Hiya! If you new to this fic, you might want to pop over to the prequel titled "A Little Deeper in Love" or else things are going to be a little confusing. And to my old readers, Welcome back! Updates will be once every week as usual on Fridays so stick around!
Seventh Year: Prologue
Lily,
Your previous idea of slipping Bitterroot extract into Sirius's pumpkin juice worked brilliantly. He can't take a bite of anything without cringing, although he tries to hide his distaste because it strokes my satisfaction. Now, I'm worried about what Sirius might have in plan to get back at me. I suspect he's talked Peter into doing his bidding so I've decided to recruit Remus. Let me know if you have any more brilliant ideas in that big brain of yours
Pranks aside, how is your holiday faring? You mentioned something called 'football' in your previous letter. What is it? Why does one watch football on this 'telly' thing? Don't leave me hanging, Evans, I'm bleeding curious as I am.
Yours,
Arrogant Toerag
…
Lily smiled as she read through her latest letter from her unlikeliest pen pal, James Potter. After she was found in an old wardrobe in the Room of Hidden Things with Barbara Winston's dead body last year, James Potter was suddenly determined to be the
ultimate pest to her, continuously demanding her attention, cracking inappropriate jokes and doubled his requests to take her to Hogsmeade. Even when she was had been admitted into St Mungo's Spell Damage Ward for the healers to monitor her mental
state, he came by the hospital every day just to annoy her, ranting about anything from the hospital's bad interior design or just the tragically horrid day he was having. Initially, she'd been unstable enough to alternate between snapping at him
to go away and bursting into tearful fits, begging him not to leave her alone.
Regardless of whether or not she wanted his presence, he remained faithfully by her bedside to chew her ear off until the healers ushered him out the room when visiting hours were over. Eventually, she began to look forward to his visits, the rest of
the Marauders would occasionally make an appearance as well. Although, they would usually be asked to leave shortly after because they were too rowdy, or for trying to bewitch some bloke's crutches to start flying.
She decided againsttellingher parents of her true whereabouts duringChristmas, worried that they might make her drop out of Hogwarts for her safety. The publicity on Hogwarts was bad enough as it ,with the death of
a student within the infamous 'infallible' defense of the castle, the morality and faith of the public deteriorated tremendously. Pure-blood elitists were alreadymaking fun of Dumbledore's control over the school and countless muggle-borns hadbeen
frightened into hiding. Barbara's parents had come to visit her in St. Mungo's, her mother had been furious with Lily and her father, simply heartbroken. To say that Lily hadfelt guilty was a severe understatement.
With false strength and honest words, Lily forbade herself from crying as she answered Mrs. Winston. She had no right to cry. Not when she was here and alive whilst theirdaughter was not.
Barbara had most probably been targeted because of her close relationship with Lily.
The message left on the dungeon wall had obviously been meant for her, Barbara had been a pawn to get to her.
No, she did notknow why she had been kept alive.
She was sorry it wasn't her that died in Barbara's place.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry…
Knock. Knock.
"Lily?"
Lily jerked back from the verge of fitful tears to look around for the source of the voice. "Are you awake, Lily?" her mother's voice came from behind her door.
"I'm up!" she called back, folding her letter and handing the owl on her desk a treat. "Don't go anywhere now. I'll get back to you" she stroked her knuckles down the owl's chest.
"There's someone asking for you at the door, Lily. You'd best come down." her mother's voice faded and Lily assumed she had walked away. Brows furrowing, Lily wondered who could it be. Was it Severus again? No, her mother would've mentioned if it had
been him; he lived down the street after all. So who could it be? There wasn't anyone from school who were anything more than acquaintances with her.
She pulled her front door open to see a head full of untidy black hair and silver rimmed spectacles. "Potter?"
His hand instantly shot up to entangle in his hair at her arrival. "Evans" he said, breathless. "I was beginning to think I got the wrong house" he said, almost sheepish.
Lily blinked at him, tilting her head at him "I was just about to reply your letter. Did you need something, Potter?" she asked, curious.
His eyes turned dark and he looked intently into her eyes. Lily swallowed, fearing the worst. "Yes, there is something I'd like you to help me with" He turned his head and pressed a fingertip to his cheek, leaning toward her. "If you would just press
your lips here, it would be-"
Lily stepped back into her house and swung the door close, but James had pressed a hand against it, halting it halfway. "I'm only joking, Lily. Don't be such a spoilsport" he chuckled but the nervousness in his tone was evident.
When the red haired Gryffindor pulled the door back open, James was surprised to find her smiling. Although she wouldn't admit it, she had grown rather fond of his sense of humour, especially when she learned not to take him too seriously. "The giant
squid might get jealous" she added cheekily.
