Logan Mitchell stood in the room that had been his refuge and comfort for nine years, a fresh wave of panic descending so that his hands were shaking, his stomach rolling, and his chest painfully tight. From the time he'd stood in a hospital room and been assured by a kind doctor that his mother would survive the horrific car crash if he had anything to say about it (and fortunately, Dr. Jet did), Logan had been preparing for this moment. His mother had not only survived but been able to walk, something everyone except that particular doctor had said was impossible, and when she took her first steps three months after the accident, Logan decided he wanted to be that doctor.
Following his mother's recovery, Logan had returned to the hospital and requested to speak with the doctor; he had to wait two hours, but eventually Dr. Jet appeared and bought him lunch in the cafeteria as Logan peppered him with questions and begged for advice about becoming a doctor. He'd spent the next nine years learning everything he could about the medical profession (teaching himself much of it via books and documentaries) and studying to excel at every test so that he could get into his chosen university, which just happened to be the same one Dr. Jet graduated from. Surveying his room now while attempting to fight off the anxiety clawing its way up into his throat, Logan wished he could call Dr. Jet for a last-minute pep talk and encouragement.
Dr. Jet was busy at the hospital tonight, though, and Logan had annoyed his mother enough with what-if's and second-guesses. He allowed his eyes to run over the three suitcases and new backpack resting on the floor near his bedroom door, doing a mental replay of everything he'd packed. What if he'd forgotten his lucky pen? No, he specifically remembered slipping it into the small pocket at the front of the pack.
Or had he dreamed that? Biting his lip in an effort to remember, Logan finally caved and opened the pocket to peek in. Yes, the pen was there. He could breathe easy again.
Unless...
Had he remembered to grab his new shoes from his mother's car? What if the bag was still sitting in the backseat?
He ran to the wall rack hanging just inside the front door, frowning when the car keys weren't dangling from their little hook. "Mom!"
A head of dark hair shot with a few strands of gray poked out from the kitchen. "What's wrong, honey?"
"Where are the car keys?"
"In my pocket. You brought your shoes in this morning and packed them four hours ago."
Brows furrowed together, Logan stared back into her patient gaze. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Logan. Just like I told you the last two times you ran out to the car to double-check. Which is why I'm holding my keys hostage." Joanna finished drying her hands on a dish towel before tossing it aside and stepping into the living room. "Come here, honey."
"Mom, I'm fine."
"I know you are." She used one hand on his shoulder to steer him to the sofa, dragging him down with her. "I'm not sure you realize that, though."
"I...it's..."
"I know. If you think I'm not scared, you need to have that genius mind of yours checked. I'm terrified. This is the first time I'll be living without you, and while I know you're capable of taking care of yourself, I can't help but worry. I'm your mother."
Logan let out a long sigh, rubbing his hands over his face and keeping them there as he spoke. "Then why aren't you freaking out?"
"Because it doesn't do any good. I'll admit to moments of panic when I'm laying in bed at night and have nothing else to distract me, but those are more fears of the unknown. I've lived a long time, I know all the bad things that can happen to you out there."
"Don't remind me," Logan groaned.
"And sometimes it terrifies me," she said again. "But not once have I worried that you can't take care of yourself or that you're not ready. This is your dream, Logan. You've wanted medical school since you were nine years old, and this is the first step to making that happen. You'll have university done in three years, tops. I know you. And then the medical field is your playground."
"But what if I don't have it done in three years? What if I crack the first year? The first day? Mom, what if I can't even find my first class?" The panic ratcheted up again, causing his voice to break on the last word.
"Logan Mitchell, you have never been lost a day in your life. You'll have the campus map memorized by..." Joanna trailed off, then her eyes narrowed. "You already do."
Nodding sheepishly, Logan rubbed the back of his neck. "But there's still a chance I'll get lost, I mean-"
"And if you do, there are people there to help you. You're not completely alone, honey. You know you can call me if you ever need to talk. I'm sure Kendall has made the same offer."
"Yeah, but he's going to be busy getting settled with the new team, and California's so far away from Texas, and..." It came back again in a more intense wave than before, the panic that left him light-headed and with tears crowding into his eyes. "What if he forgets about me? Finds a new best friend who's cooler and doesn't choke up around girls and doesn't try to talk him out of stupid stunts and—oh god, Mom, what if he hurts himself because his new best friend dares him to do something stupid? I can't go! Kendall needs me!"
