one step backwards

summary: slowly, they discover parts of each other and figure out what's meant to be. multiple pairings.

A/N: This is a series of one-shots for Shugo Chara, which I do not own, detailing pairings (yes, even those I dislike). Enjoy!

CHAPTER I: glass rose (amu x tadase)

Sometimes, she looks so fragile that he's afraid to touch her or speak to her lest she stumble and shatter, and he be left to pick up the pieces and see what lies underneath her mask.

The cool and spicy facade has evolved to something of its own. It used to be something that Amu hid behind. Now, it's all that's left of her sanity, all that's left of the girl that he used to know.

Some days she's grumpy, but at the same time it's endearing, and he can't help but think how cute she can get.

"It's raining."

She turns her attention from the dark gray clouds outside, dumping water down on unsuspecting students. They're inside the greenhouse waiting for the bad weather to pass. He's sitting on a wooden bench, and she's hopped up on an empty counter and leaned against the glass wall, watching the rain drip down the opaque sides of their shelter and brooding.

"Do you want a medal? That's why we're here in the first place."

Gone were the days when she would blush and shiver, as if just noticing the rain, and stammer a reply. She was too jaded for that now, and far too cynical.

Sighing, he watches his glass wall, and sees Rima-san and Kairi walking to the greenhouse as well, Kairi holding the umbrella impassively and Rima with a grouchy look on her face (well, it's cute when she's annoyed too since she's so small and everything...)

"We've got company, Amu-chan!"

She growls slightly. "Not Amu-chan. Amu or Hinamori or whatever. Stop adding -chan to my name. We're not in elementary school anymore. Get out of your diapers."

He frowns, but feels a hand on his head, and he perks up.

"Your hair's all wet," she comments offhandedly, and smirks. "You want to be presentable when the company arrives."

And despite the thundering storm, despite the girl who isn't who he wishes she was, and despite all the thoughts that had clouded his mind, her words bring a double rainbow, and he can smile again.

He knows that she has problems, more than she cares to mention, and is more than happy to be a teddy bear to hug and squeeze and cry onto.

Like that day in the past when she failed a science test.

She had asked him to go to the greenhouse immediately when he saw her that day, so he knew she had something awful to say or something awful had happened to her.

When they got there was when she broke down.

She told him about the science test, and the barely failing grade, and how she'd have to take tutorials.

He watches her armor crack just a bit, and he understands that she will let him in this time.

Slowly, he nudges her a little until she's sitting in his lap and sobbing, and he's rubbing relaxing circles onto her head, patting the silky locks of bubblegum and wondering how he had gotten himself into this.

"I just...it was the one thing...nngh...I wish..."

"Shh," he tells her, cupping her cheek, "it's fine."

With anybody else it would be considered romantic, but with them, it's just Tadase's pathetic way of soothing an already broken girl. But it works, and her eyes light up just a bit.

"I'll tutor you myself, and if all else fails, I'll get the teacher to change the grade with my family's connections."

"Don't do that for me. You're always trying to help me out, but it's not really helping since you already make everything happen." She's suddenly grouchy, and kicks away his legs, turning away from him, her slender torso looking out of the glass wall again, like that rainy day.

Her pink bangs hide a blush and a scowl, he knows, and she doesn't want to show him.

"Amu-chan," he begins hesitantly, "Amu-chan..."

She turns toward him, unwillingly.

"Didn't you ever think that I was willing to do all this for you because I wanted to? You're worth it. You're worth everything."

And somehow that makes her cry again, and lean her head on his shoulder, but he'd rather have her crying than angry.

Anger has never suited her, and he knows she hates to get angry, since she loses control.

Right now, they'll just stay there, him soothing her until the pain subsides, but doesn't go away, and she can stand back up and pull her mask back on, and nobody will know the difference, since she can't bear to show them how hollow she feels.

