Chapter 1

It starts with a cough in March.

Kensi wakes up in the middle of the night, coughing like crazy. She thought this cold was already cured but it seems like she was wrong. It's a dry cough that seems to scratch her throat, lungs and abdominal muscles.

She turns on the light and gets up, knowing she has to control this cough attack. Try as she might, the cough just won't stop. She tries water, sugar cubes, honey, her medicine…nothing works. 20 minutes later, she's still coughing and showing no signs of slowing down.

Giving up, Kensi grabs the phone and dials the first number she has on speed dial. His sleepy voice answers only after two rings. "This better be good because you know I need my beauty sleep."

It's not like she needs to say it because he can hear her cough but Kensi says it anyway. "I can't stop coughing. I think I might need to go to the hospital."

Just like that, Deeks is instantly awake. "I'll be there in 10 minutes, partner."

The doctor just gives her a new medication and sends her on her way. She ends up having a bad dry cough for two weeks but it eventually goes away, as usual.

Then there's a throat ache.

Deeks keeps an eye on her sometimes. It's no unusual of him. It's just one of those things he does. It's their thing.

Nope, there's no thing. Or at least he says there's no thing. Because, if it was up to her, she would have taken a step forward with this a long time ago. But he pushed her back before and now she's just no willing to try and lose their friendship along the way.

There are days in which she wants to take that chance, she wants to just kiss him and see what happens then. But she fights back, afraid of what that might lead to. It's ironic that, for the first time in her life, she's the one who's scared to take the first step.

But, back to the point, Deeks watches her. She often catches him looking at her, during the day, she sends him a small smile to show him that she's fine. However, even though the cough disappears into thin air, the pain that stays in her throat is strong and slightly hard to deal with.

She starts taking a pain killer every 6 hours without telling anyone. It's not like they need to know every single thing she does. But the truth is that when Deeks looks at her and she's in so much pain that she can't send him the usual smile, he knows something's wrong.

Deeks can be a very patient man when he wants to so he waits until the end of the day to talk to her about it.

Callen and Sam leave for the day and that leaves them both alone. "Okay, what's wrong with you? And don't tell me you're on your period because I have a calendar that says otherwise."

Kensi frowns. "You have a calendar to keep track of my period?"

Deeks gets up and walks to her desk. "No, calendars are too 2011. I have an app that keeps track of your periods. It's actually a pretty good one. I can give you the name if you want to. But, keeping on subject, what's wrong with you?"

Kensi knows there's really no point in lying so she doesn't even bother trying. "It's just a pain in my throat. It must be because of all that cough. But don't worry, I'm already on medication and I'll be fine."

Deeks doesn't push. "Okay, want to have dinner? I'm starving?"

She starts gathering her things to leave. "I would love to but I think solid food isn't on the menu for me tonight. Rain check?"

Deeks shakes his head and follows her to the car. "Give me 15 minutes to go grocery shopping and I'll make you the best chicken soup you've ever had. And I'll even buy ice cream for dessert, might be good if you have a sore throat. What do you say?"

Kensi pretends to think about it for a second before answering him. "Throw chocolate sauce into the mix and you've got a deal."

Deeks gets in his car right after he shouts. "I'll meet you there in 15 minutes."

And, for some reason, she has a feeling about tonight. It's neither a good nor a bad feeling. It's just a feeling that something is going to change tonight.

And it does. After a truly amazing chicken soup and ice cream with chocolate on top, Deeks kisses her. It's one of those kisses that come out of nowhere, a spur of the moment thing. Later, he'll say he only kissed her because she had chocolate on her lip, knowing that will still be a terrible excuse.

Kensi doesn't pull away and neither does he. The next morning, they wake up in her bed, their naked bodies tangled, and say it won't happen again. After all, they're still partners and they can't risk doing anything that will affect that.

Two weeks later and her pain finally goes away. That's when she feels it for the first time. She doesn't know what it is, but Kensi feels something pressing her trachea when she turns her head to the left. She touches her neck various times during the day, trying to feel something there but with no success. She does, however, succeed in making her partner worry once again.

