A/N: A Burke/Addison fic. You have Great Gomerel (read all of her stuff, it's amazing) to thank for my new summer project. Main Title and Chapter Titles come from "Could Be Anything" by The Eames Era (played on Episode 1.04 of Grey's Anatomy)
Preston Burke kept himself busy. He did not want to think about the wedding, or the lack thereof. He did not want to think about Cristina alone in their – her apartment and the mess she must be making. He was against wallowing on principle. It was something that he did not do and he despised it in others. And that was one of the reasons he had distanced himself from Derek. Derek was almost impossible to deal with once Meredith had left him. Burke wasn't sure of the specifics and Derek didn't venture to share them.
He was relieved about that, not used to being the one that people came to for solace or advice. It's not that he wasn't a good listener. He was an excellent listener. He just didn't know what to do after the listening. And so he didn't bother with being the shoulder to cry on. And it worked for him. It kept him professional.
The thing about distancing himself from Derek had left him virtually friendless. No longer did Derek stop to share small talk with him, or jokingly compete about their specialties. And it wasn't until Derek had reverted to calling him Burke that Preston had realized that he had lost one of his few friends. Which got him thinking. And made him realize how much he missed the red-haired surgeon who had moved to Los Angeles.
He did miss her. She had been wry and clever, bringing a smile to his face in a way that few people were able to. She had immediately placed herself as his equal, as his peer, even as his friend. From the start she had acted as though they had known each other for quite some time. She hadn't been trying to compete with him the way Derek had. When she had come into his life, he hadn't been sure what he thought. He thought that adultery was something that was not to be tolerated and was set to dislike her. But then he heard rumors from the nurses that she had stuck up for Meredith Grey, even though she didn't have to. And he decided that he might have to reassess his opinion of her. He was a fair man, after all.
It surprised him that he missed Addison Montgomery but that he did not miss Derek Shepherd. Once he realized that he missed Addison, it lessened the pain of missing Cristina because he wasn't missing her constantly. Thinking about them often caused him to shake his head in bemusement. The two women were such opposites. Addison had been the friend that Cristina had never been able to be.
A month ago, if you had asked Preston Burke where he thought he would be now, he would have answered that he would most likely be Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital and married to Cristina Yang. He would be close to achieving all of his life goals, and he would have been content with life. He had been sure that was the course his life was going to take.
He had not imagined that he would break off his relationship with Cristina at the moment she was ready to walk down the aisle. He hadn't even allowed the idea that he might not be Chief to enter his mind. And now he realized that his life was missing something and he was far from content.
The lack of friends was part of it, that was true. He remembered his bachelor party, and had known that the only person he really wanted to invite was Derek and that Derek had asked Mark Sloan, a man that Burke rarely talked to and occasionally even avoided, and Addison Montgomery, who, being a woman, had no place at a bachelor's party. But the four attendings sat around a table, drinking the night away, momentarily putting aside the race for Chief and all their personal conflicts in order to give Burke the send-off into marriage that he deserved. Burke was normally a quiet, reserved man, but he had enjoyed the company of the three other surgeons. Addison, Derek, and Mark had entertained him with stories of the Montgomery-Shepherd wedding and New York, without any trace of remorse or sadness. Derek had jokingly whispered wedding night advice. Mark had offered to be his wing man for the night, so that he could get laid once last time before he didn't have a chance to sleep with a woman other than Cristina again. Addison had been the one to make sure he wasn't nervous, to make sure that everything would be ready at the church. Together, the three of them acted as one cohesive Best Man, each fulfilling a different role.
The day after his wedding, Addison had found him sitting quietly in one of the empty hallways on the third floor. She had offered him her hand, and he grasped it, allowing her to help him up.
"Come with me. There's always something that never fails to make me feel better on days like this."
And Burke knew that she knew how he felt. The uncertainty about the decision that had been made, how difficult it became to function in such close proximity with a person you had known so intimately before, but who now you barely seemed to know at all. To have the entire hospital look at you with confusion tinged with dislike. Addison knew what all that was like, and he trusted her to know a way to take the edge off.
She had led him to the maternity ward. "Babies," was all she said and leaned her head against the glass. "You know, someone once told me that you can have the worst crap in the world happen to you. You can get over it."
"How do you get over it?" Burke had been sure he knew only one person who would use the word 'crap' in a sentence that way and it intrigued him that such depth could come from Alex Karev.
"You gotta survive," she had said softly. Burke saw that there was a hint of sadness in her eyes and wanted to understand why. He instinctively reached out to touch her shoulder, give her some kind of reassurance. A small smile came to her mouth and she turned to look at him. "Babies are comforting. I don't know why, except maybe their innocence. And their natural adorableness, of course."
"Well, they aren't all adorable," Burke answered, wanting to bring a smile to her face again. "Some are actually quite unattractive. I don't want to name names, but third row, two cribs in." He was rewarded with a chuckle.
"I don't know if I should tell you at this particular moment in time, but the babies might help soften the blow. I'm moving to Los Angeles in about a week." Addison's smile was gone and she had looked worried, not wanting to see his reaction. "I know you have a lot going on, and I couldn't be sorrier that I am springing this news on you in the midst of it all, but I feel like you'd rather know now than be caught by surprise when I suddenly am no longer at Seattle Grace. And so I'm using the time when I am supposed to be making you feel better to get this off my chest, and I couldn't feel more guilty and now I'm rambling at you and this is probably so not what you need right now. So I'll…just…stop." She looked surprised when Burke laughed.
"I'm glad you told me," he said and the surprise left her face and was replaced with a relieved expression. "It means a great deal to me that you wanted to tell me in person instead of having me find out from the Chief after you had already gone."
And he had been grateful that she'd told him. He had driven her to the airport with Callie and given her a hug good-bye. And it was now, weeks later, that he realized he missed her.
He went up to the maternity ward, but it wasn't quite the same without the woman who had shown him the comforting power of babies in the first place. He watched the nurses go in and out, writing down stats and pointing out babies to their happy parents. All that was on his mind, though, was his conversation with Addison.
"Do you miss her?" she had asked, breaking the silence that had held since she had charmingly blathered on about leaving.
He had paused, speaking slowly. "I miss having someone in my apartment when I come home. I miss knowing that I will have company for breakfast. I miss being bemused by whatever preconceived notion she had about relationships. I miss all the things she was to me. So, yes. I miss her."
She had stepped closer to him, and lightly squeezed his hand with her own. "Missing her must be hard."
That was all she had said, but it had been enough because she had understood and hadn't tried to talk him through it or say anything to make him feel better. She had turned back to the babies and they stood in silence until her pager sounded and she shot him an apologetic smile as she walked away.
He missed having someone to talk to at the hospital. He missed knowing that he would be greeted with a smile when he came to work. He missed being amazed by her compassion. He missed all the ways she showed her friendship. So, yes. He missed her.
To be continued...
I'm curious to know what you think and I most definitely hope you enjoyed the first chapter.
