Fic title kindly donated by StarkUnreality, who has been endlessly patient as I babbled about my story to her. Thank you!
This fic is dark, it's the darkest I've ever written and I'm actually a bit nervous about posting it. The following subjects will either be discussed by the characters or are confirmed to happen "off screen" but nothing will be explicitly shown: rape/non-con, statutory rape, dub-con, age difference, child birth, child death, "human" experimentation (actually monster experimentation but it's the UT fandom), and unethical science. There will however be the following shown explicitly "on screen": teen pregnancy, violence, injury, minor character death, foul language, and alcohol abuse. If any of the above are triggering or make you extremely uncomfortable please do not read this fic. If there are any warnings you feel I missed please let me know and I'll add them.
For those that choose to keep going: I hope you enjoy the ride, it's going to be angsty.
The crunch of snow underfoot was the only sound in the quiet forest around Papyrus, echoing off the trees and still snow surrounding him. Past Doggo's sentry station there wasn't even another set of footprints to follow thanks to the snow that had been slowly drifting down all day. Papyrus couldn't understand why his brother was fine with having a sentry station so far away from anyone else. Sans had always seemed happiest when surrounded by lots of loud, rowdy, rude, drunk monsters; willingly spending long hours out here alone seemed almost out of character.
As the furthest sentry station came into view, Papyrus thought he might understand. Sans was leaning forward over his station, skull pillowed on his arms as he slept. Of course Sans would want the furthest station, any closer to town and he couldn't get away with lazing about.
Papyrus stopped in front of Sans's station and sighed loudly, Sans didn't even bother looking up. "SLACKING OFF, I SEE."
"is it really slackin' off if my shift's technic'ly over?"
"THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?"
"'cause yer here?" Sans finally looked up, quirking a brow at Papyrus like it was the most obvious thing in the Underground. He leaned back and stretched his arms as he yawned. "you've come to pick me up at the end of every shift since i started, why wouldn't i wait for ya?
"DON'T GET USED TO IT, THIS IS ONLY YOUR FIRST WEEK AND SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY DO. YOUR. JOB."
"geez, ya act like i've never worked a day in my life," Sans grumbled as he stood up.
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO MYSTERIOUSLY QUIT MY JOB FOR NO REASON AND THEN PRETENDED TO STILL HAVE ONE FOR… WHAT WAS IT? A WHOLE MONTH? MORE?"
"asshole didn't deserve to have a treasure like me workin' for 'im." Sans grinned cheekily up at Papyrus as he laced his fingers together behind his skull. He started walking down the path Papyrus had made getting out here, Papyrus quickly fell into step next to him, somehow their strides matching despite the obvious difference in height. "but more importantly," Sans said casually, "the other day i found a real gem: an ol' photo album an' i thought it'd be nice to go through it together, a golden trip down the ol' memory lane an' all that." Sans waved a hand vaguely before lacing it back behind his skull. "so whaddya say to stoppin' by somewhere to grab some grub on the way home?"
"YOU'RE JUST USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO EAT THAT DISGUSTING, GREASY, UNHEALTHY PUB FOOD YOU'RE SO GROSSLY FOND OF."
Sans laughed at that, "a li'l. if ya can think of someplace ya'd rather have i can hunt it up for ya, i know a shortcut." He winked up at his little brother.
Papyrus's eye twitched, he wasn't going to give in and respond to his brother's atrocious puns! It's exactly what Sans wanted. "UGH, YOU AND YOUR LAZY SHORTCUTS. NO, WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED AT HOME. WE ARE NOT GETTING A QUICK MEAL ON THE WAY BACK."
"yeah, okay, whatever ya say, boss. probably best to wait 'til a day off anyway." Sans sighed and looked at the trees they were passing.
Papyrus frowned, why would they need a whole day off just to go through one old photo album? He opened his mouth and was about to ask that very question when a bullet went whizzing past his head. "WHO THE FUCK WOULD DARE?!" Papyrus screamed, bone attacks already summoned with sharpened tips pointed out defensively.
Sans still had his hands laced behind his skull, his posture relaxed despite the fact he now had his back towards Papyrus as his eye lights scanned the area. A round of bullets flew by, all going wide. "eight of them, hiding like cowards. probably not even worth your time, boss, let's just get out of here."
"WORTH MY TIME OR NOT, I WON'T LET ANY IDIOTS THINK THEY CAN JUST GET AWAY WITH ATTACKING A SENTRY OR A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL GUARD."
Sans shrugged again before summoning his own round of sharpened bones and sent them out. Papyrus followed the attacks with his own, trusting his brother's aim. They both heard their attackers yelp and scramble to get out of the way or risk taking the attacks. Shortly all eight were stalking forward, each surrounded by their own defensive rings of bullets. Papyrus looked them over, a couple rabbits, a dog, the rest all seemed to have scales. He wasn't sure if they were fish, lizards, or dragons, but no matter what they wouldn't fare well in the cold snow.
