The Things They Say

He knows they are just jokes, careless jokes thrown out by others that don't know the consequences of their words.

"We always know where to find America…in the cafeteria." –France. It was a comment that would be followed by peals of laughter from the other countries.

He merely quirks a smile and remains silent.

They don't understand. None of them do.

"If America isn't talking then he's stuffing his face with food." –Germany. It wasn't often that Germany's jokes got a laugh, but if he was making a stab at America then he definitely did.

Was that true though? Was that all he did?

No.

They don't know what they're doing to him.

"How is it America eats so much and isn't just a complete balloon at this point?" –England.

England has a point.

How did America eat so much and not gain weight? In fact, if they looked closely enough, they could see that the clothes he wore never touched his skin. They layered, made him look bigger…why?

He is losing weight.

And fast.

How?

Why?

"Why does America always rush to the bathroom right after he's eaten?" That was a question no one ever asked.

Because it's easy for them to make fun of America eating. It's fun. It made them feel better about themselves. But the things they said…missiles to his self-confidence that in public did not wane but in private…

"Only in America could a pizza be delivered to your house faster than an ambulance." –Spain. Oh, this joke was a new favorite and said at least three times during a conference by three different countries. This went on

Every. Fucking. Day.

But America kept silent on this one matter because…would anyone listen if he told them how much the jokes hurt?

If he told them that he only ate when he had to? When people were watching?

Because he doesn't eat when no one was watching; he tells himself he isn't hungry. It took a while but now he believes it. He doesn't feel the hunger anymore. He eats only when others are watching then rushes to the bathroom to force it back up because he hates food. He hates eating.

Fat

Ugly

Gross

Disgusting

And he is losing weight, but it was never enough.

The jokes never stop.

They are relentless.

They don't understand.

And he tries to tell himself it idn't healthy. That he's killing himself. And he tries to make himself better…but then someone mentions they thought he was gaining weight and the urge to eat plummets and he forces the food back up until he's crying and his stomach is cramping so hard he'll feel it for hours afterward.

And still the jokes don't stop.

And his self-esteem drains by the day.

Until he's just going through the motions each day.

But no one notices.

No one cares.

So he just continues to let himself fade away…hoping that someday it will stop.

Hoping someday he'll be enough.

Allie: This was inspired by my recent fight with bulimia and reading fat American jokes on tumblr. Not much to say about this I'm afraid. Review please.

Disclaimer: No it's not mine. Just. No.