Crystal Visions: The Life of Sybill Trelawney DeMystified
By Rita Skeeter, Acclaimed Author of The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore
Necromancy? Alcoholism? Lesbianism? Inappropriate use of charms on frogs? Before she became famous for the Prophecy that led Harry Potter to vanquish You Know Who, Sybill Trelawney led quite the scandalous path. Join me as I uncover the juicy details of the life and death of the Prophetess who Saved the World in a ten-chapter Tell All! ======================================================================
REVIEWS
"An absolutely brilliant piece of work on perhaps one of the most troubled seers of our timeā¦" Edward Stirkens
"...Skeeter has once again brought to light a [shocking work] of massive proportionsā¦" Witch Weekly
"This book is absolutely scandalous. To the point where I'm not sure if it should be revealed to the public!" K. Shacklebolt
This book is dedicated to all of my rabid readers. Your support throughout the years has kept my eyes peeled and my nose sharp
INTRODUCTION
Everyone who is anyone these days has heard of the Prophetess who Saved the World, Sybill Trelawney. And if you haven't, dear reader, crawl out from under the rock you're living under and open a newspaper. Or better yet, this book! Sybill Trelawney became famous in 1998 after someone let slip that she had made several prophecies concerning the late Dark Lord and his dastardly demise at the hands of Harry Potter, the boy who lived. But who was Trelawney before she became famous? A simple Hogwarts professor who happened to be around to shed light on the mysteries of the future? Or someone far more powerful, perhaps even sinister? Me myself and I wanted to know! And I have never let fame and standing in the magical get in the way of uncovering a good story for my readers. In this book, I delve into the depths of deception surrounding the life and death of Sybill Trelawney, leaving no stone unturned.
In researching our subject, I spoke to many of her former students, who gave me all of the nasty secrets of her time at Hogwarts. What was her favorite drink and how often did she drink it? Was she a reclusive shut in, or did she have a love affair with a fellow professor? I also managed to track down her long estranged sister, who let me in on some dirty details about Trelawney's upbringing and family. It's been common knowledge that she is the famous seer Cassandra Trelawney's great-great-granddaughter. But who was her great-great-grandfather? Cassandra never married, but was rumored to have several rather unusual lovers. Is it possible that Sybill contains DNA of a very famous werewolf living at the same time as her grandmother? Perchance bestiality runs in her family? Why did none of her six siblings speak to her during her entire adulthood? Because she was a loon or perhaps for a more serious sin she salaciously committed against them?
What was her actual relationship with the Boy Who Lived? They were rumored to have been quite close during his time at Hogwarts, as he took several classes with her. How much help did she actually contribute to the Dark Lord's demise?
"Less help than you'd think," remarked Cho Chang, former student of Sybill Trelawney and spurned ex-lover of Harry Potter. She continued, "She was actually quite close to several people who had ties to the Dark Lord. Quite suspicious if you ask me."
Miss Chang and others also gave me insider information about an insidious relationship between one of the centaurs that lived on Hogwarts grounds and our subject. Was someone we have seen as a savior actually an old racist fraud?
In my extensive research, I found the answers to all of these harrowing questions, and much much more. I gladly lay bare all of her secrets for my beloved readers in hopes that the wizarding world can gain a bit more perspective on a witch once hailed as a hero that helped Harry Potter save us all. You'll enjoy this Daily Prophet special story of Sybill Trelawney, which will be released one chapter a week, and eventually compiled and released as a full-length expose novel available at Flourish and Blotts sometime next year. Open your eyes wide for next week's edition for Trelawney's ancestry. The life of Cassandra Trelawney re-examined! Exclusively available to readers of the Daily Prophet. Renew your subscription today!
