Summary:

The 22 old Amanda was left of her big love. In her despair she visits a friend; James Hook, Captain of the pirate ship Jolly Roger. Pairing: Hook/Amanda

I just want love

Chapter 1

Amanda was running through pirate town over the pier to the Jolly Roger. In her temple it was hammering, and she could only have thought one clear thought: She just wanted to go to Hook! A few minutes ago, she got the news that made her heart break and she wished she were dead! The man, she had trust most of had let her go. And all her friends had let her alone in her pain. Even here best friend ever had no time for her or to comfort her in her ache. She felt so unbelievable alone, despaired and hopeless. In her mind there was only one that could maybe help her and gave her the strong shoulder to lean on, which she needed now dispiritedly. And this one was Captain Hook.

Amanda ran up to the gangway and didn´t looked neither to the surprised pirates that looked behind her nor to Smee. Who looked surprised, too. Just in the moment she reached the stairs to the cabin he called her. "He is there, isn´t he?" "Yes, but I think you shouldn´t go to him right now. He is very busy." But Amanda didn´t listened anymore. She turned around and knocked on the door. Smee tried to hold her back but in the next moment she had opened the double door and stood breathless in Hook´s cabin. Hook himself sat on his big walnut desk and wrote an entry in his logbook. When the breathless Amanda came just in, he looked up and saw immediately that something wasn´t right. "Amanda," he greets her. "Captain," she answered with a trembling voice. Her trembling voice made him think he was right. There for he said: "I just need a moment until I have time for you. But just come in." Speechless she came nearer and went slowly to the middle of the cabin. Where she stopped, looked to the big map of Neverland and tried to fight her tears. In the meanwhile, Smee had followed her into the cabin and tried to justify her entry. "I´m sorry, Sir, but she just came in before I could stop her." The Captain nodded at Smee and waved him out.

Amanda couldn´t pull together anymore and started to sob. Her back turned to Hook, her tears were running through her cheeks and it was impossible for her to hold them back any longer. After Hook had noticed how her shoulders moved concisely and she had started to shake, he let down the feather, stood up and came over to her. Very soft he laid his hand to her shoulder and whispered: "What happens?" Instinctively Amanda turned away from him and hold a hand over her eyes. Because that he doesn´t saw her tears. Well knowing that he noticed them already. Slowly and carefully he turned her towards him, laid his healthy hand to her waist and pulled her towards him. Now her self-control broke complied and she forgot every good manner that she was taught off. Wildly sobbing and crying she breaks down in his arms. Hook was surprised but at the same time he was touched about her break down and whispered in her ear: "It´s alright. Everything will be okay. Come on, sit down and calm a bit." He leads Amanda to the small couch which stood in front of the big window and sat down with her. He still had laid his hand around her and stroked comforting her arms.

Amanda leaned her head on his shoulder and cried heavily. That was too much for her. The pain inside her threatened to collapse her and she couldn´t express this feeling in words. Minutes goes by and still she cried. While she was crying Hook whispered through her that everything will be alright, and he would stay by her side. He almost felt helpless but still he was happy that Amanda was there in his arms. He would protect her for everything what happened to her and he will not allow that anyone will ever hurt her again.

Amanda leaned her head on his shoulders and cried heavily. The pain inside her threatened to collapse her and she couldn´t express this feeling by words. Minutes goes by and still she cried. While she was crying Hook whispered through her that everything will be alright, and he would stay by her side. He almost felt helpless but still he was happy that Amanda was there and in his arms. He would protect her for everything what happened to her and not allow that anyone will ever hurt her again.

After many minutes her tears stopped slowly, and her sobbing goes quietly. After Hook made sure that her break down was over he asked her again what happened. She looked to to him and slowly started to tell: "I had called him. And he said, that I got on his nerves and that I had to let him alone. He had a new girlfriend and… he doesn´t want me anymore." At these words again, a few tears came down over her cheek. Hook pulled her closer through himself, but said nothing. He knew, there would be more to come. "And my best friend hung up the phone already." She said. "She now had a new boyfriend and the only thing she said was, that I should forget him. She had no time for me now, because she herself had a new love. She had no idea how big this pain is for me and she can´t and won´t stand by me. She doesn´t understand me. And she doesn´t understand how painful it is for me, that she got everything what I ever wanted, and I am alone again. Like every time. I just want love! But I will never get it. And he doesn´t want me! Why he doesn´t want me anymore?!" Her grief took control over her again and she started to cry again. After a few sobs she get quiet and said, while starring at nowhere," Nobody want´s me." And a single tear started to roll down her cheek.

