I do not own NCIS or any of it's characters (though i wish i do) all rights go to the owners.
Sitting in the rain
The rain poured down Anthony Dinozzo's back but he didn't care. He trudged through a deep puddle, soaking his feet. He didn't care.
'She's gone.' The voice in his head still cried. A tear streaked down his cheek and it was hidden by the rain. He could never tell her how he really felt, how much he missed her, how he wished she was still with him, how much he loved her.
'Kate.' The same voice choked out.
Tony had arrived at a small park and sat on the bench and let his feelings come out. His body shook as he cried. He remembered how she laughed before she...
He couldn't even think the word. He could still see the emptiness in her eyes whenever he closed his. His is closed involuntarily and he saw her closed coffin as he placed the red rose on top.
'She shouldn't have died. It wasn't her time!' Tony screamed inside his head. He remembered the last time she was alive before the son of a ..... Ari killed her. Tony, Gibbs and Kate had been joking around and laughing. Tony remembered the panic he felt any time she was in danger. He felt as if he would lose control if anything had happened to her. He should have protected her somehow. Maybe if he hadn't helped her up after she jumped in front the bullet she might be here now. He wouldn't be so out of character. He had held it together for the team, making sarcastic remarks, trying to act as if nothing had happened, trying to anger Gibbs when he only did it to hide the fact that he was dying inside.
'What if?' The question kept on spinning around his head in an endless circle.
What if he told her he loved her? What if he had stood in the way of Ari's bullet? What if he had never met her? Would he be feeling like this now? Would he feel as if someone had ripped his heart into a thousand tiny pieces? What if she had stayed on the ground? Would she still be alive? Would she still be around to tell her he loved her? He gasped for breath as he cried harder than he had in his life. He could no longer look in her beautiful eyes and see her looking back. All he had were his memories and a few pictures of her and the rest of the team. He remembered her wet t-shirt picture and smiled to himself before he began crying again. He would never be able to joke around with her again.
'Pull yourself together Dinozzo!' He ordered.
When he was nearly dying of the plague Kate had stayed with him though she was not infected. She had lied to stay with him. He remembered her crying in Ducky's arms when she thought that he was close to death. What if she felt the same way that he did? He would never know and that felt like a cruel and unfair punishment to him. 'Maybe i deserve this.' He muttered in a gravelly voice from all the crying he had done.
'If i had done things differently then maybe she would be with me, in my arms. Not six feet under the cold soil.' He shivered to think of her buried in the ground.
It brought on a whole new wave of tears. The crying would never stop. He would never feel the same about any other woman again, Kate had made him who he was and he would never forget her. Even when he died he would see the Brightside of it. He would finally see Kate again.
