In S5, Ted's in the bizarre situation of living with his ex while she dates his best mate. Plus, chapter 5 of my story The Robot Falls In Love is a post-5.01 discussion between Lily and Barney, so I wondered what the opposite conversation was.
Set between 5.01 and 5.02
Luanda
"Ted, er, can we talk?"
He puts down his newspaper and pen, "Go ahead,"
"Do you… is this alright with you?"
"What?"
"Me and Barney,"
"Right; you and Barney and your definitely-not-a-relationship," he grins.
She sighs resignedly and sits down beside him.
"Fine. Maybe it- maybe we are- okay, yes, we're dating. Yes, he's my-" she stops.
"Can't you say it?" he teases.
"Of course I can say it. Its just not a word often used about him,"
"Go on, Scherbatsky. Say it,"
She swallows. "I am dating Barney Stinson. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend,"
"Weird?"
"Totally weird,"
She pauses, "Look, are you okay with it?"
Ted cocks his head, and says sarcastically, "Oh, you mean living with my ex-girlfriend while she spends all summer hooking up with my best friend?"
"Yeah," she concedes guiltily, not looking at him, "D'you mind? That's why we didn't say anything because you minded last time and we didn't want to hurt your feelings and-"
"Hey. I'm not going to pretend that this isn't weird, but it's alright,"
"Because if it isn't we'll stop,"
He snorts amusedly. "You. And Barney. Will stop having sex?"
"Fine, maybe we…won't," she relents shiftily.
"Nah, didn't think so,"
"Seriously, Ted. If you're not happy, tell me. I feel bad,"
"It's fine. I tell you when I'm not happy with you, right? Like when you don't take out the trash or when you watch too much Top Gear or make incomprehensible Canada references?" his voice turns sincere, "So I'd tell you if I was unhappy with this,"
"And you're sure you're not?"
"I'm sure,"
"Good,"
Ted smiles affectionately at her, briefly turns his attention back to his crossword, then (because he likes to tease her, just a little) he says,
"It does explain a lot though,"
"Like what?"
"Like your decoupage class, or all that giggling and noises in the night, or that time when you disappeared buying drinks while he took ages in the bathroom," He's smirking and wriggling his eyebrows in a way which is-ironically- almost Barney-ish.
"Shut up,"
"No one knows what you've got yourself in for, dating him- but sure is it gonna be fun to stand back and watch,"
"Well, I hope you enjoy the show. Robin and Barney: A Tragi-Comedy in three acts. Act One: The Summer, Act Two: The Disaster-Dating, Act Three: The Inevitable Yet Explosive Break-Up,"
Neither of them are sure if she means it as a joke.
"You really think that's what'll happen?" Ted asks warily
"How can it not? You know I suck at relationships, and Barney wouldn't know one if it hit him in the face,"
"That could work in your favour though- you two are similar in that way. And you weren't that bad when you were with me, you know,"
She gives him a small smile, "No, I know. I wasn't being negative; you don't have to be sympathetic. I'm just saying that I realise where this is heading and I'm not going to be surprised when it goes up in smoke,"
"I've always admired your optimism,"
"Like I say, Ted- enjoy the show,"
"Now we've established that this entire situation is weird," he replies thoughtfully, after a pause, "I don't think it makes it any weirder for me to tell you that if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you. I know that sounds lame, but...talk to me if you need to"
"It did sound lame. But thanks,"
"Hey, what are roommate-ex-boyfriend-best-friend-of-new-boyfriends for, eh?" he grins, "Now, seven across is 'Southern African capital,' six letters ending in A… any thoughts?"
Thank you for reading. All feedback is much appreciated, so please review! Thanks again :- )
