Anywhere
by aki midori

Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Severe cursing; a very different Sendoh
Pairing: duh?
diScLAiMeRS: Slam Dunk and its characters, most specifically Sendoh and Rukawa are property of Inoue Takehiko. I'm just borrowing them for the sheer pleasure of seeing them love.

Notes: Written a quite some time ago. Posted at 101kisses: A theme-based LJ Community. Theme #55 - Impulse

Blah: Er… I'm back?

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We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light,
we'll be halfway to anywhere--
where no one needs a reason.

-Anywhere. Evanescence

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"Excuse me? Could you... run me by that again? I wasn't sure if I heard it right."

"Your father didn't make it, Sendoh-kun. I'm sorry."

Oh.

"Again."

The doctor blinked. "Uh... your father didn't make it. It was already his third stroke."

I blinked back. Two can play this blinking game. "So you mean to say that my father's dead?"

"Yes. I'm sorry." No, you're not.

And that was that.

My dad's dead. I'm all alone, in that big mausoleum of a house, with no one and nothing but my lonely, poor self. And my basketball, of course.

My dad's dead... what a joke. Somehow, I'm getting the idea that everything is a goddamn joke.

My dad's dead.

My dad's dead.

"That is the strangest reaction I've ever gotten from a person who just lost somebody."

No need to whisper, mister. I can hear you perfectly fine.

My dad's dead, he says.

My dad... he's dead.

I was waiting for the powerful impact of pain-- the kind that would stealthily, but significantly blow inside a person's heart, and would start to creep all over his body, until he couldn't take it anymore and knock him off his sorry feet.

It never came.

There was nothing. Nothing at all.

"It was as if he never cared at all."

Yeah, well, fuck you, too, Miss Nurse. You have no idea how much this hurts. You have no idea how painful it is to watch the people you love die, one by one. You have no idea how many times I've sat on these stupid, sterile, white benches, as I wait for those stupid, uncaring doctors, hoping against hope that they would say something other than a measly 'I'm sorry, Sendoh-kun.'

I've sat and waited too many times, Miss. I've sat and waited like a good boy, twiddling my thumbs like a goddamn retard, as time slowly passed by, all the while praying to all the gods that the goddamn doctor would say something other than 'I'm sorry.'

I've sat, and I've waited-- and each time the doctor would come out of that hellhole they call an Emergency Room, I would stand up, look at them in the eye, and listen to them deliver the words that would somehow break what's left of my tattered heart, and take a piece of my tired soul.

The gods never listen to my pleas.

It's always the same damned thing, every damned time. It's like an overplayed scene in a bullshit drama soap, where the lines never change.

/I'm sorry, Sendoh-kun./

And I, the protagonist of this whacked-up soap, was expected to drop my head in sorrow and allow tears to fall silently from my eyes. I was to cry in pained dignity, and the doctor would come to me and pat my back, and I was to give a pained, sorrowful smile, and say,

/I would be alright, doctor. Thank you for everything./

Well, screw you all.

You can look at me, and criticize me all you want, you stupid fuckwads, but I'm not going to bawl over and cry like a deballed baloney. I've been through this too many times before. I've no more tears left to cry.

You have no idea.

You have no right to judge me, woman, because you don't even know half of what I've been through.

"Sendoh!"

Oh, lookie here. The cavalry arrived, probably to render their condolences and sympathies. Fucking great. Hot-off-the-oven sympathy and boo-boo sad eyes; just what I fucking need. Another batch of half-assed wishes, coming from a bunch of men who thought they knew everything about me.

"Sendoh, I came as soon as I heard the news," Friend Number One said, his eyes full of meaningless sorrow. "I'm sorry about your dad."

My script says I have to smile sadly. So I did. Script also says I have to say, "It's ok, Koshino-kun. Thank you for your concern." So I did.

Fucking lame script.

I didn't know what the others were saying, nor did I care. Why should I? What do they know, anyway? I'll just be wasting my time here, dealing with people who don't even know what the real meaning of 'sorrow' and 'pain' is. They know nothing about me.

Fucking absolutely nothing.

It's fucking annoying, all those sympathetic looks and 'I'm sorry's'. It's fucking strangling me, closing in on me until it gets too hard to breathe. I want to go away from this hypocrisy, from this empty, half-assed group of people who don't even know what the fucking hell they were talking about. I'm sorry, they say. I'm so goddamn sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Sendoh-kun.

Well, screw. I'm sorry, too, you know. Sorrier than all you bunch of ignorant people. I'm sorry it fucking hurts so damn much, I don't even feel a thing anymore. I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I lost the last person who ever knew me, and loved me for all that I am, and all that I'm not.

