"Sir!"
"Tony."
"Tony?"
"Tony!"
"TONY!"
Why was everyone calling his name? He was fine... wait was he falling? Free falling was probably a bad thing. There was suddenly a yell that he doubted was human, it sounded like a guttural roar from a mourning animal. It hurt his heart a little for some reason. Though it do not hurt as bad as the quickly approaching darkness with came with the feeling of his brain (well not literally as the brain had no nerves to detect pain) tightening harshly as if there was a particularly vicious elastic band around it. The pain and darkness swung at him with the force of a sledgehammer, it was slightly a relief as he did not really want to see how quickly he could make a pretty dent in the ground which was quickly approaching.
...
His head hurt, his ears rang and the light stung his eyes. He vaguely remembered falling and being fairly sure he would be a Tony Stark splattered shape on the ground, to be honest he expected worst unless it was a dream but this place smelt like a hospital. He must have done something to get here but to be honest he had worst hangovers.
Eyes wide but not really seeing he sat up trying to focus on the blurry landscape which definitely had people in it, as his eyes slowly focused he noted that most had uniforms. Law enforcement ones as well as the medical ones he expected to see. Well crap, he did not cope well with authority, never had.
He must have done something stupid, due to the massive blank he was drawing from his memory he put it to alcohol or (possibly as well as) drugs. Drugs were a good reason for him to think he was freefalling to his death but turning up feeling no worse than a mild concussion or hangover. He was good at hallucinating under the influence although it was not something to boast about.
"Whatever you think I did, I didn't do it. James Rhodes coerced me into doing it if there is any actual evidence that I have in fact done something and I demand bail." He stated matter of factly if slightly panicky, this did not seem to fit quite right in his brain as if his reason came from another jigsaw entirely but he was still trying to jam it into another one despite knowing it would not fit. And he probably just landed poor Rhodey into something.
"And if I was in the sky, I have no idea how I got there so I was not trespassing upon any air space." He added that part in case he did somehow get into the sky; it was better safe than sorry. "Well that's sorted then." He said dismissively to the law enforcement people as if that answered all their questions although he was pretty sure he was the one who really had the most questions.
"Mr. Stark, what is the last thing you remember." That voice was surprisingly pleasant and he found himself listening to it despite all odds. He added it up to the fact that he did not really know the answer as the memories did not add up, as well as that it was the fact that the man looked like a space pirate with his eye-patch and leather outfit going on. If he was going to answer anyone's questions he would answer a space pirate. He remembered falling and his name being called then it going black. Before then... well he could not see how the memories linked in any way, they jarred as if he had been somewhere else moments before being thrust into that nightmare.
"Well I was discussing with Rhodey over the phone who would win in a fight between Captain America and an angry grandmother with a walking stick." This was the truth but it did not fit, had he blacked out? "Naturally the old lady would win as for one, have you ever seen a truly angry woman. It's terrifying and I swear they get worst with age. Secondly I cannot actually see Captain America bludgeoning an old woman with his mighty shield, he'll probably be like..." He paused for breath there before putting on a voice in some kind of mockery of Captain America's and mimed holding a shield up to protect his face.
"Ma'am, can you stop please. Ma'am, please. I would prefer if you would stop hitting me, ma'am." He grinned excitedly before violently miming hitting with a cane accidently pulling some wires loose from his body. Whoops. But he continued without a beat.
"All whilst the lady is going for it whacking her cane against the shield. Thud, thud, then suddenly the wooden cane splinters and a chunk manages to strike him across the cheek and thus the woman draws first blood." He babbled on, growing increasingly animated by the battle he was envisioning in his head. The battle was a whole lot more comforting than thinking about the way his memory was screwed up.
"That's a very fascinating battle I'm sure but after that please." The man looked exasperated and as if he was trying not to throttle him, Tony was used to that but this man must have the patience of a saint not to have acted much upon it aside from his voice becoming more asserting.
