After all, he couldn't be expected to act like a High King every minute of every day. That's what he told himself when the urge to run and shout and play games like any normal boy became so strong that he could hardly keep from doing just that.

But Aslan himself had crowned him High King and in the moments when Peter couldn't stop from running, slipping and sliding, down the polished hallways at Cair Paravel, he felt guilty for leaving his place as High King.

Then he'd go back to the throne room and hear another twenty or thirty requests for food, for justice, for shelter, and for land.

It was wrong to want anything different.

/

How the girls back at school would envy her now, to see her as Queen Susan.

She tamped down the thought time and time again, knowing that Aslan would never approve and knowing that she was doing very little to deserve the title in the first place. Everyone came to Peter with their problems, leaving her with nothing to do.

And she could help them if they'd only come to her! But Peter had to take all the glory and the responsibility and preside over every Narnian farmer and soldier and townsperson who came for them to help.

Susan tried not to be bored because queens weren't supposed to bored, were they?

/

He didn't tell anyone about the nightmares.

He didn't tell anyone that the guilt gnawed at him so very often.

Aslan had paid for Edmund's life with his own and if he admitted to the guilt and the nightmares and the fear that he wasn't worthy to be king, then he'd be letting Aslan down.

He was glad that Peter handled everything. Then he wouldn't have to fail even more people when he advised them out of his own poor store of wisdom.

He'd been a fool for so long. What made any of them think that he'd be different now?

He wasn't worthy to be a king. Didn't matter if Aslan himself had named him one. But to admit that would hurt Peter and Susan and Lucy - especially Lucy - and maybe even Aslan, so he said nothing. He kept it all inside and hoped that no one would hear his screams when he woke from nightmares.

/

Lucy was the only one of the four who still remembered snatches of the life she and Peter and Susan and Edmund had spent in Wardrobe, in the distant land of Spare Oom. The memories worried and puzzled her because they were always accompanied by the thought that she needed to find those lands again and return to-to what? She didn't know.

But she felt that the restless sensation would be helped if she could only go out of the city and gather flowers and run in the fields like the other children did. But she was now a queen and not like other children very much. Those children brought her flowers, lots of them, but she felt sure it would be better to gather them herself and spend all day exploring the delightful woods she could see just beyond the city's walls.

As a queen, though, it wasn't exactly safe to go out and about and maybe it was even unqueenly. She didn't want to disappoint Aslan by acting less than a queen - ever.

She held her wishes close and brightened all of Narnia with her smile. No one ever suspected a thing.

/

Cair Paravel was sleeping when screams awakened Peter, Susan, and Lucy.

They all came out in the hallway and looked at each in fright and confusion. Edmund hadn't come out into the hall and the cries came from his room. Lucy was the first to go to him, speeding across the hallway and tapping as his door.

"Edmund?" she said. "Can I come in?"

The cries shuddered to a halt.

"Edmund?" That was Peter.

There was no answer so after an exchange of glances, Lucy turned the knob and pushed the door open. The chamber inside was quite dark, but Peter took a torch off the wall outside Edmund's door and it lit things up quite well. Edmund sat in his bed, sheets tangled all around him, trembling violently.

"Ed…" Peter went over and laid a hand on Edmund's shoulder. "What is it?"

"The Witch," Edmund said through chattering teeth.

Lucy hugged him. "It's all right," she said. "She's dead. Aslan killed her."

"Aslan-" Edmund buried his head in his arms. His shoulders shook and Lucy stepped back when she realized he was crying. She wanted to comfort him but she didn't know how. Peter cleared his throat and Susan's hand found Lucy's.

"I'll go find someone to bring tea," Susan said. "I'll be back."

Lucy nodded and Susan slipped away.

/

By the time Susan returned with tea and some biscuits, Edmund had calmed down enough to toss his pillows and blankets on the floor so everyone would have a place to sit. Susan set the tea on the floor in the middle of them all and then sat down herself.

"What's the matter, Ed?" Peter said. "You can tell us, you know."

Edmund avoided their eyes. "Nothing," he said with a touch of his old surliness. "Just a bad dream."

Nobody touched the tea or the biscuits. The silence dragged on until Edmund burst out, "I don't deserve to be king!"

"Oh, Edmund. That's not true!" Lucy said. "You're one of the best kings Narnia has ever had."

He hung his head. "Did any of the other kings betray Narnia?"

"But Aslan forgave you."

"I know. But I still don't deserve to be king, of all things."

Peter spoke slowly, as though he was thinking through his words as he said them. "I don't think any of us deserve to be kings or queens. But Aslan chose us and he must have know what he was doing. We all make mistakes, Ed. I know I do."

Edmund turned to him, frowning. "You're always perfect."

Peter played with a bit of tassel from one of the pillows. "Sometimes I want to give up being king and just go play like all the kids I see in the city and the villages." His words had the hushed quality of a confession. "There's just so much responsibility and it's all on me."

"But it doesn't have to be, Peter," Susan said. "Do you know how much I want to help people with their problems instead of sitting all silent and stupid while you handle things? If you give me a chance, I know I can help."

"I never thought anyone would want to deal with all those problems. But if you want to, then of course you can." He looked at her with excitement. "It's not that I don't want to be High King and help the Narnians. Of course I do. But there are so many things to be decided every day."

Susan smiled. "I'll help you, then. We all will, won't we, Edmund? And Lucy?"

"If you think I can help," Lucy said.

"Ed?"

Edmund stared at his hands but he finally looked up. "If you're sure I won't mess everything up, then I'll try to help. Promise."

"And-" Lucy began, but then hesitated. Everyone turned to her.

"Yes?" Peter said.

"I'd like to go exploring in the fields and the forests. I want to see more of Narnia." She blushed. "I know I'm sort of important now, being one of the queens, so I have to stay safe, but I also think it's important to see more of Narnia if I'm going to rule it."

"That's a great idea, Lu," said Peter.

"It's a good idea for all of us," Susan said.

Edmund said nothing but when Lucy looked at him, he nodded. He would always be the most quiet of them all, she thought.

But later on, when they left the city and climbed the Narnian hills, he laughed and shouted as loudly as any of them.