There was a pause and the corners of James' lips quirked up and he snickered "Was that a joke, Evans? Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming."
Lily rolled her eyes at him, not taking any offense. "Why are you here, Potter?" she looked at him expectantly. James shrugged and ran his hand through his hair again.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me" he offered lamely.
"It's been nine months since the incident, Potter. You don't have to keep checking up on me anymore. I've enjoyed your letters very much, but I'm alright, really." Lily insisted.
He's kept a vigilant eye on her when she had been discharged after Christmas holidays and persistently exerted his presence around her. Wherever James went, the Marauders went too. Except Sirius, who was too busy chasing tail most of the time to follow
after her around the castle. For the first few weeks,she had been grateful to them, she felt much safer knowing if someone did try to come after her again, she wouldn't be alone. It was fairly convenient for her as well, because there was at
least one Marauder in each of her classes and therefore she always had someone with her. It was only during patrols where she would worry most, but James had assured her that nothing would happen. When she had asked him how could he beso sure,
he swiftly changed the subject.
Besides the fact that she was annoyed that they'd hexed any Slytherin that so much as glanced at her, she more or less enjoyed their company. It didn't take long for the news of her incident to spread throughout the school. Some people thought that she
had been the one to kill Barbara Winston and others just felt sorry for her. Eventually, everyone looked at her with pity or with fear and the rest with hate.
"Who said I was checking on you? I happened to be in this area and thought I'd pay a dear friend a visit" James defended. Lily didn't believe that but chose to humor him nonetheless.
"We may be civil now, Potter but I'm still not going out with you" she crossed her arms and looked at him smugly.
"Hey, no one said anything about a date. Don't go making things weird now, Evans" he lifted his hands and shrugged with exaggerated innocence. Lily raised an eyebrow at him and he crossed his heart with one finger "It's not a date, I promise"
A small smile tugged at Lily's lips and she caved, unable to stand his endearing antics "Oh, all right" she turned back into the house and called "Mum, I'm stepping out for a while!" and her mother shouted something back about being home in time for dinner.
As Lily began to close the door, she paused "Do I need to be dressed for whatever you have in mind?" she asked.
Blushing at the hidden implications, James fought it back before clearing his throat and shrugged casually, he could honestly care less about what she wore. As far as he was concerned, she looked magical in anything. Even in her sunflower printed pajamas pants and oversized T-shirt that read 'Boo, I'm Casper the friendly ghost!' Though
that suspicious-looking white blob with a face looked nothing like a ghost to him. "We're just popping down to Diagon Alley" he shrugged.
"Oh, I should step into something more appropriate then" she casted him a meek smile and then disappeared into the house. James slid his hands into his pockets and waited patiently. A moment after, the door popped open, startling him. "Would you like
to come in and wait?" Lily asked, the faintest trace of a blush on her cheeks. He stared at her, biting his tongue to keep him from saying anything about her obvious embarrassment, James simply nodded.
The Evans' household was nothing like his home. While his home was mostly filled with ancient magical relics for decoration, hers was filled with strange muggle contraptions. His home smelled like aged wood, hers smelled like flower tea. His home was
bigger on the inside and more humble on the outside. Hers didn't look any bigger than it was on the outside. How did muggles live without magic? What did her room look like? Why is that black box talking about the weather?
"Hello, dear. Are you one of Lily's friends?" the woman asked him.
James snapped out of his trance to meet the eyes of someone who looked like an older version of Lily. She was the one who had opened the door the first time he'd knocked but he'd never paid attention to what she looked like until now. James assumed she
was Lily's mother, their eyes were the same shape but she had brown eyes instead of green and her red hair had been cut to a more manageable shoulder-length. It suddenly became painfully clear to him that this was the woman who gave birth to Lily.
Nervousness washed over him like a wave and James wracked his brain for something to say. What was her question again?
Oh yes, Lily's friends.
"Yes, Mrs. Evans. I'm James Potter" he answered.
The woman glanced at the stairway before turning to ask him "How is Lily at school? Every time I ask her, she always says she's doing fine" the woman's eyes lit up with curiosity, something Lily seemed to have inherited from her mother. "She hasn't been
getting into trouble, has she?"
James stiffened. Did she not know about what her daughter had been forced to go through? Even the mere thought of it had his blood boiling all over again. The death eater gang had gone unscathed throughout the whole ordeal no matter how hard James had
tried to convince Dumbledore that it was them who had killed Barbara, them who traumatized Lily. But he had no proof, not without revealing the Marauder's map to them. Even if he did, there was no leftovertrace on the map that would prove Mulciber's
gang had ever been within the vicinity during the attack.
