Rock, Paper, Scissors and Acid Rain

written by Tearless Sonnet

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.

A/N: Wow. I never really expected to write this, actually. It's a very different style from my usual, isn't it? No romance in it at all. It's pure, undiluted humor. It turned out very random in the end. But, my dears, I must credit this to my bus mates: they had this conversation and I couldn't help but put it into words. It's all dialogue and drabble = Double D. I think you won't be able to guess who the characters in this fic are, heh. I'll give a whole buncha cookies to someone who gets the right answer! Hint: it's not Natsume or Mikan. ;)


"I'm bored."

"Me too. Let's play a game."

"A game?"

"Yes, a game."

"What kind of game?"

"A hand game."

"Like what?"

"Jack and Jill."

"Jack and Jill?"

"Yes, Jack and Jill. Stop repeating whatever I say."

"Fine." A roll of the eyes.

"So, Jack and Jill it is then."

"Yes, Jack and Jill it is."

"Didn't I tell you—"

"Fine. Whatever. Jack and Jill's a baby game, anyway."

"No it isn't. Besides, I was thinking of playing Jack and Jill Xtreme."

"Xtreme? What do you mean by Xtreme?"

"Extreme, duh."

"What, you mean, instead of climbing up the hill, they race up there like devil-possessed BMX maniacs?"

"No. We just play Jack and Jill really fast."

"That's lame."

"Oh, well, fine! You think of something good then, smarty pants."

"Nice to know you think of deliciously smart (and sexy) my pants are. Well, let's play rock paper scissors."

"And you think Jack and Jill is a baby game."

"But this is different; this is Rock Paper Scissors Xtreme."

"And how is that so different from Jack and Jill Xtreme?!"

"Easy. It doesn't suck."

"You—you!" A sigh. "Oh, fine. Just get on with it then."

"Okay. As you obviously know, rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock. But what you didn't know is Acid Rain."

"What the hell."

"Yes, Acid Rain. It beats rock, paper, and scissors."

"So it's pretty much the trump card."

"I'm not a tramp."

A sigh. "Just continue."

"So, since Acid Rain is invincible, nothing can defeat it right?"

"Right."

"Well, you're wrong!"

Why do I even bother?

"The only thing that can beat acid rain is Acid Cloud! And the only thing that can defeat acid cloud is the sun!"

"Wait, wait. So what beats the sun?"

"Er. . . acid—no, wait. A boy! A boy beats the sun!"

"How does a boy beat the sun?"

"Well, since the boy is happy, it beats the sun!"

"Your logic confounds me."

"Thank you. Well, the sun can not only beat acid cloud, it can also beat scissors!"

"How can it beat scissors?"

"The sun is hot right?" An affirmative. "Then that means, since the scissors is made out of metal, the metal is heated by the sun and nobody can hold it now! It's super mega hot! Like plasma!"

"But what if the scissors has a protective plastic handle?"

"This type of scissors doesn't."

"But that's—"

"Continuing on, the only thing that can beat the boy is Michael Jackson. But Michael Jackson can be defeated by the sun, acid rain and scissors."

"How about the boy? Can't he be defeated by acid rain and scissors, too?"

"Acid rain, no. He has a protective acid-rain-bubble. But he can die through scissors."

"Okay. But why can the sun beat Michael Jackson?"

"'Cause he's so white, that's why."

"So, he's a vampire? But Edward Cullen doesn't melt in the sun!"

"Edward Cullen turns into a diamond when he goes out under the sun. Plus, he's fictional."

"He doesn't turn into a diamond! He sparkles!"

"In the movie he sparkles, but in real life, he turns into a diamond."

"You just said he was fictional! And Edward Cullen doesn't turn all transparent-y and pointy."

"Ugh, whatever."

"What were we talking about again?"

"Something about bananas, I think."

Fin