"Oh. I fell. From the sky. But I'm remarkably unharmed therefore I'm pretty sure I can walk it off." There was a pretty redhead looking at him, she looked like a doll, he sent her a slow wink and a smile. She sent him a small, almost relieved, smirk back. "So when can I leave?"
At their stony faces Tony came to realise that they weren't going to let him leave, for all he knew they were the reason for the blanks in his memory. They could have easily shot him with a tranquiliser or something. They could easily be kidnappers treating him nice so he would do things for him, he was not sure what they might be but they were probably nefarious and he did not understand their end game or what they wanted with him so they were definitely dangerous until proven otherwise.
With an anxious gulp, "Could I at least go to a bathroom? I mean I would rather not... urinate in front of the lady."
The redhead's eyes flickered to the space pirate and with the smallest of head movements she gave a slight shake which was practically non-existent.
"Very well. Allow an agent to escort you to one."
"I don't need an escort to a toilet."
"Do you know where they are?"
"Well no..." Tony admitted, there was another little unvocal exchange between pirate and redhead before he was promptly escorted to the bathroom. Fortunately the agent merely waited outside the room rather than coming in after him.
He took calming breaths and clutched the porcelain sink tightly trying to calm himself down. Stark Men were strong and couldn't show such a weakness such as panicking in the face of possibly being abducted.
...
"He hasn't kept his memories, Tony Stark would know better than to refer to me as the lady let alone attempt to be discrete about needing to go. He's peed in his suit in front of easily over a dozen people before. The most obvious point is that he designed the building, he knows where all the toilets are." Black Widow calmly informed Nick Fury, it appeared whatever Loki had done to Iron Man hadn't just been physical after all. She had hoped it was and was relieved when Tony had mentioned Captain America and had gotten the impression so right and gave her that wink, but there was a sinking feeling in her gut that he showed them no real recognition. It got worse from there when he did not recognise the inside of his own tower that he had designed and built himself.
"Sir... there's a problem." Nick Fury practically snarled because of course there would be. This was Tony Stark they dealing with, his name was all but a synonym for trouble. Even the teenage version of him was trouble.
"What?" He growled.
"He found an Iron Man gauntlet and used the repulsor beam to go through the wall." Of course Tony Stark would keep suits even in his toilets, why he did he ever think otherwise?
"He was never one for debriefings." Natasha stated, and this was why Iron Man was a yes and Tony Stark was not recommended. He was a pain in the ass.
...
Clint Barton was just chilling waiting for more information on what Thor's twisted little brother did to Tony when someone rudely destroyed the wall behind him. He turned his faithful bow poised and ready for attack to come face to face, or rather face to hand with a repulsor. Well that answered his question on whether Tony was awake or not.
"Please don't let this become a 'who can fire first'. Because I'm fairly sure this can destroy your arrow before it can hit me and strike you down. I don't want to but I'm kind of looking on leaving and although I prefer it wouldn't be through you if pushed I shall." The teenage Tony informed him and that would have been a lot more intimidating if it had been his adult counterpart as he was slightly distracted by how much cuter the other was as a teenager.
"Your arm is shaking." He told the younger, he doubted the other would do such a thing as even as an adult he did not really have the heart for cold-blooded murder. Cold-blooded anything wasn't Tony's thing; he was typically a passionate and emotional man.
"Shut up." Teenage Tony actually pouted a little at him. Despite still having a weapon pointed at his face he consented and lowered his bow, Tony was not going to shoot him so why should he even pretend he was going to shoot Tiny Tony?
"Why are you trying to leave?" He was smiling but he couldn't help it, he just found the kid to be adorable trying to play the big bad man and threatening him, he would grow better at it with age.
"Because... I'm just really confused to be honest and I want to go home." Well, this tower was the other guy's home so added up with the other stuff obviously the mind matched the looks. He might not be the smartest of the Avengers but he was good at intelligence gathering. He wasn't stupid by any means but it was hard to be the smartest Avenger with one being a doctor of his field and another being a certified genius then there was Natasha who got the beauty, brain and brawns.
