Meredith lay motionless on her bed, contemplating what her next move would be. How did this happen, they were being so careful, they weren't ready for this, not this, she wasn't ready for this and yet it was happening and she couldn't run away this time. She continued wrapping a piece of her golden brown hair around her index finger as her attention was brought back to that day, the day he had told her what he wanted

I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you, I want to settle down and grow old with you

He had said it, laid it down for her straight; in black and white, she didn't need to freak out and yet she was. She continued playing with her hair when all of a sudden she felt extremely nauseous. She made a dive for the bathroom and emptied her stomach into the toilet. She rolled out a piece of tissue paper and wiped her mouth.

"Crap" was all she could bring herself to say. She sat herself down against the bathtub, the cold tiles penetrated the warmth of her legs and she started to think, think of all the ways this could disrupt her life, think of how this could affect her and Derek's relationship for better or for worse, think how Derek would take the news. All this thinking wasn't helping only causing her to panic.

"Meredith" Derek walked into the bedroom, holding a tray of breakfast he had made especially for Meredith. He lay the tray down on the bed and looked around the bedroom.

Meredith raised herself from the bathroom floor. Looking at herself in the mirror when she got up she tucked the strands of loosened hair back behind her ear and continued into the bedroom.

"Yeah...I'm here" she stated as she walked over to the bed and sat down tucking her right leg under her left.

Derek looked at her with concerned eyes. He noticed she hadn't been herself these past few days and that worried him. He walked over and stood alongside her.

"You ok...you look"

"I'm fine...just have an upset stomach thats all" she explained

Derek kissed the top of her head and then began rubbing her back in circular motions with one hand.

"Maybe you should try eat something...here I made you some toast and coffee" he took a slice of toast and lightly buttered it for her before offering it to her.

"Thank you" she smiled gratefully. She knew how much he loved taking care of her and although she would never admit it she loved the attention he ravished on her when she was sick. She didn't know if she was going to be able to keep the toast down but she was willing to give it a go.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that we are flying to Connecticut tomorrow would it?" he prodded

Meredith nearly chocked on a piece of toast as she looked at him nervously.

"Of course not, why would you think that?"

"Well because I know how on edge you are about meeting my mom and my sisters" he explained as he sipped his coffee slowly.

Meredith suddenly felt nauseous again. He was right she was on edge about meeting his family. She was already hated by his eldest sister Nancy, who thought Meredith was nothing but the slutty inturn who ruined his marraige to Addison, she wasn't looking forward to being judged by the rest of the family too.

Meredith sighed and looked at Derek lovingly. She hated how much he knew her and what she was thinking, but this time he was so wrong as to why she was on edge even though the prospect of meeting his family did play a small part there was something much more that was causing her to panic.

He swept his fingers through her hair then craddled her cheek, stroking her face with his thumb.

"You know everything is going to be fine right?... my mom is going to love you because she is going to see how happy you make me and thats all that matters to her, not everyone thinks the way Nancy does." he reassured her as he smiled warmly.

"I really do love you Derek Shepherd"

"And I love you Meredith Grey" he leaned in and kissed her passionately parting their lips with his tongue. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she let herself fall into his embrace. In that moment all her worrying and panicking stopped, she felt so safe.

"I gotta run...I have patients I need to check on before we leave tomorrow, I'll only be a few hours, are you gonna be ok?" Derek inquired

Meredith smiled reassuringly

"I'll be fine, I'm already starting to feel a little better, I'll just be here packing"

Derek leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, then he was gone, everything was so quite and Meredith's worries began to resurface. Her thoughts were soon interupted by the ringing of her phone.

"Hello?" she answered without hesitating

"Where the hell are you...im here with these idiot inturns and your not here...why?"

"Hello to you too Christina"

"So...where are you?"

"I'm at home, I have the next week off, remember me and Derek are flying out to Connecticut tomorrow to Derek's family"

"That's tomorrow?"

"Yes...unfortunately"

"Oh...you dont sound too excited, I thought you would be thrilled to spend a week with McBitchey, what's her name again?"

"Nancy...the one who thinks I'm the slutty inturn who ruined her brother's marraige to her best friend"

"Oh come on she has to be over that by now"

"You would think...and you know whats worse than Derek's sister?"

"What?"

"Four more of Derek's sisters and brother-in-laws and neices and nephews and his freakin mother"

"You'll be fine...look I gotta go...incoming traumas"

The phone went dead and Meredith was back to her silence. Her coffee was now cold as was her toast, not that she was eating it anyway. She walked back into the bathroom, the cold tiles numbing her feet the moment she stepped onto them. She lifed the lid of the trashcan open and pulled out her worst nightmare, the little white stick that read positive.

"I am beyond screwed" she mumbled.