Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Never did, never will. Wish I did, though.
The Twinification of Harry Potter
It all started innocently one night in Gryffindor Tower. The twins were, of course, loud and generally raising a ruckus, but hardly anyone ever noticed it anymore. Ron and Ginny, who were sitting in the corner of the common room with Hermione, not really paying attention, so it was probably understandable that they didn't notice what was going on until it was already half-over, but when they did, they immediately stiffened at what was going on.
When they were children, the twins asking that particular question never heralded anything good. Especially as no one ever seemed to get the right answer, and the twins took it…personally. Hermione would later be left wondering at what had left her two friends so anxious, but when Harry looked up from his book and gave what had to be the fabled right answer, as he wasn't pranked for it the next day, the Weasley's shivering stopped and she let it go.
All three, who were fighting with Harry at the time, would later be forgiven for not noticing the contemplative looks that the twins were giving him, and for not realizing what they meant.
Ironically enough, it was Severus Snape who figured out what was going on, and even he might not have, had Harry's Potions homework not drastically improved right around that time. Otherwise, he would have taken the odd happenings around the school (and the sudden unwillingness of his snakes to be so much as impolite to the boy) as completely unrelated, and dealt with them accordingly. Unfortunately, though, Potter's Potions homework had drastically improved, and it was as he was reading a perfectly well-written essay on the color-changing potion that Severus had a sudden insight into an incident from earlier that day involving Draco Malfoy's hair and Gregory Goyles…uniform.
The connections immediately became obvious, including the way that the Weasley twins had been assiduously ignoring Potter for weeks, and, under the guise of giving them all detention, he arranged a parley. A parley, where, in exchange for clemency, offered them the failsafe password to not only the Headmaster's office, but his personal quarters as well. Only he could have known, and for that night, he conveniently chose to forget, was that Albus kept a current list of the passwords to all the staff's rooms on his dresser top. What even he didn't know was that the Headmaster also kept a copy of his journal in his sock drawer. Then, mischief accomplished and safety assured, Severus sat back to watch the chaos unfold. That was the end of September.
In November, a couple of things worthy of note happened. Even Severus didn't know all the details, but it seemed that the Weasley twins had taken Potter on a whirlwind tour of Umbridges rooms while she was busy (with filch or with her Inquisitorial Squad, he didnt know, but either way, Severus had to smirk), and while looking for mischief, had found a rather prized possession of the woman's. Nobody was entirely sure what had happened to it, but when she returned to her rooms, it had been irreparably destroyed.
Filch confirmed this, which, combined with the leather corset that he claimed had been a malicious prank, conspired to get him fired. Umbridge had only just managed to save herself by claiming that Filch was a dirty, no-good squib who couldn't take no for an answer. Ironically enough, the entire episode seemed to have dramatically improved her entire persona to the point that, if he chose to listen hard enough, Severus was certain that he could hear the students singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead all the way in the dungeons. Severus' own euphoria lasted until his best potions student knocked on his door one night, looking for advice.
Evidently, Blaise had been approached, though by whom he wouldn't say, and had been severely threatened, though with what, he couldn't say. Severus, ostensibly worried about giving bad advice, had held out for more information.
But sir! They're holding Malfoy's hair hostage!
And at this, Severus gained a very clear picture of what had happened, and had counselled the only really viable strategy for survival; total surrender. Blaise left, looking like a man about to be hanged, and Severus learned the next morning what the terms of surrender had been when Ronald Weasley entered the Great Hall for breakfast, wearing nothing but a towel and performing a very risqué form of what Severus assumed to be the Macarena.
And through it all, Harry Potter walked like an angel of mercy and light.
Surprisingly enough, the next person to piece together the fact that something was going on was Minerva, and even she might not have, had her classroom not been used for some obscure ritual that included chicken blood, the chicken that had given the blood and something called a "horcrux". Severus had been rather surprised, needless to say, when she stormed into his class the next day while he was trying to instil the fear of all things trouble-making into a new batch of first years, demanding an explanation.
He had tried to plead innocence, but it hadn't worked, especially when she started brandishing the vial of unicorn blood, willingly given, that had been bribed out of him days earlier. In the face of incriminating evidence, he had plead not guilty by reason of fear for his life, and Minerva, who was, despite all else, the Gryffindor Head of House, and therefore the main disciplinarian of the Weasley twins, wasn't long in putting the rest of it together.
And even she couldn't figure out what they needed from Blaise Zabini.
Actually, in the end, it didn't matter very much, since they received the last pieces to the puzzle on Halloween, when Blaise Zabini had come to the feast claiming that he was Harry Potter after a horrible ritual gone wrong. Ironically enough, when confronted, the Weasley twins claimed total innocence, even in face of a Howler from their (much-feared) mother. The next morning, when Blaise Zabini sat next to Potter in class, and was observed finishing at least one of the other's sentences, both Minerva and Severus had both handed in their resignations for the next year, and run to the common room for a stiff shot of whisky, where they were found later in the day, roaring drunk, by Hagrid.
Hagrid, for his part, couldn't explain why an innocent comment from Pomona at the staff meeting that night had the two pulling out another bottle while looking unnaturally pale. After all, the Weasley twins were good students. Another set of twins couldn't possibly be a bad thing.
Could it?
When he walked in on the chaos in the Great Hall the next morning, he had his answer.