When he asks her what's wrong, after work, she doesn't answer. Truth is, she doesn't know what's wrong.

Deeks coms over once again, bringing chicken soup and ice cream and a friendly ear to go with it. And she ends up blurting out that there's something on her neck, even though she knows she sounds crazy because the reality is that she feels nothing there.

Deeks tells her it's probably a sore muscle, nothing she should be that worried about. And, the morning after, he tells her that the fact they woke up naked in her bed again doesn't have to mean anything. And it doesn't. It's just sex.

Two days later, she stops feeling whatever she was feeling on her throat and celebrates it by calling Deeks and inviting him to come over. They both know what she wants, they both know how it's going to end. Still, Deeks goes to her house and she opens the door for him. It's just sex.

She has her period during 10 days after that which is crazy and not at all normal. It's not a good enough reason to send her to the doctor but it is a good enough reason to make her sit down and think that her body is trying to tell her something and that she's been ignoring it.

But it might be just her overreacting so Kensi ends up shrugging it off and carrying on with her life.

A few days later, she endures a sex-related injury. It's nothing serious but her right leg cramps up during their intimate moment and the ache doesn't go away for two days after that. It's like her entire leg is sore, even though she did nothing that bad.

Deeks tells her to see a doctor but there's no need for it. She's fine. Like always…

It's only when her voice changes, a good three months after that annoying cough, that Callen and Sam decide to step in. She comes to work with a hoarse voice one morning and they set her up for a doctor's appointment the next. It's for her own good because they know she would never go if they didn't make her do it.

The doctor examines her throat under Deeks' intense worried stare. They're not dating. They're no thing. They're partners with benefits. That doesn't mean he doesn't care. That doesn't mean he's not worried with all the changes and aches she's been experiencing lately.

The doctor says there's nothing wrong with her throat and that she'll be fine in a few days. And, three days later, her voice is back to normal and she rubs in their faces that she's fine, like she'd said all along.

In September, it starts hurting when she pees. Her bladder feels full all the time which is highly uncomfortable. Kensi is a woman so she knows a urinary infection when she sees one. This time, she goes to the doctor without anyone meddling.

The doctor prescribes her antibiotics and wants to run a few blood-tests, just routine ones to see if everything's okay with her. It's not because of the infection because she knows how she got that one. Let's just say she will never let Deeks do anything to her in the shower before she makes sure there's no soap in any part of his body.

Still, she does the tests and promises to come back a week later to get the results.

Deeks asks her if she wants him to tag along. Kensi states how ridiculous it would be to take him to hear the results of a simple blood-work. She's fine. There's nothing wrong with her, or so she tells him.

The doctor, however, has a different opinion. He sees something on her labs, a problem with her thyroid. He prescribes her a few pills and wants her to do an ultrasound, to see if everything's fine with her thyroid.

It is. It's a bit enlarged and he makes a quick diagnose. It's no big deal and she'll be fine as long as she takes those pills every morning.

"For how long?"

"For the rest of your life, most likely."

It's scary but not the end of the world.

The doctor asks to see her again in two months, to see if the pills are working.

Kensi decides not to tell Deeks. There's nothing to tell, really. She's fine and this is nothing. She doesn't need him to know.

So, for two months, everything stays the same. She takes her pills always behind his back, he stays over more times than not but they're still not dating.

She goes back to the doctors, after a new blood-work and an ultrasound. The blood-work brings great news. The pills are working and she doesn't even need to adjust the dose. The ultrasound, however…

"You have three nodules on your thyroid."

His words echo in her brain and Kensi stays silent for what feels like years before she manages to mutter. "Is it cancer?"

The doctor seems confident. "We need to run a few more tests."

The minute she walks out of his office, Kensi grabs her phone and calls Deeks. It's not like she can deny how much she needs him right now.

"Kensi, where have you been? I'm at your door and I've been calling you for almost 20 minutes…"

She starts crying then, happy that she at least made it to her car before she broke down. "I'm sick, Marty."