"You know you could have just asked for answers, which will probably ease your confusion." Clint pointed out enjoying the way the other's face seemed to crinkle in distaste either at the thought for actually asking or the thought that he had not thought of that himself.
"Um... okay." So it was the latter, Tony waved his hand which was not pointed at Clint's face slightly. "Do you want to play hostage for me in case I decide to leave?" Apparently asking was now this kid's things, normally Clint would not play hostage and would just use his skills to just pick the kid up and take him to Fury. But... the thought of playing hostage was amusing so he was going to go with that one.
"Can I keep my bow and arrow?"
"Sure, why not. You could probably take me without them." Tony shrugs, at least the younger was honest to himself and Clint did not mind the praise either. "Besides it looks more impressive to control an armed hostage."
When they found Fury, Barton had a repulsor against the back of his head and a shit-eating grin on. Tony coughed for attention lightly as if he had not already had enough of it and he was wearing sunglasses which Natasha was fairly sure was given to him by Barton himself.
"This handsome man is my hostage." Tony declared gesturing towards Barton with a sweep of his free hand.
"He has a weapon." Fury muttered rubbing his temples. Stark was already enough of a headache without Barton encouraging him.
"He's just that impressive." Clint nodded receiving an appreciative grin from Tony and a small fist bump which had Fury groan lightly. If Tony did not have a suit of armour that could take out tanks he would just walk away from this mess, sadly that was wishful thinking.
"And I demand answers otherwise..." Tony continued as if he had not been interrupted.
"You'll kill him?" Natasha finished for him. Clint gave her a betrayed look whilst she merely smirked in response. Tony's response was much more dramatic.
"No, why would I do that? He's too beautiful a man to have his head blasted off." Tony muttered disgusted and sending her a disappointed look.
"I fully support this statement." Clint agreed.
"No, I would kidnap him, force him into early retirement, hide him at some secluded tropical beach and you would never see his beautiful face again. That would be torture." Clint preened like a vain peacock at these words and gave Natasha a quick raise of his eyebrows; she scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Again, I support this statement." Clint nodded with an even larger grin. With a pained sigh wondering if securing the fate of the planet was really worth dealing with these idiots.
"Question away."
"Well I hope you don't mind my language but... who the fuck are you people?"
"We are super secret spies." Clint announced delightedly. Tony shushed him gently before giving an expectant look towards Fury.
"We are S.H.I.E.L.D."
"As in Aunt Peggy's S.H.I.E.L.D? I thought they dealt with letters not super secret spies. You know if you had just said that from the start I would have stayed put rather than freaking out and assuming I was in hostile territory." It was the truth, Tony had faith that Aunt Peggy's people wouldn't dare harm a hair on his head as Peggy Carter was a fierce and scary woman you didn't want to cross by harming her 'nephew'. The space pirate looked almost distressed by this news, well it wasn't so much distressed rather than frustrated and willing to kill a man.
...
His hostage turned out to be a superhero and there was a whole lot more superheroes just chilling in the atmosphere. Some of them even wore capes and brightly coloured outfits. Apparently S.H.I.E.L.D dealt in superheroes now rather than the letters he thought they had.
He reluctantly chose to believe them as being on Aunt Peggy's side when presented with evidence and informed that he should not try to escape or blow up things. He was not allowed to leave because the sight of him would cause alarm. They didn't bother explaining a lot, for example why he would cause alarm with the general populace but he didn't really expect much from them considering how they were treading delicately around him. It did not mean he had to like any of this however, especially seeing as they had confiscated his new toy.
Well he did like one thing, and that was his hostage. Hawkeye or rather Clint Barton. He was cool. The redhead was set upon him like a guard-dog as apparently they did not trust him not to do something stupid and she was their best shot of making him obey. After seeing her take down an agent as an example of what she could easily do to him he figured it was their best shot at behavioural tactics. He was behaving for now though, he still did not really trust them but if he acted like he did he could collect intelligence. Then when they were lulled into a false sense of security he would escape, he was still a prisoner after all.