"Well, well, guess you're not as useless as you look," one of the rabbits tried to say menacingly. The effect was ruined by the whistling sound a broken front tooth made whenever he said anything with an S in it. That and his ugly leather jacket with a blotchy dye job, god what a try hard!
"WHAT DO YOU… YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S NOT IMPORTANT. YOU'VE ATTACKED US AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR SUCH INSOLENCE." Papyrus pulled up the Fight HUD and made sure Sans was marked as his ally.
*SANS – HP 11/1
Then the brothers bolted in opposite directions. Their attackers seemed surprised, they shouted and scrambled to split into two groups to chase them down. Three went after Sans while the remaining five chased after Papyrus. He smirked, their mistake to focus on him. Though he can't help feeling flattered they think he's the bigger threat.
Unfortunately that left Papyrus on the defensive until Sans could take care of his group and give him some back-up. Fortunately dodging is easy when you can bend space to your will. Papyrus rolled in the snow, dodging a few bullets in doing so and forced the last two to just barely miss, then sent a spray of bone attacks in a wide arc. He heard a distant "fuck" in a familiar voice.
*SANS – HP 6/1
Well shit, now that nap he had caught Sans taking earlier actually served a purpose, Sans was never going to let him hear the end of it.
"HURRY UP, YOU USELESS WHELP!"
"i am hurrying, boss! fucking hell!"
"What's," a shrill whistle at the end of the word nearly drowned out the next, "taking you three so long? The short one's practically free EXP!" The only response the ringleader got was a gargled wheeze.
Sans stepped into view from behind a snow poff, leaving the remaining attackers trapped between the brothers.
"ABOUT FUCKING TIME."
"yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with." Sans summoned several bones above his head, angled with their sharpened ends pointed at the ground. They slammed into the ground around their attackers like a rain of spears, stopping just short of Papyrus, who mirrored Sans's attack with his own. Soon the dumb idiots that assaulted them were desperately weaving through a field of bones while dodging new ones shooting towards them, occasionally one or two of them even managed to fire off a few bullets at either brother.
*SANS – HP 1/1
Papyrus growled, he would yell at his brother for getting distracted but that would just distract Sans. It's fine, he reminded himself, Sans isn't dead yet and there are just two left: the ringleader rabbit and the one dog. They can handle this easily, even if Sans is sweating and breathing heavily. When they get home Papyrus is going to have to scold Sans about his deplorable stamina.
Sans and Papyrus moved in on the last two attackers, the bones pointed at their necks slowly inching forward as they advanced. "SURRENDER AND FACE YOUR PUNISHMENT."
"You think you're hot shit just for being all buddy buddy with Undyne."
"NO, I THINK I'M HOT SHIT FOR TAKING ALL EIGHT OF YOU DOWN WITH ONLY THE HELP OF ONE ASTHMATIC SENTRY."
"hey! i ain't asthmatic ya bossy li'l bastard!"
Papyrus smirked as he summoned a large bone, this one whole. It shouldn't take much to knock these last two out and haul the whole lot off to jail. His face shifted to horror as one of the attackers behind Sans lifted himself up despite the blue bone impaling him and shot a bullet towards Sans. Papyrus barely had time to lift a hand before it hit him, then Sans was face down in the snow.
*SANS – HP 0.0001/1
A blaster materialized right over the attacker and fired, leaving nothing but a smoking crater behind.
"The fuck was that?!" one of the scalies shrieked in terror, right before several more blasters appeared and fired. Seven more smoking craters and dust drifting away in the gentle breeze.
Papyrus quickly scrambled over and picked Sans up. Not dust, still whole, still bone, not dust. "SANS, ARE YOU OKAY? STAY WITH ME, YOU'LL BE OKAY. YOU'LL BE OKAY."
* SANS – HP 0.0000001/1
Shit, his HP was falling. Papyrus carefully cradled his {frail} brother as he ran to town. There were no healers in Snowdin, it was too small and too dangerous for any of the rare monsters with that talent to want to bother with, he'd have to take care of Sans himself. Papyrus rushed through town and straight to their home, he barely bothered to shut the front door behind him as he ran directly into the kitchen. He shifted Sans into a one-armed hold and nearly tore the refrigerator door off its hinges in his rush to open it.
They didn't have anything remotely like finger food, Papyrus couldn't stand the thought of eating with his bare hands like some kind of savage. Fortunately he had experimented with some 'Italy' cuisine the other day and they had spaghetti and meatballs left over. Papyrus grabbed the container and sunk to the floor, he leaned Sans's {tiny} {helpless} unresponsive body up against his own so he could use both hands to wrench open the container and tear a bite sized chunk off a meatball. He ignored the tomato sauce he was getting everywhere as he held open Sans's mouth and practically shoved the meatball piece in.
