Since Crait, Rey had been doing everything she could to stay busy. This kept her from having to deal all of the bottled emotions that, when released, she was sure would drown her. Rage. Guilt. Perhaps a tinge of regret. Uncertainty. Fear.
Reuniting with Finn, her first friend, was a rare moment of joy. He had survived. Though only days had passed, Finn had much to tell her. This was, of course, tarnished by the condition of Finn's brave new companion, Rose. Rey was grateful for the heroism of the small figured woman who had yet to wake. She didn't think she could handle everything that she was facing without Finn. She couldn't let her mind think of it.
Keeping her mind and her body busy was easy enough at first because there was plenty of work to be done in the immediate aftermath of the battle. When General Organa gave the order to bunker down on Dantooine, Rey detected with the smallest smirk twitch on her lips. Dantoonine was the site of a long abandoned Rebel base. There was plenty of work to be done as they set up camp and took care of their own. Talk of the future would come, but it was now time to lick their wounds.
Keeping her mind busy was also the only way that she could keep Be- no- Supreme Leader Kylo Ren's form from appearing in front of her. However, whatever this thing between them was strong, born by the Force. The occasional disjointed thought would sometimes cross the bond. His stronger emotions would sometimes lap at her mind like the ocean laps at the shore. On more than one occasion, she almost felt him pulling on her mind as though they were attached by a string.
She had been tempted to let him through, but what was there to say now? They had made their choices. She was angry with him, but even more angry that she understood his choice. Joining her would mean relinquishing some of the power and standing that he thought defined him, gave him purpose. She didn't have time to make him understand in the throne room. She didn't know just how blind he was until that moment. The General said that she has lost hope that her son could be saved. Perhaps it was time for her to do the same.
Rey had sensed that something had been off with the General since Crait. At first, she assumed that she was just weary and uncertain. They all were. Finn had relayed to her what happened on the Raddus, including the injuries sustained by their leader. To the rest of the Resistance, their leader was recovering from a series of massive blows. But, Rey was sure there was something else. Rey picked up on the little ways that she would delegate to others, or how she would impart her knowledge with a tad more urgency and frequency than normal.
Months after Crait, Rey was staying busy, working on restoring a long abandoned aircraft when she felt Leia's spirit leave her body. She dropped everything and ran to The General's quarters to find her. Leia Organa had passed during a rare moment of rest. Rey called out for help desperately, though she knew that there was nothing to be done.
The ensuing commotion was enough to shatter the vessel that had contained her emotions. Rey ran. She ran out of their base and into the forest without thinking about where her legs were taking her. Leia Organa, the last hope for the resistance, was dead.
Rey saw white spots in her vision. She needed to stop and breathe. She collapsed at the bottom of an impossibly massive tree and screamed out her pain. She put her head between her knees and began to sob.
Ben…
Without thinking, she pulled the string that tied their minds.
