A/N - takes place after Natasha/Clint fight in the Avengers (2012). She is very affected by their spar, and there is weirdness between them. You have to imagine basically after that they had a few days of downtime. Not smut but does have adult themes. Also refers to Budapest; I am thinking of making a separate fic for this as I already have an idea of what happened. Enjoy! PS also let me know if you want me to continue!
Loki's words echoed in her head.
"Slowly…..intimately. In every way he knows you fear."
And he had been right. To have her partner turn on her and have to literally knock him out had terrified her. Broken her. Clint was her friend, her partner, and rock. They had been working together for years, and she would be lying to herself if she said that's all it was. It was so much more.
The next few days had been awkward to say the least. Natasha had been avoiding Clint. She needed time to clear her head and get right. She knew none of his actions had been his own, but the sudden feeling of the rug being pulled out from under her feet, and her partner becoming someone different terrified her more than anything in the Red Room. It was almost as if you told a child every day the sky was blue and then one day insisted it was green and that they had lost their mind.
She was standing in her room looking out the tiny window at the rain when she heard the vertical door lock give way. She already knew it was him, before he said anything.
"Tash-," Clint started, but she did not turn from the window. He moved just inside the door frame and hit the lock close mechanism behind him.
He exhaled and resumed speaking. She could hear the tension in his voice. "Look, I know you're being weird because of….what happened. But, well…I hope you know…..I mean I hope that you can realize…that wasn't me. It wasn't me, Nat."
She spoke, not turning, her voice sharp and clipped. "I know that."
It was such a long day and she was so very tired. Her muscles ached and her brain was tired of re-hashing the situation over and over again. The well inside her broke and she struggled to fight a tear from rolling down her cheek.
Thank God he can't see this.
"Tash," he said and when she still refused to turn to him, his voice softened. "Tash….will you turn around….please?"
She wasn't sure why she turned but she did, revealing her eyes, now red and puffy, the lone tear traveling its way down her cheek.
"Jesus, Tash-", he spoke gruffly and strode to her side. She never did this. She never showed emotion. It was deeply unsettling to him.
She responded by moving towards him and letting him wrap her in an embrace. She leaned her head into his chest and finally released the tears that she had been holding back for so many years.
"Ssssh," he said and his hand went to behind her head, rubbing her hair gently. "It's alright. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
Her hands went to his chest, almost as if she was going to push him away. She gently pushed him so she could lift her head and look at him.
He gave her a small smile and his hand went to flick away the tear and wipe the streak it had left in its wake.
"It's ok kiddo. I'm here. I mean it. Not going anywhere."
She gave him a skeptical look.
"Tash…I mean it. I promise. I'll never go away again," he finished his thought, speaking directly to her. Natasha seemed to be mulling her thoughts over, for when she spoke, she spoke carefully and slowly.
"Clint…..when I said I was compromised I meant it….."
His eyebrows knitted together, unsure of where she was going with her admission.
"I-I'm….I'm compromised….because…of you."
His expression didn't really change she just felt his hands run to either sides of her face and grip her around her ears. She closed her eyes so he wouldn't see the tears and then she felt it. His lips, gently pressed to her own.
"Clint," she murmured, parting her lips for him, deepening his kiss, wrapping her hands around his.
"Oh Nat," he started, speaking quietly against her lips. He continued.
"I've wanted you like this for so long."
She opened her eyes and looked at him. "You have?," she asked breathlessly, stopping only for a moment before bringing her mouth to his again.
"Nat, I've been in love with you since Budapest."
She made a mewling sound in the back of her throat as his hands moved to her shoulders, pulling her against him. She ran her hands over his chest, relishing the feel of hard muscle, of protection, against her fingers.
"Clint…Clint," she spoke his name over and over again between kisses.
"I'm here Nat."
She pulled back for a moment and he thought she would be dismissing him. He took one of her small hands in his and as he ran his other hand over the small fingers he spoke to her. "Are we good? I hope I didn't make anything….awkward….," he finished, his voice trailing off, realizing addressing their recent conversation made it more awkward than the actual conversation.
"Clint… will you stay tonight? Will you stay with me?"
Her voice was so light it was nearly breathless, and her fragility, which she never dared show, shined through like a beacon.
"I'll stay if you want me to." With that, he took a step back and turned towards the door. "Let me just get some things from my room."
Clint would not leave the room that night however, because Natasha stopped him dead in his tracks when she said, "Clint... would you make love to me?"
He didn't turn towards her immediately but his back stiffened. Had he actually heard her right? Did she just say….
"Yes, I did just ask you that," she said, her voice teasing as the corners of her mouth lifted. She cleared her throat before continuing. "It's just…..been so long since anyone….and I…..you…I want to be close to you." She thought for a moment and continued. "I want to be as close to you as possible."
She could feel the blush creeping out on her cheeks, and she wondered what he was thinking. But she would have little time to dwell on those thoughts for he was at her side in an instant, grabbing her gently by the face and kissing her. He pulled her to him, slowly, his hands running from her shoulders to her hips, where he pulled her against him. He didn't mean to press his erection against her, but there it was, the proof of his arousal. She didn't back away and if it frightened her, she didn't show it. If anything, she pressed closer into him.
He backed her up against her bed until the backs of her knees hit the edge and then helped her down onto it. Clothes were quickly discarded and soon she was all he could see. Her mouth, her tongue, the tips of her breasts; the taste of her was everywhere and he couldn't get enough. When he moved inside her he was welcomed by her hot, wet heat. They instantly moved together, devoid of awkwardness or hesitation, and for a moment Natasha had found peace.
Tick. tick. tick. tick.
The clock's hands startled him awake and he bolted upright. He was sweating and glanced over. 4am.
The rain continued to pound outside and he suddenly realized this was not his own room; it was hers. He glanced over. Natasha still slept soundly.
Wiping his brow, he laid back amongst the pillows. He took her hand in his and brought it to his chest, to over his heart. It was only a matter of minutes before sleep overtook him once more.
