First off, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed "Furt Hudmel Almost Killed Klaine Anummel". I was seriously blown away by the response. And by the number of you who favorited me and my story. Just.. wow. Thank you. ;)
I now present this. It's very different from my other story and is actually different from my usual style of writing. I hope you like it.
For the purposes of this story, I'm acknowledging Klaine cannon up until Silly Love Songs. This takes place a few days before Valentine's Day and Jeremiah doesn't exist. Nothing is really referenced, I just want the feelings between Kurt and Blaine to be clear.
So yeah, on with the show!
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, my lovely twin would be playing Blaine's sister and I would be obsessing over Ninja Turtles with Chris Colfer. None of this has happened, therefore I'm a penniless writer.
The cool breeze felt good. Being outside cleared his head, gave him perspective. Kurt gave a tiny sigh, leaning against the side of one of Dalton's impressive buildings.
It wasn't anyone's fault. Not really. He was just caught off guard. Who knew boys sat around and talked about first kisses? (They could say "conquests" all they wanted, but the concept was the same)
It didn't even bother him that much. He didn't need time to collect himself. He just needed to not be in a room listening to romantic fluff. He was fine. Honestly.
That doesn't mean he didn't appreciate the sudden appearance of his shorter friend.
Blaine gave Kurt a charming smile gently nudging his fellow Warbler's shoulder with his own.
"You all right?"
Kurt nodded, giving a tiny smile of his own. "I'm fine."
Blaine scooted a little closer, trying to show he understood. He had been in the common room with Kurt, had heard where the conversation was going and knew why the pale boy had made his polite, if rather speedy, exit.
Kurt looked away from those gentle hazel eyes, blushing slightly at the sudden compassion. No one had ever been this kind to him.
But being on the receiving end of sympathy was no place for a Hummel. He had made it this long without it and the part of him ruled by pride wouldn't stop saying that this was weakness. He had to man up. The last thing he wanted was pity.
Blaine couldn't help the tiny frown as he watched Kurt's walls fly up. He was used to this sight: the way Kurt straightened his perfect posture, the slight adjustment of his bangs, the way his chin tilted up so that his nose was in the air. In an instant Kurt had donned his ice queen crown: unflappable and arrogant.
Yes, Blaine had grown used to this transformation. But being accustomed to something and liking it were two different things.
"I'm being stupid, anyway." Kurt muttered, stubbornly ignoring Blaine's tiny noise of protest. "It's not like it was a big deal. So I don't get a fun story to share in the pre-Valentine's day glow. I'll live. I'm just being dramatic."
"Kurt." Blaine struggled for the right words, the magic words that would break through his friend's defenses and make him listen.
But the pause only allowed Kurt to steam roll over the quiet interruption.
"After all, assault aside, it wasn't really my first kiss. They all count, whether I want them to or not."
It sounded as though Kurt was going to say more, but right then, the pale boy seemed to notice that, despite ranting to himself rather than talking to anyone, he was not actually alone. He attempted an apologetic smile to Blaine, which came across more as a grimace.
Blaine studied Kurt for a long while. Just as blue-grey eyes left his, he reached out to thread his arm through Kurt's and lead them both away from the school, out of the parking lot, and into the small shopping center that was only half a block from Dalton.
Only then, did he ask.
"Who was it?"
Kurt decided not to play dumb. It was unbecoming and an utter waste of time. Since day one, Blaine had been able to read him like a book.
"Brittany Pierce. She was one of the cheerleaders in Glee club." When he looked at Blaine, Kurt released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
There was no exclamation of "But you're gay" or any indignation of how Kurt was out and proud and shouldn't he be better than trying to play straight. He didn't laugh at the ridiculousness of the notion that Kurt could play straight.
Blaine merely raised his eyebrows in mild surprise; silently asking for the story he knew was behind it.
Asking. Not demanding. Kurt was still getting used to that.