Before James could answer, Lily came down the steps wearing a long sleeved white shirt with ruffles running down the middle tucked into a modestly long black skirt with gold accents. Her long hair had been tied up into a ponytail, curls bouncing as she
looked between James and her mother. "You two haven't been badmouthing me or anything, have you?" she asked suspiciously.
"Hardly, considering the only thing I managed to squeeze out of him was his name." Mrs. Evans sounded disappointed.
"You shouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth, mum. All he everdoes is tease me" Lily rolled her eyes and ushered James out the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, James snapped out of his haze and looked down at his company for
the day. "Shall we?" she gestured at the path in front of them before walking down her front porch, leaving James behind to shift his trousers awkwardly. Bloody hormones.
"Where are you going?" he asked her, falling easilyinto step with her. She looked up at him, confused.
"To take a taxi to London" she answered.
When the toerag smirk appeared, Lily knew she had said something wrong. "Are you a witch or not? Of course, we're going to apparate there" he said then paused as if to think "Unless, of course,you failed your apparition test?" he mocked.
Lily looked down and frowned "I haven't taken the test" she mumbled begrudgingly. Rolling her eyes when she felt a boast building up from James, but instead of teasing her like he usually would, he held out his arm to her. She looked up to meet his eyes
before narrowing her own. "You do have a license, don't you?"
He snorted and rolled his eyes "Have a little faith, Evans" he feint hurt.
Lily sheepishly reached for his forearm, but he pulled it out of her reached and she shot him a look. "Do you trust me?" he prodded. Lily exhaled in exasperation.
"Yes" she gritted out eventually.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, I trust you"
Satisfied, he held out his arm once again for her to take. Lily wrapped her hand around his forearm, ignoring the warmth of his skin underneath her fingers before asking "You do have that license, don't you?" she asked, obviously concerned. She's heard
horrendous things about apparating accidents, some too gory for her to stomach.
There was something wrong with the smile on James' face when he turned to her, too bright, too optimistic and it made Lily's stomach flip with dread. "Maybe" Lily's jaw dropped and the next moment she was spinning.
When the world materialized around her, Lily staggered into James and gripped his arms to hold herself up. The ground was moving and buildings were dancing. A laugh of pure amusement pressed a semblance of stability into her body and she looked up to
see James Potter looking down at her with mirth in his eyes and the world spinning behind him. "All right, Evans?" he asked her, the usual grin on his face.
The ground stopped swaying and she could feel the solid floor beneath her feet once again. It took her a moment to realize she was pressed up against him, his hand against her lower back and another on her left upper arm. She was trapped in his strong
arms and warm body, Lily knew she should feel embarrassed about her position but there was something undeniably right about this—about them. Before she could think too much into it however, she was hit bya wave of nausea. Squeezing her
eyes closed to banish the dizzying feel, Lily swallowed deeply to quell her rolling stomach. "Are you going to be sick?" he said to her, amusement still evident. Lily took a steadying breath before shaking her head and pushing way from James, he reluctantly
released her but reach out to grip her elbows when she began to sway again.
"I'm all right" she breathes then whacked him on the arm. "That's for scaring me" Lily glared then walked off with a laughing James Potter trailing behind her.
…
Their day at Diagon Alley had squashed any lingering thoughts on incident in Lily's mind. A day out with James Potter had honestly exceeded her expectations, he was great company, especially when there were no Slytherin around for him to hex. Also, she
found that they were more different than they had initially thought. Which made things much more interesting because they learned a great deal from each other.
While they were browsing through Quality Quidditch Supplies, he taught her that every quaffle camewith a gripping charm that helped players keep their hold on the oddly shaped ball. Some players, who were more experienced, would reinforce the power
of the charm with their own and it would not compromise the quality of their concentration on the pitch. Lily didn't have to ask to know which category James Potter fell under.
"Does it hurt to be hit by a bludger?" she asked him, glancing at the perfectly uncharmed metal ball on display.
James paused and made a show of thinking "The bugger'smade entirely out of iron and it weighs about 150 pounds. I don't know, Evans. What do you think?" he grinned at her and Lily cringed, feeling quitedim-witted for asking. She's seen him
take a fair share of hits by the bloody thing, which would explain why his body had been riddled with bruises the last time she had seen it. Her cheeks warmed as the image of his lean back returned.
"Players get used to it after a while, I suppose" he shrugged, hoping to quell her worries.
"When was the first time you got hit by one?" she asked, picking up a quaffle, feeling the charm dancing against her fingertips.
