The door to the senior officers' mess slammed and the General strolled in and dropped sullenly in one of the seats. He began drumming his long fingers on the leather arms of the chair, the noise thudding through the previously silent room. Zack watched from his seat by the window where he had been writing a letter, until the dark cloud of discontent that was Sephiroth had made its wrath known.
" Chin up, General, might be another war soon, " he commented lightly.
Standing up again and stalking over to face him, Sephiroth glared at the SOLDIER.
" Really? " he demanded. " Like where? Who am I going to be fighting? The owners of the innumerable Wutai giftshops? The many many tour guides of the region? Or something altogether new, perhaps? " His sea-green eyes burnt with sarcasm and his pale hands gesticulated wildly. " Vicious mutant dolphins around Junon? Rampaging chocobos around the Mythril Mines? "
Zack had patiently sat through the General's tirade, he had judged it to be more than his life was worth to dare interrupt. When finally Sephiroth lapsed into silence, his bare, toned chest heaving with the outrage, Zack shrugged and turned back to the letter.
" You need to get drunk. Or laid. Maybe both. "
Intended as a joke, Zack's jibe seemed to transform Sephiroth into a snarling beast.
" I swear, " he spat through gritted teeth, " if one more person tries to involve themselves with the question of who I am currently bedding, I will cut off my own genitalia and be done with it! "
" Hey, hey, buddy boy, just a joke! " Zack insisted, from behind his defensively raised arms.
There was a heavy sigh and then Sephiroth threw himself back down in his earlier place.
" I know, " he answered, his tone more reasonable. " My sex-life seems to be a prime Shinra concern at the moment. "
" Shinra? There I was thinking you'd only cast your spell over all the cadets. I swear those poor kids sit up half the night discussing who you've slept with. "
And whether they'll get to be the next one, Zack added to himself.
It earned him a half-smile anyway. Sephiroth's eyes had dulled to smouldering embers, and he was supporting his head in his hands, his long white fingers threaded through the thick sheaf of silver.
" Are you sure they're not just using that as the excuse for their atrocious performance when it comes to early morning drills? "
The dark-haired SOLDIER grinned and shrugged again.
" Could be that. So come on, Seph, what's the problem with Shinra? Scarlet chasing you around the tables again? "
Sephiroth groaned and eased his hands out of his hair to rub his eyes.
" You may very well laugh but I can't take one step into damn HQ without that bloody woman materialising at my shoulder and coming on to me. I tell you, we could have used stealth skills like that in the Wutai conflict. "
" Maybe she's got Hojo to give her your appointment times? Y'know, so she can be all ready to pounce when she sees you coming in to go to the lab. "
There was a grim laugh at that suggestion.
" Hojo may be a really sick piece of work, but I think even he would balk at cruelty like that. Then again… "
Sephiroth groaned loudly.
Zack raised his eyebrows but tactfully said nothing. Though he knew better than to push for details, he was well aware that Sephiroth's connection to Hojo was infinitely more complicated than Shinra generally let on.
" Perhaps you should just give her what she so obviously wants. " Zack suggested innocently, only the slightest hint of mischief dancing in his Mako bright eyes. " You wouldn't have to put much energy in, could be all done in three minutes. And then, well, you'd have something to talk to Heidegger about. "
" One of these days Zachary, you are going to get a taste of the sharp end of my blade. What's more, it will serve you right. "
The SOLDIER laughed and ran his fingers through his spiky black hair.
" Promises promises, " he mocked. " Seriously though, buddy, she can't be that bad. Just tell her you're sorry but you're not interested. "
" When I put in the request for the latest experimental weapons for the SOLDIERs to train with, she said I could have it if I let her sit on my lap and give her a kiss, " Sephiroth answered tonelessly.
Zack guffawed loudly until he felt the aqua eyes staring at him. He fell silent quickly, his mouth hanging open.
" And that's one of her repeatable propositions, " Sephiroth added.
" Man, " Zack whispered, taken aback. " Still, couldn't you have a word with Hojo? Surely he wouldn't approve of her screwing around with his SOLDIERs. "
A delicate blush coloured the General's high cheekbones.
" That's the other thing. Hojo. "
" Hojo hit on you?! " Zack demanded, now completely horrified.
Zack's own horror was reflected tenfold on Sephiroth's face.
" No! " he shrieked. " Gods, no that's… no! You don't know how… No! "
Patting his chest, as if to get his heart beating again, Zack sighed.