Whilst the 'adults' discussed what to do with him, the redhead was his trained assassin babysitter and his hostage was his playmate. Well it could be worst, they could have cuffed him to a chair rather than giving him free reign in a room trusting the redhead to contain him if needs be.
He also got some interesting visitors.
"Wow. They weren't kidding." The first to show was a mousy looking man who he decided to love pretty much instantly as they had given him a break down on him due to the man in front of him containing a green rage monster as well as being a scientist.
"Dr Bruce Banner." Tony greeted politely holding out his hand in greeting, Bruce's expression turned from curiosity and bemusement to anxious at this action and eyed up his hand in distrust. Well, they weren't kidding about this man being smart then.
"I heard you turn into an enormous green rage monster." Tony added forgoing his politeness as he was excited at the prospect of new science to explore; he was fascinated so he was going to show it. "They told me as they don't trust me not to take you hostage too and cause a code green." He informed the good doctor who looked startled.
"Hey! I thought I was your hostage!" Clint grumbled, Tony went to the archer and lightly nudged him on the shoulder with his own.
"You'll always be my number one hostage, you incredibly attractive man." Tony reassured him before turning back to Bruce.
"So... is just anger? Or is it other emotions as well? What about lust?"
Poor Bruce did not have much time to react to this before a bear of a man entered. He was a loud man, one who looked like he came straight from a re-enactment of some kind of battle, or a play in that ridiculous garb. That cape though.
"Man of Iron I am glad to see you unharmed!" He bellowed and Tony sent a look towards Clint. This man he had no warning about and from the redhead's smallest of smirks he felt that was her doing. The wicked, wicked woman. The man towered over him and despite himself he found himself clutching slightly at Clint's upper arm in mild alarm as the man looked intently down at him like he was some kind of exhibit at a museum.
"Though you have shrunk." The bear with the golden locks mused. "I shall speak to Loki about this."
"Loki as in that guy from Norse mythology who birthed a horse?" Tony asked curiously loosening his grip on Clint's arm. Thor winced a little at that whilst Clint sucked his lips in to hide his smile, even Bruce lost some of his alarm.
"Those myths are lies."
"How would you know, were you there?" Tony snorted before gawping as the other nodded simply.
"I'm his brother." His face did not change for a while as it was frozen in shock, he hoped the other was merely jesting rather than truly believing he was in fact a god. Then with remarkable self-restraint he pushed down his disbelief, no one else seemed to find this news and if he appeared unknowledgeable then he put himself at a disadvantage.
"Makes sense, Clint Barton is supernaturally attractive; he must be the God of Good-looks." Tony stated sending Clint a slow wink, Natasha gave a small groan. It had been funny the first few minutes but by now she was afraid that Clint's head may have been so inflated that it may no long fit through doors. She also did not really understand the attachment Teen Tony had gathered for Clint had came from, adult Tony had never shown such quick attachment to anyone really. He may have grown out of it after a number of betrayals she mused, there was also the issue of his parent's deaths. He had mentioned Rhodey so he must be at MIT but before his parent's deaths considering his state of mind.
"That title has already been taken. The title of the God of Awesome is open however, Clint Barton may wish to accept it but it had been reserved for Tony Stark and he would have to relinquish it before my shield-brother can accept it." Thor prompted with a smile. Clint sent Thor a warning look, Clint wasn't stupid he was quite aware what Thor was up to, Thor was trying to steal Teenage Tony's affections from him. Tony gave the blond God an ecstatic grin before it faded as suddenly as it appeared. Thor's brows furrowed and looked over his shoulder following Tony's gaze.
"No." Tony breathed out, it was hardly even a whisper. Tony's jaw visibly clenched and his closed his eyes taking a deep breath. Then he was back to the annoying kid he was.