"My first game at Hogwarts"
"Second year?"
"Yeap, right after I scored my first goal. Knocked me right off my broom, the teachers had to save with me an impediment charm."
"And what happened after that?" she asked him, voice lacing with concern even though it was an event of the past.
"I was dizzy but well enough to fly, so I got back up on my broom to finish the game" James took the quaffle from her and spun it between his two index fingers.
It was at that moment, Lily realized just how brave James truly was, and so completely—Gryffindor. Where the dwell the brave at heart, indeed. She wanted to know more about him, the part of him that wasn't an ignorant, arrogant, pompous bully.
The James part she has seen only glimpses of and not the ToeragPotter she's known for the past six years.
"Tell me something else, another quidditch story if you want" Lily urged him. James turned to her, surprised to find her curiously looking up at him with expectant eyes. His cheeks coloured and he was suddenly self-conscious. If it were anyone else, he'd
immediately indulge them with the first story that came to his mind but he was with Lily Evans, the woman he's practicallyworshiped for the past six years of his life. He needed to thread carefully, if he chose his best moment, she would think
he was bragging. But if he chose his worst, she'd think he was exaggerating; and a pansy. Nonetheless, he felt like he was growing just a little closer to the untouchable Lily Evans.
...
This day, just kept on getting better and better for James. Not only were he and Lily chatting like best mates but they honestly enjoyed each other's company. Despite their differences in interest, he was curious to learn more about her. He wanted to
know everything there could possibly be known of Lily Evans. What was her secret? What made her so special to him? Was it the intelligence in her eyes as she searched for the ingredients she needed for her potions project when they visited Slugs &
Jiggers Apothecary? Or how she was undeniably girly when she picked raspberry ice-cream at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour?
Absently spooning a bite of ice-cream into his mouth, he continued to stare as Lily licked her ice-cream cone, determined not to let any of the delicacy drip down the waffle. Her small pink tongue darted in and out, her expression twisting into pure happiness
after a few licks. His trousers were suddenly too tight as his mind trailed off to the other things her tongue could lick. It was then James found himself choking on nothing as Lily's attention turned to him, concerned. "Are you all right,
Potter?" she asked.
James nodded with more vigor than necessary, setting his cup of chocolate ice cream down and using his free hand to cover his mouth as the other went down to discreetly shift his groin to hide his unwelcomed hard-on.
Lily Evans was definitely something and he was undeniably more attracted to her today than yesterday. James Potter was falling in fast and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop himself from crashing.
The rest of the day went by without any more mishaps, although when Lily picked up a book titled 'Ancient Werewolves and Lycanthropy' at Flourish and Blotts, he quickly cleared his throat and ushered her into a different section. They stopped
by Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop so James could stock up on dung bombs and Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks so he would be prepared toa return the favor when Sirius' prank finally came. To his surprise, it was Lily
who had suggested placing an invisibility charm on the No-Heat Fireworks and put them under Sirius's shower so it would go off when he least suspected it. He could've kissed her then but had to force himself not to because that was inappropriate and
Lily Evans was nothing if not appropriate. Perhaps a little too appropriate.
By the time they had bought everything they needed, the sky was already darkening and Lily had be home for dinner. Reluctantly, James apparated them back a few blocks away from the Evans' residence on purpose so he could have just a little more time with
her as he walked her back to her house.
"I had a great time today, Potter" Lily said, breaking the silence as they walked back.
"Same here, Evans" he answered back.
"Why are you here, Potter? Really." She asked, halting in her steps to turn and look at him.
James, for one, didn't know how to answer her. Because I feel guilty for not finding you sooner? Because the few moments when I thought I'd lost you were the worst moments of my life? Because I can't stand the fact that you were a target of Death Eater crimes? Because I've fallen madly in love with you.
"Because I had nothing to do today and thought I'd drop by to see how you were doing" he answered. It wasn't a lie. But it was far from the whole truth.
Lily smiled at him, a small but completely genuine smile. No sarcasm, no mockery, just Lily. "You're a decent bloke, Potter. Thank you. But I'm quite all right now" she said, continuing forward and James followed, dissatisfied. He wanted to tell her but
now was not the time. When would it ever be the right time? He was growing more and more impatient by the day and it was killing him on the inside. He needed to know how she felt about him but he was afraid of the answer because as it was now, they
were barely anything.
"Today was lovely, James" she said.
