Cherry Blossom: Hellooo minna!

Angry Mob: Grrrrrrr….

Melpomene: Back off muchachas!! I know karate!

Angry Mob: RAWR!!!

Melpomene: Er…you deal with them, Cher.

Cherry Blossom: Okay! Here's the deal! You may have noticed that I've been absent from the FF.net community for some time now.

Duo: You also haven't written anything in months.

Cherry Blossom: …I believe that's what I was getting at.

Duo: Sorry. Go ahead.

Cherry Blossom: *ahem* I have determined that this is due mostly to an illness I like to call TMA syndrome.

Matteo: In layman's terms, Too Much Angst Syndrome.

Cherry Blossom: Right. So in order to combat that, here's something we can all laugh about.

Duo: And it isn't Heero's fashion sense!

Heero: ::glares:: Omeo o—

Melpomene: Korosu. Yes, we know. It's been done. Can we move on now?

Heero: Grrr…

Cherry Blossom: Anyway, I now present to you Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes!!

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing I would have enough money to buy a decent word processor. Since I am presently typing this on the word processor from HELL this scenario is very improbable.

Warnings: Shounen ai!! Shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Have I made it clear to you people yet? MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! HOMOSEXUALS!!!! Got it? Good. So don't flame me because of it.

Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes

Chapter One

Safehouse Scene –Take 1

Duo: This is it? This place is a dump!

Wufei: Says the guy that lived on L2 for most of his life…

Director: CUT! That is NOT your line Wufei.

Wufei: Sorry.

Duo: No he's not.

*******

Safehouse Scene -Take 2

Duo: This is it?

Quatre: ::previously staring at Trowa:: Wha—huh? No…yes…I'm sorry, what was the question?

Director: CUT!

Wufei: Take a picture, it lasts longer.

Duo: ::collapses into giggles::

*******

Safehouse Scene – Take 3

Duo: This is it? ::looking up at the house, frowning::

Quatre: ::setting his bag down:: It's not that bad, Duo. At least this place has electricity…I think."

Trowa: ::tries to pick up Quatre's bag:: Ungh! What the hell have you got in here, Cat? Rocks?

Quatre: ::blushes:: Just some basic necessities.

Trowa: Like what?

Quatre: ::whispers in Trowa's ear::

Trowa: ::blushes:: ….oh.

Director: CUT! Look would you just say the lines?

Quatre: Sorry.

Director: And YOU— ::points at Duo:: STOP LAUGHING.

Duo: *snort* Yes…hehehe…sir.

*******

Safehouse Scene – Take 4

Duo: ::laughing to hard to say the line::

Director: CUT CUT!!!! This is hopeless! Everybody take five!

Duo: ::still laughing::

Trowa: It wasn't that funny.

*******

Bedroom Scene – Take 5

Wufei: Hey! There's only 3 rooms up here!

Quatre: I guess some of us will have to share. ::smiles at Trowa seductively::

Trowa: ::leers back::

Duo: Would you two give it a rest already.

Quatre: You're just jealous 'cause you aren't getting any.

Duo: I'll have you know that me and Hee-chan have a very fulfilling sex life! Why, just last night we—

Heero: ::mortified:: DUO!

Director: …why me? CUT!

*******

Bedroom Scene – Take 6

Duo: I choose this room!

Heero: Fine.

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: No siree! ::jumps on top of the boy::

Heero: Mmmph!

Director: God, can you not control yourself for ten minutes? CUT!

*******

Bedroom Scene – Take 7

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: ::blushes:: Well…that means we'll have to share…

Heero: That is not necessary. I will sleep in the chair.

Duo: You can't sleep in the chair!

Heero: Why?

Duo: Because then we won't be able to have sex—uh…oops? Sorry, man.

Director: ::slowly pulling out his hair::

*******

Bedroom Scene – Take 8

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: ::blushes:: Well…that means we'll have to share…

Heero: That is not necessary. I will sleep in the chair.

Duo: You can't sleep in the chair!

Heero: Why?

Duo: Well…er…because….because it will be cold and you'll catch pneumonia and then you won't be any use to us on our mission!

Heero: ::pause::

Duo: ::stare::

Heero: ::blinks::

Duo: ::stare::

Heero: …I forgot my line.

Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

*******

Chapter Two

Closet Scene – Take 1

Heero: ::unpacking::

Duo: Hey Heero, I'm just about done! What about you…uh…Heero?

Heero: ::pulling another dress from his bag and hanging it on a hanger:: Yes?

Duo: ….you actually wear those?

Heero: Why? Do you think this skirt makes me look fat?

Director: I'm not even gonna ask…

*******

Closet Scene – Take 2

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: ::pauses in sliding yet another green tank-top onto a hanger to glare at

Duo:: What?

Duo: ……I forget.

