.Ra.

I heard that name whisper in my ear very, very clearly. Like it was whispered just for my ears.

It was summer. I had my car window pulled down and I was sure there was nobody there but me.

There were no stars that night. Very black sky and a few lampposts that lit the street. I was positive I stopped to park at a silent town of sleeping folks.

I was scared shitless.
My brain was fucking RACING.
Who the fuck called my name?!

I just came back from my most recent heist - shoplifting $50 worth of makeup supplies I probably won't use ever.

Nobody caught me tonight.
But that voice I heard was something else.
It was from a woman.

I'm spritual a little so.. If I had to guess - maybe mom. Maybe she was giving me a sign.

Maybe she was watching me.

"Hey ma... If that was you, I won't do it again, I promise," I thought to myself.

I did a quick little pray.

But then I had an afterthought.

"What the heck am I thinking? I sound crazy. I'll shoplift again in a few days," I scoffed. I felt so proud of shoplifting that I fucking scoffed at NOT shoplifting.

I felt like I that amazing 16 year old 'boldness' - where my life motto was, "I could do what the hell I want. Fuck tha police."

With the night coming to a close, I turned the car back on, rolled the windows up, and drove home to my morbidly obese aunt.

"I'm home," I said as I opened the door.

The lights were on as they always are.

But tonight I was responded with nothing but silence.

Nobody was there - good!

I took my shoes off and ran upstairs to avoid seeing family in the near future.
I hate seeing people I live with - especially her.

When I got comfortable enough, I went to my study table and wrote in my journal immediately what happened tonight. Included was my conconcted list of why I kept stealing, hoping to find some sort of revelation:

+Broke.
+Too lazy to work and don't want to work.
+Suck at working.
+Impulsive and need things.
+Hate myself. And my life.

Talk about being a goddamn loser delinquent.
I. Absolutely. Hated. Myself.
I hated my body! As a 16 year old that's all I thought about - how acceptance and a happy high school life for a female simply meant being pretty, skinny, and feminine.

But I was fat! After this list, I got so frustrated that I stopped writing, got up from my station, and looked at myself in the mirror. I lifted my shirt up, pinched my stomach and positioned myself such that I was looking at the fattest, most atrocious version of myself.

You know how people are "body positive"?

Well, I DIDNT love my body because it was disgusting.

Pretty sure girls like Ino (a fellow gorgeous classmate) felt SEXY AS FUCK. They got the thin waist and skinny arms. They got all the attention from everyone and got invited to all the parties. Because they're attractive.

I mean, I wanted attention, too.

I was sad and wanted to be attractive for the sexy boys, too.

I felt so defeated that night despite my success in thievery.

With those thoughts that night, I put my useless stash of goods away, took a shower, crawled under the sheets, and turned off the lights.

Like always, I went to sleep alone.

I was always so alone.

. . .

RIINGG RIING RIIINGG

My alarm clock.

It was time for school and I got so tired last night I didn't get to finish my art project - a painting of some sort.

I got up and dressed in the ugliest, paint-stained sweatpants and a very large t-shirt. They're comfortable, and hell, it didn't matter how I would come to school because I was invisible enough anyway.

After brushing my teeth and saying bye to my dear old lovely aunt, I got my school bag, my unfinished homework, some painting supplies and rushed off in my piece-of-shit car.

..

First class - homeroom. I always finish art projects during this class anyway so I decided to lay down some of my painting supplies and start -

"Hey can you get out of that seat? You have no friends anyway so it doesn't matter," Karin said haughtily. Karin's this redhead with nice tits. Known to dress slutty and tries too hard to be one of the popular kids.

I saw red 0 to 100 real quick.
I. Was. Pissed. The fuck. Off.

"Excuse me! Hallway - NOW!" the sexy white-haired teacher shouted immediately. His name - Mr. Kakashi. My future husband who reads porn in class.

Silence filled the classroom after the teacher's words. Kakashi is usually soft spoken. Haven't seen him like this in, well, ever. All of us shut the fuck up real quick.

So sexy and quick to act - he pulled her out of the classroom before I had the chance to say anything. Disappointed and frustrated, I was.

After a few seconds of processing the situation, the attention-seeking whore sauntered her way out with Kakashi following suit.

Kakashi left the rest of us and closed the door behind him.

I sat there glaring at the empty seat where Ino sat 10 seconds ago, having insane revenge fantasies.

Like taking her shit and throwing it out of the room.

Or writing "BITCH" on paper and leaving it on her desk.

Or punching the fuck out of her after class.

Or taking her desk across the room and out into the hallway.

I was shaking.

Bitch was lucky.

Do that to me but not to my friend.

I glared at the chick's crew because fuck them.

"You all right, Hinata?" I said to the black haired girl with perfect white skin who sat in front of me.

Hinata was a shy girl. I know she won't do shit. She's one of those that have to be protected because she gets bullied for being weird. Beautiful tits. Beautiful hair and flawless skin. Low voice. Very submissive, very feminine. But nobody knows this because she hides her body under a hijab and wears long sleeves and long pants.

For some cosmic reason, nobody but me has ever cared enough to hang out with her.

"Y-y-y-yeah..." she stammered. The girl's face was red from embarrassment. She hated the attention.

As I hold my death glare to the small crowd involved in the bullying that had just occurred, I moved up a few inches close and whispered to her, 'Movie night at my place after school.'

"What happened?" asked the lost looking air-headed blonde all the way to the other side of the room. The kid's name is Naruto - one of the popular kids. Always attracted everybody. Some sort of people magnet. Nicest dude ever, will help anyone out.

"Shut up I'll tell you later," the boy who sat in front of him quickly responded. Sasuke was the hottest - and I emphasize the hottest - boy in school. Sasuke was a dark raven haired boy who's emotionally unavailable. He was smart, cold and suave. The opposite of Naruto, his best friend, but ironically just as popular.

Now, I'm a good person overall despite my sins. I'm a good friend. I swear. That's something I value. Friendship.

And this bitch - she really TRIED me that morning.

TRIED ME.

She really hurt my friend. Embarrassed her in front of everyone. The disrespect that came out of those lips that were so thin that she needed to get a "lip plumper" because she's a fake ass ho.

When I was a teenager, I couldn't control my impulses.

I just couldn't.

So I did what friends do.

As soon as she came back in the classroom, I walked over to her with my paint brush dripped in paint and splashed her face with it.

..

AAAAAANNNDD that's when Kakashi, the love of my life and future husband, grabbed my hand.

Boy, he's never touched me before.

He has such soft hands - that was our first intimate moment.

I was so embarrassed about my own hands because his was so perfect. Mine were dry and I had to wash dishes a lot so... ugh. Gross.

To my dismay, he only took my hand only to take the paint brush I was holding, which he succeeded in.

"You. Principal's office. Go. Now," he pointed to me in a low, dark voice.

He got really scary. I really pissed him off.

The snowflake looked at me and made a face like she was going to cry and hit me at the same time. The crying face soon turned the next second into pure hatred. Hatred just for me. It was a fight or flight situation 100%; her body was ready.

I saw both of her fists ball up.

And then she proceeded to lift her dominant hand to give me a right cross punch.

So instinctively, I, too, prepared for battle and-

Kakashi grabbed both of our wrists and stopped what was going to be a shitshow.

After a solid 3 seconds in a standstill, we were both escorted personally by Kakashi to Principal Tsunade's office.

It was a very long walk. The quiet hallway didn't help make it feel any faster.

Both of us had tears well up in our eyes. They fell from our cheeks in silence from all the endorphins and whatever hormones flowed through us.