it always did whenever she was frustrated.

She scratched her head and returned to her bed without another look. She didn't pick the data pad back up, just pulled her knees to her chest and looked out the window. Pain was streaked across her face, she hated being stuck in there, he could tell.

"Doc, isn't there anyway she can come out? She's miserable" he murmured, waiting for her to disappear. She rest her head on her knees. He could only imagine the loneliness, the alienation. She had been in there for a solid four months, with nothing familiar except for white walls. Doctors in white coats checking in on her. The only familiar face was Chakwas and she probably didn't realize who her old friend was.

"She needs to be eased in, Garrus. Even I only get limited time with her right now," she sighed.

"That doesn't seem right" he paused for a long moment, considering the question he was going to ask. This may be his only chance to talk to her about it. "Is there any other problems? I feel like there's more than memory loss here." As he spoke, Shepard had begun twitching ever so slightly. The two froze in their conversation. He felt his throat start to tighten and his chest became hollow. Shepard's hands went to her hair, tugging hard. Her twitching turned into convulsing. Garrus winced as he saw her open her mouth. He assumed she was letting out a scream. He was thanking the spirits he couldn't hear it. A blue aura began shimmering around her skin; her biotics were overloading.

"Shit…" The doctor cussed. If there wasn't so much excitement going on, Garrus would have been real shocked at her vulgar language. Chakwas took her collar in her hand and began requesting immediate assistance. Shepard fell over onto the floor and continued to have a seizure. Blue bursts of light shot out of her body, breaking lights and knocking over equipment. Chakwas began pushing Garrus towards the door.

"Garrus you have to leave, it's not safe here" she yelled as she kept towards the door.

He stood strong and held his ground, "Like hell I am! She needs me. She can't be in that room anymore!" He growled at her. Chakwas refused to give into his intimidations

"You need to leave" she stressed, attempting unsuccessfully to budge the seven foot Turian. "You can't do anything for her" she seethed.

Anger raced in his veins. He looked at her with fire in his eyes. He took her collar, dragged her, and held her against the wall. Fury was laced into every syllable "It'll be a cold day in hell when I walk away from Shepard when she needs help. I'm staying and you're not going to stand in my way" this wasn't the calm, collected voice he had been using. It was the same voice he used in his vigilante days. Archangel seeping through his subharmonics.

Chakwas said nothing, genuinely surprised that he was threatening her. Before she could say anything, Garrus heard the tiniest crack. They looked over to see the two way mirror had been fractured. The fracture cracked once more. "Oh shit…" He muttered, his threatening tone all but gone. He threw himself over Chakwas as the window shattered. The first thing he heard was an ear-piercing, blood curdling scream. The next thing he knew, Garrus and the doctor were thrust the opposing wall by Shepard's haywire biotics. All the air in his lungs were knocked out in a solid "oomph!" Chakwas was unconscious against his chest. Garrus lit up his Omni tool and checked her vitals before getting up. She'd be fine. He was met once again by Shepard's biotics. More prepared, he fought against waves of dark energy. It felt like invisible 100 pound weights were being thrust against his body. His chest met a tingling sensation each time he was hit with more biotics. He struggled to get his hand on the wall by Shepard's room. The energy forced him down to one knee and he was at a stalemate. He couldn't get any closer with the biotics overloading.

Garrus looked up and did the only thing he could do. "Shepard!" He yelled out to her. He held out both syllables in her name and let all of the pain of her death into one foul cry. He began yelling her name once more. Twice more, He began saying her name in tandem with the interval of her screams. In the never ending force of her biotic meltdown, Shepard continued living in her nightmare.