" Nasty mental images there, " he muttered. " So, what about Hojo? "
Sephiroth opened his mouth to speak, paused, licked his lips, tried again, and failed.
" Perhaps I do need to get drunk, " he mumbled finally.
***
" Can you tell the Professor I'm here, " Sephiroth said formally, his tone taking away all implications of request.
The junior doctor nodded respectfully, gestured Sephiroth into Hojo's personal office and scurried away.
Sephiroth sighed and glanced around the sterile surroundings. He scanned the nearby shelves for anything new to examine or fiddle with, something to make this appointment a little different from the previous one, or thousand. But no, everything was precisely the same. Everything so familiar. Truly, he felt as comfortable and at home here as he did in his quarters back at the military base.
Or did he? During the war with Wutai, he had of course been excused the tri-weekly check-ups with Hojo. And he had found a whole new way of life. A life within the war that he could run as he wanted, with no-one to report to. No-one to check on his blood samples, urine samples, skin samples, earwax samples, nail-clipping samples or the multitude of other samples they demanded. Returning to the lab these last few months had been disappointing. Disappointing and… unsettling?
" Hello General. How are you today? Anything to report? " Hojo asked, his voice low and sibilant.
" I'm fine Father, never better. "
The short, white lab-coated man moved around the desk and sat down in the chair. He picked up the ever-ready clipboard and jotted down a few notes.
" How has the latest Mako treatment taken? Any adverse side-effects? " he asked, as he had done every single appointment that Sephiroth could remember. Hojo's eyes remained fixed on the page, his pen poised for the answer.
" Aside from the barracks using my eyes as an alternative source of light, no, everything's fine. "
Hojo paused, then made an additional note on the page.
Note to self, Sephiroth imagined, extreme exposure to Mako results in superhuman strength, near invulnerability, advanced intellect and decidedly suspect sense of humour.
" It was a joke! " he insisted, mildly exasperated.
" Yes General. I am aware of that. Tell me, what compelled you to turn to humour? What were you feeling? "
Hojo had prepared a fresh piece of paper and the pen was poised again, obviously to take notes on the recent development.
" It was a joke. I was feeling silly. That's all. "
There was a pause. Hojo scribbled something down, set the clipboard aside and looked up at him through his small wire-framed glasses. Ignoring the urge to snatch up the clipboard and see what judgement Hojo had made of his attempt at levity, Sephiroth gave his best attempt at a smile.
There was a long moment as Hojo surveyed his specimen. The scientist opened a side desk and pulled out a surveillance photo and laid it in front of Sephiroth. Curious, Sephiroth leaned over and took a look.
It was taken in the lobby of the Shinra building. It showed Scarlet, head of Weapons Development trying to press as much of herself as possible against a backed-up-against-the-wall-Sephiroth.
" Ah, yes, " Sephiroth murmured, acutely embarrassed.
Hearing a small `click`, Sephiroth looked up to see his father arranging a dictophone on the desk.
This did not bode well.
" Tell me General: have you engaged in sexual activity with a woman before? "
The fear the spindly little man's question inspired in Sephiroth was greater than the time he had single-handedly taken on two blue dragons at the foot of Gaea's Cliff. It took all his courage not to leap from the chair and make a bolt for the door.
" Father, " he tried reasonably. " I am a thirty year old man. I would prefer not to discuss such things with you. "
Hojo tapped his pen on the desk, as he always did when he was annoyed.
" It is most important General that you answer the question. "
Feeling incredibly trapped, Sephiroth shrugged weakly.
" Yes, " he whispered, sinking deep into his chair.
Hojo nodded to himself and made a note.
" And did you succeed in impregnating any of your partners? "
Sephiroth didn't know whether to shriek in horror or cackle hysterically. He tried a combination of the two, squeaking maniacally in his chair.
Hojo looked up, waiting for an answer and surveying the General's new and interesting behaviour.
When Sephiroth had finally recovered, he gave a feeble shrug.
" I don't know. "
Hojo nodded again and pulled over a new sheet of paper, writing a quick title which Sephiroth fervently didn't want to see.
" Very well, give me their names, addresses and the dates on which intercourse took place and I'll have Shinra track them down and investigate. "
Swallowing hard, Sephiroth shrugged yet again.
" Er… Do you need surnames as well? "
Hojo looked up again, a slight look of surprise and irritation on his face.