Her voice stern now, Joanna chastised, "Stop that right now. Kendall can take care of himself just as well as you can. I admit he's a little more prone to getting into trouble, and without you he probably would have been in jail at least three times, but he's grown up a lot this year. And didn't I hear him say just the other day that if you backed out of UCLA, he'd find a way to kick your ass all the way there?"
Logan's cheeks flushed hotly. "I didn't know you heard that."
"I hear a lot," Joanna laughed. "Enough to know he's proud of you and will come visit whenever he can. He wants you to do this, Logan. Would you want him to give up on hockey?"
"No! Of course not! It's his dream, it's what he's always wanted, why would you even-"
"Because he feels the same way about you. And so do I. This is what you're meant to do. I know it's scary, but that won't last. By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, I'm going to have to fight you to come home because you'll be too busy on some science project or thesis or...whatever it is you'll do."
"No, you won't," Logan smiled. "You'll just have to come visit me instead, if that's the case. I'm not spending Thanksgiving without my family."
"Well, just remember that your family also consists of Kendall's mother and sister, so we'll all expect you home to get together for the holidays like we always do."
"I'll be here." Feeling rationality returning, Logan hugged his mom. "Promise. I've just never been away from you and Kendall and...what if I don't make any friends out there? What if I'm lonely?"
"The only thing that would keep you from making friends is you, sweetie. Promise me you won't have your nose buried in your books so often that you don't smile at a pretty girl once in awhile."
Rolling his eyes, Logan leaned away from his mom. "I'm gonna be too busy to look at girls."
"Logan, I know your education is important but there's nothing wrong with having a social life on top of it. Find yourself a new Kendall out there to drag you away from your books once in awhile."
"A new Kendall? Don't even joke about that. Kendall's irreplaceable."
"Well, I don't disagree with that, but it's okay to make new friends, too. Like you said, he will. And before you get upset, I don't mean he'll replace you. Just that he'll meet new people."
"I know. It just scares me. What if we come back for Thanksgiving and he brings some new friend with him? What if he brings a girlfriend?"
"He's allowed to do that, isn't he?" Joanna joked.
"Of course, Mom, I just...remember that girlfriend he had in sophomore year that insisted he spend all his time with her? That was the hardest two months of my life. I never saw him."
"Yes, but he learned from that. His next two girlfriends weren't like that at all, they were nice."
"I guess. They at least allowed me to tag along on some of the dates. They didn't have to do that."
"No, they didn't. And I'm sure that whatever friends or girlfriends Kendall meets, if they don't accept you in his life, they won't last."
Logan nodded, breathing in deeply before letting it out. "You're right. He promised me that."
"See? It's going to be fine, honey. You two can find time to talk on the phone, or text or video call or whatever you do. I know you're worried that over time you'll drift apart, right?"
"Yeah. It's my biggest fear."
"All I can say about that is that if it does happen, there's a reason. Something to replace each other. You don't want to hear that, but it's true. But I don't see that happening. You and Kendall will be friends forever."
"Promise?" Logan asked in a tiny voice. "I don't know how to face people without him. He's good with people; I'm not."
"Then practice. Take your head out of those books, Logan. Not all the time, I don't want that scholarship to go to waste. But honey...this is the most exciting time of your life. When you're older, you'll look back on your college years as the best. This is when you start to live. Let yourself live. Experience new things. Fall in love."
Logan chuckled. "You're really pushing the girlfriend thing."
She shrugged, unapologetic. "I want grandchildren. Sue me."
"I love you, Mom." He didn't shy away when she hugged him close with one arm, but sat stiffly. "I'll try, okay? You know I don't have luck with girls. I can barely talk to them."
"You do fine working with them on projects."
"Yes, but the moment they start staring at me too long or tell me I look good or ask if I want to see a movie, I fall apart. I just...I don't know how to behave around them. No matter how many times Kendall's tried to teach me."
"Don't worry about it. It'll come in time, and when you find the right one you won't have to think about it; it'll just be natural. You'll think about her when she's not right in front of you and you'll see her when you close your eyes at night. Just...don't stifle that when it comes around, okay? Let it happen. That's all I ask."