Director: CUT! Duo, your line is "what do you wear in the winter" okay? Let's try it again! And….action!

*******

Closet Scene – Take 3

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: What?

Duo: Who does your hair in the winter?

Heero: Salon Selectives. Why?

Duo: You could use a touch-up on the highlights.

Director: CUT DAMMIT!!

Duo: Sorry.

Director: I'm not talking to you anymore.

*******

Closet Scene – Take 4

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: What?

Duo: What do you….

Director: ::mouthing:: 'wear in the winter'

Duo: ::squints:: wear…in the…winter?

Director: ::beams::

Heero: Absolutely nothing.

Duo: Really? Can I see?

Director: OUT OF MY SIGHT!! BOTH OF YOU!!

Duo: …does this mean I can take a cappuccino break?

Director: OUT!!!!

*******

a while later

Heero: ::wanders into the room:: Duo? We're supposed to be on the set soon for the dinner scene…

::noises come from the closet::

Heero: ::approaches cautiously:: Duo? ::opens the door:: Is that you—AHH!

Duo: ::pulls him into the closet by his tank top:: Hello lover. ::grins::

Heero: Duo! What are you doing in this closet?

Duo: The question you should be asking…is what are we doing in this closet. ::pulls Heero closer::

Heero: What do you….oh…

Duo: Mmmm.

*******

five minutes later

Wufei: ::stalks into the room:: Kisama! Why was I picked to go search for Yuy and Maxwell?! The last living member of the Dragon Clan should not be playing errand boy. It is a grand injustice and I—

::noises from the closet::

Wufei: What the… ::slowly swings the door open:: Urk! ::slams it shut and runs away, trying to stop the blood that is dripping out of his nose::

Heero: ::raises his head from Duo's lap:: Did you hear something?

Duo: Nope. Now keep going, God dammit, or I won't spank you later.

Heero: Yessir!

*******

three minutes later in Quatre's dressing room

Wufei: ::bursts through the door, two wads of tissue stuffed up his nose:: Dishonder! I hab neber seen such disgraceful acts in by endire life—ACK! ::faints::

Trowa: ::raises his head from Quatre's lap:: What's wrong with him?

Quatre: Who cares…keep going…

Trowa: Yes, love.

Wufei: X . x …..

*******

Chapter 3

Laptop Scene – Take 1

Heero: ::sits staring at the screen of his laptop. He bites his lip and moves his hand over the mouse:: Almost…careful now… ::clicks the mouse::

The tiny gray blocks on the screen suddenly disappear and the yellow smiley face at the top displays two X's where eyes should have been.

Heero: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! ::bangs his head against the desk::

Duo: Lose at Minesweeper again?

Heero: Shut up.

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 2

Heero: ::typing on his laptop:: ……

*click…clickety-click…click….click…*

Computer: You've got mail!

Heero: Hn. ::clicks to open it::

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Three things are certain:

death, taxes, and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

Heero: ::growls:: Duo…

Duo: ::snickers::

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 3

Heero: ::typing on his laptop:: ……

*click…clickety-click…click….click…*

Computer: You've got mail!

Heero: Hn. ::clicks to open it::

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

ABORTED effort:

Close all that you have.

You ask way too much.

Heero: Dammit, Duo!

Duo: ::hiding in the closet:: Heeheehee…

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 4

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Having been erased,

the document you're seeking

must now be retyped.

Heero: When I get my hands on you Duo…..OMEO O KOROSU!!

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 5

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Windows is like that.

Heero: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! ::shoots the laptop::

*******

outside in the hanger

Duo: ::in Deathscythe:: Heh heh…I wish I could see Yuy's face when he finds out I tampered with his laptop again. But I have a feeling that he'd shoot me if I showed up about now. I'll just stay here until Heero's calmed down a bit, 'kay ol' buddy? You'd never let me down, would ya Deathscythe? That's a pal. ::types into the controls::

Counsel: ::the screen turns blue::

Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.

Duo: What the….HEEEEEEEROOOOOOOO!!!!

Heero: ::snickers outside the hanger door::

*******

To Be Continued…

Cherry Blossom: I feel much better now.

Angry Mob: WE WANT THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Cherry Blossom: ::winces:: Uh…working on it? Pinky swear?

Angry Mob: ARRRRRRRGH!!! ::chase after Cherry Blossom::

Duo: Think we should help her out?

Heero: Nah. Let's go get a milkshake.

Duo: You buying?

Heero: Cheapskate.

Duo: Hey, I'm broke, that's all!

Heero: You spent all your money at the arcade again?

Duo: …yeah well…I really needed to break that score…

Heero: Baka.

Matteo: Review!

Melpomene: Send us bloopers!

Matteo: …uh…right! Bye!

Cherry Blossom: ::runs by::

Angry Mob: ARRRRRRRRGH!!!