* SANS – HP 0.00000000000001/1
"SHIT!" Papyrus went back to the fridge and hastily shoved ingredients and leftovers out of his way until he reached the very back. There, his hand closed around a garish yellow bottle and pulled it out. The bottle was distressingly light, it took several shakes before he finally managed to squeeze a little mustard into Sans's mouth.
* SANS – HP 0.00000000001/1
"DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMNIT!" Papyrus picked Sans back up and rushed out the door again. The mustard might have bought him some time, but he was worried the time he had spent trying to get the damn mustard into Sans would cancel it out. He ran as fast as he could through Waterfall, jumping over the ridiculously small gap a small bird would demand a toll to carry monsters across and dodging around or just leaping over any monsters that got in his way.
Next thing he knew he was running across the bridge from Waterfall into Hotland and heading straight to the elevator. He pushed the button that would drop him off right in front of the Core. He had to remind himself three times that this was in fact faster than running through all those awful conveyor belt and steam vent puzzles, his foot tapping impatiently for the entire ride.
The elevator finally came to a stop and the doors opened with a ding, Papyrus was already sprinting through them before they were even fully open. He ran into the Future Site of the MTT (TM) Resort to find the usual crowd of monsters around the elevator to New Home. "MAKE WAY, MAKE WAY! ROYAL GUARD COMING THROUGH!" Fortunately the elevator was crowded but not clogged or stuck. Again. Papyrus angrily kicked all the monsters out of his way until he could get inside, then mashed the close door button. Once the doors did finally close, he breathed a sigh of relief to be moving again. The elevator only had the two points to stop between, so the ride would be quick and uninterrupted.
The door opened onto another crowd of annoyed monsters all trying to use the elevator. "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!" Papyrus hollered before just kicking and snarling his way through the crowd. Once free, Papyrus started running through the gray streets. He was in New Home now, the only place in the whole Underground that actually had a hospital, and located close to the Core in case of any kind of accident. In practically no time at all {too long, still too long! What if it's too late? What if he's already falling to dust?} Papyrus was running into the hospital emergency center and gasping out "MY BROTHER IS INJURED, FIX HIM!" to the bored looking receptionist.
Sans was pulled from his arms and there was a flurry of activity accompanied by lots of yelling as monsters bustled around him. Papyrus was breathing hard, running all the way across the Underground had finally caught up with him, he collapsed against the intake desk and tried to get his breathing back under control.
"Sir? Are you injured too?"
"BARELY A SCRATCH, I'LL BE FINE." His HP wasn't even down to half, more than enough to keep going for days yet. A little food and a chance to catch his breath and he'd be back to full health. Sans, on the other hand…
"Can you tell us what happened?"
"WE WERE ATTACKED NEAR HIS SENTRY STATION, ASSHOLES THOUGHT OUTNUMBERING US FOUR TO ONE WOULD BE ENOUGH." Papyrus nearly flinched as a realization hit him, on duty or not they were both still members of the Royal Guard and this would need to be reported. So would the deaths of their attackers. And… ugh! Someone would have to be sent out to investigate where the fight happened to confirm the deaths and there would be so. Much. Paperwork.
"Alright, that makes this official Royal Guard business and procedure has to be followed," the person talking to Papyrus said. Papyrus looked at the speaker and realized they were the receptionist he had first run up to. "If you could just take a seat, someone will bring you something to eat shortly as well as the necessary forms."
Speak of the devil and he'll make you do paperwork, of course. "WHAT ABOUT MY BROTHER? WILL HE BE OKAY?"
"He's in the best possible hands," the receptionist said reassuringly. Papyrus was not reassured. A vague answer like that either meant the receptionist didn't know shit or seriously thought Sans was already as good as dust. He was going to lean towards not knowing shit, they weren't a doctor after all.
Papyrus sat down as instructed and sure enough someone brought a rather bland pastry and several forms that needed to be filled out. Papyrus sighed before grabbing the pen and starting on the paperwork, he had a feeling it would be a long, long wait.
Fanfiction dot net doesn't allow for strike thrus, so I had to get a bit creative with the formatting. If you'd like to see what it was originally intended to look like feel free to swing over to AO3 where this story is also posted under the same name.
While it may be weird for Monsters, who canonically don't shit, to say words like "shit" for a curse word, I'm choosing to use it anyway because of audience familiarity. I could construct my own idioms, curse words, and cultural references that I feel make more sense, but they simply won't have the same weight and bite for the audience and would likely require extensive notes at the end of each chapter and well... we have enough of those without all that. So please consider any words, phrases, or societal norms you don't think Monsters would use/adhere to to be simply translations.