"I'll try." Logan stood up and braced himself. "I'm gonna go check over everything again, make sure I have it all packed."
"Okay. And don't stay up too late."
"I won't, I want to be on the road by six. Thanks, Mom. For believing in me."
"I do, sweetie. You're going to save so many lives."
And with those seven words, Joanna put Logan at ease. He remembered why he was doing this, nodding slowly. Suddenly he could breathe freely, his chest loose as calm descended over him.
"I am."
He was halfway to his room when he wondered if he'd remembered to pack his new shoes, or if he'd left them in the car. "Mom?"
"You packed them four hours ago, honey."
"Right. Okay. Thanks."
Two hours later found Logan sitting on his bed, rigid as a board in the dark. He was trying to get used to the idea that this was his last night in the room, at least until Thanksgiving. The panic was returning, as he supposed it would repeatedly for months to come, and memories were flashing through his mind like scenes from a film—all of them of himself and his best friend Kendall in this room.
How many nights had they spent in this very bed, giggling and telling secrets and yes, even crying sometimes, because life couldn't always be full of sunshine and rainbows? He remembered how scared he'd been that Kendall wouldn't want to be his friend after learning that he was a bedwetter, but rather than hate him for it, Kendall had made a few jokes before telling Logan it was no big deal and then helping him find out how to get past it. He remembered Kendall living with them for two weeks just before his father left, because Kendall refused to be in the same room with a man who wouldn't stand by his family; only when his father had moved away did Kendall return to the Knight home. He'd cried every night of those two weeks, making Logan swear to never tell anyone—and Logan never had. They'd done homework on this bed, played video games on this bed, talked about girls and kissing and when Kendall had gone all the way with a girl for the first time, it was in this bed he described the experience to Logan in painstaking detail. Logan was both horrified and fascinated. They'd watched movies and played board games, colored with crayons and gossiped about other students, and all of it was done on this very bed.
How was he supposed to live without Kendall?
Tears were falling by the time his phone rang, making him jump before wiping his eyes and clearing his throat. Maybe just this once Kendall wouldn't be able to tell he'd been crying.
"Hey," he greeted his best friend, voice strong.
"I know you're crying."
Logan let it go then, reaching for a tissue but not saying anything as he silently cried.
"I'd be there tonight if I could."
"I know. It's okay."
"You got this, dude. You're gonna get out there and blow everyone away with that big brain of yours."
Logan chuckled and wiped his eyes again. "Mom says I have to pay attention to girls once in awhile, too."
"Well, she's a mom. She has to say that. But it couldn't hurt, Logan."
"Yeah, yeah." Already feeling a tad better because Kendall's voice was on the line, Logan cleared his throat again. "I'll be leaving around 5:30 in the morning."
"I'll be up. You can call me if you need to."
"Thanks. But I'm okay. Just scared."
"I know. You're worried I'll meet a bunch of new people and won't care about you anymore."
A strangled sob worked its way free before Logan was able to control himself.
"You know that's bullshit, right, Logan? You're my best friend and you're always gonna be."
"But you'll have new friends to hang out with and you'll share a room with a teammate and-"
"And none of them are you. They might be cool, and I'll probably be glad I know them. But I'd still miss you and count down the days until I can see you again. And you think I'm not worried about the same thing?"
"What?" Logan asked, confused.
"Do you think I'm gonna be the only one making new friends? You'll be with all your smart college buddies who can talk to you about things I can't. Why would you want to talk to me when you could talk to them?"
"Kendall, that's ridiculous. I'd never-"
"And neither would I. Just remember that, okay? When you start to worry that I'll drift away, remember that. If there was a way I could bring you to Texas with me, I would. But that wouldn't be fair to you. Just like it wouldn't be fair to me if I went to Los Angeles with you."
"I know," Logan said softly. "I'm just sitting in this bed remembering the past nine years with you and...I don't want it to end."
There was silence on the other end of the line, Logan about to ask if Kendall was still there when Kendall spoke. "I don't either."
For the first time, Logan heard a mirror of his own fears and feelings in Kendall's voice and knew Kendall was fighting back tears. "I'm gonna miss you," Logan admitted. "So much."
"Yeah. I'm gonna miss you, too."