"Bend me over, spank my ass and call me Susan. This kid is Captain fucking America, Clint catch me whilst I swoon." Clint obeyed with amusement dancing in his eyes as he caught the overdramatic teenage Stark who practically threw himself backwards. Clint was rather touched that the other already seemed to trust him enough to catch him. He could see that some things such as an inflated sense of dramatics did not change much having not seen the 'no'. Natasha did though as did Thor.
Steve however merely looked on in shock; he had to admit this was a better reaction that the adult counterpart had given. Maybe Tony had not always been a complete ass after all. He did not have much of a reaction rather than a rather feeble "Language."
Tony's brow quirked upwards and he looked towards the rest to check whether they too had heard that. "Well pardon me, sir, I'm afraid I had gotten a little over-excited with the meeting of Dr Jekyll, a Norse God, a super secret spy and my childhood idol." Steve was not overly sure whether Tony was being sarcastic or sincere in his apology and it really confused him on how to react. Clint coughed lightly and Tony sent him a look.
"And of course this man whom I took hostage. I love him." Tony said in all seriousness. Clint gave a smug smirk.
"Wait did you say childhood idol?" Steve said catching onto the fact that of all the people mentioned that left him to the childhood idol.
"Until I realised I could defeat you with the use of an old woman yes." Tony said simply. "Very well now that I have deemed you not kidnappers, please stop staring at me Captain Rogers, I'm aware that I'm still a prisoner even if I'm not kidnapped but could I get my one phone call?"
"Who do you plan to call?" Natasha prompted. Tony eyed her from the corner of his eye; she asked a lot of questions, she was extremely pretty but she also reminded him too much of Aunt Peggy for him to want to flirt with her. Aunt Peggy although looking very well for her age was a force of nature and could be seriously scary. If Natasha wasn't so scary, perhaps if he was older and had less preservation instinct he would try to flirt but he wasn't so whatever his hormones told him he was going to stay away far away. The code name she was called 'Black Widow' that didn't really make him want to try anything with her either.
"Rhodey... he's my room-mate and I'm fairly sure I was cut off mid-conversation with him. He's a mother-hen, I'll just tell him that I met a beautiful person and then all is well and he suspects that I am fornicating with them and ask no further questions." If he answered truthfully enough in the end they wouldn't expect it when he did lie or at least omit the truth.
"Fornicate?" Clint snorted in amusement; Tony sent him a slow smile before speaking slowly as if speaking to a small child.
"When two people find each other rather attractive... the two may wish to have a very special cuddle with one another." Clint gave a small choke; he had been lulled into a false sense of security with Tony's blatant favouritism for him, but it showed that even he did not have safety. Tony rolled his eyes lightly, the teenager had such attitude.
"If I used cruder language Captain Rogers here may have fried himself completely, he already seems like he's broken." Tony explained gesturing with a small nod of his head towards Steve who hadn't moved since Tony announced he would be beaten by an old woman.
"An old woman... beat me?" Steve finally managed to get out still trying to wrap his head how an old woman could beat him. Normally Steve wasn't this slow but it wasn't everyday your teammate was reverted back to a teenager and dropped a lot of information on you, besides Tony's mouth whirled at a hundred miles per hour and could switch subjects just as easily. It wasn't that he was slow but rather Tony was abnormally quick. Mostly however it was the fact he was working through scenarios where he may come across an elderly woman and in all of them he did not understand how he would lose unless said woman was in fact a witch.
"A bit behind but yes. Would you raise your shield to somebody's grandmother? Now may I call Rhodey or not?" Steve gave a small sigh, now it clicked and he could see how the other would come to that conclusion.
There was silence until after careful consideration Natasha decided that if anything Rhodes may prevent this version of Tony, although he was surprisingly polite and well behaved he looked ready to blast through more walls if provoked, from causing more damage. "You may." After Colonel James Rhodes was alerted to the situation.
"Thanks, Mother." He may be too scared to flirt with her but he wasn't too scared not to play with her completely. If he acted relaxed around them then the quicker they would give him an opportunity to escape, Rhodey also knew his codes and he could inform him of his need to escape without anyone being the wiser.