"It started when my dad and Finn's mom started dating. He and Finn were getting along so well. They were so alike and they had so many things in common. It was stupid, but…"
Here. Right here. This was why Kurt hated telling this story. He could never make people understand just what had been going through his mind when he saw his father and Finn together. They were sympathetic but they always told him he was being silly or petty or just plain jealous. No one could see that this was more than not wanting to share.
Arms still linked, Blaine's hand found Kurt's, squeezing gently.
"You knew that your father loved you. But it broke your heart to see how easy it was for him to like Finn."
Kurt gaped at his friend, who just smiled and continued to pull him down the sidewalk. He shook himself out of his reverie, unable to help the tiny smile forming.
For a moment, he'd forgotten whom he was talking to. He didn't always have to explain himself. Blaine didn't have to try to understand.
Blaine got it.
That was a part of their friendship that never failed to shock Kurt.
They found themselves at the their usual coffee spot, getting in line without needing to even glance at each other.
"Were there others?" Blaine asked after a while.
Kurt shook his head, surprised by how calmly he was able to admit this.
"No. Just two."
Blaine nodded in understanding as they placed their orders. After each boy had doctored the coffee to his liking, Blaine turned to Kurt with a sudden, sincere grin on his face.
"That's good then. You haven't missed out."
Kurt raised an eyebrow at his friend, his trust in Blaine keeping him from getting angry or hurt before the other boy had a chance to explain himself.
Blaine's grin only widened. "Contrary to popular belief, the first kiss isn't the special one."
Kurt could only stare for a moment, unable to move. His hand in Blaine's was the only reason he was now walking beside the lead Warbler.
Slowly, but surely, forming words became a doable feat for Kurt Hummel.
"I beg your pardon?"
"First kisses are never what you expect them to be."
Suddenly, Blaine's voice was somber, a great deal of pain sewn between his words.
It was Kurt's turn to give comfort, squeezing Blaine's hand.
Taking a quick swig of coffee, steeling himself, Blaine just said it, ripping off the band-aid.
"My first kiss was a dare."
Kurt's jaw dropped, a sharp intake of breath. Blaine trudged on.
"It was at a summer camp, the summer before Middle School. A group of boys decided to entertain themselves by daring each other to do grosser and grosser things."
A bitter sigh escaped the curly haired boy, his jaw tightening at the memory.
"Apparently, out of two disgusting, horrifying tasks, kissing me was the lesser of two evils."
Blaine glared down at his coffee cup, reliving that moment, feeling the old shame.
"I wasn't even playing."
It was a moment before Blaine could shake his past away. Once he'd gathered his wits, he continued walking, unclear as to when he had stopped, utterly thankful to Kurt for not pointing out that they had.
"The boy who was dared became one of my main bullies later on. Apparently, in all my fury at being used as a pawn in their stupid little game, I forgot to be upset about the fact that it was a boy that kissed me."
When the coffee cups were gone, Kurt's arm effortlessly rested on Blaine's shoulders and Blaine's arm naturally wrapped around Kurt's waist, the boys pressed tightly together.
"So, you had your kiss stolen and I used mine in a desperate attempt to connect with my father. I certainly hope your right about this first kiss thing."
Kurt's biting words were actually soothing, something that surprised them both. Blaine gave a tiny chuckle, even chanced the beginning of a smile.
"I am. And Kurt?" He waited until the other's eyes had focused on him. "You never get over a stolen kiss. But it does get easier to live with."
Kurt nodded, looking away. But his arm around Blaine's shoulders tightened ever so slightly.
They came to a park, walking down a nearly empty pathway, surrounded by trees, sheltered from the rest of the world. Here was a safe place to continue their talk.
"The first kiss is not special, no matter what the story books say. And the second isn't so hot either."
"Trust me Blaine, I know."
Blaine sat them both down on a bench in between two of the larger trees, but he didn't remove his arm from Kurt's waist.