They cried together for a minute before Kendall cleared his throat. "Okay, I don't do this crying shit, so we might as well fight instead. I can handle that better."
"Fight? Why would we fight? We never fight."
"Yes, we do. Usually when I want you to do something and you don't want to, but you always cave in the end anyway."
"Kendall, we don't need to fight. I don't want our last night together to be fighting."
"I don't either, but it's going to happen."
"Why?"
"Because the other reason I called is to ask you a favor that you won't want to do so we'll argue about it for ten minutes and then you'll give in. And that's so much easier than crying."
"What favor?" Logan questioned, immediately suspicious as he wiped the last of his tears away.
"So, you know Shelly."
"Shelly? Your last girlfriend?"
"Yeah. She was pretty cool, right?"
"I suppose," Logan answered cautiously. "At least until she fell in love with that drama guy."
"Well, there's no accounting for taste," Kendall chuckled. "But you know we stayed friends."
"Okay?"
"She called me tonight to say goodbye and we were talking and she was telling me her best friend is having a crisis and she wants to help and doesn't know how."
Logan frowned. "Still not seeing what this has to do with me."
"I'm getting there. Her best friend was supposed to be on a bus to L.A. tomorrow but that fell through because he lost his ticket."
"Wait, her best friend's a guy?"
"Yeah. I've met him a few times, he's...different. Not a bad guy or anything, just different."
"Okay? What does that—oh no. No, Kendall. No way."
"Hear me out, Logan."
"Absolutely not."
"Look, he has three auditions lined up and has to be in Hollywood in three days and doesn't have money to replace the lost ticket."
"He can just call the bus company, they'll reprint the ticket."
"Apparently he can't find the confirmation number, either."
"Are you...come on, Kendall, it has to be in his email or something."
"Yeah, he forgot his email password."
Logan's eyebrows shot up while his jaw dropped down. "Hold on a second. Are you telling me this guy not only managed to somehow lose a bus ticket, but can't even get into his own email because he can't remember a password? His password?"
"I told you-he's different. Not all that bright. But a nice enough guy. Mostly."
"Mostly?" Logan echoed. "Kendall, you are not expecting me to spend thirty-five hours in a car with a complete stranger who can't even get into his own email. Why doesn't he just reset the password?"
"I don't know. I just know Shelly was really upset that she couldn't do anything for him and asked if I had the money for a ticket. I wish I did, because I know what it's like to have a dream. It would suck to be so close to making your dreams come true and be held back by something stupid like that, wouldn't it?"
Recognizing the guilt trip for what it was, Logan shook his head. "Nice try. What do you know about this guy?"
"Like I said, I've met him a few times. He wants to break into the Hollywood scene. He just graduated, like us, and has been saving his whole life to move out there."
"So...if he has money..."
"He doesn't. He got scammed out of it because he's not very bright. But he's got a lot of heart."
"Kendall, you can't be serious right now. How the hell do you get scammed out of your life's savings?"
"You'll have to ask him that. Something about llamas. Or was it alpacas?"
"Alpacas," Logan muttered under his breath, unable to believe what Kendall was asking him to do. "Please tell me you didn't already offer me as a chauffeur."
"I did, but I told her I had to ask you first."
"What were you thinking?! You know how nervous I am already, the last thing I need is to babysit some moron who can't even figure out how to reset his password!"
"Logan, come on. It's one day of your life. You're helping him make his dreams come true. Shelly said he'd locked himself in a bathroom and she was worried about him. He's devastated. Imagine how you would feel. What if something went wrong and you couldn't go tomorrow? And you had three interviews booked for entrance to medical school?"
Logan ground his teeth together, fighting to keep from yelling at Kendall.
"You'd be devastated, too, right? And desperate."
"What's in this for you?"
"What?"
"Why are you so eager to help her? Are you hoping to win her back?"
"No, she's happy with Drama Guy."
"Are we sure the friend is not Drama Guy?"
"Positive. He's a drama guy, but not that drama guy."
"So then why are you helping some guy you hardly know?"
"I don't know. Shelly was so upset, and I really do sympathize with him. I know how I'd feel if something kept me from the Wild."
"You're way too nice, Kendall."
