Fruit Squeezes

by

Alexander Pennington

Danny grunted as he shoved. "Danny –" came the voice in front of him.

"Call me Bob Saget!" Danny grunted again.

"I... love... OUCH... everybody."

Danny sighed and leaned back, wiping his brow.

"Is it done?"

"Yeah, it's done," answered Danny. "Come on, time to show everyone."


Jesse stepped into the living room then crossed to the base of the stairs. Cupping his hand to his mouth he called, "Rebecca! Rebecca!"

"What?" her voice floated back down to him.

"Where are the twins?"

"Who?"

"The twins?"

"Oh, them. I gave them up for adoption."

"WHAT?"

"They were annoying little brats with stupid haircuts," said Rebecca.

Michelle burst through the door from the kitchen, a dull metallic bar clamped between her teeth. Uncle Joey ran after her yelling, "No Michelle! Don't eat that lead!"

"What about giving head?" yelled Rebecca.

Joey stopped suddenly then turned to the stairs and yelled, "Was that an offer?"

"Joey is that you?" asked Rebecca.

"Yeah."

"Okay then, come on up."

Michelle made it to the front door and flung it open and ran out. A moment later car horns started blaring to accompany the sound of screeching tires. A hub cap clattered into the living room.

Taking them two at a time, Joey bounded up the stairs while unzipping his pants. Jesse stood staring after him for a moment then bunched his brow and walked slowly to the front door. He leaned against the door frame, looking out.

Danny walked through the open door waving a small severed hand that ended at a bloody stump. "Hey, look what I found!" He tossed it over his shoulder then moved to the center of the living room. "Come on gang!" he called. "Everyone come here! Family meeting! There's something I want to show you."

Jesse moved to the couch and plopped down. Rebecca walked down the stairs wearing high heels, black panties and a black bra. Joey walked down behind her, naked and cupping his hands over his crotch.

"That's a nice look for you Joey!" said Danny. "Rebecca, if you're all tired out, you know I can, well, you know." He motioned his head toward Joey.

"Oh no," said Joey. "You stay away from my wee willy winky."

"It was just a thought," said Danny.

Jesse fidgeted on the couch when Rebecca and Joey came close. "You still have a flat chest. I don't even know why you bother to wear that bra. It's not like you need it," he said.

"At least me having a girl's name actually makes sense," said Rebecca.

"Everyone, everyone, I have something to show you," said Danny.

"What is it?" asked Joey.

"Okay Barney, you can come in now!"

A large, purple, fuzzy, humanoid dinosaur walked stiffly into the house, coming to stand beside Danny. "Well hi everybody! I hope everyone's doing swell! It sure is a special day!" he said.

"I taught Barney a neat trick," said Danny.

Joey moved to stand directly behind the couch, the back of which came up to just above his crotch. He lifted his hands and wiped them on the fabric. "What's the trick?" he asked.

"Watch!" said Danny. He pressed lightly on Barney's stomach.

"Oh that tickles!" said Barney as a lemon squeezed out of his behind and bounced on the carpet then rolled to a stop.

Rebecca stepped up beside Joey then kneeled down, disappearing behind the couch. Joey turned slightly sideways.

Danny pressed harder on Barney's stomach.

"Oh, uh," Barney grunted. A pineapple slowly squeezed out, bouncing onto the floor beside the lemon, smeared with streaks of red. "I would sit down," said Barney, "but I don't think I can."

Glancing over at Joey, Danny said, "Can, can you at least kneel down Barney?"

"I think so," said Barney.

"Let's go in the kitchen," said Danny. He grabbed a pillow from the couch as he walked past.