Yeah, I know you care
I see it in the way you stare
As if there was trouble ahead and you knew it
I'll be saving myself from the ruin


Dear Doctor,

I've decided to create this letter to pretend my sanity is not declining over your absence. After I write this, I will most likely just throw it away, or stuff in my mattress and try to forget I ever wrote it. I guess that's how I cope with things.

I wonder how you are sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time. I question whether your stupid face has found a new companion, one that's falling in love with your stupid eyes and that silly smile of yours right now. I know I did.

Since you're never getting this, I'm just going to tell you. I know you hate hearing the truth when it hurts and I'd never want to make you hear this—so I'm just going to write it down for you.

I never found him. Rory, I mean. When the Weeping Angel took me back in time, I was in the middle of an old cemetery in New York, alone. Right now, I'm here in my apartment early in the morning, trying not to cry over the fact that I have no one anymore. I tried, Doctor. I promise I did. He's nowhere to be found. I looked for months, and it felt like decades. Is that how time passes for you, Doctor? I could never imagine living a life so lonely when you're such a kind person, and the very, very, last.

Gotcha. Remember?

Doctor, I never can pinpoint the moment I fell in love with you. Maybe it was when you promised me the world when I was such a young girl. Maybe it was when you came back for me, and took me to see the stars. Maybe it was when you saved me from the angels so long ago. I guess it never really mattered, since you never felt the same.

This is awful of me, to talk about you when I should be crying over Rory. I don't have any idea if I'm crying over him, or over loosing you, in the end. I think that's the worst part.

And I know you care. Well, cared. I saw it in the way you stared at me when you thought I wasn't looking. You didn't want me to know, especially because you didn't want me to worry about you as well. You didn't know that I worried about you constantly. I never stopped. I never have. I never will.

I hate myself sometimes, for leaving you. It's the most selfish thought I've ever had. If I hadn't gone after Rory, I wouldn't be alone. I could be with you. I could see those beautiful eyes, that stupid smile, that ridiculous bowtie. I miss that bowtie the most. I never thought I would, but I do.

You never really care about something until you lose it, yeah?

My watch says it is 9:00 am. I have to leave. I guess it's time to stuff this ridiculous letter under my mattress and face the day.

Well, thank you Doctor. For everything. For giving me hope when I never dreamed of having it, for bringing my parents back, for turning my life around with that big blue box of yours. Even with the ending our adventure had, it was worth every second of those days with you. I will never forget you Raggedy Man.

Goodbye.