"When I want to be," he conceded. "So will you do it? All you have to do is drive him to L.A. She said he has a friend out there he can stay with. You can say goodbye there and never have to see him again."
"My mom won't agree to this. Not with my new car, the insurance only covers me and she won't want to be liable for-."
"She doesn't need to know."
"Kendall! She bought me this car with the money she saved up for my tuition, I'm not going to lie to her!"
"Oh, like we haven't bent the truth before? Logan, you can do this."
"I don't want to."
"But you will. Because you're my best friend and you love me and you'd do anything for me."
"This isn't for you! It's not even for Shelly, it's for some guy with dreams and fantasies of fame in his head."
"Just think if he gets famous, dude. One day he could be thanking you in his Oscar speech."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Is he even any good?"
"No idea. But he's got the look for it. Seriously, he's got a pretty face and Shelly says he always has chicks falling all over him. He could do it."
"Oh great, so he's some hot guy that will make fun of me the whole time. Really, Kendall? Are you really asking me to do this?"
"I am. Tell him he owes you dinner or something if he gets famous. Shelly says he's a nice guy, deep down. Just a little full of himself."
Closing his eyes, Logan fought for patience. "You're not helping your case. I'm not doing this, Kendall. I'm sorry."
"Great! I'll text you the address and tell him you'll pick him up at seven?"
"I wanted to be on the road by 6:00."
"Okay, I'll tell him to be ready at 6:00."
"No, 5:45. That way we can be on the road by six. And he'd better be ready, because I'm not waiting. Tell him-" Logan stopped speaking, blinking in surprise at his own words. "Wait a minute, what the hell am I saying? I'm not doing this."
"I just texted him, he'll be ready by 5:30 just to be safe. He's really excited and says thank you."
"Wait, he says...you texted him? Kendall, what the hell? I hate you!"
Kendall only laughed, incensing Logan more. "But hey—we're not crying, are we? I told you this was easier."
"Did I really think I would miss this?"
"You know you will," Kendall answered, affection in his voice. "I miss you already, Logie."
Logan sighed as the tears returned. "I know. I miss you, too. How am I going to live without you?"
"Call me every day. Video chat when we can. Text constantly."
"And what happens when we get busy and the texts get farther and farther apart? When the daily calls become every other day, and then once a week? What happens then, Kendall?" Logan asked, the panic back.
"We remember tonight and this promise to be best friends forever. Because I'm promising you that right now, Logan. Nobody can share with me what I've shared with you. That's never gonna change. And you promise me that once you graduate med school, you come back to practice here in Minnesota. Because I don't know how I'm gonna live without you, either."
"What if you're traded to a different team by then?"
"We'll figure it out. No one's taking you from me. Even if we're on opposite coasts, you're still here in my heart, buddy. Don't ever forget that. And when you do? Call me so I can remind you."
The tears were flowing freely now, Logan wiping at his eyes again while Kendall was doing a slightly better job at keeping the flood at bay. "Love you, Kendall."
"I love you, too, buddy. We're gonna be okay."
Logan believed that Kendall meant every word, but he also knew that feelings change over time. The only thing that would prove his words was time itself. "I need to get to bed. A lot of driving ahead of me."
"Yeah. Be careful. Call if you need me."
"Always. I'll text you before I get on the road tomorrow."
"Don't forget James."
"Who's James?"
"The guy you're picking up in the morning."
"Oh. Yeah, I already forgot about that."
"Don't let him down, Logan. He needs you."
"He'd better not expect me to pay for his food."
"Don't worry about it. Just...have fun with it."
"Fun. Sure."
"Think of it as an adventure. Seeing the country. And be glad you don't have to do it alone."
"I'd rather do it alone."
"Too bad. Night, Logan."
"Goodnight," Logan sighed. "Thanks for calling, even if you had ulterior motives."
"I would've called anyway. You know I always look out for you, even when I can't be there."
It wasn't until Logan was curled up in bed and almost asleep that Kendall's last words replayed in his mind, and suddenly he understood: Kendall was worried about Logan driving all that way by himself and had found a way to look out for him. No matter what this James character was like, at least Logan wasn't alone—that would be enough for Kendall.
Both annoyed and touched by the gesture, Logan fell asleep with a smile on his face; as scared as he was of the future, he knew Kendall would always be there for him.