"No Amanda. That´s not true." Hook whispered. She looked quested towards him. With his left hand, where his famous hook was, he lifts her chin, so that she could look him directly in his eyes. With his right hand he strokes a hair line of her eyes and wipes her tears away. "I want you." He whispers again and kissed her gently.

Amanda had closed her eyes and let it happen. His lips caressed hers and his tongue played softly with hers. And again, rolled two tears down her cheeks, but this time she doesn´t care. As she opened her eyes Hook smiled softly at her. She knew she had to say something. But she doesn't find the right words for what she just felt. Then she said: "Would you just hold me, please?" He nodded, twisted his arms around her and just held her tight. While she laid in his arms she thought about what kind of kiss this was. She knew it wasn´t a kiss of plenty. He hasn´t kissed her because he knew she needed it now. He had kissed her because he loved her. That was clear to her now. And she herself? Why she had let it happen? What did she feel in this moment? Slowly she realized that she felt love for him, too. The same kind of love she damned a few minutes ago, because it had brought her only pain and struggle. But still she felt this love for him. But her heart aches still. It was broken, and it would need a while until it was fixed.

A few minutes later they break the embrace. Hook was happy about the kiss with Amanda but at the same time he was worried about her, because he knew how much pain she had to carry. "Amanda," he starts, "I know how you feel and I don´t want to pressure you, but" He couldn´t end his sentences, because Amanda said at the same time: "I know. I know that you love me, and I love you. But I need time. The whole situation is so confusing, and my soul is hurt so much that I don´t have any words for that. The pain inside me has torn me and at the same time I´m so happy and thankful that I have you. I love you just the way you love me. But I need time. Time to let heal the wounds that he was giving me. I don´t know how long it would take but I hope you will understand that." "Of cause. I know how hard it must be for you and how much you are suffering. I´ll give you all the time you need, and I promise, that I will never hurt you like the people you have loved. I don´t let it happen that anyone will ever hurt you again and I will always be there for you." "Thank you." Amanda said, moved by his words. Hook wished, he could have done more for her. But for now, it was all he could do. It tore him apart to see Amanda suffering. He wished he could take this boy that had hurt her so bad and massacre him! Even Amanda´s best friend he would love to let her walk over the plank and fed the sharks with her. If Smee would ever betray him and would ignore his screams for help, he would do the same. But his first mate was a faithful and loyal friend and would rather die than to betray his captain. But for Amanda it was different. All the people she had trusted had let her go. An experience that would burn down in her mind. An experience that let her heart felt cold and let her soul locked up in herself. And how much he wished that she would never ever had this experience. An experience that he himself made a long time ago.

Finally, it was time for dinner and Smee brought the meal into the cabin. This time Hook didn´t waved him out. He let Amanda take a seat, sat down at the opposite of her and they ate dinner together. After that he sat again down to his desk and wrote the entry to the end, which he had begun hours ago.

Amanda sat thoughtfully at the couch and was thinking about everything that happened today. And although she was really tiered she couldn´t go to sleep. A few minutes later Hook came over to her. "Of cause you´ll stay overnight." He answered her question where she could stay now. "Thank you. That´s very nice of you." "You should better retire. It was a long and hard day for you, Amanda." But she shook her head. "I can´t sleep right now. I don´t know how to rest. My head is full of everything what happened today, and I can´t stop thinking. Although I´m tired I can´t find peace." Again, she leaned towards him, searching to find solace. Hook looked to Smee, who immediately begun to mix a drink at the bar. Hook took it. "What´s this?" Amanda asks curiously. "This is my night cup." He answered patently. "It will help you to fall asleep." He reached it to Amanda but as he saw her hesitate he said: "You don´t have to worry. It isn´t as strong as mine. Just drink it and you will sleep well."

Amanda sighted. She knew it wouldn´t have sense to protest. There she sat the glass to her lips and drank a sip. Alcohol, she thought, why haven´t I thought of it by myself?

She drank the glass empty and noticed fast how the alcohol warmed her stomach and moved her in a relaxed mood. In the meantime, Smee had organized a few pillows and blankets so that Amanda could sleep on the couch for tonight. She crawled under the blanket and closed her eyes. She was so tired! The day had extracted her more as she had thought. She was half asleep as she heard a mumbling of voices. Probably Hook told Smee about what happened to her. And then she thought suddenly of HIM and his words: "You get on my nerves! Let me be! I have another girlfriend!" And before she noticed it the tears run down her cheeks again. But in the next moment she felt a hand wipe of her tears and Hook´s voice whispered: "Sleep, Amanda. Everything will be alright." Then she fell asleep.