Naruto and Sasuke's Excellent Journey

As you know, I do not own the title characters. In this one, Naruto and Sasuke find out that their parents are actually still alive and just left the village (I'll explain all of that later). So they go through time to attend two family reunions. And why is Sasuke still on the show, you ask? He's making a special appearance. Read it.

Chapter 1: The Discovery

In which Naruto and Sasuke attend a cast party, read two strange letters, and root through Mr. Uchiha's belongings


"...tune in next season to find out!" Naruto said.

"CUT!" shouted the director. Everyone got on the set.

"On three," Naruto said. "One, two three!"

"SUCK IT, DBZ!" the whole cast shouted.

"Indeed," said Naruto. "And as the protagonist, I've gotta say some things. Firstly, a big congrats to Sasuke for his cameo at the end of the episode. You handled your role so well."

"I work in the village mailroom in real life," said Sasuke. "I'm not here anymore, so I have to pay my bills somehow."

"And a big shoutout to Kakashi," said Naruto, "For his excellent use of the...the...what was that again?"

"I don't remember," said Kakashi. He had his mask down and was smoking a joint. "I don't remember anything anymore, but I don't care. I don't care. I. Do. Not. Care." He passed out.

"He does that all the time," said Naruto. "So, I believe the party is at Chouji's house?"

"No good," said Chouji. "My parents couldn't leave for their anniversary, so they're staying home. And getting it on like they do every year."

"Okay," said Naruto. "And let's not forget the time Shino accidently filmed that."

"I thought it was Chouji getting with Hinata," said Shino.

"Yeah, like I'm that fat," said Hinata. "Ino, is your house still open?"

"It is," said Ino, "But there are a few rules. Firstly, don't go in my parents' liquor cabinet. All they drink is hard whiskey, and it's awful. Secondly, do not ever use the downstairs bathroom for any reason. We still haven't exorcised it and yesterday is the anniversary of my grandfather's death, so he's real cranky right now. And thirdly, party the fuck on!"

"YEAH!"

The teens in the cast went to Ino's house to get wasted. The adults were more sensible. They got wasted at the village tavern. Except for Iruka, who was designated rickshaw carrier. They still don't drive in Konohagakure. It doesn't matter, though, Iruka still had the largest drink offered at the tavern and Gai still had to carry him home. Which he would have done had he not fallen asleep in the bathroom.

Over at the Yamanaka house, the teens were partying hard. Sakura was the only sober one, as she had only had seven beers. Neji was the wildest, and he had only had three beers. The next morning was the kicker. Ino woke up after sleeping for two minutes to start cleaning up.

"Fuck," she said as she looked around the house. "Thank god I have the whole day to clean this mess up. Okay, everyone! (ow) Let's clean this shit up and get out of here!"

"Sure thing, Mommy," Shino slurred. He then turned to a nearby potted plant and threw up in the flowerpot. "Sorry. That was a strong laxative I took."

"That's nothing," said Chouji. "I took a stronger one." He pulled down his pants and proceeded to take a dump in the kitchen sink.

"Ino, you need help," said Naruto. He had mostly sobered up and was taking all of the empty bottles and cans out. Sasuke was right in front of him finishing all the bottles and cans. "Don't worry. I'm good at holding things in." He looked at his pants. "Most of the time, at least."

"Just clean up my house," said Ino as she dug in her freezer. "I need ice like there's no fucking tomorrow."

Noon eventually rolled around and by that point, the Yamanaka house was clean enough that it at least looked like there hadn't been teen drinking there the previous night. It now looked like there had been college students drinking there, but that was how it looked most of the time anyway. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke went to their houses to shower and change before meeting Sasuke back at his house.

"Hey, Sasuke," said Naruto. "I'd like to know where this letter was."

"I'd like to know the same thing," said Sasuke. "I don't send the letters, I work in the mailroom. I inspect letters. I don't have time to read them. And my mail is delivered to my house. I've not yet been promoted to mailman."

"Mail carrier," said Sakura.

"I'm also not allowed to be politically correct at my job," said Sasuke. "Too many right wings. But yeah, I also got a letter from my parents."

"Recently?" asked Naruto. "Because mine's from last year." He took the letter out and read it. "Dear Naruto. Hi. We are your parents. While we know that you do not know us or anyone else in the family, we do know that you have a great career. And we hope it lasts. So, here's why we're writing. We want you to meet the family. And us. Your character may be an orphan, but you, Naruto the actor, are not. You have a family that loves you. So meet us this August for the Uzumaki family reunion in the Village Located in this Cave that is Clearly a Cave and Nothing Else. Hope to see you there. Love, your parents, Rick and Jill Uzumaki."

"Wow," said Sakura. "Never would have guessed those are your parents' names."

"Yeah," said Naruto. "I can't believe it, either. My parents' names. Are Rick and Jill. My dad's name is Richard Uzumaki." He kicked the wall. "My dad's name is Rick!"

"Hey, he didn't pick it," said Sasuke. "And I thought your dad's name was Namikaze Minato."

"I did, too," said Sakura.

"Whatever the hell his name is," said Naruto, "I'm gonna get some answers when I see him."

"Well, my letter is basically the same thing," said Sasuke. "It's from my parents saying that they hope to see me at the family reunion. Problem is that this letter should have come to me last year."

"Hey, same here," said Naruto. "But I also got this other letter from my dad saying that he was glad to see me. So he's either outside of the house looking in the windows, or we went back in time."

