BMW
"In the Presence of Angels"
Summary: Even in the darkest times, there are angels unaware...
Rating: R (strong themes, situations, language, slashiness)
Warning: That above rating isn't a joke. Without giving plot points away, the things contained in here might disturb you (as well they should). And this one is as deep and angsty as I can go without a license.
Disclaimer: See, if I owned them, things like this wouldn't happen. However, the things that would... *tries evil smirk again*
Setting: Right after the series finale (and after Cory, Topanga, Shawn and Eric go to New York)
Series/ Sequel: This is an unofficial sequel to "Slip Away". You don't have to read that to understand this, though.
One last note: I'm still working on the other chaptered stories, so don't shoot! This has been sitting on my hard drive for a while, and I finally feel comfortable in sharing it. Thanks to the Wicked group for their support, and to Sugar and Trey in particular.
Feedback: Will soothe cranky babies, and me. Take that how you want. Vixxxen@rocketmail.com
For: The real Kat...
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1.
"WE SHOULD do something," Shawn announced.
Eric, who had been busy unpacking boxes that had just arrived, stuck his head out of the bedroom that they shared. "'Kay. What should we do?"
"Let's go to a club. We've been in New York for three weeks and we haven't seen anything except for the Smithsonian, and that was by accident."
"Have a particular one in mind?"
"Yeah. There's this one that they're always talking about at work. They say that it's the hottest thing in town."
Eric smiled, but then frowned just as quickly. "Not to be all party-poopery, but how are you, and Cory and Topanga, if we invite them, going to get in?"
"Oh, don't worry. It's an 18-and-over club. We'll have to wear the big dorky bracelets, but we can all go."
"Great! Do you want me to call our favorite married couple?"
"Sure."
As Eric dialed, Shawn went into the bedroom and came out wearing a silk shirt and some black chinos. When Eric spotted him, he gave him the thumbs up while continuing to fill Cory in.
"Wait. I don't even know what the name of the place is! I'll let you talk to Shawn." He passed Shawn the phone as he went to go find something suitable to dance in. Despite his reputation for silliness, Eric really liked to dance and took it seriously- sometimes.
He had finally selected a metallic shirt with some leather pants- both in this unreal reddish-brown color- and went back into the mini living room to sit on the couch. Shawn, who was lounging on the other end of the sofa, whistled admiringly.
"You're trying to knock someone dead, aren't you?"
"Thanks." Eric pretended to preen before he set his boots on the coffee table.
"Oh, there is one thing I didn't tell you about this club." Shawn studied his nails and tried to look nonchalant. "All of my friends who recommend it- Ron, Taylor, Wally..."
"Wait a minute," Eric interrupted. "Aren't those the ones who..."
Shawn looked up, grinning. "Yep."
"You're taking us to a gay bar!" Eric leapt up and danced in place. "All right!"
"So, you'll have fun tonight, Cory and Topanga won't even care, and who knows? Maybe I'll find someone for me. And it's not really a gay bar, per se. It's really more of an anything goes club."
"Cool..." Eric's voice drifted off, thinking of the possibilities.
*******
Two years.
That's how long it took for Eric to realize that moping over his best friend might not, in fact, be a case of jealousy.
All through Eric's dating Rachel, and Jack's dating Rachel, there had been a sense of competition between the two men. Once both of the men stopped seeing her, though, all bets were off. They spent most of their time together, causing most of their friends to joke that they were an old married couple. Jack would always laugh it off, but Eric would always have a moment of serious thought before he would snap out of it and give himself the same statement, Thou shall not covet thy best friend's ass, even if it is hellacious.
Two months.
That's how long it took for Eric to realize that watching Jack leave was going to be one of the hardest things he ever did in his life.
As he watched Jack board his plane, happily unaware of any lustful thoughts directed his way, Eric decided two things. One, he was going to get over Jack. There was no sense mooning over someone who didn't even know about his feelings, and probably wouldn't return them if he knew.
Two, he was telling everyone about himself. He had tried to convince himself that his feelings for Jack were just an aberration, but when he caught himself reading Abercrombie and Fitch catalogues, (and not for the girls), he realized that something was a little different in Ericland, and in his usual fashion, ran to embrace the difference.
Two weeks.
That's how long it took for Eric to actually work up the nerve to make good on the second decision that he had made.
The first person he told was Shawn. He had planned a whole scenario, where they both sat down calmly and discussed things like rational adults. Unfortunately, sometimes Eric and rational didn't coexist. He blurted out one day, "I'mgayandifyoudon'twanttosharetheapartmentanymore..."