" You don't have surnames? Do you have addresses? "
Stifling a nervous laugh, Sephiroth tried to avoid his father's gaze.
" There was um… Stella… in a bar in Costa Del Sol, or was her name Sophie? And then there was… Christya, no, no, then it was Maggi, I think… Or maybe it was Charisse? "
Sephiroth trailed off as Hojo's gaze became openly angry.
" This is most unhelpful, General. How am I to supposed to work with data like this? Are you trying to obstruct my work? "
" Er… no? "
There was a long pause while Hojo stared at the silver-haired SOLDIER, before he wrote something down and underlined it fiercely.
" Very well, the only option now is for you to produce offspring with her, " Hojo said in a voice tight with anger, tapping the surveillance photo.
Fighting down the rising panic, Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.
" Before I track down and bed the Slut of Shinra, could you kindly explain why you're so keen to see me… breed? "
Hojo was silent for a long time. His eyes darkened as he seemed to be considering something. Sephiroth was privately glad of the time to recover from the mental trauma he had just suffered.
" I wish to see the second-generation effects of your genetic make-up, " he said carefully.
Sephiroth frowned, confused.
" What? You mean the Mako treatments? You don't think the lesser SOLDIERs knocked up the local girls from here to Wutai and back? "
Again, Hojo was silent. Then, disconcertingly, he smiled his thin-lipped smile.
" They have been treated with Mako, General, whereas you… you virtually have it running in your veins. "
Sephiroth lapsed into silence, considering whether he wanted any child of his to know the laboratory as well as he did.
The sound of a loud tapping interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see Hojo tapping the photo again.
" She seems favourably inclined towards your external appearance. It should not pose any great problem for you to instigate sexual relations with Scarlet. It works out quite admirably in fact. If we can keep it within Shinra there is less chance of her trying to do anything silly like running off. " A sudden thought struck Hojo and he glanced at Sephiroth sharply. " She's not involved with any of the Turks, is she? "
" Uh… no, not that I know of, " Sephiroth answered, dazedly.
" Pity, " Hojo mumbled, scribbling notes down, " Some of my best work involved the Turks. Are you sure she's not involved? That scrawny red-head perhaps? He doesn't look like he's fussy. Perhaps you should ask him, find out for sure whether he and Scarlet are engaging in an affair. I shall make a note of that, " he rambled to himself, " to remind me to contact Tseng and ensure that he puts a stop to the liaison between Scarlet and… the scrawny one. "
" Father, you're paranoid, " Sephiroth remarked, clinging on to what few shreds of sanity he had.
Hojo looked at him sharply.
" You can never be too sure with the Turks. They have a nasty tendency to try and get in the way of scientific research. If you find that… the scrawny one is getting in your way while you're attempting to reproduce with Scarlet, be sure to come straight to me. "
" Will do, " Sephiroth insisted cheerfully, forcefully ignoring the muttered comments regarding the scrawny one making a nice specimen. " Anything else? "
" I will expect a progress report when I next see you General. That is all. "
Sephiroth left the lab with a fixed manic grin on his face. He then took the scenic route to leave the building, which involved the endless stairwell of the Fire Escape, rather than run into his partner for the Lab Project.
***
" Woah! " Zack breathed, after hearing the incredibly heavily edited version of events.
" I know, " Sephiroth muttered from where he was leant over the bar, nursing his sixth drink.
" Hojo wants you to… ? "
" Yes. "
" With…? "
" Yes. "
" Woah, " Zack said again, for lack of anything else to express the magnitude of his feelings.
They sat together in silence. Zack offered up a silent prayer to whatever god might be listening that Hojo did not decide to expand his field of study.
" So Hojo exposed you for the slut you are, " Zack commented finally.
Sephiroth nodded wearily.
" Did you tell him about the guys? "
There was a long silence before the General answered.
" Do I strike you as a crazy man Zack? "
" Well, no, not really. Though there was that time… "
" Right, well until I start waving Masamune around and randomly setting fire to things, we can safely assume that I am sane and thus not about to tell Professor Hojo about the guys. I can only imagine the investigation he'd come up with if he found about that. "
Zack chuckled and turned back to his drink.
Sephiroth slurped noisily at his own drink and supported his aching head, feeling the pit of dread in his stomach that was his expectation of the next appointment and the progress report he was expected to give.
He snorted irritably to himself at a sudden thought.
Bet he didn't treat Mother like a lab experiment.