Today is one of the days that she's happy. It rarely happens, and it means that either she saw Ami (the siblings only see each other every month if they're lucky because of the divorce; Ami lives with her dad in some faraway place; he hasn't inquired, and he doesn't think she'll tell him) or that her mother was feeling up to conversation this morning.

He knows that Amu's mother Midori means a lot to her, and they have a distant but loving relationship. Midori works a long shift, plenty of overtime, since sending Amu to the private school they go to costs a lot more now that there's only one person to shoulder the burden.

Plenty of the kids are rich - Rima's father controls the Mashiro group, Kairi's family specializes in music production, and is a very big recording studio (they have a location in this small town, near their home - he sometimes sees Amu there with her guitar), Nagihiko and Nadeshiko's family are all celebrities and famous dancers with a huge fan following. Utau Hoshina is a pop idol, looked up to by multitudes; Kukai's family is reasonably well-to-do, and he's one of the best up-and-coming soccer players in Japan at the moment. Saaya's parents...he doesn't even know what they do, but they're rich, which Saaya flaunts openly. His parents...well, he won't go there since there's too much to say.

And he's offered plenty of times to Amu to arrange a promotion for her mother so she earns more, but Amu simply points out that her job makes her mother happy, even if she has to work more, and so he ends up not arranging the promotion and sitting there, hoping that somehow he can make her earn more while retaining the job. A lot more per month, since he sees Amu sometimes in outfits that she's outgrown but still wears since her waist still fits them.

He knows that she thinks she looks dumpy in the pleated, flounced skirt that has suddenly turned into a childish miniskirt on her, and the black top whose sleeves are too short and comes up her stomach.

However, she won't accept monetary donations from him.

She works at a cafe part-time in order to make a little more leeway for her mother to stop working. He comes by occasionally and is guilty of tipping her far more than normal. She doesn't say anything, because in the form of a tip they can both pretend it's not charity.

He's not sure if she knows how much he loves her, how much he just wants to see her leave.

The small town they live in is way too small for her, and it's holding her down. University - she has the brains and she's applied to scholarships that he knows she'll get, but deep down he knows that she wants to stay with her mother.

There are so many great things she can do if she just spreads her wings and leaves them behind.

He knows that all of the people at their school will leave as well, but Amu can't seem to fathom losing everything in order to succeed.

It pains him to see her stay.

Because he knows he himself must leave, since there is nothing in this town that his father would even consider a good reason for not continuing the family business.

Everybody around them is learning how to fly, and she's clipped off her wings stubbornly, trying to resist change, trying to stay the same.

Today is the day that they graduate.

They sit through the long ceremony, and she is called up as co-salutatorian, along with Rima, and the valedictorian is read as Kairi - which everybody expected in the first place.

He knows why Amu-chan and Rima-san ended up only salutatorians.

Rima didn't want to force Kairi out of his spot due to the guilt that she would crush his dreams (he wanted to go to medical school, but his family disapproved and wouldn't sponsor it, so he needed the scholar ship).

And Amu...didn't believe in herself enough.

He knows it sounds silly, but she did worse than she could have because she was afraid she would be disappointed if she tried her hardest.

Kind of like why she won't move.

She's afraid that she won't be like everyone else tells her, she won't be incredible.

In his mind, though, she's already incredible.

He wonders why he hasn't realized all of this years ago, then remembers.

Seven years ago, he was too in love with her to see her weak points.

Now that she pushed him away, he sees clearly now.

Grasping on to her hand next to him, he squeezes it, and in that one gesture is the hope, the longing, and the love that he's felt for all these years, and the understanding.

This is the end for them. He knew they were never compatible.

Still, he doesn't think he'll ever forget how happy they were.

"If this is happiness," he mutters, "then love is overrated."

The ceremony ends, and the air is full of joyous screaming as the graduating class tosses their caps out to the crowd.

He takes his off, and throws it sky-high, his hand entwined with Amu's.

And in that moment, he knows that everything will be okay.