Shawn held up a hand. It was early Saturday morning and neither of them was fully awake yet.
"Okay, the only thing I got out of that statement was 'apartment'. Please slow it down for those of us who don't live in the land of Eric."
"I said, I'm gay and if you don't want to share the apartment anymore, I understand."
Shawn poured his cereal and the coffee. He inhaled them both quickly, and then went to put his dishes in the sink. He was in the act of rinsing when the news apparently traveled from his ears to his brain. He dropped the dishes promptly and sat back down at the table.
"You're gay? Damn, I lost."
"What?"
"Oh, Angela and I bet $50 on who would come out first. I put money against you." Shawn got up from the table.
Eric sat there, as confused as he was when the whole conversation had started, but somewhat relieved. At least he still had an apartment...
Two hours.
That's how long it took for Eric's life to do a complete 180 and change forever.
*******
Cory and Topanga came over and all of them walked to the club. As Shawn had said, it really was an anything goes club. They were early enough where no one was being turned away at the door yet. They paid the cover and sailed on in. Inside, people were on the dance floor, but there was plenty of room. Eric went up to the bar and ordered a whisky sour while Shawn, Cory, and Topanga got soft drinks.
"Okay, I want to dance," Eric said after he finished his drink.
"So do I." Shawn eyed two girls who were grinding on each other. "Think I'll go see if they need someone to be in the middle."
As he walked over to the girls, Topanga turned to Cory. "Do you want to dance?"
"Not if I have a choice..." Cory started warily.
"Look, I'll dance with you, then we'll make your husband dance, all right?" Eric waited for Topanga's nod to go onto the dance floor.
The two danced closely, but not touching. "Look, I'll slip the DJ some money, and maybe he'll play something slow enough for Cory to feel comfortable." Eric suggested.
Topanga smacked her head. "Why didn't I think of that? Thanks Eric." She immediately walked off the dance floor, leaving Eric alone.
As he turned to walk off the dance floor, Shawn tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, the girls said they were good. So, wanna dance?"
Eric shrugged and let himself move to the beat again. He looked around the room briefly before watching Shawn dance. He took in what Shawn was doing and matched so that they were dipping and turning in unison. They danced for about three songs and stopped to grab something else to drink. They joined Cory and Topanga at a table with drinks in hand and sat down. "So, did you two dance yet?" Eric asked, fanning himself.
"No. This music requires an advanced degree in funk." Cory looked sheepishly at his wife.
"So, where would you get this degree? The University of Funkology?" Shawn laughed.
"Never mind. Anyway, when did you guys start dancing together?"
"Hey, you jealous? 'Cause I could dance with you next." Shawn quipped.
"Think I have to pass. See," Cory dropped his voice, "I have an old lady."
Eric and Shawn both fell out as Topanga hit Cory without even looking in his direction.
After they finished their drinks, everyone, including Cory, hit the dance floor. Shawn found a girl and they stayed together for the rest of the night. Eric switched partners frequently, dancing with both males and females and having a great time.
"Okay guys, ready to call it a night?" Cory asked, the next time they stopped for a breather.
"Sure, if everyone else is," Eric said, after leaving his latest partner, David, on the floor.
"I don't want to, but work calls in the morning," Topanga sighed regretfully.
"Same here. Just let me give my number to Kat." Shawn patted his pants for a pen and smiled gratefully when Topanga handed him one.
"So, that's the lucky girl's name?" Cory said teasingly.
"Well, her full name is Katriana, but she says to call her Kat for short."
"I would too," Topanga mused.
"Yeah, because Topanga is such a short name." Eric said.
"Hey, she's got a syllable on me!"
As they paid the bar tab, Eric said, "Hold on guys, my teeth are floating. Be back." As he started walking towards the back, where the restrooms were, he smiled at one of his earlier partners. The man smiled back, and Eric kept going, not noticing that another man was following him.
*****
"Man, could Eric could be any slower? It's been a half hour already! And it's not like I can just run back inside the club and see what's up." Cory eyed the line, now snaking around the sidewalk.
"Well, maybe we could flash our bracelets and just go back in." Topanga suggested.
"We'd have to pay another cover," Shawn pointed out.
As they stood there, an ambulance came zooming up. As it stopped in front of the club and paramedics started jumping out, the gang stared in amazement.
"Glad that we're not in there now," Cory commented to no one in particular.
