DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This story was fueled by the lack of Post-Hogwarts D/Hr stories, and is inspired by the ingenious Meg Cabot book "The Guy Next Door". Feedback is very appreciated!
M-Mail Chapter 1
To: draco.malfoy-ministryofmagic.mag
From: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Sponsorship
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for the generous contribution to the new wing of St. Mungo's. Rest assured, the money will not be allotted to "S.P.E.W., R.I.G.G., or the liberation of those effing Cornish pixies", as you so unkindly told me after shoving the check in my hand. Despite the fact that the cause of house elves, garden gnomes, and Cornish pixies have gone dreadfully unnoticed by your charities and the wizarding world in general, I have resigned myself to the fact that they are quite happy with their lot in life, and resent this attack on personal opinions formed when I was fourteen.
Do not doubt my intelligence Mr. Malfoy. Given our personal history, no matter how much the Daily Prophet says you donate to charity, and no matter how many times you land yourself the Witch Weekly's most eligible philanthropist award, I do not trust you. I do not care that the majority of the major wizard institutions have you as their financial backer. I have not forgotten your part in the early days of the war, nor our Hogwarts days. Do not expect any personal favors or otherwise from this institution. We, at St. Mungo's, are intelligent witches and wizards, immune to the politicking in the ministry. We are not in your debt. Do not expect preferential treatment here, nor will we refuse treatment to any of those who you wish ill.
Good day.
Hermione Granger
Chief Healer
St. Mungo's Hospital
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: helios.morke-st.mungos.mag
Subject: GRANGER
GRANGER! You're damn lucky I screen all out-going m-mails, because if Draco Malfoy received this letter you would be out of the job before you could say SPEW. I don't care if you are Chief Healer, a war hero, or Harry Potter's best friend. Malfoy is a bastard, everyone who's met him knows it, but he's a bastard who gives us thousands of galleons in donations every year.
So listen to me very carefully Granger.
You will rewrite that letter, say thank you, give him details of the plans, and ask him very kindly if he would like his name on the new wing we are constructing. The money he just donated will fund your proposed research as well, so if he asks you to kiss his arse, you do it. Got it?
Helios Morke
Director
St. Mungo's Hospital
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: What was
All that yelling about? I've never heard you yell at Morke like that, at least not since the time he stole your Harry Potter limited edition action figure. This isn't about your proposal for the special line in the cafeteria for house elves, is it? Because you've really got to focus on the people you're supposed to be healing.
Come on, let's grab a bite at Parvati's new café.
Padma
To: hermione.granger-st.mungos.mag
From: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Where are you?Hermione, where are you? I can't eat lunch with just Neville! Do you know what happened? He made me eat vegetarian dishes. Vegetarian! Save me!
Padma
To: padma.patil-st.mungos.mag
From: hermione.grager-st.mungos.mag
Subject: Re: Morke
For your information, Morke has been reading all out going mmails. Yes, you heard that right. He intercepted my letter to Draco Malfoy and made me sit at his desk, and write another one. The nerve of the man. At least now we know why he knew all about Tim's affair with Nathan.
I've attatched my letter to Malfoy. Morke told me just to edit the insensitive parts out and put in all the pleasantries I could manage. Do let me know if it contains enough arse-kissing to please him.
Hermione
P.S. Vegetarian isn't that bad, surely. If it makes you feel better, some of the plants Parvati uses could have been animal like as well. Just ask Neville.Attatchment 1:
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for your contribution. Rest assured, the new wing will have your name on it.
Sincerely,
Hermione Granger
Chief Healer
St. Mungo's Hospital
To: hermione.granger-st.mugos.mag
From: draco.malfoy-minstryofmagic.mag
Subject: Re: Thank You
Bite me.
Author's note: Be kind. Review!
