You May Kiss the Dirt.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean.

It was the day of Captain Jack Sparrow's second wedding. Who was he marrying this time? A jar of dirt.

They had met in Tia Dalma's shack. Jack was instantly smitten by her. He knew right away that she was the one for him. He just couldn't believe his wedding day had come so soon. All Jack wanted to do was get it done and over with.

There was a knock at the door. It opened, and Will Turner walked in. Jack picked Will to be his best man this time. "It's time", said will. "Alright then", said Jack.

Jack and Will had a little chat as they neared the chapel. "I just hope you won't go overboard with the kiss this time, Jack", said Will. "I still have nightmares about you practically making out with the bottle of rum." "I'll try to be a bit more subtle this time, mate", said Jack.

They finally made it to the chapel. The guests had taken their seats. Pretty much all who were at the last wedding were at this one. The only new face was Elizabeth Swann. She was invited because Jack didn't think she would do anything crazy to his dirt. Unlike at his first wedding, where she wasn't there because Jack feared she would have, once again, burned his rum.

The Jar of Dirt was there before Jack was. They both nodded at each other when he got there.

The minister came out. It was Tia Dalma. "We are gathered here today to join these two in holly matrimony", she said. "Do you, Jack Sparrow, take the Jar of Dirt to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do", said Jack. "And do you, Jar of Dirt, take Jack Sparrow to be you lawfully wedded husband?" "I do", said the Jar of Dart.

"If anyone opposes this union, speak now or forever hold your peace", said Tia Dalma. "Wait! I object!" shouted Will.

"Why?" asked Jack. "A talking jar of dirt is just plain creepy", said Will. "Of course she can talk", said Jack. "If my first bride, the Bottle of Rum could talk, so can this one."

"What?!" the Jar of Dirt shrieked. "You mean I'm not your first bride, Jack?" she asked.

"No, you're not," said Jack. "But my wedding to the Bottle of Rum was Just a dream. I'm sure this one is real. You and I are soulmates."

"Humph", the Jar of Dirt huffed. "Consider this a dream that just became a nightmare."

Then the Jar of Dirt proceeded to jump down from her stool. Jack tried to stop her. But he was too late. The Jar of Dirt hit the floor, and smashed into hundreds of tiny pieces.

"Noooooo!" screamed Jack. Jack's eyes snapped open, and he abruptly sat up in bed. He was still screaming. Then he realized where he was. He was in his bed on The Black Pearl. The jar of dirt was nestled safely under his left arm.

"Don't tell me this was just another dream", said Jack. "I'm still trying to get over the last one." "Note to self", he said. "Tell subconscious to think of better dreams." Then Jack went back to bed.

The End.

A/N: 1) This story obviously takes place during Dead Man's Chest. But it's set before Jack breaks the jar of dirt. Or you and even pretend he never broke it in the first place. Whatever suits you fancy.

2) Why is Tia Dalma the minister? Because I said so, that's why. Just kidding. The real reason she did it this time is I didn't want to type-cast Barbossa. And if you think about it, it kind of makes more sense for Tia Dalma to be the minister at this wedding. Because she did set Jack and the jar of dirt up with each other, so to speak.

3) I know Tia Dalma doesn't talk with an accent. This is because I'm not very good at writing characters with accents.