"Hope that Eric comes out before everything gets too crazy," Topanga said, as the paramedics rushed past the waiting crowd, to the dismay of the people in line.
They waited impatiently as the paramedics came back out with someone on a gurney. As the gang watched the person being loaded up on the stretcher, they stopped in their tracks, staring. Cory was the first to react. Without saying anything, he ran up to the stretcher and grabbed the hand of the person on it.
"Eric?"
Eric shook off his hand and groaned, eyes tightly closed. The paramedics loaded the gurney into the ambulance and began to shout out orders. One stopped and said, "We're taking him to Cedars, so if you meet us there, you can give us his information."
As the ambulance took off, Cory came back to where Shawn and Topanga were standing, still in shock. "He's going to Cedars, they said."
"What's wrong? Did they say what was wrong?" Topanga asked frantically.
Cory shook his head. "We need to get there so that they can get some information."
"Where is Cedars at?" Shawn said, starting to head toward the subway station.
"Excuse me."
Shawn swung around and saw the girl that he had danced with earlier. "Oh, Kat. Um, do you know where Cedars hospital is?"
Katriana nodded. "I can take you there, if you like."
"We'd appreciate it." Shawn motioned to his friends.
"Okay, follow me."
They went to a parking lot, where a nondescript brown car awaited. "Hop in. Don't be alarmed by my driving, all right?"
She peeled off and drove swiftly and calmly, contradicting her running commentary. She got them to the hospital about twenty minutes later, good timing considering the traffic.
The gang jumped out as Kat said to Shawn, "I'm going to park and then I'll meet you in there."
"You don't have to," Shawn started.
"I know, but I'm concerned about your friend, and besides, how will you get home?" Katriana said sensibly.
At a loss for words, Shawn nodded as she pulled away from the curb. He went inside the hospital, where Cory and Topanga were already at the information desk. Shawn ran up to join them.
"They said that he's still in emergency, so we should just have a seat, and they'll call us." Cory reported.
"Did they need to get information from you?" Shawn asked.
"No, they said that they had gotten everything they needed from Eric."
"Did... did they say what was wrong?" Shawn asked, more quietly.
"No." Topanga turned to go sit in the waiting room. "They said that he would have to tell us himself."
As they waited, Katriana came in and sat quietly next to Shawn. For a while, they all sat there silently. Topanga clutched Cory's hands tightly. Shawn tried thumbing through an old magazine, but stopped when he found himself reading the sentence over and over.
After what seemed like hours of waiting, Eric came out from the trauma room. He was moving slowly with none of his trademark energy.
The group rose to meet him. Cory was the first to meet him. He reached out a tentative hand to touch Eric and watched as Eric flinched visibly.
"So, are we ready to go? Eric, do you need to go to the pharmacy?" Topanga spoke up carefully.
"Um, yeah." He pulled out a folded paper. "They gave me a list of things..." his voice trailed off as he looked at Katriana. "Aren't you the girl from the club?"
"Yeah. Listen, there's a pharmacy near here. If you want, I'll take you there." Katriana looked at Eric and nodded without waiting for an answer. She began walking out of the hospital and everyone followed her slowly.
In the car, everyone was silent. Cory, Shawn, and Topanga kept sneaking looks at Eric, who was staring out of the window, oblivious to them.
At the pharmacy, Eric got out of the car before anyone could ask him if he needed help. As he walked into the store, Cory said softly, "Something's wrong. I mean, really wrong."
"I think we all can see that. I mean, I'm not expecting Eric to start leaping around like usual, but whatever happened to him must have been really bad." Topanga stared at the entrance like she wanted it to show her the answers.
After Eric came back out, still oddly quiet, they drove home, with Shawn giving quiet directions to Katriana. She dropped Cory and Topanga off first, with Shawn promising to call them when he and Eric arrived home. Ten minutes later, Katriana pulled up to their building and let them out.
"Okay, well, thanks again," Shawn said awkwardly, about to climb out.
"You're welcome. Call me, all right?" She smiled slightly at Shawn, and then looked over at Eric, who was climbing out of the car slowly. "Goodbye, Eric."
"Bye. Thanks," he replied over his shoulder, not looking at her as he closed the car door and walked into his apartment building.
Shawn waved at Katriana as she pulled away from the curb. Long after she pulled off, he stood there watching her, wondering how a night that had started off so promising ended the way it did.