I'm sorry I lost the person who first handed me an orange ball that would in the future be my passion and my life, until fame and popularity stole its essence from me.

I'm sorry I lost the person who stood by my side all throughout my life; the person who patted my back when everything gets too damn tough; the person who smiled at me with wrinkled eyes when all I want to do is drop my own smile and succumb to sorrow.

I'm sorry I lost the person who I laugh with every morning, who I talk with every night.

I'm sorry I lost the person who tucks me in at night, in all my goddamn nineteen years, never minding much that his little boy is a full-grown man whose height would make him look like one of the seven retard dwarves.

I'm sorry I lost my best friend.

I'm sorry I lost my dad.

Yes, I'm fucking sorry I lo-

Clothes rustled as some brave -- stupid-- idiot dared to actually sit beside me, interrupting my sorry train of thought. Script says I should just bow my head low and wait for his -- whoever he is-- comforting hand on my shoulder. I sat and waited for a damn long time, but the hand never came.

So. This guy did not follow the universal script.

He was just sitting right beside me; close yet distant. Present, yet not overwhelming. He was just... there. Someone who did not follow the fucked-up script of this shit-drama called life. Comforting, yet not persistent. A redeeming entity amidst the otherwise unredeemable world.

Rukawa Kaede.

"Get up."

Eh? You have no right to tell me what to do, mister. You're not the boss of me, Rukawa Kaede, no matter how...

No matter how much your quiet presence calmed me down.

"I said get up."

"What?"

"You don't understand human language?"

"I do understand, thank you very much."

"Then get up."

"Why should I?"

"I'm taking you out of here."

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard all day, if not my entire life. What the hell am I, a Juliet who needed to be whisked away by a dashing, debonaire Romeo? I mean, hello! I'm an able, competent, and confident young man. I certainly don't need anyone to 'take me away'. And besides, I have things I need to do here. I need to deal with all these people, all these burial, mourning stuff. I'm supposed to be mourning the loss of my best friend, my dad, not dilly-dally with the most unsocial man on the Eastern hemisphere! There are so many things I needed to do, no matter how much it sickens the hell out of me. Stupid script says I have to play the perfect role of the poor, unfortunate son who lost his only family.

/I'm taking you out of here./

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day, if not my entire life. Take me away, he said. How much more stupid could he get? Don't this man understand? I have things to --

Well, damn.

I'm getting sucked into this drama. Who the hell said I have to follow the script? I'm sick and tired of it, and I don't want to play the role anymore, thank you very much.

/I'm taking you out of here./

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day, if not my entire life. The most ridiculous, but it felt as if it actually saved me from all this bullshit. Yet, there's one thing I need to know.

"Why?" My demand was clear; it needed an answer.

He gave me one of his steel-edged glares, but underneath, I swear I saw a spark of warmth. A spark of humanity. A spark of truth. A spark of a human soul, somewhat resembling mine.

"Why?" I have to ask again, bolder, more demanding this time, though I could read his answer in the depths of his steel cobalt eyes.

"It's stifling."

"What is?"

"The script."

Well, shit.

He stood up, glared me down one more time, and traversed the white halls of the hospital, moving towards the wide double doors. Beyond the double doors, I see color; a change from the sterile blandness of this hellhole. The blue of the sky, the green of the bushes, the orange and pink and yellow of the flowers, the brown of the birds... everything.

It made me think, then...

There must be something other than this white insanity.

Something other than this pack of people who know claim they know everything about me, but who don't look past the man they labeled as their strongest, most reliable savior.

There must be some people other than these 'friends' who would see in me only what they wanted to see.

Down the sterile white halls, by the double doors, stood Rukawa Kaede. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his blue jacket, his eyes fixed on the outside scenery. Silent as ever, yet standing with quiet grace and dignity.

Next thing I know, I stood side by side the man I call my greatest rival. "Where to?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Anywhere."

"Sounds good to me."

End. –Beginning – Heh

Postnotes and you don't have to read:

Right. What have I gotten myself into? Senior year? Man, it was like getting caught up in a hurricane, and you don't know when the spinning would stop. Gundam Wing has been with me throughout the mad road trip, and yeah, SenRuSen would never, ever be left out in the dark.

So guys. I apologize for the delay of Celibacy. I promise we'll get to that soon. But uh, would you guys mind going over to my bio for a few announcements and such? I'm also grabbing this opportunity to invite everybody to please join up the SenRuSen celebration by interacting at mw interactive. It's an LJ Community. Hehe. That's it for now, bai-bai!