"My second kiss was an experiment. Another kid at my school thought he might be gay and thought I was a safe way to find out. I thought it was my chance at a do-over. Finally, a kiss that was my idea, one that I had control over. But when it happened, I knew it was a mistake. Here was something special, something I should have used to connect with someone, to make them feel cared about, make me feel like I mattered, and I was throwing it away."
Kurt took Blaine's hand, leaning towards the other boy, nodding without thinking about it. He remembered the make-out session with Brittany too well to pretend he didn't understand exactly how Blaine had felt, how much he hated himself for such cavalier treatment of something so sacred.
Blaine pulled Kurt just that little bit closer.
"But Kurt, this is where the happy story come in. See, it's the third kiss that's special. That's the one everyone tells stories about."
Kurt leaned his cheek against Blaine's shoulder, despite being ever so slightly taller, wanting so desperately to believe every word the other boy said.
"Tell me?" His voice sounded so small.
Blaine shifted in his seat so that when his other arm wrapped around Kurt, he was pulling the pale boy against his chest, holding him securely, letting Kurt soak up his warmth and safety.
"My third kiss was right before I left for Dalton. Something happened to my friend and I. We were the only out gay kids at school."
Blaine couldn't help his shudder. He could still feel those blows. He remembered the hospital all too well. And even here, the bucket of ice water fear seeped through him.
Kurt's arms were suddenly around his waist, pulling them flush against each other. Blaine nuzzled against the top of Kurt's head and the other boy did nothing to stop him. When Blaine continued, he spoke quietly into Kurt's soft hair.
"It was made very clear that we were not welcome there. He was going to be home schooled and I was going to board at Dalton. I went over to his house to apologize for causing him so much trouble."
Kurt squeezed Blaine so tightly, he had to pause in his story as his breath hitched.
"But, in the middle of 'I'm sorry' he gave me a tiny kiss and said that he'd do it all over again."
He tried to bring Kurt even closer but it just wasn't possible. The best thing he could do was finish his story. This one had a happy ending. That was what gave him the strength to keep talking.
But Kurt's head nestled comfortably where his neck and shoulder met certainly didn't hurt.
"We weren't in love and it certainly wasn't anything romantic. But it was what a kiss is supposed to be. It was something sweet, something from someone who cared about me and wanted to give me something nice, something to make me feel better, something to make all the pain go away, just for a moment."
Kurt shut his eyes, trying to believe in such a thing out of sheer force of will. Blaine's arms around him tightened, as if he knew and was trying to help.
"You weren't being dramatic, Kurt. In fact, you downplay a lot of things and that worries me sometimes. You've been through so much and I just wish… I want to…" A heavy sigh blew through Kurt's hair and the arms loosened their hold, hands rubbing his back soothingly before grasping his shoulders and pushing him back.
But, Blaine kept his hands on Kurt's shoulders, not letting him get far enough away to rebuild his walls. He didn't want Kurt to hide from him, not when he could maybe make things just a little better.
"Kurt? Look at me? Please?"
He waited patiently until he saw those beautiful eyes focus on him.
"You've had two kisses so far. You've had the experiment that at least taught you something, even if you regret it. And you've had to deal with an unforgivable jerk who should have kept his hands to himself."
Blaine's hands suddenly left Kurt's shoulders, one taking a hold of Kurt's hand, the other smoothing the chestnut hair.
"You deserve so much more than that."
The hand at Kurt's hair, drifted down, fingers stroking his cheek with such reverence, he could hardly breathe.
"Kurt? I'd like to be number three."
"Y-Y-You w-would?"
Blaine nodded, as if he had never been more sure of anything in his life.
"I want to give you something sweet, something to make you feel better. I want to give you something that might ease the hurt, just a little bit. Can I?"
"B-Blaine, I…" Kurt didn't want to say no. But rejection was looming overhead, the chance that if he said yes, this, like so much else, would be snatched away. He wasn't sure if his heart could take one more disappointment. So many times, he thought he'd had a chance only to be knocked flat and there were only so many times he would be able to get back up.
