Helga and the Cycle of Life

by Kim Burk!!

It is now three years into the future, and Helga is 12 years old. Her hair is now worn down and her body is beginning to develop in certain areas, if you know what I mean. Her best friend is still Phoebe, and she's still in love with Arnold. In fact, they're going out! Yes that's right, Helga confessed her love to him when she was 9. And now he likes her too! Well sort of, I mean she IS turning into a hot chick. In fact, many of the girls become jealous of Helga when they have to share a locker room with her. lol. ~_^

Helga arrived at school at 6:50am on Tuesday. Her first class, pre- algebra, started at 7. On her way there she noticed flyers across the walls, advertising the winter dance! Helga smiled. "I can't wait to go with Arnold!" she thought to herself, and sighed. Oh, how Helga loved Arnold! She liked going to the boarding house with him after school, and doing her homework with him in his room. One time, his bed was wet. She didn't know why! But I bet he spilled apple juice or something! I mean hell it's not like the boy still wets his bed! Although his grandpa does ocassionally, which is kind of disgusting. But I digress.

Helga's classes went by slowly and sluggishly. Math, history, english... then it was lunch time! Helga sat with Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe, and talked about how stupid their teachers were. Then they talked about how stupid their classmates were. Then they talked about how stupid their parents were. Argh, fucking preteens. Uhm... so anyway, Helga brought up the upcoming dance. "Are we going, Arnold? I'd love to go!" she speaked enthusiastically. "Oh, uh sure," Arnold replied with a smile. "Oh Arnold, you are so dear to me! I am so happy that I finally confessed to you that one day three years ago, and now we're together, for eternity! Oh joy! Oh rapture!" "Uh Helga, we're 12 years old. Why the hell are you ranting on about undying love in the cafeteria?" Helga, confused by Arnold's comment, stopped talking and finished her lunch. On the way back from the cafeteria, she felt a sharp pain in her lower stomach. "Ow! Was the meatloaf bad or something?" Helga asked to herself while putting a hand to her abdomen.

Helga went to gym class, which meant going to her locker, which meant showing off her rapidly growing rack. Helga didn't really like this, because it made girls not like her for stupid reasons, and it made boys say dirty things about her when she walked by. But Arnold liked her, and that was all that mattered! Yes, Arnold was the only thing that brought happiness to Helga's life. Without him, she would surely wind up in a deep depression, cutting her arms and writing d33p goth poetry until she finally killed herself from a heroin OD. But no matter! Helga's sharp pain suddenly returned, and she decided to go to the bathroom.

She couldn't believe what she saw! For there, splattered on her frilly white panties, was a dark red spot. Olga had told her about this. It was her "womanly cycle," the end of girlhood, and the beginning of oppressive womanhood (Olga is a bit of a feminist three years in the future). "Psst! Phoebe!" Helga muttered to her best friend outside the bathroom stall. "My, uh, thing started. You know, the woman thing?" "Why Helga, that's great! Congradulations on your transition into womanhood!" Phoebe responded in a chipper tone. "Uh yeah whoop de doo, do you have anything I could use?" "Sure, hold on! I haven't started mine yet, but my mom keeps a maxipad in my backpack just in case." Phoebe proceeded to walk to her backpack and pull out a pink wrapped maxipad, and then gave it to Helga under the stall door. "Thanks."

Helga walked out. "Man, this thing feels like a damn diaper!" "You'll get used to it," Phoebe said, "but you could always try tampons."

Shit, I am fucking tired of writing about ovulation. Uh, so Helga and Arnold went to the dance, and Helga got an embarrassing red stain on her pants the next day, and some people laughed at her, and Arnold asked if she sat on ketchup or something, because he didn't understant. A few weeks later the 7th grade had a sex ed class and Arnold found out. Then he vomited. A few weeks later Arnold asked if he could play with Helga's clean tampons. They look like little cotton toys!!!

The End.