At the sound of his name from her lips, his attention snapped up from glowering at the ground to her bright green eyes then down to her outstretched hand. His heart sank as he reached out to take it. She gave their hands a firm shake and then a strained
smile before walking up her front porch. She was infuriatingly clueless and if the opportunity for him to confess his feelings to her didn't arrive soon, he was going to go barmy. She gave him one last wave whenshe reached her doorstep and he
waved back half-heartedly before disapparating.
Lily sighed, her shoulders sagging as the rapid thumping in her heart slowed at his exit. James Potter confused her more than ever, her new feelings for him, she couldn't tell if she was attracted to him as a person or attracted by what he was doing to
sooth her vulnerability. As she turned to head inside, an achingly familiar voice called out to her and her whole body froze, dreading settling in the pits of her stomach.
"Why were you with him, Lily?"
Without turning around, Lily answered aloofly "You've no right to spy, Severus"
"What was James Potter doing walking you home?" his voice was hard, accusing and cold. Lily resisted the urge to hug herself at his tone. Gathering her Gryffindor courage, she turned and faced her former best mate standing in her front porch.
"We spent a day together" she snipped defensively.
"Are you seeing each other? Have you forgotten the type of bloke James Potter is? He's a bully, Lily!" he gritted out and Lily could see, he was really cross with her. This was usually the part where she crumbled down and apologized for being so thoughtless.
"He's changed, Severus. Unlike you, he's changed for the better. And no, we're not seeing each other, we're mates." she made sure to jab that at him. Some part of her still longed to mend her friendship with Severus but she already knew nothing
would be the same between them. They have begun on separate paths and she could no longer see an interception.
"You don't honestly think that" he scoffed, taking a step towards her but she refused to falter.
"Look, Severus. You made it clear who you've chosen to side with and I've made mine. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier when you call every other muggle-born student a mudblood except for me but you obviously feel the same about all of us
now. I wouldn't even be surprised if you come out and tell me that you were one of people responsible for Barbara's death. But if you do, Severus, know that I will never forgive you."
"Lily, I would never-" His voice cracked and Lily's heart squeezed at his sudden vulnerability. "I told you I didn't-"
"Didn't mean it? Oh but I think you did, Sev. You took one look at Marcus Mulciber's face and you found where you stand—with them. But I'd still rather be a mudblood than associate myself with them" she snarled and darted inside
before he could so much as breathe anotherword. She's had enough of it. This conflicted storm of feelings between her and Severus, their shattered friendship and worn-out trust. It hurt her most to know that they were both still holding on by
the skin of their teeth because despite how she wanted to sever all ties with her Slytherin neighbor, she wanted nothing more than to be eleven and foolish again.
…
The Lily Evans he knew was gone, replaced by this rebellious, snappy imposter. What happened to listening him? What happened to the unbreakable trust between them? Why couldn't they have stayed eleven forever? Severus thought, bitterly. This Lily,
he didn't know. Or rather, he's never seen her act that way towards him. She was always soft-spoken, meek and unsure of so many things, it was one of the things he found absolutely endearing about her. Now, she was this fiery redhead with a temper
he's never been on the receiving end of. It was always Potter who sees it, Potter who bore her hatred.
Yet he saw them together, talking and smiling at each other in such sickening sweetness. That swine did not deserve her. And he did? There wasn't a day where Severus didn't question his decision that day and never a minute where he didn't
regret it. If he could, he would've never said those things to her. He would've never given James Potter the chance to inch his fat ego in between them and steal Lily from right under his nose. Lily was his, she would always be his.
Even if he had to live his whole life with her hating him, he would continue to love her. As he did for the past eight years of his life.
He had intended to tell her, that he overheard the death eater gang on their plot to murder Barbara Winston and traumatize her as a symbol of broken faith. As a message to all the muggle-borns in the school to cower in fear. He wanted to tell her, prepared
everything to apologize and beg if it came down to it. But then he saw them together and he lost everything. The need for her to forgive him overpowered by anger directed not at her, but at his worst adversary, nonetheless he found himself taking
it out on Lily and regretted it the moment he realized what he was doing.
Then she mentioned the incident and how she would never forgive him, his resolve faltered and words of apology shattered like glass in his mouth and he swallowed them painfully. If he had come clean with her then, with all his good-natured honesty,
even though he had nothing to do with the plan itself. Would she still not forgive him for doing nothing to stop them? Would she truly hate him then? Severus feared he knew the answer to that and that's what kept his mouth firmly shut as he watched
Lily disappear into her home.
…
The next time Severus saw Lily was in the prefect carriage on the Hogwart's express—right alongside James Potter as the new Head girl and Head boy.
There is a little tidbit cameo I included in here for those of you who are good with details, see if you can spot it! I'll reveal the answer in the next chapter! Leave a review and I might reply :D