The three of them stopped for a second.

"Is it possible?" Sakura asked. "We are fictional characters, after all."

"It might be possible," said Sasuke. "My dad did have this project. He completed it and built a legit time machine."

"A legit time machine?" Naruto asked. "This isn't a sci-fi manga we live in, Sasuke."

"Doesn't change the fact that he built it. I remember those days like they were yesterday. Let's see, I was about five years old, and Itachi and I were always looking at our packrat dad tinkering with the two Segways and the Macbook computer. And it took him about twelve weeks to build it. But he did. He lashed the wheels on the two Segways together so that he had a dual one and soldered the Macbook to the middle of the handlebars."

"Wow," said Sakura. "Your dad's a nerd."

"Yeah," said Sasuke. "Dad's a nerd, he and Mom are both packrats, and Itachi's a rebel. I didn't throw anything out when Itachi killed them and left. I guess it was stunts, but why they didn't stick around, I don't know. We don't have a garage, and the attic was already full at the time, and the basement just has boxes of trash, so it's probably with his other projects in the shed."

"In the backyard where the evil family chimera still lives?" asked Sakura.

"No," said Sasuke. "Freddy ate too many people who went back there, so Dad moved everything in there across the street."

They went out to the shed and started rooting through its contents, but finding nothing. Sasuke tripped over a trapdoor and opened it, revealing a staircase going down even deeper.

"I completely forgot about his lab," said Sasuke. "This was where my dad took experiments and projects and jogged ideas."

Naruto and Sakura looked around at the Operation game, stack of DVDs in the corner (all of them somehow related to Dan Aykroyd), the inflatable woman, and a bucket of Legos.

"Anyone want to play Operation?" Sasuke asked.

"No," said Naruto. "I think we found it."

"Oh, yes," said Sasuke. "Nice eye, Naruto." He looked at the time machine. "Just as Dad left it."

"You're going to use that to travel through time?" Sakura asked. "You know, Sasuke, I've always preferred your character earlier in the series. You yourself, you're too much of a regular guy."

"Hey, this is how I am," said Sasuke. "What's my age again? It's twenty-three."

"And nobody likes you when you're twenty-three," said Sakura, "And you still act like you're in freshman year. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I have a problem with heartburn," said Sasuke. He looked at the time machine for a second, then plugged it into the wall. "It'll take...two hours for the computer to charge. And then another two hours to charge each Segway."

"Or you can just do this," said Sakura. She plugged each Segway into the wall. "Your character would have figured that out."

"Funny, huh," said Naruto. "And neither me the actor nor my character would have seen that."

"Good thing I'm as smart as my character," said Sakura. "Look, you do know that you have to be careful when traveling through time." She pulled down a chart. "Look. If you go to the past, you have to leave everything you see there untouched. And I mean literally untouched. The only thing you can touch is the ground you walk on or the doors you go into. And make sure that opening a door doesn't foil some bank robber's escape, no matter how much you want to stop him."

"Okay," said Naruto. "Hey, Sasuke, let's attend a Beatles concert."

"If you do go to a concert," said Sakura, "Do not come back here stoned. And if you go to the future, don't steal something and bring it back. That's illegal."

"But if we bring it back here and pretend to have invented it," said Sasuke, "Then no one would know."

"I would," said Sakura, "Because I know what you two are about to do."

"You'd have to prove it," said Naruto.

"I'm filming every minute of this on my phone," said Sakura.

"Dammit," said Naruto. "Look, Sakura, we can do this ourselves."

"That's what you said when you tried to set up the karaoke machines for Kakashi's party," said Sakura.

"I was drunk," said Naruto.

"And I was celebrating Universal Jack Off Day," said Sasuke. "I'm right handed and I had to keep stroking."

"Those are both facts that don't change the fact that you burned his house down," said Sakura. "Look, just leave your phones here. I don't trust you with them going through time."

For the next hour and thirty minutes, they went out and had lunch. Finally, they went back to Sasuke's house and prepared to travel through time.

"Wait, wait," said Sakura. "Sasuke, are you sure this thing works?"

"It should work," said Sasuke. "I know both Segways worked when my dad built this because he rode them home from the store, and I know the computer works because Itachi used it to check his e-mail. After Dad put the three things together, the only time I ever saw him use it was to play solitaire for three hours. I don't know if he ever traveled through time with it."

"You two might be fucked," said Sakura. "Just don't do anything stupid in the past."

"Okay," said Sasuke. He and Naruto got on the time machine and started it up. Sasuke opened up the Time Travel function from the dock and typed in Renaissance. Naruto turned the keys in the Segways and they started moving forward. They inched forward down the Uchiha driveway. "Any second now, we'll get into the time warp."

"Sometime this century," said Naruto. "No pun intended."

"They're Segways, they don't go fast," said Sakura.

"Maybe if we lean forward a bit," said Naruto. "I've heard that makes these things go faster." They leaned forward and disappeared into the time warp.

"Wow, never thought that would happen," said Sakura. She went into Sasuke's house. "I'll wait for them to get back. With any luck, Sasuke will conduct himself more like his character than his real self. Or maybe he and Naruto will fuck up. But maybe they'll do something other than themselves."

Naruto and Sasuke were in Italy. They were harassing Leonardo da Vinci.


Here's the first chapter. I think I'll finish this one before Ash and Gary. Tell me if you like!