Blaine leaned just a little closer, promising himself that he would never be one of the many that had let Kurt Hummel down.
"I care about you Kurt. If you say no, that won't change. Nothing will ever change that."
Kurt shut his eyes, looking away. He wanted to have faith in that, to not be so damaged that he forgot what it was to trust blindly.
"Why would you offer to kiss me?"
Fingers gently lifted his chin so that when he opened his eyes, he was looking directly into Blaine's.
"I think you've waited long enough for something special."
Sincerity bled from the hazel gaze fixed upon Kurt. Slowly, still so hesitant, clinging to the flicker of hope that could be snuffed out so quickly, he nodded.
Blaine gave the smallest, warmest smile, leaning forward, his forehead resting against Kurt's, his warm coffee-scented breath washing over a porcelain face. A hand gently cupped Kurt's cheek.
Suddenly he was back in the locker room, meaty paws grabbing his face, a rough mouth forced onto his, fear running rampant in his system.
"Get out of here Karofsky." A low growl broke through his haze of terror. It helped him focus on the gentleness of the touches on him now, remind him that it was Blaine he was with and not that monster.
"This is Kurt's moment. You don't get to be here. You don't own him. You won't ruin this for him."
That horrific moment faded away and once again, Kurt was in a quiet park with Blaine. For the first time, he didn't feel the phantom of David Karofsky breathing down his neck.
The relief was enough to make his eyes water and slap an instant grin on his face.
Blaine searched Kurt's eyes in amazement as they changed right before him. The grey clouds cleared and suddenly there was a blue he had never seen before.
"He's gone." Kurt said simply. "There's nothing he can do to me now. He can't touch me. I'm safe."
For the first time, Kurt believed those words.
Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand, a smile on his own face.
His thumb stroking Kurt's cheek brought them back into the moment. Blaine asked with his eyes, no room for words in the little space there was between them. Kurt swallowed thickly; licking his lips, and gave a small, single nod. They both shut their eyes and leaned forward until they found each other.
The kiss was soft and slow, tender and sweet, just as Blaine had said it would be. And Kurt knew now that Blaine's feelings for him, whatever they might be, were deep. No matter what happened to them, Kurt knew this boy cared about him, made him feel like he mattered, made all the pain disappear.
And now he knew how much potential there was for him still. This kiss was a preview of all the love he could experience in the world. It was ok to hope. There were no more fairy tales but this blew them all away any how. This was real and, what's more, it was within his reach. He was allowed to take his shot at it, and even win it. Everything was going to be ok.
They separated, breathing deeply but not panting, eyes still closed, still so close together.
"Thank you." Kurt had never meant anything more.
He met Blaine's gaze to find hazel orbs searching his face frantically, an open mouth stuttering on silent words.
"Kurt, I…" A sudden understanding flooded the curly haired boy, stilling his movements, silencing him as he took it in. He took a deep breath, again stroking Kurt's face.
"The third kiss is the most special. But don't rush into the fourth. It's most worth the wait."
"Blaine?"
The lead Warbler started to glance away, as if he were afraid he'd said too much. He began to pull his hands away.
Kurt instantly had a vice grip on the hand that had interlocked fingers with his and pressed the hand leaving his face firmly back to his cheek.
"Blaine, what happens with the fourth kiss?"
At first, it seemed as though he might not get an answer, the sudden vulnerability in Blaine's eyes frightening them both. But when hazel met piercing blue, there was a small satisfied exhale that blew away any and all defenses.
"You find the one you want to lose count with."
Kurt's hands left Blaine's in a hurry, choosing instead to fist themselves into the other boy's curls and blazer, yanking him forward to meet Kurt's mouth in a kiss quite different from the previous.
This one was searing and desperate and wanting and oh so enthusiastic on both parts.
This time, when the boys parted, they were disheveled; their lips red and swollen, and they were most definitely panting.
"Found him."
Review? Pretty please with Klaine kisses on top?