***
He wished that he was susceptible to short-term memory loss. His mind, though, not only recorded everything vividly, but also ever so helpfully slowed everything down. So he felt himself falling to the ground, which seemed to take two hours. Once he finally hit the ground, his body was on slow motion and he couldn't react fast enough to move as the man landed heavily on his back. As his pants were pushed roughly down, he gave a passing thought to fighting, but as he struggled, the man suddenly pressed something cold (metallic?) against his neck and whispered softly, "If you don't fight, I might let you go." He dragged the object against his neck. "Maybe."
As he felt his skin tear, and then the burning pain, he thought wildly that it wasn't supposed to happen like this. There was supposed to be someone that he had been with and loved for a long time (Jack) and that they would be both be nervous, but happy that they were together.
As he lay there, feeling the weight smother and suffocate him during what was undoubtedly the worst moment of his life, as he wished for death, all he could think was that it wasn't supposed to happen like this.
"Eric!"
Eric shot up in his bed, panting. He turned frightened eyes to Shawn, but calmed down once he realized who it was. "What man?" he replied groggily.
"You were having a nightmare," Shawn said patiently. "You started screaming and kicking, and I didn't want you to hurt yourself." Shawn sat up in his bed. "Wanna talk about it?"
"I... don't remember what it was about," Eric lied, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and standing up. "Okay, I guess I'll go watch some TV or something. Sorry for waking you up."
Instead of making some kind of joke about it, Shawn nodded seriously. "It's okay. If you feel like talking though, I'm here."
As usual, when someone pushed a little too hard, Eric felt the rage that was never too below the surface bubble up inside of him. Before he could starting yelling at Shawn (which he had, a few times before) he took a large breath, said between clenched teeth, "I'm fine," and shut the bedroom door before Shawn could reply.
Sitting on the couch, he turned on the television and scanned the channels. There were plenty of infomercials on, and he finally settled on one at random and stared at it, not paying attention, lost in his own thoughts.
The same dream had been repeating for a few weeks now. Eric could barely admit to himself that it wasn't exactly a dream, more like a remembered experience, so he couched it in terms like nightmares and dreams. Every time he had the dream, getting back to sleep for the night was impossible, so he would come and watch television until he could start getting ready for work. These days, he felt like he was an observer in his own life, watching it pass him by.
He stared at the commercial for the same vacuum sealer three times in a row before the sun started making an appearance in the room. As it did, he turned off the TV and got into the bathroom and out before Shawn made an appearance. After dressing quickly, he made some coffee and was sitting at the table drinking it when Shawn finally emerged from the bedroom.
"Hi," Shawn croaked, sitting at the table.
Eric, out of habit, pushed the coffee pot and a mug with sugar and cream already in it toward Shawn. Shawn waved a hand in thanks and drank two cups before he even looked over at Eric.
"Did you get back to sleep?" he asked.
"No," Eric replied briefly. He got up from the table, rinsed his coffee mug, and went back into the bedroom to grab what he needed for work. "See you."
"Bye. Have a good day."
As Eric walked to the subway, hyper-aware of his surroundings, he thought about how much he dreaded the subway. Before everything had happened, he hadn't really minded, but now felt extremely claustrophobic and nervous, although he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like anything had ever happened to him on the subway. But the feeling of tension knotted his belly with every step that he took. Finally feeling as if he was going to pass out if he went any further, he stopped and realized that there was no way he was getting on the subway today. He turned around and walked back to the apartment, hoping that Shawn had already left for class.
As he turned to go up in the elevator, a sudden fear came over him. Shaking slightly, he stepped off the elevator and took the stairs up the six flights to the apartment. Breathing a little heavily, he turned the key in the lock and let himself in, feeling grateful that the apartment was empty. Setting down his backpack, he went over to the phone and dialed.
"Mc Parker," the voice answered.
"Mr Mc Parker? This is Eric Matthews. I'm sorry to do this to you, but I'm... sick," he said, hoping that Mr Mc Parker wouldn't notice the slight hesitation, "But I can come in if you really need me." Just saying the words made his stomach turn at the thought of actually getting on the subway.
"No, it's fine, Eric. You have been looking a little peaked. Look, I want you to take the rest of the week off, okay? Get some rest. And I'll see you bright and early on Monday, alright?"
"Okay, Mr Mc Parker. Thanks again."
"No problem." His boss hung up the phone, and Eric gently set the phone on the base. Going into the bedroom and shedding his clothes, he got into his bed and pulled the covers over his head, hoping to ward off nightmares in the way a child hopes to ward off monsters. He lay there, shivering for many moments, before exhaustion took over his body.
